All the Sun For You

A mom, two boys, a husband, and a whole lot of adventure!


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And Then She Was Gone

Lily is playing with an unending supply of ribbons in the clouds. Ribbons are her favorite thing in the world (besides me).

Last night was rough, because I went to bed knowing it was our last sleep together. All the signs were there. I knew the morning was going to be hard.

Lily was just so tired, and her breathing was very labored, this morning. I told B first thing that it was time, and he agreed. His parents headed down but she started feeling worse before they were here, so my neighbor came up to be with the kids until Bs folks arrived.

I really didn’t want to take her to the ER vet, but that was the only option for us on a Sunday. It turned out being perfect for us, and I’d choose to say goodbye there again in the future, when necessary. The tech was so kind and took us to a comfortable, darkened room with a sofa, lamp, and end table… and there were clouds on the ceiling. They took Lily back to put the catheter in her arm and swiftly brought her back to us. We wrapped her in blankets and held her lovingly as they got the vet. The vet was fantastic and as swift as we asked. Lily took a few breaths as we whispered in her ear that we loved her. I told her to chase those ribbons all the way to the clouds. “Red ones, blue ones, green ones, and orange ones. No one is going to take them away from you. Chase them, sweet girl. I love you.”

And then she was gone.


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THIS Moment in Time – A First

We’re talking about weaning. I dropped the morning wake-up nursing yesterday and it went OK (once there was a yogurt distraction). I dropped it because it wasn’t needed after having fed Bryson just 2 hours earlier, not really because I wanted to start weaning. But it went well so I’m going to try to be consistent.

Tonight, as I was sobbing about Lily, B took Bryson for bedtime books and then decided to rock him. He fell asleep, and is sleeping soundly. If OK with B, I’d like to make this a routine.

Dropping that bedtime feeding last with Matthew hurt my heart. I still cry thinking about the last time I nursed him. The last time I nursed Bryson to sleep may just be last night, when he slept all night with me in a hotel bed, nursing off and on. It was our best hotel night to date with him, and being perfectly honest, I really enjoyed it! If that’s our last nurse-to-sleep at bedtime feeding, then what a sweet memory for me. I’m happy with it. No tears.

Of course tonight may be a fluke and I may be nursing him to sleep again tomorrow. But tonight may be the first of many nights of B putting Bryson to bed, and that’s ok with me. It really is.


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Thank You, Lily

Lily,

You’ve been the best cat in the world. You helped me through the two hardest times of my life, and taught me how to give sub-q injections before I knew I’d need to be giving them to myself one day soon. I always thought, “if Lily can handle two daily injections, I can handle them too.” Your bravery and courage have astounded me through all of your health ups and downs. You always pulled through for me, even when I was sure we were at the end.

Old girl, I’m afraid we’re really at the end this time. I told you tonight that it’s ok to go, and that if you want to let go while snuggling beside me tonight, that would be best. I’ve emailed Dr. Dan to let him know we’re coming in Monday morning.

My heart is broken.

But it’s also full. You gave us more time than anyone thought you could, and you fought like the champ you always are. Dr. Dan told me that we’d know when it was time. I know now. Even your dad knows, and he’s usually in denial regarding your health. We all loved on you tonight, and I’ll bring you to bed with me tonight for one of our last two sleeps. I’ll do it happily, but with a lump in my throat and a pain in my heart.

As my dad says, this is the cycle of life. I wish it wasn’t. I wish we could keep you forever. You are our boys first pet, one of the many things that makes you so special to us. You taught them to love animals, pet gently, and give kisses often. Thank you for that, old girl.

Thank you for all of your love. Thank you for all of your snuggles. Thank you for all of your kisses. Thank you for the countless nights of purring in my ear. Thank you for loving my whistle. Thank you for loving your dad almost as much as you love me. Thank you for all of your unwavering trust. Thank you for your endless companionship.

Thank you for it ALL.

I love you to the moon and back, Lily.
Mommy


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It’s All in the Details

The 4th of July weekend marks a very important milestone for me – the end of 2 months of celebration!  With B’s birthday, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Matthew’s birthday, and Bryson’s birthday, we have a very busy May and June.  It’s no secret that I go a little crazy for the boys’ birthdays, and I start planning months in advance.  For Matthew’s first birthday, I think I was planning in February.  This year, with two birthdays to plan, I started in January.

May was my “practice cake” month and B got a (to die for) chocolate cake for his birthday that made us learn that Matthew doesn’t like chocolate cake.  “Just white cake, pwease!”  I tried out an orange mimosa cake that was terrific, but a little more involved than I wanted to do with so many other things needing to be done leading up to each party.  We settled on a terrific white cake (wedding cake recipe) with real buttercream frosting.  By the end of Bryson’s party – we were all caked out.  Matthew didn’t even want cake for his own little birthday party with family after Bryson’s party.  “No cake.”

I cleaned up the party decorations in record time this year.  I couldn’t get them down soon enough.  With Matthew’s first birthday, his banner hung for MONTHS before we finally took it down.  Bryson’s hung for 24 hours.  HA!  I was anxious to move his banner into his room though, so that’s really why it came down.  But by Sunday afternoon, there was no hint of birthdays with the exception of the poms and stars hanging from our entry light because we just really like them.  🙂

I’m anxious for next year – we won’t go crazy for Bryson since he’ll be turning two and won’t have a bunch of friends to invite because, well, he’ll just be two!  We’ll probably just do a family party for the two boys together and then Matthew’s birthday party.  I’ve already decided that the family party will have that wonderful chocolate cake I made for B’s birthday this year – they deserve something different!  I need to start thinking of themes for Matthew’s party.  We have plenty of time for that… but come February, I’ll be ready to start planning out the details!  😉

Matthew’s Party:

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Bryson’s party:

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Birthday Boy #2

Bryson Boy, I’m so sorry this is late.  You turned one 5 days ago, but we were still getting things ready for your party and I didn’t want to do your post until you, and your birthday, were fully celebrated!

