All the Sun For You

A mom, two boys, a husband, and a whole lot of adventure!

Category Archives: PAIL


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Happy VLOGiversary, PAIL!

PAIL Bloggers is 6 months old – which means I’ve been blogging for 6 months.  PAIL is near and dear to me because the creation of it is what got me to start blogging in the first place.  Thank you, PAIL!

This month’s theme post was supposed to be a VLOG entry – so that readers could see and hear us.

I failed miserably at this assignment – and not because I was hesitant to film myself.  The long and short of it is that I do not know how to make a video on my computer.  I can take a video with my phone (of other people) with no problems, but I wouldn’t know where to begin with my webcam, software, etc.  My tech support guy (B) has been very busy this week and working into the evenings, so the idea of even bothering him with it while he’s dealing with work stuff was a fleeting one.

But I will answer the questions – because I am a joiner (even if I have to do it in a weird way!)  😉

1) What country do you live in? If you feel comfortable sharing, what state or region as well?

We live in the United States – in the middle of it – in Iowa – in the middle of it – in Des Moines.

 
2) What is your favorite “ordinary moment” of the day?

This is an easy one for me.  My favorite “ordinary moment” of the day is when I go in to get Matthew up from his nap, and he chit chats with me, his Boo monkey, his Max monkey, and whatever kitties of ours are in the room.  He wakes up so happy from naps and that makes me happy!  He’ll sit in his crib for up to 5 minutes chatting me up and showing me all of his crib friends who napped with him.  It’s adorable.  I love Matthew’s voice more than anything and after his naps, he loves to use it.  It’s like he’s telling me all about his dreams or something.  It’s magical!

 
3) What is the first thing you do with your little one in the morning?

The very first thing we do is get his milk ready and then go in and pluck him out of his crib and bring him into bed with us to watch an episode of Curi.ous Geo.rge with the lights dim.  At least two of our three cats are always on the bed at a given time, so it’s the only time of day that our bed is truly a family bed.  We all love it – and B & I wish that Matthew would stay tuned into CG a little longer than just one segment.  Matthew snuggles up to B and they sit with their arms around each other, and I get random hugs and kisses from Matthew throughout the episode.  It’s great fun!

 
4) What has infertility changed the most about you?

Infertility has made me a better parent.  I truly believe this.  Our struggle to get Matthew taught me patience and the acceptance of lack of control, and both of those things have carried over into my parenting.  As I posted the other day, I am much more patient than I ever thought I would be and I accept things for what they are much more readily than I did in the past.  IF taught me that there are just some things we can’t control – and if we feel we can – then that is just an illusion of control.  I needed to learn this.  I make way fewer spreadsheets now than I did prior to IF.  What does THAT tell you?

 
5) What do you wish people knew about pregnancy or parenting through the ALI journey?

The second I read this question a week ago, I knew my answer.  And my answer is simple.  I wish that people struggling with ALI in the moment could know, and truly believe, that in the end, most of us get to where we want to be.  You could have told me this when we were struggling and I would have rolled my eyes at you.  But the statistics are in our favor – eventually.  Some way, some how, most of us get to be parents.  The road may be ugly, and it will never be forgotten, but most of us get there.


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The Monday Snapshot(s) – More Holiday Love!

I swore long ago, LONG AGO, that I would never have two things at my house during the holidays – colored lights on my tree (aside from my vintage accent globe lights) and lawn ornaments in my front yard.

Well, I happily have colored lights on my tree because, well, babies/kids like colored lights.  Matthew loves his tree with colored lights – and I wouldn’t have it any other way (until next year when my old tree returns and his tree goes into his room in the kitchen).

And… I now have the CUTEST little lawn ornament!  We went to Targ.et to get some lights for the yard and fell in love with this cute little polar bear.  I am a sucker for polar bears – I appreciate their plight to survive and just think they’re awesome – so there was no way this guy wasn’t coming home with us!  I got him, and the lights on the bushes, all setup last night and since then, Matthew must hug and kiss his bear every time we come home from somewhere.

Love, love, LOVE!

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This is my contribution to the Monday Snapshot over at PAIL.  Check it out!


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The Monday Snapshot – Post-Thanksgiving Peace

We had a terrific Thanksgiving at my parents’ house this year – full of food, fun, and family!  My parents usually like to have “just us” (sigh) for holidays and usually exclude our extended family (aunts, uncles, grandparents), but this year, they invited my dad’s side of the family and it was awesome!  It was awesome because of that – and that alone.  I love big family gatherings, and we finally got to have one this year!

We came back on Friday and spent the rest of the weekend as our family of three… sort of!  We hosted a friends Thanksgiving potluck and we made the prime rib and an apple pie.  Our friends brought traditional sides (yay since my parents don’t do traditional meals) and three different marshmallow dishes.  I didn’t know how good marshmallow dishes could be (again, because my parents do nothing traditional when it comes to food) – I had seconds of them all!

