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A New Decision
I’ve been struggling for about a month about how to go about baby #3. We want a third baby, but I don’t want one right now.
It’s taken me over a month to say that out loud to anyone, including B. But I just told him, and he agrees (or rather, supports me).
He asked me why. I have so many reasons.
1. I’m enjoying Bryson so much, and feel that pushing this now really forces him into the “middle child” position too soon.
2. There just isn’t the worry like last time. No fear of, “what if it doesn’t work?”. If it doesn’t work, we have our two boys and we’re thrilled with them. We won’t stim again, but for a second child we would have (and we were dealing with my age).
3. Waiting 6 months really has no impact on my age. I’ll be 39 if we do it this fall, and I’ll be 39 if we do it next spring.
4. I’d really like to get my body back for a long time before ruining it again.
5. I have no sex drive with the nursing and lack of sleep. We’d both like for that to reappear for a while!
6. I don’t want another summer baby. I plan on holding both boys back until they’re 6 for kindergarten and a third baby may not need the extra year with two older siblings. I’d like to not even have to think about this a third time.
7. I want Bryson well established in school before a new baby comes. I felt like I was sending Matthew to school so I could have time with the new baby, and that just felt bad. Of course he has loved school since day 1, but there is still guilt.
8. This is a big one – my uterus scares me. I want another full year for it to heal before putting another baby in it.
9. I want 6-12 months of having independent kids before adding more dependency to the mix. The idea of having a third with Bryson at Matthew’s current age is exciting. The idea of having a third with Bryson just turning 2 terrifies me.
10. I’m just not ready.
This is momentous for me. I feel so relieved.
(Almost) Wordless Wednesday – Makings of the Best Memories
Bryson’s been finishing his afternoon naps in bed with Matthew and me, and when he wakes up, he immediately looks for his big brother and reaches for his hand, and holds it for as long as Matthew will let him!
The Monday Snapshot – An Obsession with Cake
There is something about me that many people don’t know.
I love cake.
And more importantly, I love to make cake.
I took a fondant cake decorating class years ago so that I could decorate a fancy cake for B’s 30th birthday. A great friend of ours was also turning 30 a few days after him, so we combined their events together into a big night out at a local summer camp. This was extra special for me because we held the event at the summer camp I attended from the time I was 7 until I was 14. We had a rocking good time, with a flier invitation and camp events scheduled for the entire 2 days we were there. It was, in a word, AWESOME!
So the cake. I made a 3-tier cake (chocolate, white, and strawberry tiers) and it took HOURS. 12 hours, in fact. I had to ask B to help me finish it the night before because we were cutting it close. He pitched in and it was a lot of fun. Getting the cake to camp was a BIG deal – it was very heavy and needed to be constructed on-site. No biggie, but it added stress. It looked pretty good… but it didn’t look as good as I wanted it to look.
It didn’t taste good. It tasted normal, and decent enough, but not GOOD, you know?
After making at least a dozen cakes including the big birthday cake, I packed up my cake decorating kit. I was burned out.
For Matthew’s first birthday, we had a fabulous birthday cake from a local bakery. The design was clean and simple, but the flavor was amazing! One tier was strawberry daiquiri (pretty good) and the top-tier was orange mimosa. Oh my, that orange mimosa cake was a hit. It quickly became my new favorite, so much so that B got it for me the next year for my birthday. On my birthday, it was dry… not good.
For Matthew’s second birthday, we just got cupcakes. I love cupcakes, but let’s be honest… they’re a cop-out for someone who loves cake. 😉
This year, for both of the boys’ birthdays, we’re getting proper cakes. I was thinking of doing cupcakes again, but then saw my friend’s son’s cake and I was obsessed instantly. I quickly found examples of what I’d like done and sent them to the cake maker. The cake that she made LOOKED terrific, but it was a box cake. Again – box cakes are great… but they’re just sort of… meh. If I’m going to have a gorgeous cake, I want it to taste as good as it looks. So…
I’m trying out a new cake tonight! B is out-of-town, and I am making an orange mimosa cake from scratch. It looks very straightforward and sounds fantastic! If it’s good, I’ll do one for B’s 35th birthday to ensure I can do it again (because you know, the cake is actually ALL about me!) and then make it for one of the tiers of Matthew’s birthday cake. I’ll have the cake gal decorate it, but I’m going to see if I can make and frost the cake and then deliver it to her for decorating madness!
Wish me luck!
The Monday Snapshot – The Last First Birthday?
I have two birthdays to plan this year – one day apart. We’re actually doing them a week apart, but back-to-back weekends. If we have a third baby (please, God!), we have vowed to do everything we can to avoid another June birthday. However, the crazy in me says to have another baby in June and just power through that month every year! Ha!
I keep wondering, “is this our last first birthday?” It sort of hurts to think that it could be. I don’t want it to be… But if it is, then we’re going to do it up right!
