All the Sun For You

A mom, two boys, a husband, and a whole lot of adventure!


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Ready to Go…

39w2d

39w2d

It’s been a very emotional day – I’m finding that I’m always weepy on Matthew’s birthday.  But today is a bit different because it’s his last day as our only child.  Tomorrow, the day after his 2nd birthday, he will become a big brother.  I know he’ll love it, but it still makes me a little sad.  I have cried off and on all day, and sobbed my eyes out after putting him to bed tonight.

This is hard.

I know it will be OK – I know it will be GREAT.  I just wish that I could have one more day of just us.

 

 


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Ready!

Bryson can be born now – I’m ready!  I spent the day yesterday boiling a few new bottles (Med.ela Calm.a and Lan.sinoh Momm.a) and all of my breast pump parts.  Man alive, I have a TON of breast pump parts!  I pumped after every feeding with Matthew, and wanted clean parts each time so that I wasn’t washing parts all day.  Now, I have quite the collection.  It is handy having lots of clean parts ready for use, but it takes a lot of work to sterilize them all and then keep them organized.  I’m not looking forward to the counter space they’ll take up!

Two pots going at all times - it was a hot kitchen!

Two pots going at all times – it was a hot kitchen!

I also did all of Bryson’s laundry!  It was already washed and ready to go, but I wanted them all to smell fresh for him (since it’s been a year and 3 months of storage), so I got my two tubs of 0-3 months clothes out from the basement and washed them all in Dre.ft.  Folding them wasn’t much fun, but it was fun going through all of them, remembering Matthew in them, and marveling that we’ll have a tiny baby again before we know it.  Of course, my babies are not as tiny as one would expect – so the clothes actually look bigger than you’d expect for a newborn.  I’m anxious to see what this little boy weighs in two weeks!

I moved Matthew’s clothes out of the nursery and into his new room.  WOW – that felt weird.  We are finalizing things these final two weeks and Matthew doesn’t even miss his old room.  He naps in there still (it’s nice and dark) and he enjoys that, but that is all.  When we tell him to go to his room (not NEW room, just HIS room), he runs for the blue room with much excitement.  This is great!  He is sleeping just great each night (I haven’t had to go in at night in several days) and is falling asleep more quickly now.  It still takes a good 30 minutes to get him to sleep, but that’s better than 60.

After getting Matthew’s clothes out of the room, I was able to move Bryson’s clothes in last night.  The room is pretty torn up with moving Matthew’s stuff out (lots of empty space on the walls), but it is 100% functional for Bryson, which is great.  What a relief!

I still want these two weeks with Matthew, but I feel better knowing that we TRULY are ready for Bryson if he decides to come early.  Whew!


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Scares and Realizations

We had a bit of a scare yesterday – and I’ll start by saying that everything is fine.

I had an earlier start than normal yesterday morning because Matthew and I were both ready to get the day started.  B had taken off for the gym at 5:30 and I never really fell back asleep after he left, so by the time Matthew got up at 7:00 and finished breakfast and his normal Curious George viewing by 8:15, we were ready to get a move-on!

As I hopped in the shower, I wondered why I hadn’t felt Bryson move yet.  I thought and thought about the last time I felt him move, and the last time was around 11:30 the night before.  I didn’t panic, but was a bit concerned.  As we showered, I thought back to when I got up to use the bathroom at 3:00 and again at 5:30 that morning, and realized that despite his normal routine, Bryson didn’t move.  As I tried not to freak out and rush our shower, my mind was racing as I was trying to shake Bryson awake.  Nothing was working.

When we finished up, I promptly got Matthew dressed and then downed a bunch of cold water.  Nothing.  I texted B that I needed him home and why.  I tried calling him too.  He wasn’t responding.  I leaned up against the bathroom counter which always gets Bryson riled up, and again – nothing.  I laid on the floor and had Matthew sit on my belly (Bryson hates that), and again – nothing.  I laid on my side in the bed and talked to B long enough to just tell him to get home NOW, and again – nothing.  Back to the bathroom counter I went and I thought maybe I felt something, but then realized it was my pulse I was feeling.  My mind kept going to those awful places you can’t help, and I was feeling scared that we were maybe in some trouble.

