All the Sun For You

A mom, two boys, a husband, and a whole lot of adventure!

All I Can Really Ask For


It’s a beautiful day outside, and I’m just waiting for Matthew to wake up so we can go out and get some fresh air, even if that fresh air is just between the car and mall to pick out a new blanket for him 🙂

It’s been a rough few weeks, it seems, and not for us personally, but for the people we know. We’ve just gotten bad news, after bad news, after bad news for three weeks now and on Sunday night, I fell apart from it all. It all started with someone our age (a childhood friend’s husband) dying from a 10 year-long battle with cancer. I don’t keep in touch with this gal, but a good friend of mine does and she’s kept me informed of the situation. Things had gotten worse and worse over the last few months and then the end finally came, and it crushed me. Thinking of a father leaving a loving wife and a 5 year-old daughter behind makes me sick to my stomach. After that, we just kept getting bad news every few days, and it shook me to my core. By last Sunday, there just wasn’t much left in me to be strong when I read about someone losing a 1 year-old. I fell apart on the sofa and told B that, “there just is too much bad stuff happening to people we know and people who our friends know.”

He agreed, but pointed out that some good things have happened too. And he’s right.

This week has been good for me. I’ve reflected on just how lucky we are that Wilson’s ultrasound was clear a few weeks ago, that we crossed into viability on Saturday (but we sure want Wilson to stay in there for a lot longer), that Matthew’s back to eating well, that my already affectionate boy is becoming even more affectionate, and that Matthew is finally back on schedule after a horrifying few days and nights dealing with DST (as I type this, he’s waking up early from his nap – HA!). It is also getting nice outside – like REALLY nice! I went out without a coat today and was perfectly comfortable. Spring is around the corner, if it isn’t here already, and this is GOOD!

We will be getting out of the house tomorrow for real – and hanging out OUTSIDE! We went on the best walks last spring and I’m hoping we can do that again this spring. I’m not sure that Matthew will tolerate the stroller like he did last year, but we’re going to try. I love being outside, and I can feel the opportunity knocking on my door. It’s killing me that the mornings aren’t warm enough to take our walks, given that Matthew naps 2.5 hours each day starting at 1:00, eating up much of the afternoon.

My pregnancy with Wilson (I don’t think we’ll be using that name – sigh) is going really well, and quickly. This baby is WAY more active than Matthew ever was. Matthew moved a lot – from side to side – but he never did flips and huge movements. I remember wondering when he would flip on me, causing that roller coaster feeling in my stomach that people talked about. It never happened.  I suppose with a short cord, you can’t do much in there but move from side to side. I think Wilson has plenty of cord because he’s flipping and moving around all the time. I now know what it feels like to have my bladder danced on for minutes on end.  Matthew carried high, with his head in my rib cage the whole time. Wilson seems just a bit lower, and gets around in there so I never know where I’m going to feel him next. He keeps me guessing. Dr. H says that he is going to be our wild man 😉

B keeps reminding me that Wilson is going to make his appearance in late June and that we have a lot of work to do before he gets here.  We need to move rooms around, which involves clearing out the baby store-room downstairs (where all the plastic baby stuff goes to wait for the next baby) to make room for another baby upstairs.  We are torn about what to do – move Matthew into the new room (which was my plan) or let him keep his room and put Wilson in the new room.  Matthew loves his room and we hate moving him out of there, but we also think he’ll want a big boy theme sooner than not and we have that all ready for him (camping and nature hikes).  We just don’t know what to do – and I’m dragging my feet clearing out the baby store-room.  It’s going to be a lot of work and I want to do it when I can devote a lot of time to it – not just an hour here and there.

I’m getting excited about Wilson coming to live with us!  It’s starting to feel more real and I do catch myself daydreaming about the day he’s born and introducing him to his big brother.  I wonder what he’ll look like and how big he’ll be, and if he’ll be calm like his brother or a wild man, like Dr. H is predicting!

Spring has a way of making me feel optimistic and hopeful, and I’m just so grateful for it!  I needed this.  I needed to get out of my stupid funk.  With the late snowstorms, cold temperatures, sad news, and gloomy skies, it was hard for me to NOT waste time on stupid things.  It’s time to be active again, and enjoy the outdoors!  We’ve spent far too long indoors this year (by this time last year, walks were a normal part of our days) and it’s time to get out!

I’m not sure that spring has quite sprung here just yet, but it’s spring-ing, and that’s all I can really ask for!

