I got my FET calendar in the mail today. I flipped immediately to the transfer day. I was wrong. I am sort of sick about this.
October 12th is Matthew’s day. I’m not ready to share it with anyone else.
If this works, they will have the same due date. I will have a scheduled C-section – and their birthdays will be a couple days apart.
I could cry. I know beggars can’t be choosers, but this makes me sad.
B, on the other hand, thinks it may be good luck. Yeah, most of his glasses are half-full 😉
Here is my guess at my upcoming FET cycle calendar. When I talked with the nurse a while back, she said the cycle would be about 42 days, but that sounded short to me. I reviewed my calendar from my prior FET and it was actually a 47 day cycle through transfer day. With that said, I am guessing transfer day to be on/around October 14th (Matthew was transferred October 12th). We shall see – I get the official calendar later this week.
Here is my nifty, difty spreadsheet that I’ve already started checking things off of (started BCP and baby aspirin an hour ago):
In other news, we had a busy, busy day! We had “Zoo Tunes” down at the zoo today for Matthew and he loved it! “Zoo Tunes” consists of singing songs, playing little instruments, petting the animals, etc. He loves, loves, loves to dance and a few times, he dropped his instrument and ran into the middle of the circle made up of small children and just broke out in dance while they all played their instruments. I don’t like to say that my kid is cute – but it was freaking adorable! I think he thought he was a rock star 😉 We went through the zoo then afterwards and the bald eagles terrified him but the red pandas made him giggle. It was fun!
“What’s over there?”
I had a lot of things to do today in preparation for the car purchase, so that kept us on the road. All we have to do now is sign some docs at the bank and we’re all set. Our plan is coming together nicely! B and I are a good team when it comes to these types of things. We divide and conquer and get things done in half the time. I married a good one 🙂
Now that I’m in a cycle, I’ve decided that I need to respect my body and not cheat on the healthy lifestyle. It’s time to get control. I had a few (lot of) Oreos tonight as my last hurrah. I’m done being stupid about this.
My best friend is having her first baby on Thursday but goes into the hospital tomorrow for an induction. The reason for the induction is not my news to share, but before anyone gets all, “inductions are bad” on me (I think inductions are bad, for the most part), I will just say that there is a very good reason to get this baby delivered. She chose to go with my OB and he does not take these things lightly. I am so excited for her, I can hardly stand it. Both B and I are jumping out of our skin, we’re so psyched about this baby! I can’t wait to meet Baby Girl AKS on Thursday (or Friday, if she delivers late on Thursday)!
B reminded me today to keep on living and enjoying life during this cycle. I assured him that this time is different. It really does feel different. I am at such a great place right now, I can’t imagine letting this bring me down. Today, Matthew grabbed my face with both hands, pulled my face to his, and kissed me with so much love that I couldn’t let him go.
Yep – this time is VERY different.
CD1, that is. It is officially tomorrow since it was so late tonight when it started. I am like clock-work, ladies. 28 days on the freaking nose!
When I spoke with the nurse a few weeks ago, she told me that a typical FET cycle is 42 days. If that is the case, we will be transferring on/around October 9th. The early part of October has always been good to us. On October 7, 2009, we met with our wonderful RE for the first time. On October 7, 2010, we retrieved the batch of eggs that gave us Matthew. On October 12, 2010, we transferred Matthew back to where he belonged. Let’s hope October 9-ish, 2012, is good to us as well!
Here we go!*
* Unless, of course, the proposed transfer date falls during the week that our clinic is closed for their annual conference. I’ll know more soon!
In case you are interested, I finally documented our “quest for baby” on a page instead of a post. I will move this eventually, but for now, it’s here.
This all looks very involved when it’s written out. Geesh! Amazing that it didn’t seem that overwhelming at the time.