I don’t do kick counts with this baby.  I did with Matthew since he didn’t move a ton, but Bryson is so predictable.  I ALWAYS know the last time I felt him moving because he’s moving, and kicking the hell out of me, all the time.  When I get up to use the restroom in the night, he wakes up too.  When I get up to check on Matthew when he’s sick, Bryson gets up too.  The minute I’m up in the morning, he’s up and making his presence known very firmly, and for hours at a time.  He’s an active baby.  Realizing that I’d felt nothing from him in over 9 hours was freaking me out, especially when my efforts at waking him up were going un-noticed by him.

As I stood at that bathroom counter, wondering if I should call the doctor (in two pregnancies so far, I’ve only called the doctor once with a concern), the phone rang.  It was the triage nurse – B had called her after we hung up.  She asked what was going on, asked if I was doing kick counts (I explained why I don’t need to – and why I was freaking out), and told me what she wanted me to do.  I was to eat something high in sugar, drink more cold water, and lay down for up to an hour, or until I felt 10 movements.  I know all of this, and was trying it leading up to this point (besides the sugar because we don’t have that stuff in the house), but I really needed to just FOCUS and not have a toddler to tend to.  I ate Matthew’s rejected blueberries and a banana and got in bed just as B was getting home.  He came home to me in tears, waiting desperately for some movement.  I asked him to get me a super icy water bottle and with that and the banana, Bryson finally woke up.  He wasn’t near as active as he usually is, but as time went on, he got stronger and I only counted the good kicks because I wasn’t messing around with this.  It took 16 minutes from the first strong kick to the 10th – so that’s pretty good.  I laid there longer just letting him beat on me… feeling good knowing he was OK.  (And I called the nurse back, letting her know that things were fine.)

After that, our day really started and we had a great day.  I think it’s amazing how quickly things can go from a complete panic attack to perfectly fine.  All I needed was for my baby to move like he usually does and I could move on.

What did come from all of this is B’s realization that we really are close to having this baby and he needs to keep his phone with him and turned up at all times, my realization that we must keep something sugary in the house in case this happens again (my awesome neighbor gave me a Snic.kers bar for this – and it’s been hard not eating it!), and… I finally packed for the hospital.  Because this baby is REAL and he is coming any time now.  I’ll be 36 weeks this Saturday, and he truly could make an appearance at any point in time.

What did I pack?  I want to list it here in case we have another baby in a couple of years.  With Matthew, I just packed shit – lots of it.  I didn’t need a bunch of it so I’m not doing that this time around.  I was very methodical:

  • 3 of my own maternity/nursing hospital gowns (I highly recommend these – they’re pretty and more comfortable!)
  • 5 baby nightgowns (all worn by Matthew – they are so cute!)
  • 2 muslin swaddling blankets
  • 2 swaddlers just in case he’s good at getting his hands out of the hospital blankets used to swaddle him
  • 2 “coming home” outfits for Bryson (I will decide which one he wears once he’s born)
  • 1 “coming home” hat for Bryson
  • 1 pair of “coming home” booties for Bryson
  • 2 newborn baby hats for photos (thank you, Etsy!)
  • 1 special blanket for Bryson (bought this today at my favorite baby boutique – yay!)
  • Ear plugs (B will be with me and can wake me when Bryson wakes up in the night)
  • Contact solution, case, toothbrush, toothpaste, makeup, hair products, lip balm, etc.
  • Med.ela hydrogel pads for relieving sad nipples

I will pack an outfit for me to come home in later on – I need to keep wearing my faves for now!

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Today has been much better – Bryson is back to his normal self and beating me up for hours at a time.  I prefer it this way!

 

 


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My Sunburn

It’s been a long time since I’ve talked about my pregnancy.  I keep photos and stats on this page,  My pregnancy with Matthew was so easy, relatively speaking, and this one has been too.