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Author: Courtney

Hi, there, I’m Courtney. I never planned to stay home with my kids, but I got sucked into motherhood when my first baby came into our lives after years of infertility and multiple rounds of IVF. His brother followed closely behind, something we didn’t plan on after having such a rough road with achieving parenthood the first time around. My boys are IVF cycle twins, conceived on the same day but born two years and one day apart (they were both transferred on the same day in October, but with two years between them). My boys are the best of friends and my husband is a terrific husband, father, and most importantly… friend. He fully supported my desire to stay home (“I just wanted it to be your idea and not mine, I totally want you to stay home and raise our kids!”) and encourages me in everything I do. I am a lover of projects, spreadsheets, fitness, healthy cooking and eating, crafts, selling my stuff on FB (HA!), and the outdoors. If I’m active, I’m pretty darn happy!

18 thoughts on “All I Can Really Ask For

  1. Hope you were able to get out- I think that’s the best way to get out of a funk! I’m sorry you’ve had so much bad news lately- sometimes the tragedy in this world is very overwhelming.

    Your pregnancy IS going fast- wow, already at viability?! Awesome!

  2. It is really tough when there are so many bad things going on around us. It hurts and it is scary and just plain heartbreaking at times. I am so glad you have been able to find so many happy things going on in your own lives to be thankful for right now though. I love spring time (well I used to love it in Canada.. here it is really just same ol, same ol weather for the most part). I am glad you are getting some warmer weather and the chance to get out and enjoy the outside!!! 🙂

    If not Wilson, has another been selected??

  3. I feel you, I NEED spring to be here. I need that warm weather, the sun! It’s been a long, cold winter and I just want to be able to play with L outside. Spring fills me with such joy, hope, and happiness ever year and I can’t wait for that. Still have barely broke 40 up here and still snow on the ground in spots. Come on, spring!

  4. I’m sorry that sad news has been getting you down. I am similarly affected by other people’s awful news; it really hits me hard, sometimes debilitatingly so. I was just thinking the other day that I was glad I hadn’t come across any really sad news lately, not even in the blogging world. I’m sure it’s happening to someone but not anyone in my circles and that is good, for them and for me!

    I hope you guys get out in the sun a bit this week. Yesterday my tutoring got cancelled and I met with a friend and her kid at the park and we had such a great time. It was so warm Isa took her shirt off and we just soaked up the sun. We had a blast and I was so glad it had all worked out that way. We really needed that outside time.

    I’m so excited that Wilson will be here soon! I hope you get a chance to work on the rooms soon!

    • I’m glad that you haven’t been getting bad/sad news IRL or URL – that’s great!

      How awesome that you got to do something fun and outside when your tutoring session got cancelled!

  5. You know I love you, and part of the reason is because of your huge heart. You take on others pain just as you take on their joy. It’s a wonderful side of you, but I am also immensely glad that you have B to hug you when you need to let some of those heavy emotions go.

    I, too, am so ready for Spring and we’ve not even had hard weather or a single accumulating snow. I love that spring brings feelings of hope and optimism and promise. Fall has always been my favorite season, but perhaps the promise of spring will win me over this year.

    Two final thoughts: M’s eyebrows are AWESOME. And, WHAT??!?! No Wilson after all?? do tell!!

    • Thanks, NBR! I’m glad I have B to hug me too when it gets to be too much!

      I do love fall, but spring is my favorite because I like to see things bloom! There is a tree in the park by our old place that I drive by every spring to see it’s blooms – it just makes me so happy!

      Thanks – I LOVE his eyebrows (he gets them from B) and yeah – Wilson just isn’t feeling right, I guess.

  6. I am so ready for spring too! Every sunny, warmer day makes me feel like we’re so much closer to Turtle’s June arrival. Glad things are looking up, despite all the bad news in your corner lately.

    • June is going to be a busy month for a lot of us! Reading your post the other day made me realize just how much time I DON’T have left to get ready. The pressure is on!

  7. Oh man… I am really sorry that you have been having such rough news come your way lately. I am also really looking forward to spring and the sunshine and crisp air that comes with it to renew me. I really need it this year!

    That boy sure does love his fruit!

  8. Counting down to spring here too!!! Sorry about the tough news. you are doing the best thing by finding the positive in the upcoming new season. Hurry sunshine and renewal!

  9. It’s so interesting reading about how the two pregnancies compare. It will be interesting to see how their births compare too. I’m kind of fascinated by the idea that how babies act in the womb can be an indication of their personalities. I’ve also heard that characteristics of the birth can sort of match babies’ characteristics as well. Interesting stuff.

    • I’m fascinated by the same things, and honestly – from what I’ve heard from friends and family about their kids in-utero – I think there’s a lot of truth to it. This baby has done some things that I NEVER felt with Matthew – one of which is pounding my bladder (which burns). I am just so shocked by it – and know it’s just going to get worse. I’m watching him thump around right now and he’s just relentless!

      The births should be pretty similar – another scheduled c-section. Of course, this one may decide to shake things up and come earlier than planned. That would not be good – my birth photographer is out of town the two weeks prior to the birth – which probably will entice this baby to show up early!

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