All the Sun For You

A mom, two boys, a husband, and a whole lot of adventure!


(Almost) Wordless Wednesday – He’s Here!

Bryson (still needs a middle name) arrived early this morning weighing 9 pounds, 6.8 ounces and measuring 20.5 inches long. He is a great little nurser so far and excellent at self-soothing. His brother has given him countless kisses, but none to me. Not because he’s upset, but because he’s so busy and I can’t keep up with him. ūüėČ

I’m feeling great! This c-section was way easier than the last one. I’ll write more later, but there was something found with my uterus that would have caused “a catastrophic rupture” had I tried a VBAC or even labored too long before an emergency c-section. I have never been so thankful that we chose the safest route for our son and for me. Whew! I look at Bryson and thank god/fate/whatever that he waited for our scheduled date to make his appearance!

And here he is…. For now!


Ready to Go…



It’s been a very emotional day – I’m finding that I’m always weepy on Matthew’s birthday.¬† But today is a bit different because it’s his last day as our only child.¬† Tomorrow, the day after his 2nd birthday, he will become a big brother.¬† I know he’ll love it, but it still makes me a little sad.¬† I have cried off and on all day, and sobbed my eyes out after putting him to bed tonight.

This is hard.

I know it will be OK РI know it will be GREAT.  I just wish that I could have one more day of just us.




The Monday Snapshot – 2!

Someone turned 2 today!

We had a terrific day – it was packed full of fun and excitement! We wanted to have a memorable day before we become a family of 4 tomorrow. Here is what we did:

6:15 – Matthew woke up (WHY so early all the time, Little Man?!?!)
10:15 – Breakfast at our favorite place downtown (La Mie Bakery)
11:15 – Science Center for the first time – it was a hit!
12:45 – Stopped at B’s work for a visit with his coworkers – they wanted to see the birthday boy ūüôā
1:45 – Asleep in the car (oh no! Please stay asleep when I transfer you to the crib!)
2:00 – Nap (successful transfer!)
4:45 – Up from the nap – woke up a bit fussy (usual)
5:00 – Matthew went out to the garage to find his big present – his Strider Bike (“A BIKE, a BIKE!”)
5:10 – Played a little basketball (with the football) out back
5:30 – B took Matthew on a ride in the Burley for the first time – he loved it!
5:40 – Matthew wanted (and got) another Burley ride ūüôā
5:50 – Matthew tried out his new BIKE!
6:00 – Matthew had is favorite meal for dinner – Chipotle! (Carnitas, guacamole, and strawberries)

6:15 – Hung¬†Matthew’s room-darkening mural!
6:20 – We all went for a drive to get some frosty beverages
6:40 – B took us to the Corvette dealership just to take a look (not at all seriously looking, but thought it would be fun – and Matthew did love it!)
7:10 – Took a family walk to the neighbors’ to take them leftover cupcakes from Matthews birthday party. He got to play with his best friends, V and W!
7:30 – B’s and my best friends came by for cupcakes – Matthew was a show-off (and threw his new lantern at their 9 month old – ugh!)
8:30 – Bath time!
9:08 – Bed time
9:34 – Sound asleep

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Happy birthday, sweet, sweet boy!  I love you so much!


THIS Moment in Time (#19)

I’ve been doing a secret project for Matthew’s room. I did mention this on his room page, but only as a progress item for my own record keeping. I haven’t told many people about it (URL or IRL) because there was a huge chance it would be a complete failure.

But it’s not a failure!

B came up with this idea to cover the window above Matthew’s main window. Window coverings ranged from $250 (for something stupid looking!) to $800 (for something functional and attractive). Neither of us was willing to pay either of those prices, so B asked if he could cut some plywood and if I would paint a mural on it.

I said yes! So we’ve both done our part (his part involved geometry to cut the perfect size, so I think his part was harder even if much quicker than my part – HA!) and it’s turning out better than we both thought it would!

I have more painting to do tomorrow, but here it is as it dries tonight! I’m taking quick pictures after each step/night so that this little labor of love is documented properly!


