Not Done

June 23, 2014 by Courtney 5 Comments

I had a bad dream last night. I dreamt that I was pregnant with our third baby, and that I, somehow, forgot to go to the OB for the second half of the pregnancy. And then in the 8th month, I remembered I was pregnant and noticed I had no belly and couldn’t feel the baby moving. We went in for an ultrasound and I woke up as we were waiting to be called back, full of doom and despair because I knew we’d lost the baby. We’d lost our third baby. And having our two healthy boys only relieved the pain a little bit as we waited, before I woke up.

****

We dropped Matthew off at camp this morning, and as we waited to check him in, there was a mom in front of us with a new baby. Another mom and I marveled at how tiny the baby was, as we held our seemingly massive near-one-year olds. In that moment, reflecting on my dream, I thought to myself, “We’re not done yet.”

****

B (because of his busy schedule) will be setting up an appointment with our RE for July to discuss a spring transfer.

We’re not done yet.

Author: Courtney

Hi, there, I’m Courtney. I never planned to stay home with my kids, but I got sucked into motherhood when my first baby came into our lives after years of infertility and multiple rounds of IVF. His brother followed closely behind, something we didn’t plan on after having such a rough road with achieving parenthood the first time around. My boys are IVF cycle twins, conceived on the same day but born two years and one day apart (they were both transferred on the same day in October, but with two years between them). My boys are the best of friends and my husband is a terrific husband, father, and most importantly… friend. He fully supported my desire to stay home (“I just wanted it to be your idea and not mine, I totally want you to stay home and raise our kids!”) and encourages me in everything I do. I am a lover of projects, spreadsheets, fitness, healthy cooking and eating, crafts, selling my stuff on FB (HA!), and the outdoors. If I’m active, I’m pretty darn happy!

5 thoughts on “Not Done”

J o s e y
June 23, 2014 at 10:08 am

I hear ya, lady. I just got an IUD inserted this past week, and I’m feeling very…meh…about it. I really want another one too. 😦 I hope things work out in the spring for your 3rd!

millionbabysteps
June 23, 2014 at 3:36 pm

Oh I know this feeling…..I have a hard time imagining what it must feel like to be done. I hope you get to feel it one day!

Esperanza
June 23, 2014 at 4:30 pm

I have been selling so much of Monito’s baby stuff, and Mi.Vida is chomping at the bit to get his vasectomy and both things make me feel panicky feelings of regret. I know we need to be done and I’m trying so hard to be okay with it. Sometimes I truly am… other times not so much. I so hope things go well this spring for you and your family finally feels complete. Keeping all appendages crossed.

YeahScience!
June 24, 2014 at 9:17 pm

Greetings!! Sneaking back into the bloggy world and seeing if I can keep it up this time. Trying to catch up on all the goings on here… erm, by the way, that Mother’s Day bizniss was not cool!!! And I can empathize — my hubby forgot that it would be my first Mother’s Day and didn’t do/get anything for me. My mother got me a cardigan. That was it. Felt kinda blargh, too… so I hope you guys have resolved that. Really hoping you do try for a third so I can follow along!! Those freaky nightmares are really par for the course when it comes to IFsters, sadly, but you’ve had such good fortune with M and B, I feel like you can do it One. More. Time.!

Elizabeth
June 25, 2014 at 8:33 pm

I don’t think I’m done either. I think if I were I wouldn’t think about a third baby as much as I do (which is A LOT).