So yesterday, I had a hefty dose of “the bitters” when the nanny of one of my acquaintance’s told me that they (the acquaintances) are having another baby. Of course it’s a surprise baby because their sweet little boy just turned one (and the nanny told me it’s an “oopsie baby”). Their little boy and Matthew are gym buddies together and I really, REALLY love their nanny (and their little boy). Anyway, I heard this and literally felt sick to my stomach. The reason being that when I was thinking of staying home with Matthew, I ran into this acquaintance and very excitedly told her that I was thinking of being a SAHM and she literally asked, “why would you want to do that?” while holding her 2 month old baby. She questioned my desire to be a SAHM and at that moment, I thought, “we are not the same type of mother.” I’m not judging her, but we are different, and she questioned my very excited choice. I didn’t like that. And now she gets a surprise baby? BITTERNESS.
But then today happened.
I went to our RE’s office for my sonohystogram.
I love this place – I am not kidding.
I walked in with a skip to my step! I couldn’t wait to see if the receptionist, who I love and used to trade chatty emails with while we were cycling, had had her baby yet. She had – a girl – two weeks early – everyone’s happy and healthy! This made my day! I must now go buy her a gift!
Then I caught a glimpse of my favorite embryologist, H, and made a mental note to ask to see her before I left so I could say hello. This woman single-handedly got me through our miscarriage after our FET and then did the biggest favor for me during our next fresh cycle (our Matthew cycle). She got me in to test 2 days early because she felt that I had been through the wringer and deserved an early beta before the weekend. She didn’t ask the doctor – she just scheduled it for me. What a nice woman! She was the one who cried with me when we were getting such terrible betas during our FET and also called me after our positive beta for Matthew just to tell me how happy she was for us. Yes – I just HAD to see her before I left today!
Then I was called back and met a new nurse who is a very nice gal and we joked about how much we love going to the doctor or dentist so that we can catch up on our Hollywood gossip via Peo.ple magazine.
And then I got to see my RE, Dr. Y, and OMG he was so relaxed and easy-going! I joke all the time that I make him uncomfortable with my direct and controlling style, but today he was just so laid back (and just like when we saw him in March for our consult, actually). I took the opportunity to ask if we could deviate from his plan (FET and then fresh cycle if the FET fails) and I quickly explained that of course I’m hopeful that the first FET will work, but if not, can we do another FET so that I don’t add more frozen embryos to my stash with another fresh cycle? And he said YES! Not only did he say yes, but when I said that I just don’t want a bunch of embryos leftover when we’re done building our family, he said (with a very warm smile), “neither do I – we’ll do your plan.” We chatted and laughed about how times have changed – that in the past – B accompanied me to every appointment but now I actually asked him to stay home with Matthew and I was totally fine with it. Dr. Y mentioned that most husbands don’t come to every appointment like B did, even on the first few cycles, and that that was so nice of him. I agree 100%
Then we did the mock transfer and sonohystogram and everything looked just fine. He took the opportunity to use me (or my uterus) to show the nurse my c-section scar and knew me well enough to turn the screen towards me so I could see too. We discussed the timing of this cycle with the healing scar and he has no concerns with a pregnancy so close to the section. I had read that you should wait 2 years before getting pregnant again after a c-section and when I told him that, he said that it’s not a problem and that my uterus healed up perfectly, so we’re good to go. Dr. Y knows that I’ve usually done my homework before coming in and that all he has to do is validate my concern or question and tell me enough to calm my nerves, and I won’t question him. He also knows that I will drop the issue or question if I’m happy with his response and he always responds in a very thoughtful, kind way. I love this doctor!
And then, when I left the room, H (my favorite embryologist) and K (my co-favorite nurse) were waiting in the hallway for me! They said they heard I was there and wanted to see me. We hugged, reminisced, talked about each others’ kids, and talked about how excited I am to be back. It was wonderful! It was hard to leave! And then S, my other co-favorite nurse, came by to chat and my visit was complete!
I accomplished everything I wanted to accomplish, and I saw all the people I wanted to see.
And I thanked my lucky stars that I do not have an “oopsie baby” on the way. That I need these people to help me grow my family. That I’ve made connections with these wonderful people who make building other people’s families their life’s work.