We bought a tiny little tree for Matthew this year since he’ll be obsessed with it and would have a hard time keeping away from a big tree full of glass ornaments.  Already, he’s loved on his tree over and over again and I don’t see it stopping.  My sister came with her three kids to stay the night last night – craziness!  We had left-over prime rib that we put in baked sandwiches with Munster cheese.  They were better than the original roast (they ALWAYS are!) and everyone was happy!  Fun times!

“Matthew, give your tree a hug!”

Love this! The only way Matthew would sit with the big reindeer was if Daddy sat there too!

This is happening more and more in this household… not sure what’s going on with the two ladies who used to hate each other but now randomly snuggle!

This is part of a weekly feature called The Monday Snapshot over at PAIL. 


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The Monday Snapshot(s) – CG Cures All

It’s no secret – we’ve had a rough week.  That rough week led into an even rougher weekend and today was the worst so far for our sick little guy.  This cold, whatever the hell it is, is a bad one!  Matthew’s been stuffy for a couple weeks at a time, but not like this – not with a fever too.

As everyone knows, we watch a little “Curi.ous Geo.rge” every morning together as a family.  Matthew usually dances to the opening credits, drinks his milk, and then gets off the bed to cruise around and play with his toys in our bedroom.  Today – he snuggled.  Today – he watched an entire episode (consists of two short stories) like this:

Heaven!

This is part of PAIL’s Monday Snapshot… go on over and check out all the others!

** Quick update – we went to the doctor today.  Matthew has a double ear infection with his right ear drum near rupturing.  He smiled and played with the doctor the entire time – he is showing no signs of pain aside from last night when he couldn’t sleep.  The doctor said that he’s in heaps of pain and that he’s had this for days.  I feel terrible.  He is such a good “sick baby” that he gave us no signs until last night that things were (really) bad.  😦


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The Monday Snapshot – Spikey!

From the day Matthew was born, we’ve spiked his hair down the middle like a mohawk.  One of the nurses in the hospital did it and we fell in love with it – it was so cute and gave his hair lots of volume when it would eventually lay down.  Brushing Matthew’s hair was one of my favorite things to do when he was tiny, and he loved having his hair brushed.  He doesn’t love it like he used to, but he still likes it plenty and lets me spike it after every shower or bath.  The spike doesn’t last long now that his hair is filling in, but when it’s there, I just love it!  I rarely catch it in photos so when I do, it’s special  🙂

This is part of PAIL’s Monday Snapshot….hop on over and check out the featured blogger….


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The Monday Snapshot – Crappy Lunch

I am trying to be a better wife by cooking more some meals at home.  I selected an easy crock pot soup recipe that turned out to be easy, but labor-intensive.  I know my way around a kitchen rather well, but I am the world’s slowest veggie chopper (I’m scared to death of cutting off my knuckles) – so this recipe took 1.3 hours to prep.  Cue frustration.

I got started as Matthew ate his lunch – so he was pretty much on his own with his avocado and smoked pork.  He’s not digging the smoked pork these days (need to switch to chicken, I think) and his avocado was a bit messy today – so he was not thrilled with his lunch.

“Seriously, I hate this lunch, Woman. Please remove it before I toss it.” (He tossed it right after this picture was taken.)

 

Tomorrow… he will have left-over soup  😉

This is part of The Monday Snapshot, hosted by PAIL bloggers!  Check it out!


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Baby Crazy

This post is my contribution to the monthly theme post over at PAIL.  The timing of this was unreal – I woke up this morning knowing that I wanted to write about this very topic, and then saw it in my reader 2 hours later.  FATE!

This month, the ladies at PAIL asked if we are baby crazy.

Ummm… yeah!

Well…. I was.

The minute (and I mean, the minute) we decided to start trying for a family, I became obsessed with all things TTC and all things baby.  I bought the OPK’s, tracked every cycle (but did not do BBT charts), and made poor B do the deed every other day for 10 days each month – and I tracked every piece of that data in a spreadsheet (of course I did).  I even expected him to attempt to make a baby in a tent at the top of a mountain in Colorado in 40-50* temps.  He did not comply with my crazy, so I unleashed a whole new level of crazy the entire hike down the mountain the next day – and for the first time in our year of TTC, B told me that I was, “baby crazy.”  I resented it at the time.

But he was right – I was baby crazy.

Once we were seeing our RE, I became obsessed with all things related to IVF and FET’s.  I knew my clinic’s stats by heart for the last 3 years.  I created spreadsheets (of course I did) for each cycle and for tracking fertility expenses covered by insurance.  I planned out 3 IVF cycles on a calendar because the RE said that we would attempt it three times before changing our plan.  I told B that we could not take this trip (or that trip), or run this race (or that race) “because we could be cycling.”  Poor B planned a trip to Hilton Head for February 2011 and I lost my shit over it on Christmas morning (the trip was my Christmas present), asking how he could do that knowing that we had to do IVF.

If B could have gotten a nickel for every time I said, “we can’t do that because we could be cycling,” he’d be a very wealthy man right now.

We missed out on so much back then, because I had only one thing on my mind – and that one thing was making a baby.