I can’t believe that I’ll officially be 35 weeks tomorrow, and that I’m delivering in 4.5 weeks.  We went for the hospital tour the other night at the new hospital and saw the nurse who helped us deliver Matthew.  We LOVED nurse Laurel, and after she left the day Matthew was born, we figured we wouldn’t see her again since we’d be delivering at the new hospital next time.  We locked eyes with her and she knew immediately who we were, and that was super fun!  We reminisced about the delivery, and her helping us nurse, and then told her when we would be there this time around.  She’s going to try to be on that morning to be our nurse again!  I know that it may not work out, but it would be so awesome if it did!

The new hospital is a complete 180 from the hospital where we delivered Matthew.  The hospital downtown is – well – a hospital!  It’s been there forever and it’s there for the simple reason of taking care of people.  The hospital out west isn’t intended for severe cases, etc. and is much more comfortable and leisurely.  The rooms are HUGE, there is tons of space for Matthew to run around and play, and the entire setup is more like a hotel than a hospital.  I’m actually looking forward to being there next month for 3 nights  🙂

So all is going well with this pregnancy.  Bryson (that is still his name, despite discussions the other night about maybe changing it) is measuring 2 weeks ahead when it comes to femur length and head circumference.  People say that that means nothing, but I don’t believe that for a minute because Matthew was the same way and was born with a 16 inch head!  The ultrasound tech was very precise, measured several times, and says this baby is looking to be a bit bigger than Matthew was (8 pounds 9 ounces).  She’s a super natural, crunchy kind of gal and she told me that I’m lucky I’m having a c-section again, because this baby’s head is “huge.”  She is estimating his weight at delivery (39w3d) to be about 8 pounds 14 ounces to 9 pounds.

I am not one to complain about pregnancy, but a few of you have asked me how this pregnancy is going.  I know that pregnancy comes with its own set of challenges and even though it’s wonderful, there are certain things that can suck about it.  I fully expected (and hoped for) morning sickness, sore hips, and stiff back, heartburn, round ligament pain, etc.  I have never had morning sickness, for which I am very grateful, but I have fierce heartburn way early on (started at 2 months with Matthew and was debilitating through the end).  This time around has been kinder to me with the heartburn, but hauling Matthew around (28.5 pounds) does cause sorer hips and a stiffer back earlier in the day than last time.  I didn’t have round ligament pain with Matthew but have had 3 bouts of it so far with this pregnancy and the third time had me in tears, unable to breathe, for an hour (Dr. H says it gets worse with each pregnancy).  At the end of each day, I’m pretty much done.  It’s been better lately, but there were a few weeks between Florida and now that I just needed to sit on the sofa after Matthew was in bed.  Don’t get me wrong, I still sit on the sofa after he’s in bed, but it’s out of desire and not necessity/survival!

I have a very strange condition that apparently only happens to 5% of pregnant women.  I had it with Matthew and I have it with Bryson.  My cousin, interestingly enough, had the same thing with her pregnancy when we were pregnant together last time (due 1 week apart).  We both asked our docs about it and they seemed perplexed, but then I had an appointment with Dr. H and he said, “oh yeah, that happens to about 5% of women for no reason at all.  The only cure or treatment for it is to deliver the baby.”    The condition is hard to describe, and the best way of describing it is to say it’s like having a severe sunburn in just one spot – and it’s chronic.  My cousin and I both had it under our right breast, and it’s about 5 inches wide and 3 inches tall.  It hurts – ALL THE TIME.  Everyone (including me) speculated last time that it was from Matthew’s head being in my ribs (he was frank breech) but Bryson is head-down and I have it worse this time.  In fact, it covers the exact same area as last time, but there is very rarely a baby or any movement there at all, and it hurts worse this time around.  When there is movement there – it hurts like a SOB and it’s unbearable.  It’s just awful.  Imagine having the worst sunburn of your life in just one spot, for 5 months without end, with multiple flares during the day – and that’s what it’s like.  There is no relief from it (we tried aloe vera in addition to many other things – and nothing helps).

