And I’m not up with a crying baby.  No.  I’m up pumping.  I live in fear that if I don’t pump each night before bed, that the ladies will start to dry up and our breastfeeding days will come to an end.  Isn’t that weird?

So, as I was typing this (and pumping, mind you!), there was a knock at my door.  AT 12:30 AM!  I pump in my living room, facing the damned door, because, well, I pump late enough that no one will show up and see me.  Right?  Wrong.  It was strange.  So strange.  I called for B and he came and saw the gal on our stoop, turned off our security system, and answered the door.  She was seemingly drunk, and there was a man in an old, beat up car in our driveway waiting for her (he notes these things in case there’s trouble!).  CRAZY!  She was looking for people with a different last name than us, and people who don’t live in our neighborhood (I popped onto the assessor’s website to check out the name).  It left me feeling quite uneasy.  I didn’t sleep well.

Matthew slept through the night and didn’t get us up at the crack of dawn either! I did not get much sleep because he stirred every hour on the hour, starting at 12:15, and that woke me up. But he put himself back to sleep each time without standing up once! I could not believe it! His final stir was at 5:15 and then he slept until 6:30!!!!!

I cannot keep my eyes open, but I don’t care!

We had one hell of a storm last night. We were stranded a couple times due to flash flooding. My car needs some repairs now, darn it. All is well for us, but there are some pretty banged up neighborhoods around town now. I feel bad for those folks.

I’m off to catch a cat nap now!

Last night and this morning were better than even the night that Matthew slept all the way through!  My little sweetie woke up earlier than normal (2:32 AM) but was only up for 16 minutes!  He stood up and cried, laid back down, and stood back up before the 10 minutes were up for me to come in to check on him.  I could hear him winding down before it was time to come in, so when I did come in, I just hugged him really tight (I’d been forgetting that the other recent nights – I feel terrible!), laid him down, patted him a couple times, and just stood there – and watched him fall asleep on his own!  Now we just need to get him to lay himself back down, and I think we’ve got it.   Honestly though, getting up for 15 minutes in the night to lay him down is a non-issue – I will do that any night of the week!

He slept until 6:35.  SIX THIRTY-FIVE!!!!  All other nights, I’m up for at least an hour with him and he gets up just around 6:00 (or 5:00 the night he slept through).  I will take a 15 minute waking any night if it means I only need to be up for 15-30 minutes and that I get to sleep until 6:30!

It’s 3:23, and I’m up with a crying screaming baby.  I knew that the other night was too good to be true and wasn’t the end of this little project, and I even said in my post that I knew we still had work to do, but I was hoping maybe I was wrong  😉

In my slumber, I forgot that yesterday was when we started over on the day 2 schedule, so I did it again tonight.  Oops.  I did watch him on the monitor and at one point in the first waiting period, he put himself back down and tried to go back to sleep, but that didn’t last long.  It did give me hope that he can do it (which of course – we all KNOW he can, but like a good mother, I’m making excuses for him).  He is currently more calm and standing on the rails – waiting for me.  Poor little guy.

B was out of town last night and said when he came home that maybe the trick was him being out of the house.  I quickly said, “oh no, that’s not what got him to sleep!”  But… I’m starting to wonder  😉

What I’m NOT wondering about is when we’ll do this if we have another baby.  For those of you reading this who are planning to sleep train your babies – please do it before they can stand up in their cribs.  I know in my heart of hearts that he would be asleep, or at least calm, by now if he couldn’t stand up.  This whole mobility and independence thing really messes up this plan.  I lay him down, he stands right back up, without fail unless he’s beyond exhausted.  If he has any willpower left in him, he’s standing back up.  We will be doing this at 4-6 months next time if we are lucky enough to have another baby.  No if’s, and’s, or but’s about it.

Since it doesn’t look like we’re near the end of this little project, I thought it may be worth posting a snapshot of my spreadsheet every now and again so that there is a visual of what our nights look like.  Here it is, updated with tonight’s info (he was asleep at 4:07 – but I’ve been up reading blogs.  Ugh!).  Yes – it is getting worse before it gets better.  HA!

Imagine my surprise when  I heard Matthew stir on the monitor, rolled over to take a look to see that he was definitely getting up, and then looked at my watch and saw that it was 5:08!  Holy sh*t – he slept through the night!!!!!!!

Ferber says that if you want their wake up time to be 7:00, that you should just get them up for the day if they get up after 5:00.  So that is what I (sort of) did.  He was awake – no question about that – so I put him in bed with me to do his morning nursing and  he did that without dozing off.  Then we got up at 5:42!

We are both noticeably tired, but also noticeably HAPPY  🙂  I think Matthew knows what he accomplished – he is in happy, proud baby mode!  I am in happy, proud mama mode!

I know we’re not fully over the hump yet – that this will still take work – but for now, I am savoring this HUGE victory!!!!