Once Matthew was conceived and looking on ultrasound like he was going to stick around, I became obsessed with all things for the baby.  I knew every item that the baby would need, and every item that was not a need but a want.  I had spreadsheets (of course I did) of all things we needed and wanted, piles of baby stuff accumulating in the nursery, and a monthly plan of what items we’d buy and when (to spread out the big costs).  I bought baby food recipe books and researched which cloth diapers to buy (and then promptly bought my entire stash and all required accessories – one of our monthly “big items”).  I planned my work and worked my plan – every single night.  I don’t think I talked about much other than the baby, and the baby’s stuff.

I revelled in my pregnancy – I enjoyed it very much.  I joined several websites for weekly fetal development updates and would read a daily development journal when I woke up every morning (thank you, MBS).  I enjoyed feeling symptoms, I wished for more.  I created spreadsheets (of course I did) for kick count monitoring and pregnancy weight gain.  I looked at fetal development photos on the internet all day long while at work.  Even at work – there was nothing on my mind but my baby.

And then Matthew was born – and the obsession stopped.

Sure, I was concerned about his development, his weight gain, breastfeeding, and sleep – but I wasn’t obsessed with those things.  I cared (and still do care) about everything Matthew eats on a daily basis, how much dairy he gets, how many times he poops (he’s never gone longer than 27 hours), how much sleep he gets in a 24-hour period, and how he’s doing with speech (because there are speech delays on both sides of our family).  I make sure we read to him multiple times a day (not a problem – he loves books), constantly converse with him, and let him entertain himself for at least 30 minutes each morning and each afternoon (“because a child who never learns how to be alone will always be lonely”).  But I’m not obsessed.

I’m happy.  I’m happy to have this little boy.  I’m happy to have such a happy little boy.  Matthew makes me smile constantly throughout the day – even when he’s being difficult (his latest temper tantrums are thwarted by him initiating a game of “where’s Matthew?”).  He does not deserve obsession.  He does not deserve to have a mother who scrutinizes his every move.  Doing that would make him unhappy – and that is the one thing I refuse to knowingly do.  I am an obsessive person by nature, but Matthew is like Prozac to me (I can make statements like that – I’ve been on my fair share of antidepressants) and as long as I have him (and B, of course) – I’m good.

I didn’t even obsess over growing our family and providing a sibling for Matthew.  Sure, I could get wrapped up in a mental marathon of how many cycles it would take, what if we ran out of embryos, how much it would cost, etc.  But those thoughts really were fleeting, even if they were intense.  I did create a cycle spreadsheet (of course I did) because that’s what ensured I got all my IVF stuff done (if you have never done IVF, I urge you to check out the sample calendar to get a feel for what all you have to remember to do – it’s a lot), but that was it.  In the past, I’d check that calendar ten times a day (and I’m not even kidding), but this time around, I check it every 3-4 days out of fear that I’ve forgotten something.

It’s just different this time around.  I have my first baby – and if that first baby is my only baby – I am at peace with that.  You may think I’m saying that because I’m currently in the earliest stage of a pregnancy, but if you’ve been following me for a decent amount of time, you know that I’ve always felt that way (and have shared that several times here on my blog).

It feels good to no longer be obsessed.

We booked a trip for January before our transfer last week.  I told B that we are not doing this the same way we did it before.  We continue to live our lives.  We continue to have fun.  We continue to love each other and our child.  We continue moving forward.  We spent too much time in the past standing still – and that makes me sad.

I’ve come a long way from that “baby crazy” lady who was hiking down a Colorado mountain in July 2010.


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The Mom Stays in the Picture

Over at Pail, a news item was shared about moms not being in photos with their kids.

Let’s be clear – I do not have that problem!

Call me narcissistic or whatever, but I LOVE having my picture taken with Matthew and B.  Being a SAHM, most of our “funnest” moments* happen during the day when B is at work, hence, no one is here to capture those moments on “film” (or on memory cards – HA!).  I’ve mastered the art of self-photos and I take them daily.  Most times, I’m unshowered, without make-up, in jeans and a t-shirt, and wearing a hat.  I would call this, “my uniform.”  Most pictures of Matthew and me together have me in “my uniform” and I wouldn’t have it any other way – because that is just how it is most mornings.

Showers are a luxury.  Perfectly quaffed hair is a gift!  Make-up beyond eyeliner and mascara is a novelty that usually signifies to B that he’s about to get lucky (if he so desires – HA!).  But smiles and laughter with my family?  Those are the norm around here and I insist on capturing as many of them as I possibly can!

Here are a few of my favorites.  You’ve seen many of them before (because the narcissist in me posts them regularly**), but here they are in one spot.  There are a few nuggets of tiny baby Matthew, which occurred before I was blogging!

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* I hope you all know that I know that “funnest” and “funner” are not real words, but I like them!

** I actually post these photos on a regular basis because this blog is for Matthew, and I want him to see these photos of us together since I’ve failed at creating a baby book for him so far.  Ugh!