It’s no secret that I am rather ambivalent about TTC #2 – but I now need to rephrase that. I was ambivalent about TTC#2.
Now – I’m ready.
I am late – very late for me. I’m coming off of breastfeeding so I figured I’d let it ride for a bit before I tested. I hate having HPT’s in the house – they give me great anxiety. I figured I’d get a BFN and then have 2 HPT’s leftover from the box, and that was too much for me. Just knowing they’re under my bathroom sink makes me want to have a reason to use them. It’s weird, I know. Or maybe it isn’t.
Anyway – I wasn’t testing.
I have the most insanely sensitive sense of smell right now. I can smell cat puke spots from months ago. I can smell specific bugs outside. I can pick up the faintest scent and it’s been driving me nuts. Of everything I was smelling, B could only smell the same thing as me once. This was a tell-tale sign.
I’ve been sick, off and on, for weeks. Sunday was rough – but I didn’t read too much into it because I wasn’t sick when I was pregnant with Matthew.
I’ve had lots of faint little cramps – just like when I got pregnant with Matthew.
So I tested this morning. BFN. I knew it. I wasn’t sad – even though I had let my mind wander into the realm of, “what if?!” In fact, I had a spring to my step. And here is why.
I now know that I am ready to TTC #2. I am ambivalent no more. I am looking forward to starting a cycle. I am looking forward to getting this show on the road. I am looking forward to knowing where we stand with all of the IF business.
I needed this little exercise – it let me really figure out how I feel.
But now, all I need is a period. Where the hell is it? I’m ready to get it over with so we can start a cycle (or testing) next month – and then use one of those annoying HPT’s shortly thereafter 🙂