Besides that, I’m doing just great!  Bryson has more room to stretch, we believe, because he’s very active.  Matthew ended up having a short cord (9 inches) which explained why he never turned/flipped (even early on) and only rolled side to side.  When he was delivered, Dr. H announced to the surgical team that, “we have a VERY short cord here” and later said that Matthew didn’t have much to work with in there.  We assume Bryson does.  He is ALL over the place.  He is strong and his kicks hurt a lot, but it’s fun to feel and see big movements from him!

Sure, my back hurts a lot, my hips are sore in the morning, the heartburn isn’t relieved from medication, and I’ve had round ligament pain that has left me in tears – but I think that’s normal stuff and I don’t really complain.  Heck, I was able to play basketball out back on our court with Matthew last night and fully hoist him into the air to dunk the ball.  I would say I’m doing just fine!

I’ve gained more than I’ve wanted (30 pounds!) and have struggled with that.  I only gained 18 pounds with Matthew, so this is really different for me.  YES, I started out 25 pounds heavier when I got pregnant with Matthew, but the number still bothers me.  Interestingly enough, I am measuring small again and the docs don’t know where the weight has gone and are not concerned (it’s all in my butt).  We know that the baby is HUGE but still – 30 pounds?  I am still wearing all the same clothes I got when I first bought maternity jeans, so I’m not expanding more than one would expect with a 30 pound gain.  Who knows!  I thought I was going to get my first, “you look like you’re about to pop” comment yesterday when I responded that I’m 35 weeks to the cashier at Bab.y G.ap.  She said, “whoa!” and I braced myself for what was about to come.  But instead, she said that I’m small and that she thought I was having a July or August baby.  I wanted to hug her!  Of course, I told her that I appreciated the comment and then went on to tell her that I’ve gained 30 pounds and am just not sure why.

My breasts have not grown at all (which also adds to the confusion of where those 30 pounds are and WHY they happened) – I mean – they have not grown at ALL.  They got HUGE early on when I was pregnant with Matthew and I needed new bras in the first trimester.  This time around, I can’t fill those bras up and they are way too big.  I know this has nothing to do with how successful I’ll be at breastfeeding this baby, but I will admit that I’m a little nervous about that anyway.

My feet have not swollen at all like last time.  I think it may be because I’m so active during the day being a SAHM this time around – and because I put my feet up during Matthew’s nap time.  I am just thrilled about this!  I know it could change tomorrow, but for now, I’m thrilled!

Am I glowing?  No.  Am I the most pleasant pregnant gal on the planet?  No.  Do I constantly marvel at what’s growing inside me?  No.  But I am doing really well and when I have time to think about what’s going on in my uterus, I smile from ear to ear!

Even the big kicks to “my sunburn” make me smile!

 


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Quick Updates!

It has been a while since I’ve blogged – we’ve been super busy.  Between my grandpa’s funeral and getting ready for our trip, it seems like there’s never a moment to just sit and “do nothing.”

Because Matthew will wake up in a matter of minutes, I’m sure, I’m going to do a big bullet list update.  I apologize in advance for this 😉