At one year old, you weigh in right at 25 pounds.  You’re our solid little big guy who loves to eat and nurse whenever there’s an opportunity.  You don’t look as big as you feel – you’re thinning down at record speed which means that much of your baby look is melting away, which makes me so sad.  BUT – you’re still very much my baby!  You have very little hair (yet it is coming in more) and you have the cutest baby face on the planet  🙂

You love many, many people, but you love your mommy, daddy, and brother the most!  You are really attached to me right now, which is fine by me!  If I am anywhere within eyeshot or earshot, you MUST be with me.  I can hand you off to others to hold and play with you, but I can’t look at you while doing it or you’ll get very upset.  Even Daddy has to wish me away so he can play with you.  You are your mommy’s boy!  Daddy and Matthew are a close second though.

You like to be in the thick of whatever your big brother is doing, and you handle his antics quite well.  We went through a phase of you getting very upset every time a toy was taken from you, or every time you got knocked down (this happens all the time, poor boy), but you’re taking those episodes in stride these days and have learned to stand up for yourself a bit.  It’s cute to watch you yell at Matthew for taking your things – he’ll give them right back and then you’re best of friends again!  You two share so well with each other, and play together like true friends.  I truly believe you’re each others’ best friends, and that makes me so very happy!  Matthew loves to share his food with you (even his ice cream) and you enjoy his generosity very much.  You laugh so hard at what he does and try to mimic his actions.  He cheers you on, and you cheer him on.  It’s so special!

You love many things, but specifically you love green beans, all green veggies (so far), mashed cauliflower, carrots, bratwursts, cows milk, balls, books, the train table, stacking toys, shooting hoops, playing in water, and clapping.  Your favorite times of the day are shower time in the morning, and bath time at night.  You are willing to shower with anyone who will let you in with them, and you would shower 5 times a day if we’d let you!  You scream for Matthew to join you in the tub each night and the two of you make quite a fun mess.  We love it!

I love you so much, Bryson!  I love that you’re still my little baby!  Your brother turned one and was ready to conquer the world without my help,  but you’re holding onto me extra tight and that makes things very sweet for me.  You may be our last baby and you’re prolonging your babyhood, which I greatly appreciate!  I am in no hurry for you to grow up!

Happy birthday, little man!


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Birthday Boy #1

Matthew turned three today. He woke up to the sounds of his dad’s and my voices singing, “happy birthday,” to him; then heard Zoom sing his birthday song from outer space for the first time to him; ate cake for breakfast; went to summer camp (where they made a special birthday crown for him that he wore all morning!); had lunch at his favorite restaurant (chipotle) where his dad met us; took a nap snuggled up to his mom; went to speech therapy which he enjoys a lot; played soccer with his coaches and friends; had his first-ever ice pop; had dinner at “the chicken house” (Panera); opened his presents (a scooter and a remote plane), helped put together his gifts; played; bathed; and went to bed exhausted. I think it’s fair to say it was a fun birthday!

Matthew, you are the light of my life! Your snuggles melt my heart like nothing else on this planet and your smile can change the course of any day for the better. You are my first gift – the one that softened all of the pain leading up to finally getting you. I love you more than you know, and I already worry about the day that you replace me with a new woman of your dreams. 😉 I love you, I love you, I love you! Happy birthday, sweet boy!


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Not Done

I had a bad dream last night. I dreamt that I was pregnant with our third baby, and that I, somehow, forgot to go to the OB for the second half of the pregnancy. And then in the 8th month, I remembered I was pregnant and noticed I had no belly and couldn’t feel the baby moving. We went in for an ultrasound and I woke up as we were waiting to be called back, full of doom and despair because I knew we’d lost the baby. We’d lost our third baby. And having our two healthy boys only relieved the pain a little bit as we waited, before I woke up.

****

We dropped Matthew off at camp this morning, and as we waited to check him in, there was a mom in front of us with a new baby. Another mom and I marveled at how tiny the baby was, as we held our seemingly massive near-one-year olds. In that moment, reflecting on my dream, I thought to myself, “We’re not done yet.”

****

B (because of his busy schedule) will be setting up an appointment with our RE for July to discuss a spring transfer.

We’re not done yet.


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Blog Babies Meet Up #? (I think I’ve lost count!)

When I first started blogging, Steph started following me early on. Her blog was crazy pink and all-girl, while mine was all-boy. We lived close to each other so the next time my family headed their way, we met up. It was my first blog meet-up… And it felt surprisingly natural. We went her direction again and met up again, and again in Chi-Blogo, and again in KC, and again, and now once again. Our kids are getting to be friends and Matthew remembered Chloe this time when we told him where we were going this weekend.

Fun stuff – and special!

We usually struggle to get good photos of our kids together, especially now that there are four of them (wow!). This time, we got a decent photo of all four kids together! I feel lucky! But if we hadn’t gotten a good photo this time, there wouldn’t have been anything to worry about since we’ll be back again!