I’m lucky!
I haven’t posted forever – and it’s not because things are moving slowly. Things are crazy busy right now, but great! Matthew is growing up so much each day and I can’t believe it. He’s napping only once a day now for 2.5-3 hours so he’s getting 13-14 hours of sleep each day/night which is right on target. And he’s very, very happy!
We’re looking at new cars for me (we buy used vehicles) because a dealership is offering us too much money for the one I have now and we do need something bigger. We want to get rid of the current car before it becomes a problem for us. It’s an Acu.ra, so there really shouldn’t be problems, but given how hard I’ve been on it, it’s time to move onto something else.
I am very optimistic about our upcoming cycle – not so much that it will work (and hey – it may), but with the timing of it. I am just so very happy with the timing of it. A huge weight was lifted when the nurse told me last week that we’d start next cycle, or the cycle after that. I have relaxed so much since hearing that.
My sister and I are working on the business stuff, and I got our products into my favorite children’s boutique a month ago so we’re working on samples for the store. We’re also doing the main store sign which is super exciting – great exposure! Linds is super busy with Et.sy orders and we don’t know what will come in from the boutique, but it could be insane so we’re ramping up for that. We may even hire someone to help us! We re-branded the company, got it setup as an LLC (thanks, Dad!), got all of the taxation stuff sorted out (thanks again, Dad!), got wholesale pricing from a ton of vendors which cuts our costs almost in half (thanks, Linds!), re-named it (I came up with the idea which I’m proud of), and got the logo done (thanks, cousin Sarah!). Now – we just need to expand. We have lots of ideas but we need to go slowly because we’re just not sure how much there could be to do. It’s exciting, yet daunting at the same time.
Our neighbor found a stray kitty today so of course I asked B if we could feed her – and of course – he said yes 😉 We are both softies when it comes to the animals (example – we wanted to use the hot tub tonight but found a bird nest with babies in it right above the hot tub so our relaxation will have to wait until the birdies have left the nest!). We haven’t seen her since we put food out but she’s a really friendly girl who would make a nice pet for someone, so my goal is to coax her into the garage and then take her to a no-kill shelter. I’ve done this in the past (it’s how we got our sweet, sweet Janie) and it took 2 weeks from start to finish – but this kitty is going to be easy to catch if she would just come back. She let us pet her and probably would have been happy to be picked up. I won’t do that without long sleeves and a box close by to put her in – so that will have to wait. I am now worried sick about her. She’s skinny and needs food, so we’ll keep feeding and watering her (and probably the entire neighborhood’s population of raccoons – ha!) until we can get her to a safe place. I have promised B that I won’t ask to keep her. We have 3 kitties – there’s no room in the inn 😉
Other good things are going on but I won’t bore anyone with them.
Photos? I haven’t posted any photos in a while (aside from Wordless Wednesday and MMM). Here is our week in review. Before you see the one photo, let me just say that I had my worst parenting experience of all time this past week. I was switching the car seat from one trial vehicle to the other when Matthew fell out of the back seat onto the pavement – head first. It was awful. AWFUL. I will never forget it. He’s just fine and already looks way better today than he did two days ago when it happened, but it seriously looked like he had been in a fight or something (and lost). I was devastated. Ugh. My poor baby.
I am so tired but have to report two things.
1) I had to call our RE’s office today to report my CD1! I will go in for a sonohystogram next week and we will start our FET next cycle (end of August setting us up for a transfer in October) – this one was too close to the end of nursing. I am just fine with it. They did tell me that depending on when I get my next period, that their annual week off for a big RE conference could interfere and we may have to push until the following cycle. Surprisingly, I was just fine with that. We conceived Matthew in October and if our first FET works, I would like for it to not result in a shared birthday for either of our children. Beggars can’t be choosers, but I’d be perfectly happy with a month delay if they’d like to give it to me for this very reason. I’d also be happy getting started as soon as possible. I’ll take what they give me!