I am a bit embarrassed by the fact that this is my THIRD post today – but I’m not embarrassed enough not to post it anyway.  HA!

Matthew had his 9 month well baby check today – and he is doing very well.  He is rather proportional when it comes to weight (64%) and height (67%), but he has a huge head (97%).  We knew all of this already – this is how he’s been since he was born.  We talked about his eating since we’re pretty much raising him on a paleo diet (and our doc fully supports that – yay!), his development (he’s a bit ahead on his motor skills – I credit baby gym for this), teething (still only 2 teeth and the others aren’t making an appearance just yet), vaccinations (she is very open to the alternative schedule which is why we chose her as our doc), and his sleeping.

I love Matthew’s doctor – she really believes that the parents know best and supports what they want to do.  She did say that there are a couple things that she does not believe should be a fight between parents and children, which are eating and sleeping.  I wasn’t sure what she meant by this and feared that she meant that we should let Matthew call the bedtime shots.  Quite the contrary.  She feels that parents need to make the decisions that are best for them when it comes to eating and sleeping and conform their babies to those decisions.  In other words, if you want your baby on a paleo (or vegetarian, vegan, etc.) diet, then do it and just make sure they’re getting the vitamins and minerals they need.  If you want your baby sleeping through the night (and she agreed that he should be at this age), then she suggests the Ferber method and said to stick it out.  I told her that I’ve tried everything and she said that when her patients try various techniques, they usually end up with Ferber because it’s the one that works the best and most consistently.

I told her how things are going and she said that she does have some patients who get worse before they get better with the Ferber method and to keep on keeping on.  She did say that I need to be prepared for this to take a full two weeks.

OK.

So I’m going to keep on keeping on.  I started tonight at 8:19 when Matthew went to sleep in his crib as I covered him with his blankie.  I woke him up from his nursing slumber and laid him down as he cried a bit.  I patted his back just a little, tucked him in, and said goodnight.  He was asleep before I shut the door behind me.  Call me crazy, but I’m hoping for a decent night.

I can’t think to write about anything but Matthew’s sleeping.  Here it is Easter Sunday and all I’ve done besides Easter lunch with B’s family is read and obsess over Matthew’s sleeping schedule and training.  I want to be done with this by mid-week so we can go to Minneapolis with B for a work trip on Thursday.  What do you bet that doesn’t happen?!

Last night was not as great as the first night, but hey – he still only got up once.  I can’t complain about that.  As I read more and more of Ferber’s book, I realize that we really don’t have it that bad compared to other families.  M only gets up once a night right now.  Sure, we’ve done our weeks of 2 wakings each night, but those were not the norm and usually resulted from him being sick, teething, or not in his own house or bed.  When I take a step back and think about it rationally, I am very lucky that this sweet baby only wants to see me once a night  😉

Last night was a little harder since the waiting periods were longer.  Matthew was up for 47 minutes compared to 35 minutes the night before, but he wasn’t screaming and he was trying to put himself back to sleep.  I had to go in 4 times to check on him, but the last one hardly counts because he was very settled down and I just went in to tuck him in with his blankie.  Tonight, he went to sleep 3 minutes earlier than he did last night so that is progress, I think!

My biggest fear in all of this is NOT the time it takes me each night to help him through this (it’s been rather easy, to be honest), or the “damage” that some may think we’re doing to him (remember, this is easier on him than all the other approaches I’ve tried) – it’s the fact that this baby is getting up at 6:00 AM very consistently.  I’m just not ready to be up at 6:00 AM!  He has ALWAYS tried getting up at 6:00 but B and I would bring him into bed with us to rest until 7:00 or so.  We can’t do that anymore, and Matthew is capitalizing on it.  His 6:00 rise-and-shine today was met with B taking the lead so I could sleep THREE MORE HOURS!  What a nice husband!  They had a great time – they had breakfast together, played, watched some Top Gear, and went for a run.  All of this while I slept so, so peacefully with ear plugs in.

So all-in-all, things are going great!  Matthew did not get the best naps today because we weren’t home (we napped him in the car on the way to B’s parents and then again on the way home), but he went to bed tonight just fine and has naturally pulled his own bedtime back to 8:10 versus our usual 8:30.  He went down at 8:09 both last night and tonight, so I think he’s asking us for an earlier bedtime.

Now – I am going to adjust my own bedtime schedule and go to bed early!

The title of this post is a little misleading.  What I WAS doing was not working so great (err… not at all, really).  What I am doing NOW is working wonders!

