I’ve been struggling for about a month about how to go about baby #3. We want a third baby, but I don’t want one right now.
It’s taken me over a month to say that out loud to anyone, including B. But I just told him, and he agrees (or rather, supports me).
He asked me why. I have so many reasons.
1. I’m enjoying Bryson so much, and feel that pushing this now really forces him into the “middle child” position too soon.
2. There just isn’t the worry like last time. No fear of, “what if it doesn’t work?”. If it doesn’t work, we have our two boys and we’re thrilled with them. We won’t stim again, but for a second child we would have (and we were dealing with my age).
3. Waiting 6 months really has no impact on my age. I’ll be 39 if we do it this fall, and I’ll be 39 if we do it next spring.
4. I’d really like to get my body back for a long time before ruining it again.
5. I have no sex drive with the nursing and lack of sleep. We’d both like for that to reappear for a while!
6. I don’t want another summer baby. I plan on holding both boys back until they’re 6 for kindergarten and a third baby may not need the extra year with two older siblings. I’d like to not even have to think about this a third time.
7. I want Bryson well established in school before a new baby comes. I felt like I was sending Matthew to school so I could have time with the new baby, and that just felt bad. Of course he has loved school since day 1, but there is still guilt.
8. This is a big one – my uterus scares me. I want another full year for it to heal before putting another baby in it.
9. I want 6-12 months of having independent kids before adding more dependency to the mix. The idea of having a third with Bryson at Matthew’s current age is exciting. The idea of having a third with Bryson just turning 2 terrifies me.
10. I’m just not ready.
This is momentous for me. I feel so relieved.
May 8, 2014 at 10:20 am
It sounds like you’ve really thought things through regarding having Baby #3. I think if you don’t feel ready, then give yourself another 6 months to see how you feel. At least your embryos are held in time. 🙂
May 8, 2014 at 12:01 pm
I think about you often and how you had originally planned to start gearing up for baby #3 soon, and know for myself there is no way I’d be ready. Many of the reasons are the same you mentioned. I think it’s great that you’ve given it so much thought and both you and B are comfortable with your new plan.
May 8, 2014 at 2:07 pm
I’m going to comment with lots of bullet points like you did above! LOL There are so many things in this post I agree with!
1. You are NOT ruining your body by getting pregnant again. You have grown and fed 2 humans. It’s not ok to put yourself down…. 🙂 (Please remind me of this when I do a post on how I feel about myself! LOL) It is hard though to come to terms and be ok with your post baby body. I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been not pregnant, and if I dwell on it, I get pretty down. HOWEVER, I’m trying to tell myself that this isn’t forever and that when life in general settles down more, I’ll get back to exersize/eating healthy again.
2. I have ZERO sex drive too. I also attribute this to lack of sleep and nursing. I’d rather do pretty much anything than be physical right now. UGH.
3. Since you and I both have ALL Sept. babies, we are also planning on holding each boy back until they are 6 for Kindergarten. Aiden is NOWHERE near being able to sit down for more than a few minutes at a time, I’m doubting this will drastically change 🙂 Boys do better usually if they start kindergarten later, that’s the teacher in me talking.
4. It’s ok to want your body to heal more. I think it’s brave of you to admit you are scared about your uterus, especially after everything last time with Bryson. Keep the communication lines open with your OB about this too. I’m sure they will monitor you really close and often, but you need to feel comfortable with things as well.
5. It’s ok to wait, it’s ok to not be ready. 🙂 Being a mom to 2 kids is hard, adding a newborn to the mix right now is certainly doable, but it’s ok to not want the mass chaos and stress that will happen with fertility treatments again, and two busy boys. 🙂
I’m glad you were able to open up and be honest about everything concerning baby #3. We are kind of in the same boat. Dustin told me that we can’t start trying for #3 until he finishes his Master’s, which isn’t until Sept 2015. So that will put Callen at 2 and Aiden at 4. Assuming treatments take at least 6 months again, then alot of the same things you want with your kids (independence, established in school, etc) should happen for us too.
It’s hard for me because I LOVE LOVE the newborn squishes and would have dozens of babies if I could. However, I know that we have to realistically accept the fact that we are blessed with 2. If more kids doesn’t happen, I’m the luckiest mom in the world to have 2 boys.
HUGS!! Keep enjoying your sweet boys!
May 8, 2014 at 3:09 pm
I’m glad you’re able to be honest with both yourself and B about your feelings on this. No need to rush it at this point for sure!
May 8, 2014 at 7:51 pm
Sounds like a logical decision that also makes sense emotionally. Enjoy your two boys now! There’s plenty of time to try for baby #3. 🙂
May 9, 2014 at 7:58 am
Making a decision always lifts the burden, no matter what the decision is. Good for you! As you know, I can relate 🙂
May 12, 2014 at 6:06 pm
I am really glad and proud of you that you have thought this over and have been able to admit this to yourself, B and the world. It sounds like you have really gone over every little aspect of having baby #3 now and you know that waiting is the best choice. Glad you are able to have that feeling of relief in making the decision! 🙂