  • B was out-of-town all last week until last Friday, and goodness was his return wonderful!  Matthew missed him like crazy but also wasn’t surprised to see him Friday afternoon when B went in to get him from his nap (he came home while Matthew slept).  This made me feel WONDERFUL knowing that Matthew was secure the whole time, knowing that “Daddy will be back soon.”
  • We spent the weekend running errands for the trip, and also found some time to meet B’s mom for lunch on Saturday.  It was nice to see her – Matthew puts on quite the show for B’s parents because they truly focus on HIM the entire time we’re with them.  It’s fun to watch!  It is not like this with my parents, which is sad.
  • We went home Sunday for my grandpa’s funeral and the visitation and funeral were very nice.  There is a whole post to write about this, as my parents are just so strange and handled things with little to no communication, leaving all of the grandchildren confused about goings-on for the weekend.  There were some very disappointing moments, but all-in-all, it was wonderful to see the family come together to send Grandpa off.  He looked terrific, and it felt good knowing that he’s with my grandma in heaven right now!
  • Lily (the cat) seems to be doing just great – as if there’s nothing wrong with her at all.  I forget that she’s a possibly very sick kitty.  I’m having a hard time believing it.  😉  She’s snuggled up to me right now and loves spending time with all of us, including Matthew.  I am not worried about her dying while we’re gone.  Not at all.
  • We go on our trip TOMORROW!  I have never been so prepared for a trip in my life!  Matthew has been packed for over a week and I’ve been packed for days.  Everything is ready to go – we just need to get there!
  • I think we have a name for BB2.  YAY!  On the drive home on Sunday, I asked B if he could commit to a name that he really seems to like.  He agreed as long as we can change our minds if something else jumps out at us (it won’t – I don’t believe it’s possible).  BB2 will be “Bryson Lawrence” or “Bryson Theodore” unless something else grabs our attention.  “Lawrence” is my dad’s name, and his mother’s maiden name.  “Theodore” is my paternal grandfather’s middle name and goes back a long way in the family.  Tough decision.  I wanted to name BB2 “Theo Lawrence” but B said no  🙂
  • BB2/Wilson/Bryson is very active – way more active than Matthew was.  He’s beating me up on a regular basis.  He is all over the place and likes to make his presence known and remembered!
  • B scheduled a “man trip” to Kentucky with his best friend (men don’t call them best friends, but I do!) the weekend after we get back.  I am really excited about this!  He needs a road trip desperately – and he needs to just go with no commitments and reservations to be held to.  I expect him to come home VERY happy!
  • I MUST get started on figuring out the “room situation” for the boys the week after we get back.  Move Matthew into a new room, or put BB2 in the new room?  I prefer to move Matthew into a new, awesome room!  Lots to do… lots to do…
  • A HUGE thank you to all of you who have left such nice, supportive comments on both my Lily and Grandpa posts!  This community is so wonderful, so caring, so important.  I appreciate every word I read from all of you.  Thank you!

And in the spirit of quick lists and updates, here are some photos of the most recent happenings in our house.

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All I Can Really Ask For

It’s a beautiful day outside, and I’m just waiting for Matthew to wake up so we can go out and get some fresh air, even if that fresh air is just between the car and mall to pick out a new blanket for him 🙂

It’s been a rough few weeks, it seems, and not for us personally, but for the people we know. We’ve just gotten bad news, after bad news, after bad news for three weeks now and on Sunday night, I fell apart from it all. It all started with someone our age (a childhood friend’s husband) dying from a 10 year-long battle with cancer. I don’t keep in touch with this gal, but a good friend of mine does and she’s kept me informed of the situation. Things had gotten worse and worse over the last few months and then the end finally came, and it crushed me. Thinking of a father leaving a loving wife and a 5 year-old daughter behind makes me sick to my stomach. After that, we just kept getting bad news every few days, and it shook me to my core. By last Sunday, there just wasn’t much left in me to be strong when I read about someone losing a 1 year-old. I fell apart on the sofa and told B that, “there just is too much bad stuff happening to people we know and people who our friends know.”

He agreed, but pointed out that some good things have happened too. And he’s right.

This week has been good for me. I’ve reflected on just how lucky we are that Wilson’s ultrasound was clear a few weeks ago, that we crossed into viability on Saturday (but we sure want Wilson to stay in there for a lot longer), that Matthew’s back to eating well, that my already affectionate boy is becoming even more affectionate, and that Matthew is finally back on schedule after a horrifying few days and nights dealing with DST (as I type this, he’s waking up early from his nap – HA!). It is also getting nice outside – like REALLY nice! I went out without a coat today and was perfectly comfortable. Spring is around the corner, if it isn’t here already, and this is GOOD!

We will be getting out of the house tomorrow for real – and hanging out OUTSIDE! We went on the best walks last spring and I’m hoping we can do that again this spring. I’m not sure that Matthew will tolerate the stroller like he did last year, but we’re going to try. I love being outside, and I can feel the opportunity knocking on my door. It’s killing me that the mornings aren’t warm enough to take our walks, given that Matthew naps 2.5 hours each day starting at 1:00, eating up much of the afternoon.