Is it weird that I really enjoyed my conversation with the nurse? She’s new since we’ve been there and I’ve wanted to get to know her before going in. We hit it off over the phone – so now I can’t wait until I meet her next week! I love everyone at this clinic and look forward to seeing them all again!
2) I’m happy to report that we are so on-board with CD-ing (cloth diapering) that I purchased 5 more diapers last week and they’re here! There was a buy 4 get 1 free deal so I did it. I now have enough to definitely only wash them every 4th day. They have the vel.cro closures and I like those. I only had one like that and I really liked it and that prompted me to buy more. Exciting times over here! They better not release any new prints or I’ll need to buy more. I think CD’s are just so cute and addictive. Seriously!
Love that padded tushie!
It’s no secret that I am rather ambivalent about TTC #2 – but I now need to rephrase that. I was ambivalent about TTC#2.
Now – I’m ready.
I am late – very late for me. I’m coming off of breastfeeding so I figured I’d let it ride for a bit before I tested. I hate having HPT’s in the house – they give me great anxiety. I figured I’d get a BFN and then have 2 HPT’s leftover from the box, and that was too much for me. Just knowing they’re under my bathroom sink makes me want to have a reason to use them. It’s weird, I know. Or maybe it isn’t.
Anyway – I wasn’t testing.
I have the most insanely sensitive sense of smell right now. I can smell cat puke spots from months ago. I can smell specific bugs outside. I can pick up the faintest scent and it’s been driving me nuts. Of everything I was smelling, B could only smell the same thing as me once. This was a tell-tale sign.
I’ve been sick, off and on, for weeks. Sunday was rough – but I didn’t read too much into it because I wasn’t sick when I was pregnant with Matthew.
I’ve had lots of faint little cramps – just like when I got pregnant with Matthew.
So I tested this morning. BFN. I knew it. I wasn’t sad – even though I had let my mind wander into the realm of, “what if?!” In fact, I had a spring to my step. And here is why.
I now know that I am ready to TTC #2. I am ambivalent no more. I am looking forward to starting a cycle. I am looking forward to getting this show on the road. I am looking forward to knowing where we stand with all of the IF business.
I needed this little exercise – it let me really figure out how I feel.
But now, all I need is a period. Where the hell is it? I’m ready to get it over with so we can start a cycle (or testing) next month – and then use one of those annoying HPT’s shortly thereafter 🙂
This post is my contribution to the PAIL monthly theme post.
“I’m bored with you, Mom. Please give me a little brother or sister ASAP!”
So here we are, it’s July and I’ve just finished up breastfeeding Matthew so that we can move onto TTC #2 with fertility treatments. Yay. 😉 I am a little irritated that Matthew and I have to give up something that we both love just to try something. There are no guarantees that it will work any time soon – and there is a part of my brain that is angry that we had to stop nursing just to attempt something that only has a 40% success rate. But I need to get over it – because it is what it is.
I am ambivalent about TTC #2 (if you can’t tell!). Working on #1 was very hard on me – it took 1 full year of trying naturally, then 2 IUI’s (both BFN’s), then a fresh IVF cycle (BFN), then a frozen cycle (very early miscarriage), and then another fresh IVF cycle (Matthew!). From starting the TTC process to a successful ultrasound, it took us over 2.25 years. 2.25 years. God, I hope it doesn’t take that long again!
For me, ideal child spacing would be about 3 years, but we don’t have that luxury. I am 36, Matthew is very social and really needs a sibling ASAP, and… we have 7 embryos in the freezer. We want to give them all a chance if we can, which means that we could be looking at TTC #3 if all goes well with #2 and we have a couple of embryos left over again. In other words, we need to GET ON IT! If I had my way, I would wait a little longer so that Matthew and I could have a little more “us time,” but I do forget that getting pregnant doesn’t yield us a baby for at least 8-9 months so there’s still plenty of “us time” ahead of us. AND – the only reason I say that 3 years is ideal is because my little sister is 3 years younger than me and we are true besties – she was my very first love and always will be. Maybe 2 years spacing would be ideal for my babies and that’s all that really matters.