The Monday Snapshot – Healed?

This weekend, I needed to look for something under my bathroom sink.  Many things get tossed under my bathroom sink (extra hair products, toothbrush head replacements, contact solution), but something very personal is kept there too.

My used and unused fertility drugs, needles, prescription labels, and old HPT’s (only ones from my successful cycles) are kept under my sink – far away from anyone who would wonder why I still have them, but close enough for me to always know they’re there.

I had to dig and dig to find what I was looking for (and never found them) and pulled the bags full of unused needles, labels, extra meds, and HPT’s¬†out to keep searching.¬† I then found a 2 liter bottle full of fertility needles and used vials – probably from the cycle that worked for Matthew.¬† I disposed of many, many IVF¬†needles about¬†4 months ago and did not know that I still had a bottle full of used needles from our IVF efforts stashed away somewhere.¬† I¬†was sort of stunned¬†to find them, actually.

Under my sink were 4 IVF (2 fresh and 2 frozen) cycles worth of used needles, memorabilia, and emotions.

And now in my garbage can, shred pile, and (proper) needle disposal containers are 4 IVF cycles worth of… nothing.

Several months ago, I was not ready to let go of all of this, especially the prescription labels.  Today РI am.

As I cut the 2 liter bottle open (because you can’t dispose of them that way, apparently, so I needed to put them in laundry bottles instead) and sifted through various needles and vials of used medications, I remembered certain things.¬† I thought about how I administered Foll.istim (I had forgotten how the needles screwed onto the pen), how I mixed my Repron.ex each night, and how surprised I was that Ovid.rel came in glass syringes.

But I was not emotional.

I was not at all clinging onto these things any longer.  The same is true for the prescription labels I dutifully pulled off of boxes and bottles to put in the shred pile as I put the bottles and boxes in the trash.

I felt nothing.

I thought a little about the HPT’s¬†from this cycle and decided to just keep the first one that showed me that Bryson was coming (4dp5dt) and the one taken at 7dp5dt because that was the date of the one I still have from Matthew’s cycle (they were transferred on the exact same date, just 2 years apart).¬† All the rest went in the trash can.

Am I healed from the pain of our infertility?  Those prescription labels were a testament to what we went through, the years of agony and depression, the effort we put into building our family.  Today Рthey are nothing more than trash.

I dare say I might be healed… and that’s a good feeling!


This is my contribution to the Monday Snapshot at PAIL.



Everything is Temporary

My outlook on parenting has been pretty laid back.¬† I don’t get bent out of shape about many things, and have mellowed,¬†as a person, since becoming a mom.¬† The same thing happened to my younger sister.¬† She was wound up as tight as a clock before having kids, and once she had her first one, she just relaxed.¬† I remember being shocked by my little sister’s transformation – and here it’s happened to me now.¬† But I’m not so shocked by it this time.

My outlook on everything parenting-related is that, “this is temporary.”¬† Breastfeeding woes?¬† They’re temporary.¬† A baby who wakes multiple times a night?¬† This will pass.¬† Food strikes?¬† Give it a week or so.¬† Tantrums and fits?¬† It may take a while, but this too shall pass.¬† A refusal to eat dinner?¬† Represent the food later in the evening.

So far, this outlook has worked wonders for me and my sense of calm.

When we went into transitioning Matthew to the big bed, I told myself that whatever happens, however long it takes me to get him to sleep each night – that it will pass.¬† The first night was rough – I had to lay with him for an hour or maybe even longer.¬† The second night dropped to 35 minutes and I thought I was rocking it.¬† I was wrong.¬† That was temporary¬† ūüėȬ† The next night jumped up to 45 minutes and most nights after that took about 40-45 minutes to get him to sleep.¬† (I am staying with him until he’s asleep because I just don’t want to have the fight about him getting out of bed.¬† I want him to think that when he goes to bed – that it’s not an option to get up and wander around his room.)

