So yesterday, I had a hefty dose of “the bitters” when the nanny of one of my acquaintance’s told me that they (the acquaintances) are having another baby. Of course it’s a surprise baby because their sweet little boy just turned one (and the nanny told me it’s an “oopsie baby”). Their little boy and Matthew are gym buddies together and I really, REALLY love their nanny (and their little boy). Anyway, I heard this and literally felt sick to my stomach. The reason being that when I was thinking of staying home with Matthew, I ran into this acquaintance and very excitedly told her that I was thinking of being a SAHM and she literally asked, “why would you want to do that?” while holding her 2 month old baby. She questioned my desire to be a SAHM and at that moment, I thought, “we are not the same type of mother.” I’m not judging her, but we are different, and she questioned my very excited choice. I didn’t like that. And now she gets a surprise baby? BITTERNESS.
But then today happened.
I went to our RE’s office for my sonohystogram.
I love this place – I am not kidding.
I walked in with a skip to my step! I couldn’t wait to see if the receptionist, who I love and used to trade chatty emails with while we were cycling, had had her baby yet. She had – a girl – two weeks early – everyone’s happy and healthy! This made my day! I must now go buy her a gift!
Then I caught a glimpse of my favorite embryologist, H, and made a mental note to ask to see her before I left so I could say hello. This woman single-handedly got me through our miscarriage after our FET and then did the biggest favor for me during our next fresh cycle (our Matthew cycle). She got me in to test 2 days early because she felt that I had been through the wringer and deserved an early beta before the weekend. She didn’t ask the doctor – she just scheduled it for me. What a nice woman! She was the one who cried with me when we were getting such terrible betas during our FET and also called me after our positive beta for Matthew just to tell me how happy she was for us. Yes – I just HAD to see her before I left today!
Then I was called back and met a new nurse who is a very nice gal and we joked about how much we love going to the doctor or dentist so that we can catch up on our Hollywood gossip via Peo.ple magazine.
And then I got to see my RE, Dr. Y, and OMG he was so relaxed and easy-going! I joke all the time that I make him uncomfortable with my direct and controlling style, but today he was just so laid back (and just like when we saw him in March for our consult, actually). I took the opportunity to ask if we could deviate from his plan (FET and then fresh cycle if the FET fails) and I quickly explained that of course I’m hopeful that the first FET will work, but if not, can we do another FET so that I don’t add more frozen embryos to my stash with another fresh cycle? And he said YES! Not only did he say yes, but when I said that I just don’t want a bunch of embryos leftover when we’re done building our family, he said (with a very warm smile), “neither do I – we’ll do your plan.” We chatted and laughed about how times have changed – that in the past – B accompanied me to every appointment but now I actually asked him to stay home with Matthew and I was totally fine with it. Dr. Y mentioned that most husbands don’t come to every appointment like B did, even on the first few cycles, and that that was so nice of him. I agree 100%
Then we did the mock transfer and sonohystogram and everything looked just fine. He took the opportunity to use me (or my uterus) to show the nurse my c-section scar and knew me well enough to turn the screen towards me so I could see too. We discussed the timing of this cycle with the healing scar and he has no concerns with a pregnancy so close to the section. I had read that you should wait 2 years before getting pregnant again after a c-section and when I told him that, he said that it’s not a problem and that my uterus healed up perfectly, so we’re good to go. Dr. Y knows that I’ve usually done my homework before coming in and that all he has to do is validate my concern or question and tell me enough to calm my nerves, and I won’t question him. He also knows that I will drop the issue or question if I’m happy with his response and he always responds in a very thoughtful, kind way. I love this doctor!
And then, when I left the room, H (my favorite embryologist) and K (my co-favorite nurse) were waiting in the hallway for me! They said they heard I was there and wanted to see me. We hugged, reminisced, talked about each others’ kids, and talked about how excited I am to be back. It was wonderful! It was hard to leave! And then S, my other co-favorite nurse, came by to chat and my visit was complete!