My pregnancy with Wilson (I don’t think we’ll be using that name – sigh) is going really well, and quickly. This baby is WAY more active than Matthew ever was. Matthew moved a lot – from side to side – but he never did flips and huge movements. I remember wondering when he would flip on me, causing that roller coaster feeling in my stomach that people talked about. It never happened.  I suppose with a short cord, you can’t do much in there but move from side to side. I think Wilson has plenty of cord because he’s flipping and moving around all the time. I now know what it feels like to have my bladder danced on for minutes on end.  Matthew carried high, with his head in my rib cage the whole time. Wilson seems just a bit lower, and gets around in there so I never know where I’m going to feel him next. He keeps me guessing. Dr. H says that he is going to be our wild man 😉

B keeps reminding me that Wilson is going to make his appearance in late June and that we have a lot of work to do before he gets here.  We need to move rooms around, which involves clearing out the baby store-room downstairs (where all the plastic baby stuff goes to wait for the next baby) to make room for another baby upstairs.  We are torn about what to do – move Matthew into the new room (which was my plan) or let him keep his room and put Wilson in the new room.  Matthew loves his room and we hate moving him out of there, but we also think he’ll want a big boy theme sooner than not and we have that all ready for him (camping and nature hikes).  We just don’t know what to do – and I’m dragging my feet clearing out the baby store-room.  It’s going to be a lot of work and I want to do it when I can devote a lot of time to it – not just an hour here and there.

I’m getting excited about Wilson coming to live with us!  It’s starting to feel more real and I do catch myself daydreaming about the day he’s born and introducing him to his big brother.  I wonder what he’ll look like and how big he’ll be, and if he’ll be calm like his brother or a wild man, like Dr. H is predicting!

Spring has a way of making me feel optimistic and hopeful, and I’m just so grateful for it!  I needed this.  I needed to get out of my stupid funk.  With the late snowstorms, cold temperatures, sad news, and gloomy skies, it was hard for me to NOT waste time on stupid things.  It’s time to be active again, and enjoy the outdoors!  We’ve spent far too long indoors this year (by this time last year, walks were a normal part of our days) and it’s time to get out!

I’m not sure that spring has quite sprung here just yet, but it’s spring-ing, and that’s all I can really ask for!

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The Last 9 Days

I have been a bit quiet lately, and for good reason.

On February 13th, I had my 20-week ultrasound.  Things did not go as expected and I was referred to a Perinatologist/MFM for an ultrasound on February 22nd.  I’ve been blogging about this, but have been marking those posts as ‘private’ because I didn’t want to concern anyone over something that could end up being nothing, and I wanted to hold this close to my heart until we knew what was going on.  I wanted to capture all of the things I was thinking during this time, but didn’t want to share those things until we knew what we were dealing with.  Very few people know about this – we didn’t even tell our parents for various reasons.  It just seemed unnecessary to cause worry for others over something that was so unknown at the time.

We now have a resolution to the situation, which is good.  And the resolution is the best it could have been!  Because we have a resolution, I have now made these posts from the last nine days ‘public’ and you can view them if you’d like.

  1. And So it Goes
  2. Tomorrow is Another Day
  3. Today is Different
  4. Two More Days
  5. Resolution

 

I’m so glad this little chapter of this pregnancy is behind us!

Here is Wilson, looking cute and HEALTHY!

Here is Wilson, looking cute and HEALTHY!


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Resolution

We had our ultrasound today at 1:00.  It was originally scheduled for 8:00 AM, but the clinic called yesterday to reschedule due to a monster snow storm that was expected overnight.  Said snow storm was minor (oh so minor) but the timing worked out well for us and I liked being able to get up this morning to move at my own pace (slow!) and have both breakfast and lunch with my boys.

I woke up feeling good about this scan.  I just figured that we would be told it was nothing, and the worst case scenario would be that we’d have something to fix once Wilson was born.  My head wasn’t clouded much this morning and I reminded myself that of all the people in the waiting room, I would likely be the one with the least amount to worry about.