Every single night of our little CIO adventure got worse and worse.  I tried the Sleep Lady process of sitting right. next. to. M’s. crib.  That did not work.  If I was there, he would stand up and scream at me to take him out of his crib.  NOTHING I did would console him.  I couldn’t pat his back through the crib rails, I couldn’t sing him to calmness, I couldn’t make eye contact with him, etc.  It was a freaking disaster.  There was nothing about my presence that was calming to him because he wanted in my arms, not to lay next to my hand!  It was awful – just awful.  I would spend up to 45 minutes in there (I sh*t you not) with him screaming at me the whole entire time.  My presence was stressing him out.  After 45 minutes, I’d say, “I’ve done what I can, and I’m leaving now.”  Then the poor little guy would scream for another 15 minutes until he was out of steam – but STILL STANDING in his crib.  At this point in time, I’d go in, lay him down, and pat him to sleep (which is what you’re absolutely NOT supposed to do).  Only after he screamed for a full hour, standing almost the entire time, was I able to lay him down and calm him into a nice, sound sleep.  After this, he would sleep until 6:00 AM at which time B would bring him into our room and I’d nurse him off and on until – oh, I don’t know (really I do know) – 9:00 AM.  And then, and THEN?  Because we slept so late out of pure exhaustion, he’d miss his morning nap.  The day would be totally and completely awful because the poor kid was just exhausted all day.

I did this for five whole nights.  The last night of this adventure, I decided to go in for only a few minutes to check on him and then leave him alone to see if he would calm himself down.  I watched the monitor for about 10 minutes with the volume off but the video on, as I laid in bed wide awake.  Well – I wasn’t that wide awake because I woke up 40 minutes later dreaming that he was crying.  I took a look at the monitor and he was STILL crying (no – screaming is more like it) and standing up in his crib.  He screamed in his crib, STANDING UP, for a straight hour.  It started at 12:08 (not even 4 hours into bedtime) and I woke back up at 1:08.  I was horrified!  What a terrible mother I was – I fell asleep while he suffered immensely.  I RAN into his room, laid him down, gave him a couple pats, and he was out.  And so was I.

No – this was not working at all.  In all fairness to the Sleep Lady, I only read online how to do her process – I did not read her book.  She probably tells you to not bring them into your bed in the AM because you’re both so tired.  But honestly, I tried really hard to do what she, herself, guides you to do online and it did not work for us.

Then, my Canadian counterpart (you know who you are) tweeted me that she had some tips, and she shared them, and I bought Ferber’s book, and we are so, so, SO happy now!

Ferber gets a bad rap.  I have not read the entire book yet (but will, because I’ve read the first couple chapters and I find it TRULY FASCINATING!) but let me tell you – this guy does NOT tell you to leave your kid to scream all night.  His progressive-waiting approach is the most gentle approach we’ve (I’ve) tried – and we’ve (I’ve) tried them ALL.  In case you’re wondering, these are the sleep training approaches we’ve (I’ve) tried:

• Babywise (this worked great when he was tiny tiny tiny, but we never could drop that final night feeding – no matter what we tried from the book)
• No Cry Sleep Solution (I despise Elizabeth Pantley – her methods single-handedly took us from one night feeding to THREE)
• Sleep Lady (total and complete disaster)
• Extinction process (I’ve never seen him so mad in my entire life)
• Ferber (happiness is around the corner!)

We are finding that M cries way less with the Ferber method than he did with all the other things we tried (with the exception of Babywise and I think that’s because he was too young to really want his mom all the time).  Last night, he cried and fussed, but he only screamed once.  ONCE!  We followed the guide on page 74 to a T (as advised by my Canadian soul sister) and we only had to have one long section before he was sound asleep ON HIS OWN!  Matthew woke up at 3:04 and I went in after 3, 5, and then 10 minutes and then he was asleep.  I didn’t have to remove him from his standing position, I didn’t have to pat him to sleep, I didn’t have to shhhh shhhh shhhh my way out of the room.  He just laid down – and went to sleep. I got to go back to bed after being up for only 45 minutes.

Of course, I was so excited that I couldn’t sleep and finally dozed off at 5:00 and Matthew woke up at 5:55.  I did just as Ferber says and got him up at 6:00 and we went about our day.  I am exhausted from my lack of sleep, but who cares because Matthew put himself to sleep!  Today – he took two SOLID naps in his crib, for a total of 4 hours.  He put himself to sleep tonight at 8:25 after only 16 minutes of fussing.  I only had to check on him once before he was sound asleep.  As I’m writing this, I’m hoping that the night goes like last night or better.  Oh, that would be so nice!

Dr. Ferber is not the mean old guy that all the anti-CIO folks want to make him out to be.  He wants you to check on your baby, he wants you to comfort your baby, he wants you to reassure your baby.  He just doesn’t want you to be your baby’s nighttime crutch.  ALL of the other sleep training approaches we’ve tried have involved WAY more tears than the Ferber method is proving to involve.  I am so grateful!

To my Canadian friend – THANK YOU for the guidance!  We are on the upswing here at the D house!

For those of you trying to figure out the sleeping conundrum, I encourage you to get “Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems” by Dr. Ferber, read the intro paragraph, and then skip to pages 74-76 and get started immediately.  You’ll be glad you did!

PS – I love the Ferber process SO much that I created a spreadsheet to track our nights so we can watch the trend.