And then there’s this… given what it takes for us to get pregnant, maybe my babies will end up being 3 years apart anyway. We just never know. And that’s the whole point of all of this, right? We just don’t know what’s going to happen and we need to trust fate and just jump in feet first!
But… I do know that both my head and heart are ready to get started again. We definitely want another baby (or two!) and we know that Matthew wants a little friend, so it’s time to make this happen. I have no doubts that it will work, but the question is how long it will take and what all it will take. Our RE has different ideas of what we’ll do if the first FET fails (he wants to do a fresh cycle, I’d like to try another FET… but he’s right – my age is an issue), so at this point, I just want it to work the first time so that I don’t have to make hard decisions. That would be nice. However, that would not be likely.
I do know that I will not allow myself to be as stressed out about this as I was when we were trying desperately to get Matthew. We have one baby already and that is all we need – we are complete with him. I have written about this several times – I feel it deep down in my soul that Matthew completed our family for us. Every baby after him is an extra cherry on top of our sundae (and I love cherries!)! We are no longer looking at being childless, so that makes TTC #2 way easier on an emotional level. Sure, I’ll throw my heart and soul into it, but I have a little boy who warms my heart and completes my soul. He gives me strength. He gives me happiness. He gives me peace. I will kindly take those gifts from him and use them to make this process easier on us ALL (B included). I assure you, and myself, of that.
* This used to be my Weaning Progress Page, but now that weaning is complete, I figured it was better as a singular post. We really were done on the 14th. I thought that I may nurse until I get my period, but last night (07/15), I told B that I just have to bite the bullet and get the breast pain over with, and that Matthew was ready to be done. So I thawed out some breast milk and filled up a sippy cup for bedtime. It went fine – he didn’t fall asleep, but he hasn’t fallen asleep at bedtime in a long time with the exception of the final night of nursing. Matthew fussed for 20 minutes (like normal) before settling down. It was uneventful. He didn’t seem to miss it – but I did. However… I am fine!
We started weaning today (7/1). This was hard for me – there were some tears over it. We developed a plan with Matthew’s pediatrician who suggested dropping one nursing every 3-4 days. We started with Matthew’s morning nap and will continue to just not nurse for this one nap for three days before then dropping his afternoon nap nursing for three days, and so on. This should take a total of 12 days since he nurses 4 times a day (when he wakes up, morning nap, afternoon nap, bedtime). The reasons we’re doing it this way are that the doctor agrees with me that Matthew will likely be very stubborn so we should ease him into it, and, more importantly (per the doctor), Matthew nurses quite a bit and easing back will help me avoid mastitis.
07/01/2012 – dropped the nursing before the morning nap. I was a wreck over it, and Matthew clearly wanted to nurse, but he let me distract him by rocking him while standing up with him. He fell asleep but then did fuss when I put him in his crib. However, he was over it and asleep within a couple of minutes. My heart broke a little, but honestly, it was easier than I expected. I did not cry at all during or afterwards. He handled it well. I was so looking forward to our afternoon nap nursing that I let him sleep in my arms for 2 hours. I am clearly the one having a hard time with this 😉
07/02/2012 – morning nap went just fine. I’m almost sad about how easy this has been – my boy apparently doesn’t need me as much as I thought. 😉 HA! I put him down awake at 10:28 (after standing and rocking him for 10 minutes) and he whimpered some until 10:30 – no full-on crying. Unreal. We’re coming up on 1.75 hours of napping. I have his sippy cup all ready for him with 3.5 ounces of the oldest frozen breast milk we have in the house – it’s from September. It smells and tastes like metal (this happens with all of my milk once it’s frozen, it’s due to some extra enzyme – it’s perfectly safe), but he drinks it. He’s a good boy 😉 Update: Matthew’s nap today was 2.25 hours. What in the world? And he took his sippy cup very happily! Update #2: Nap 2 was spent in my arms. I enjoyed the snuggles too much, and he went down late and I didn’t want him to sleep past 5 – so there you have it. He actually was not happy about this as he got too hot and didn’t sleep well.