Our theme is simple – ADVENTURE! Because Bryson Boy is a very adventurous, curious dude. I took his photo today for his invitations. Cuteness!
Super Excited!
Anyone who’s been reading me for some time knows that B and I both love my OB, Dr. H. The man is just…. awesome. He’s a fabulous, caring practitioner and a very interesting guy who loves to chat you up about his hobbies and family. He’s talked quite a bit about his wife and their two girls, and in my mind, I’ve always viewed them as nothing short of amazing.
When Matthew was a few months old, I ran into Dr. H who knew us immediately and introduced Matthew and me to his wife (I was with a good friend who was also his patient, and was currently pregnant and seeing him, but he didn’t know her name top-of-mind). She was wonderful. Outgoing, interested, engaged. 6 weeks after Bryson was born, and a day before my 6 week visit with him, our family ran into his at a coffee joint. We met his oldest daughter who was so kind and loving towards Matthew, which we REALLY appreciated given all the attention the new baby was getting. At my appointment the next day, I asked Dr. H when his daughter would be ready to babysit and he said to ask next year because she’d be getting close in a year.
So this past Sunday night, we ran into Dr. H and his family at a local park. His girls whisked Matthew off for 45 minutes to play basketball while we adults chatted. I talked with Mrs. H and B talked to Dr. H. We talked about all sorts of things, including babysitting. Mrs. H and Dr. H said that the girls are wanting to start watching kids, and I got pretty excited. We agreed that this summer would be the right time to discuss it further and the girls were so excited.
Watching his girls with Matthew melted my heart. They giggled with him, swung him around, cheered him on… It was precious! When it was time to part ways, the three of them came to us holding hands, with Matthew in the middle of his two new friends. My heart danced.
The next night, I stopped at the Y to get some t-ball, soccer, and preschool recreation info and ran into Mrs. H. Is this sounding like fate? We said hello and their younger daughter talked about how fun it was to play with Matthew the night before. As I left, I thought, “seize this opportunity.” I turned around and said, “Say, B and I were talking last night after we saw you and were wondering if the girls would like to be ‘mothers helpers’ this summer.” Mrs. H asked what that meant and when I explained it, she said, “funny, because on our way home, J (Dr. H) said he was going to text you to see if you would want to bring the boys over to leave them with us so the girls could get to know them and get used to babysitting.”
MUTUAL INTEREST!!!!
I asked if it would be ok to email Dr. H (some day I’ll be able to call him J, but not yet) and she said please do, let’s make this happen.
I just emailed him this morning. This is going to happen. I love the idea of our boys getting comfortable and close to these girls who could (and likely will) end up being their sitters/buddies for many years. I love knowing that these girls are already enchanted by him and are excited to get to know him more. You should have seen the younger girl on Monday night when Mrs. H and I talked about the girls helping me this summer. “Yes, Mom! Please!!!” It doesn’t get better than that!
So yeah, I’m super excited about this!
Wordless Wednesday – Sweetness
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Confession Time
I’ve (we’ve) had a rough week. Every one of us is sick and “for the first time in forever,” I am the sickest of the lot. Followed closely by Bryson. If he’s not up needing me, I’m hacking my lungs out… Not sleeping. I’ve been a real bitch to B, picking at every.single.thing he does, leaving no room for him to even try to like me.
Last night, at 4:30, I lost it. Big ugly sobs as Bryson screamed in bed (I’d nursed him just 2 hours earlier) and I raced to the bathroom to hack up the shit in my lungs and blow the other shit out of my nose (and ears… OMG my poor aching ears). Nursing moms can’t take much of anything for a cold, so I’m just left to suffer.
Today, the boys let me sleep in (8:45, nothing glamorous!) and I called a cease fire with B. I told him I’m done waging war against him. I made some good points yesterday, but so did he (like that my friends’ troubled marriages are making me look for issues in him and us). It’s time to get a grip and stop.
So I’m stopping today.
I swear it.
Wordless Wednesday – My Baby is (and the rest of us are) So Sick
Crusty snot, red raw nose. Poor guy.
The Monday Snapshot – Cat Potty Training
Um, how do I even explain this?
B showed Matthew last week how the toilet works (why, God, why?) and now he wants to “look in tank” every time he pees (or every time I pee). I limit it to once in the AM (I use the tank to get him out of his diaper), after his nap (again, to ditch the diaper), and at bath time. I’ve had to use the tank as bait to get him to pee in public restrooms (gross) before getting in the car and it’s just ridiculous.
Last night at bath time, Jack the cat learned all about the tank, the red flappy thing, and the “black ball, it floats.” The toddler and the cat now know more about how the toilet works than I do.
I’m okay with that.
On a side-note, preschool fun totally effed up potty training today. I knew it would. I’m not upset. It took an accident then at home to get back at it, but he’s in real undies now so that’s good. He can hold it for hours, but when he announces his intentions, you must drop everything, including the baby (poor Bryson).
All the Sun For You 