It’s no secret that I am rather ambivalent about TTC #2 – but I now need to rephrase that.  I was ambivalent about TTC#2.

Now – I’m ready.

I am late – very late for me.  I’m coming off of breastfeeding so I figured I’d let it ride for a bit before I tested.  I hate having HPT’s in the house – they give me great anxiety.  I figured I’d get a BFN and then have 2 HPT’s leftover from the box, and that was too much for me.  Just knowing they’re under my bathroom sink makes me want to have a reason to use them.  It’s weird, I know.  Or maybe it isn’t.

Anyway – I wasn’t testing.

I have the most insanely sensitive sense of smell right now.  I can smell cat puke spots from months ago.  I can smell specific bugs outside.  I can pick up the faintest scent and it’s been driving me nuts.  Of everything I was smelling, B could only smell the same thing as me once.  This was a tell-tale sign.

I’ve been sick, off and on, for weeks.  Sunday was rough – but I didn’t read too much into it because I wasn’t sick when I was pregnant with Matthew.

I’ve had lots of faint little cramps – just like when I got pregnant with Matthew.

So I tested this morning.  BFN.  I knew it.  I wasn’t sad – even though I had let my mind wander into the realm of, “what if?!”  In fact, I had a spring to my step.  And here is why.

I now know that I am ready to TTC #2.  I am ambivalent no more.  I am looking forward to starting a cycle.  I am looking forward to getting this show on the road.  I am looking forward to knowing where we stand with all of the IF business.

I needed this little exercise – it let me really figure out how I feel.

But now, all I need is a period.  Where the hell is it?  I’m ready to get it over with so we can start a cycle (or testing) next month – and then use one of those annoying HPT’s shortly thereafter  🙂