07/03/2012 – Well, this just keeps getting easier and easier. This is the last day of just one nursing being dropped. Tomorrow, we go for the next one, which will be the afternoon nap feeding. This means that I will not nurse tomorrow for over 12 hours, and that has me a bit nervous. We will nurse when Matthew wakes up (6:00-6:30) and then not again until bedtime around 8:00. Oh boy! Right now, I’m going 9 hours between feedings and I feel fine, so maybe 14 hours won’t be so bad? I don’t know. Anyway – this morning’s nap went well. We read 3 books (as usual before any sleep time!) and then I stood up and rocked Matthew over my shoulder. He didn’t even try to nurse. He was pretty playful at first, but then settled down and even fell asleep. I was so happy! When I put him in his crib, he opened his eyes and moaned for a second, and then drifted back to sleep. He’s been asleep for over an hour now. This is going too well.
07/04/2012 – We dropped the afternoon nap nursing. Matthew handled it just fine – he’s getting used to finishing his books, then being rocked to drowsiness on my shoulder. His morning nap was not as long as usual (only 1.5 hours today) because we let him go down earlier. The afternoon nap was then earlier and shorter as well. I like to stretch him 3.5-4 hours before a nap, but today, he wanted one after 3 hours. He does try to nurse here and there, but he’s easily distracted. The breast milk in the sippy cup is treating him really well. I’m not sure it’s going to last into September because he could definitely drink more of it if I’d let him. I am watching his dairy intake to ensure he only get 16-20 ounces a day – don’t want to over-do it. I am doing fine with the weaning, but I was ready to nurse him tonight. I wasn’t in pain, but I would have been if we’d gone much longer! We may do 4 days of this (2 nursings, 2 non-nursings) instead of 3 because I’m a bit scared of how I’m going to feel when we drop a third nursing. I have to believe that will be painful.
07/05/2012 – We hit a rough patch today. Matthew wasn’t too interested in nursing this morning when he woke up, so I went from 6:45 AM until 8:00 PM without nursing, and started that stretch with semi-full breasts. Ouch! By 8:00, I was desperate to nurse. I even pumped afterwards (2.25 ounces). Poor Matthew was desperate to nurse during the day today too. He was trying to nurse from my arm, my shoulder… from anywhere as I tried putting him down for his afternoon nap. He settled for a sippy cup of Mom’s milk. We both survived… but it was tough!
07/06/2012 – Today was going to be my last day of nursing 50% of the time, but we’re going to take an extra day (or two) before dropping it down to 25%. I need to give my body another day to adjust down – I’m a bit uncomfortable by about this time in the day (5:45 PM) after not nursing since 6:00 AM. Today was way better than yesterday – HOLY HELL I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO EXPLODE YESTERDAY! Matthew did rather well today but after waking up early from his nap (he napped in my arms – oh the sweetness!), he tried to nurse. Very quickly, we got the remaining 1.5 ounces out of the fridge and that seemed to do the trick. Whew! I am looking forward to nursing him tonight for different reasons than last night. Last night – I was ready to explode. Tonight, I’m ready to snuggle!
07/07/2012 – Today is going well – Matthew has had his cup of milk BEFORE his naps today and I think that’s working better. He only gnawed on my arm for a few seconds before going down for his AM nap. I am feeling pretty good. We’re doing 2 nursings today and tomorrow, I think. I just want to take it slow so that I am not in pain. I was miserable 2 days ago, and there’s no reason to push it. I’m really happy with how this is going! It’s going much better than I expected for both of us!