Last night went really well.¬† I was shocked, but I thought it was temporary.¬† Tonight went even better!¬† I think we’ve turned the corner to a much better, much faster bedtime routine.¬† The last two nights, Matthew has welcomed bedtime stories with B (he used to cry for me every time).¬† B is having him sit beside him verses on his lap, and Matthew seems to enjoy that.¬† The last three nights, I’ve been taking his big blankets away after we sing because they were distracting him (covering himself up, then taking them off, then covering up again, etc.).¬† He is more settled this way.¬† The last several nights, I’ve encouraged him to lay on the pillows instead of me, and we’re both more comfortable.¬† Matthew falls asleep laying beside me, not on me, and he doesn’t need to face me or touch me to fall asleep.¬† We’re getting so close to me being able to lay him up on the pillows and walk out the minute his little eyes shut.

I was only in Matthew’s room for 21 minutes tonight.¬† Before this transition, I was in his room with him for 13 minutes each night (I know this because of our singing routine).¬† I will happily spend 20 minutes with him each night going forward¬†if he’ll let me!¬† Matthew was asleep at 8:55 – just 17 minutes after B walked out of the room.¬† He hasn’t been asleep at 8:55 in over a month!

And.. Matthew’s still sleeping through the night.¬† I’ve only had to go in to calm him down (AKA keep him in bed) twice in the nine nights he’s spent in his room.¬† Sure, I went in to lay with him at 5:40 this morning to keep him in bed, but that has only happened twice as well.¬† He’s getting¬†up earlier than we’d like (6-6:30), but if we can get him to sleep at 9:00¬†each night, I’m OK with that.¬† It’s a give and take.¬† As long as he gets 9 hours of sleep each night, and 2-3 hours of nap time each day, I don’t really care what time he gets up in the morning (well, I do care because before 6:00 is not acceptable).

Everything is temporary.  That outlook gets me through the tough times, and helps me marvel in the great times!  I need to remember this in two weeks when we bring a new baby into this house!



Bryson can be born now – I’m ready!¬† I spent the day yesterday boiling a few new bottles (Med.ela Calm.a and Lan.sinoh Momm.a) and all of my breast pump parts.¬† Man alive, I have¬†a TON of breast pump parts!¬† I pumped after every feeding with Matthew, and wanted clean parts each time so that I wasn’t washing parts all day.¬† Now, I have quite the collection.¬† It is handy having lots of clean parts ready for use, but it takes a lot of work to sterilize them all and then keep them organized.¬† I’m not looking forward to the counter space they’ll take up!

Two pots going at all times - it was a hot kitchen!

Two pots going at all times – it was a hot kitchen!

I also did all of Bryson’s laundry!¬† It was already washed and ready to go, but I wanted them all to smell fresh for him (since it’s been a year and 3 months of storage), so I got my two tubs of 0-3 months clothes out from the basement and washed them all in Dre.ft.¬† Folding them wasn’t much fun, but it was fun going through all of them, remembering Matthew in them, and marveling that we’ll have a tiny baby again before we know it.¬† Of course, my babies are not as tiny as one would expect – so the clothes actually look bigger than you’d expect for a newborn.¬† I’m anxious to see what this little boy weighs in two weeks!

I moved Matthew’s clothes out of the nursery and into his new room.¬† WOW – that felt weird.¬† We are finalizing things these final two weeks and Matthew doesn’t even miss his old room.¬† He naps in there still (it’s nice and dark) and he enjoys that, but that is all.¬† When we tell him to go to his room (not NEW room, just HIS room), he runs for the blue room with much excitement.¬† This is great!¬† He is sleeping just great each night (I haven’t had to go in at night in several days) and is falling asleep more quickly now.¬† It still takes a good 30 minutes to get him to sleep, but that’s better than 60.

After getting Matthew’s clothes out of the room, I was able to move Bryson’s clothes in last night.¬† The room is pretty torn up with moving Matthew’s stuff out (lots of empty space on the walls), but it is 100% functional for Bryson, which is great.¬† What a relief!

I still want these two weeks with Matthew, but I feel better knowing that we TRULY are ready for Bryson if he decides to come early.  Whew!