I can’t hold it together enough to sing to him. 😭 Last nap nursing…
Next week, summer will officially be over in this house.
I’m sort of sad about it.
We had a really great, busy summer – the type of summer I always envisioned with kids. Weekend trips away, full weeks of summer camps, swimming lessons, trips to the parks and zoo, and a bunch of other random things thrown in there. Bryson changed leaps and bounds and turned into a bona fide toddler – walking, more talking, stacking blocks, holding his own with his brother, and turning into quite the comedian. Matthew turned into a big kid overnight – learning to be confident in the water, becoming an excellent talker (you’d never know there was ever a delay there!), mastering how to introduce himself to strangers and soliciting their names in return, and deciding that “I’ll do it myself!” is his preferred way to do EVERYTHING. Hottie and I somehow found our way out of a rather concerning slump and ended the summer completely in love with one another once again.
So yeah – a little sad to see it end.
But with this seasonal change, our routine is changing too and that’s a great thing! Matthew starts school again on Tuesday and will be going three half-days a week this year. I’m going to be his “room mother” – something I’ve wanted to do since we started talking about school but knew it would be too much last year with a new Bryson in the mix. Hottie’s role is changing a bit at work and he’s looking forward to the change, even if it means a loftier quota goal. He’s always up for the biggest challenges, and never fails. We’ll see how this year goes, but I have high hopes for him! I’m full-on back into my own health and fitness and have a lot of goals of my own in that department, as well as goals to not make things all about me, me, me while sticking to my health goals. I am a mother, first and foremost, after all! If I can find time to go to the gym every day, I can find time and ways to keep my kids engaged and soaking up the good stuff that life has to offer!
So this past week has been about transition.
Hottie had to take a work trip to NYC to better engage one of his clients, all while taking part in this fiscal year’s planning meetings remotely. The timing wasn’t great for him or his partner, but they made it work well enough. Kicking off the fiscal year is always a time of stress and extra work for Hottie and all of his coworkers – but it’s also a time of intense energy and optimism!
Matthew had his sneak-a-peak at school on Wednesday and was very excited to meet his new teacher (and sad to finally realize that he’s not going to see Mrs. E and Mrs. Y every day – he loved his teachers last year!). He did great meeting Mrs. S and Mrs. M and introduced himself to them like a pro! His new classroom is twice as large as last year’s, and I’m excited for him to have more space to explore. He’s already talking about going to Mrs. S’s “house” next week (everything is a house – the pork house, the chicken house, the yogurt house, Katie’s house (our hair stylist), etc.) and is super excited to play with his new friends!
Bryson is getting more comfortable with his mobility and is making me very aware that parenting him is going to be an entirely different experience than was parenting Matthew. He is so adventurous and always trusts that he’ll land on his feet (I hope he always does, literally and figuratively). He is so hilarious, even though he only has 10 words. He’s going to keep me very entertained when Matthew is in school! Bryson is still needing two naps a day, but sometimes he takes just one. Poor kid – he’s always in the car! This fall is going to be one of big-time effort kicking that one night-time feeding and probably weaning him. I just don’t think he’ll sleep through the night until he’s weaned. He likes to have a visit from mama (and her boobs).
I’ve spent the last week fine-tuning my fitness plan and finally have it worked out to not interfere with school and to maximize my one-on-one time with Bryson while Matthew’s in school. We bought a punching bag for the garage and I started running this week, so I’ll do those things on strength days and then serious cardio 3-4 days a week at the Y. I’ll still be going to the Y probably 6 days a week, but at times that work better for the boys. I’ve also taken a step back from a friendship this week that was becoming a bit toxic. I need to write a post all about that, just to get it out, but it’s worth a mention because I’ve been trying to find a way to step back for months but finally found a way yesterday – during transition week.
Like I mentioned earlier, Hottie and I have really found our ways back to one another. We left the boys overnight for the first time ever last Saturday in preparation for our trip to Colorado without them in two weeks. We plan to leave them again later in the fall for a weekend. We’ve been going out on more dates and have been really making each other a priority – and it feels great! We’re getting back into fitness together – the entire reason we met in the first place – and are working out together whenever we can. When I finished my 10 week fitness program on Saturday, Hottie and I went out for our night without the boys and he had a card for me that was so nice and so thoughtful – that I cried. He texted me last night after the frustrating exchange with my friend and told me that I’m a great mom and “AWESOME wife” – something I’m not sure he’s said much in the last couple of years (man, having young kids is hard on relationships, isn’t it? How do we forget to care properly for one another?). I know I’m riding on a high here, but it feels like a great transition that we desperately needed.
Change is good. Change is necessary. Change is the name of the game. I’m just glad we took a week to really focus on the transition and embrace what the changes mean. So often, things change without us noticing, but I knew back on 8/1 that this week would be one of reflection and transition – and it’s been good!
We’re talking about weaning. I dropped the morning wake-up nursing yesterday and it went OK (once there was a yogurt distraction). I dropped it because it wasn’t needed after having fed Bryson just 2 hours earlier, not really because I wanted to start weaning. But it went well so I’m going to try to be consistent.
Tonight, as I was sobbing about Lily, B took Bryson for bedtime books and then decided to rock him. He fell asleep, and is sleeping soundly. If OK with B, I’d like to make this a routine.
Dropping that bedtime feeding last with Matthew hurt my heart. I still cry thinking about the last time I nursed him. The last time I nursed Bryson to sleep may just be last night, when he slept all night with me in a hotel bed, nursing off and on. It was our best hotel night to date with him, and being perfectly honest, I really enjoyed it! If that’s our last nurse-to-sleep at bedtime feeding, then what a sweet memory for me. I’m happy with it. No tears.
Of course tonight may be a fluke and I may be nursing him to sleep again tomorrow. But tonight may be the first of many nights of B putting Bryson to bed, and that’s ok with me. It really is.
When I was weaning Matthew, I never thought that there would be things that would come from it that would make me thankful that he’s weaned. I thought that I would just miss everything about nursing and that that certain closeness would be gone.
But something entirely new, and spectacular, has emerged. Matthew, who would only cuddle while nursing, now does this:
I have a snuggler!
I am typing this on my phone as he naps on my chest. And this is what I’m looking at:
When he is drifting off to sleep now in the rocker, he’ll randomly pop up to kiss me. LOVE!!!! I can bury my nose into his hair and smell his fresh baby scent. And I can flutter his eyelashes with my nose as I sing softly into his ear, helping him drift to sleep. Right now, he just stirred and grabbed me tightly before coo-ing himself back to sleep. We couldn’t/didn’t do any of these things while we were nursing.
I’m in heaven!