07/08/2012 – I messed up my schedule in my milk tracking spreadsheet, so I get an extra day (6th day) of 2 nursings a day – which means tomorrow is a gift! I would rather take an extra day to wean than update that spreadsheet again. I am pleased, I was struggling with which feeding to drop (first thing in the morning, or bedtime nursing). I think I’ll drop the morning feeding next. Today went just fine – and my milk supply is adjusted quite well to just morning and night feedings.
07/09/2012 – This day went fine – it was my bonus day of a 6th morning of nursing. I was supposed to drop down to just one feeding today (at bedtime), but I messed up my milk planning and added a day to the schedule. Fine by me! I truly enjoyed our final morning snuggle together!
07/10/2012 – It’s a rough day – I haven’t nursed since last night at 9:00 and it’s 5:00 PM now. Ugh. I’ll be OK, but this is not fun. Three more hours to go until I get some relief. On the bright side, Matthew is devouring his milk in his cups. He even yelled, “yeah!” when I showed him his afternoon nap sippy cup of milk 🙂 He’s napping great today (almost 2 hours this morning and going on an hour right now, with no end in sight) and he slept until 7:20 this morning. I should rephrase that – he woke up at 6:10 and since today was the first day of no morning nursing, I let him try to settle down and he did within 4 minutes. He woke up 20 minutes later and fussed for a couple minutes. He fussed one more time at 6:45 and then went back to sleep until 7:20. It was so nice to have the house ready before he woke up. His sippy cup was full and waiting for him, and the cats were all fed and shot up (we have a diabetic). We went to Target at 8:30. What a morning! I owe it all to not nursing this morning. I missed it, but it’s OK.
07/11/2012 – I’m always amazed how much better day 2 is after dropping a nursing. I was in terrible pain yesterday by pool time (1:00 PM) and today – I feel just fine at almost 5:00. Unreal! The body is truly amazing! Matthew wasn’t so keen on his milk today – he stretched 5 ounces across two nap feedings, leaving a 4.5 ounce bag in the freezer. This is just fine – he’s getting plenty of dairy between his cups, the one nursing, and his morning yogurt. I’m almost done nursing… 4 nights left. I’ll be OK.. I’ll be OK 😉
07/12/2012 – I cried a bit tonight as I nursed Matthew. It his me that I only had 3 more nights of nursing left before we’re all done. I cried through the entire first half of the nursing. Matthew seemed concerned by this. Besides that, the day has been uneventful in the weaning department. My supply has totally adjusted to just one nursing and I’m just amazed at how smart the human (FEMALE) body is!
07/13/2012 – I did not cry tonight. I’m ready to be done – but only because Matthew goes to sleep better when he’s rocked over my shoulder than when he nurses to sleep (drowsiness). The nights have been brutal at bedtime with him crying for 20-40 minutes, off and on, after nursing. I’m told it could be my let-down adjusting which may be upsetting him. I don’t know – but I do know that I LOVE rocking him before his naps with him draped over my shoulder and I will LOVE doing that at bedtime too. I realized today that I’m not giving up a bond – but the way we bond is changing slightly. And that’s OK. One night left… I think. Let’s see if I chicken out and keep nursing just at night for a little while longer.
07/14/2012 – I think we’re done. Sniff, sniff, sniff… sob, sob, sob! Seriously, the final night went well. I committed to letting him nurse until he fell asleep and fell off of me. Twenty-three minutes in, he was fast asleep but still nursing so I shifted just a smidgen and he fell off – and I rocked him for a minute and then put him to bed. I thanked my sweet boy for over a year of wonderful bonding and told him I loved him and walked out. He didn’t make a peep. And then I cried 😦
What a great run this has been! I never expected to make it this long. I originally planned to make it to 3 months, then 6 months, then a year. We made it to 1 year and 3 weeks, and only quit because it’s time to start trying to give Matthew a little brother or sister and we can’t do that until I’m done nursing (per the RE). We have enough frozen breast milk to get him to 15.5 months and maybe even longer – and we NEVER planned on that! So I am happy. I am proud. I am at peace.
Here are some of our more recent nursing photos – I will always smile when I look at these!
All the Sun For You 