The ultrasound was great – the gal was very gentle and the machine was amazing.  We have never seen such clear pictures in-utero.  I knew what they were looking for, so I was relaxed until they got to his stomach.  And… it’s gone.  Whatever they saw last week is not there.  The tech thought that maybe his gallbladder was in the way last time, at a strange angle, and appeared attached to the stomach.  But, as she said, that’s just speculation on her part since she couldn’t see anything abnormal.

This is going to sound weird, but we enjoyed this ultrasound.  The tech was the age of our mothers, and very gentle and caring.  She described every last thing she was doing and looking at, something that no one has done for us before.  I just felt like there were no secrets at all, and I felt so comfortable that when she got to his stomach, I asked if she could see the “thing.”  I knew she may tell me that she couldn’t answer that, but I thought she was the type to share what she was seeing.  And she did.  She saw nothing.  When she got to Wilson’s head, she tried really hard to get a 3-D photo and she did!  She told us how cute he is.  How nice is that?

The perinatologist (Dr. W) came in shortly after and we immediately could see why Dr. H wanted us to see this guy in particular.  He was so kind, so wonderful, so calm.  He scanned me again and saw nothing as well.  He did say that Wilson’s gallbladder is a bit large, but that that’s perfectly fine.  Everything else looked great and Dr. W said that there was nothing else to do or worry about.  I don’t even need to worry about this changing our birth plan for Wilson – there is no follow-up needed.  Dr. W finished by telling us how great and clear the images were because of the machinery and because, “you’re thin.”

I will always hold a special place in my heart for Dr. W!

So – that’s it.  Nine days later, all is well.  All is resolved.  All is just fine!


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Two More Days

Things have gotten easier in regards to handling the iffy findings last week with Wilson’s ultrasound. I spend very little time thinking about it, and find myself reassuring others around me that it’s going to be fine. I met a friend for lunch today who is the wife of one of B’s most awesome coworkers (and that’s saying a lot, because he works with the most amazing group of people I’ve ever met), and she knew about Wilson via her husband.  She seemed rather concerned but I put her at ease, to the point that when we parted ways, she said, “let me know how it goes on Friday, but I think you’re right. It’s going to be fine.”

I must be handling this REALLY well 😉

Saturday morning was a bit rough. My dear friend who photographed Matthew’s birth emailed me about Wilson’s birth, concerned that she may miss it if he comes early. I hadn’t told D yet about the ultrasound because I just didn’t want to worry her – and – I didn’t want to talk about it. It was still too fresh last week. I emailed her back, explaining that there may be a problem and that it could throw a wrench into my birth plan, so let’s discuss birth photography after the appointment with the specialist. As I wrote that email, I started feeling nauseous – just like I did when Dr. H first told me about his concerns. I started to cry and had to type through the tears to finish the email. I spent the rest of the morning worried.

Worried sick.

I finally admitted my worry to B later that night when we were discussing names for Wilson. I told him how writing about the ultrasound made me feel like I was going to throw up at any moment. I told him that I can’t keep having mornings, or days, or even moments like that.

Since then, I have not.

Having Matthew (a very active and newly headstrong toddler) around takes all focus off of everything going on around me. He is a fabulous distraction. He is a HAPPY distraction, and that’s what I need right now. I can’t spend time worrying about Wilson because all that’s going to do is make me sick and worthless – and I’m not being dramatic. As I posted last week, the day after hearing the findings was a totally wasted day. I didn’t even shower. I didn’t take care of myself. I ate like crap. I can’t be worthless right now, and I haven’t been since Saturday morning. I feel better about myself and about Wilson.

This isn’t to say that I don’t think about Wilson and what may be going on – I just don’t get bogged down in it. When I feel him move first thing in the morning, I smile and say hello instead of worry. If he doesn’t move for a bit, I mess with him and make him say hello – and then I laugh. I no longer think, “what’s going on with you, little man?” I just enjoy him.

I have 2 more days until we hopefully find out what’s going on. The way I live my life is to count down how many more full days I have left until something good, or something dreaded, is to occur. This is my optimistic side running my life and thoughts. Once I wake up for the day, I feel like that day is over (because let’s face it, waking up is the hardest part of the day for me!). HA! So – it is now Tuesday, which means that when I woke up today, I only had 2 days left (in my own warped sense of time) until we hopefully learn how Wilson is doing. That’s not a lot of time. Friday will be here before I know it – and I can’t wait. I’m not excited about the appointment, but I’m ready to know what we are (or aren’t, hopefully) facing. I’m ready to move on with a plan.