I accomplished everything I wanted to accomplish, and I saw all the people I wanted to see.
And I thanked my lucky stars that I do not have an “oopsie baby” on the way. That I need these people to help me grow my family. That I’ve made connections with these wonderful people who make building other people’s families their life’s work.
August 7, 2012 at 1:11 pm
I’m so glad you found such a wonderful support system through all of this! They sound amazing. 🙂
August 7, 2012 at 3:52 pm
it sounds like you have a wonderful clinic, and they do become like family when you spend so much time with them. I’m glad it makes this process a little easier. But…I hope you get to say goodbye to them again real soon b/c that means #2 is on its way!
August 13, 2012 at 11:48 pm
Thanks. Me too!
August 8, 2012 at 9:48 am
Oh Courtney. There is just so much in this post. What a range of emotions! Reading about your RE’s office makes me feel so much lighter…for you! I almost wish you had been writing during your first cycles to see the difference. This is just such an interesting and inspiring post – I hardly know what to say. ❤
August 8, 2012 at 8:47 pm
I’m going to second SRB on this one. I love the way you embrace your “team” and the role they played in your conception of Matthew and your IF healing/coping, and how you’re happy to have them working with you again. I was JUST thinking yesterday about how I almost don’t want a surprise baby or a “natural baby”… I want the safety and familiarity of treatments. We only did one cycle of injectables & IUI to get pregnant, so I feel very “safe” with that plan like it’s guaranteed to work (even though I know it isn’t) and I feel like this is “how we conceive”– I don’t want to have to re-learn this whole process!
August 13, 2012 at 11:49 pm
Yes, yes, yes! I so appreciate knowing the plan and then working the plan. Going about baby #2 any other way would make me feel very uneasy.
August 9, 2012 at 3:38 am
Oh I am so happy for you that you have such a great team and that you had such a wonderful reunion day with them all. Trusting and liking and being comfortable with your clinic is just do important! While I can’t say that I’m glad to have not gotten an loose baby I do understand what you mean about being grateful for having these positive caring people in your life.
I also enjoy reading the tiny snippets of your backstory in this post. Since you didn’t start blogging until after Matthew made his appearance I’ve often wondered how things went for you the first time around (like the detail of the twin you shared on one of my posts). I’d love for you to share more of that (of course only of your comfortable) especially in how it differs this time around!!
August 9, 2012 at 9:00 am
Damn autocorrect. Loose = oops
August 13, 2012 at 11:52 pm
You know, I’m thinking of writing about our process and experience to get Matthew. It’s part of his history and we need to document it some way. Why not here?
August 14, 2012 at 3:38 am
I would truly love to read that. I’ve thought about emailing you to ask but figured if you wanted to share, you would… So, yes, please! Here!!
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August 9, 2012 at 11:27 am
Wow, what an awesome office of people. I feel the same way about my fertility clinic. 🙂
Oh and about that lady that questioned you on staying at home – I’ve had that too…
I think women are too hard on each other and their choices, and we need to respect each other… I have decided to stay at home too. It is really just happening now (I resigned last week) so I know I’ll meet up with different opinions. A lot of people are going back to work. Good for them. But this is my story, my decision.
August 13, 2012 at 11:53 pm
You are absolutely right – we are all too hard on each other. It makes me sad.
August 10, 2012 at 12:13 am
I went back into my RE’s office with the same spring in my step. I was so excited to see everyone. It was a very positive experience. I’m so glad you had such a positive experience yourself. I’m grateful for the team of 15 or so people who helped bring my miracle into the world. I’m looking forward to them helping me bring my next miracle into the world too!
I look forward to sharing in your journey…with your expert team!
August 13, 2012 at 11:54 pm
I’m so glad to read that someone else loves their RE as well! You hear so many stories of people not liking their clinics. I can’t imagine!
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