No matter what is found (or not found) on Friday, there will need to be a plan for Wilson’s birth day. If the mysterious “thing” has disappeared, or is deemed to be of no concern, there will still be an ultrasound the day of his birth to rule out any possible issues. We have decided that already for ourselves. If the mysterious “thing” appears to be something that needs to be dealt with, then I want that plan solidified and put in place. NOW.

Two more days… two more days.


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Naming BB2

When we named Matthew, it was easy.  It was a slam dunk, actually.  I had a list of names, Matthew was at the top of that list, and B had an old childhood friend named “Matt” who was truly his best friend.  Sadly, Matt passed away when he and B were in college and that left a hole in B’s heart forever.  When we discussed names early on while dating, I mentioned “Matthew,” he agreed to it whole-heartedly, and we were set.  All we needed was a boy, and we got him!  Matthew’s middle name is my younger sister’s nickname, so it truly was THAT EASY to  name him.

BB2 – not so much.

We have gone round and round on what to name BB2.  I have offered up this list of names:

  • Bauer (I LOVE this!)
  • Bennett (I love it but is gaining in popularity)
  • Charlie
  • Coleman
  • Elliott
  • Gatzby (the response I got was, “What?”
  • Henry (I love this, but it is super popular right now)
  • Hugo (LOVE!)
  • Liam
  • Luke
  • Leo
  • Lincoln
  • Noah
  • Peter
  • Theo
  • Tobin
  • Simon
  • William
  • Winston

All vetoed, and rather quickly.

When we were at a restaurant on Super Bowl Sunday discussing names, I brought up “William” again.  B was expressing why it wasn’t the name for BB2 and this guy at the table next to us chimed in and asked, “What about Wilson?”  We looked at each other and you could just tell that we both liked it!  I was excited!  This meant I could still call him “Will” if I wanted.  We agreed to “try the name out” for a bit.

BB2 is referred to in our house as, “Wilson,” and I’ve fallen in love with it.  I’ve gotten very attached to it.  If we decide to not go with “Wilson,” I will have a hard time letting go of that name.  BB2 may always be “Wilson” in my mind, even if he has a different name once he’s born.

We went out for dinner on Saturday for a date night, and I think we discussed names for BB2 the entire time.  B came to the table prepared with suggestions!  Hallelujah!  I didn’t necessarily latch on to any of them, but it was nice that he was suggesting things.  The name he REALLY like is “Franklin,” which is a great name.  BUT – people would call BB2 “Frank” and I can’t live with that.  I’m not a fan of “Matt,” but if Matthew decides to go by that when he gets older, I can live with it.  I cannot live with “Frank.”  Therefore, “Franklin,” as nice as it is, is off the table.

We revisited my list and all of those names are still vetoed (sigh) and I suggested we look into the names of cities in Colorado (don’t laugh at me, Josey!) because we both love Colorado.  Well, guess what names on MY list are names of cities in Colorado?  Two of my favorites – “Hugo” and “Bennett.”  Even with that going for me, those names are still on the veto list  😉

At the end of dinner, I did offer up a name that popped into my head earlier that day.  I wasn’t sure how it would set with B.

“What about Cayman?”

B asked where I came up with that.  I didn’t know.  It had just been floating in my head all day.  Turns out, when we were shopping earlier that day, we walked by a new Porsche and Brian wondered out loud if it was the new 911 or… the “Cayman.”  That’s right, the name that is stuck in my head is the model of a Porsche.  HA!  My dad would be so proud (he is the very proud owner of a 911, which he thinks is the best.car.ever.built)  😉

Turns out that B likes “Cayman,” so we’re thinking about it.  I think “Wilson” is still on the list.  B thinks that “Franklin” is still on the list (it is not).

We’re still no closer to having a name for BB2 – and I have a goal of having him named by this Friday.

Wish me luck!