All the Sun For You

A mom, two boys, a husband, and a whole lot of adventure!

I Take it Back


So things are NOT getting better – in fact – they are getting worse.  I am up right now, at 4:15, listening to Matthew scream (not just cry like normal) as he stands in his crib stomping his feet.  He woke up at 3:17 (I thought MAYBE this was a good sign since 3/17 is my birthday – I thought maybe it would be an easier night than normal).  We are on our (let me check my spreadsheet…) 4.5th progressive waiting cycle with no end in site.  I say 4.5 because during the first check, I thought I smelled dirty pants and after 7 minutes waiting during the second cycle, I caved and went in to change him.  He hasn’t pooped all day so I didn’t want him falling asleep with dirty pants.  I was fooled.  Just wet.  Sigh.  In my head, it is that interruption of the progressive waiting schedule that messed up this night!

This child is stubborn.  Holy hell.  Not once in the last two nights has he put himself back down – he stands the entire time until I come in and lay him down.  The first night, he would give up and lay down – but not anymore.  He’s onto me.  Who’s training whom here?  And the worst thing?  I woke up at 3:00 wondering if he would wake up.  My body is now trained to get up every night around 2 or 3:00, as I’m trying to train Matthew’s body NOT to!

I am sticking it out, but I bet you I am up for another 45 minutes with this.  The good news is that he did sleep longer this time than other nights, but sh*t – it was still only 7 hours.  Seven hours is no big deal – he used to do 7 hours without effort when he was 3 months old!

Looking at the monitor, it looks like he’s thinking of laying down.  Nope.  He may have thought it, but I think he knows I’m due to come in in another minute.  Here I go….

I broke the rules and stayed an extra minute.  He was falling asleep (I was patting his back, darn it) and I am so tired.  I stopped patting his back and saying anything after the 2 minutes, but I stood there an extra minute watching him and putting his blankie on him.  I KNOW he can put himself to sleep – he does it every night at bed time. Why can’t he do it in the middle of the night?

Dammit this is hard.  And I am starting to wonder if we’re getting anywhere with it.  I hope it clicks here soon, because here are our awake cycle times:

Night 1: 35 minutes of awake time

Night 2: 47 minutes of awake time (up 34% from the prior night)

Night 3: a whopping 72 minutes of awake time (up 53% from the prior night)

What will tomorrow bring – 2 hours of awake time?  That would be on par if he increases his awake time by the percentage he did tonight.  The only thing making me feel at all OK is that we are only doing this once a night.  I cannot imagine doing it more than once.

Matthew is asleep now.  I am going to bed.


Author: Courtney

Hi, there, I’m Courtney. I never planned to stay home with my kids, but I got sucked into motherhood when my first baby came into our lives after years of infertility and multiple rounds of IVF. His brother followed closely behind, something we didn’t plan on after having such a rough road with achieving parenthood the first time around. My boys are IVF cycle twins, conceived on the same day but born two years and one day apart (they were both transferred on the same day in October, but with two years between them). My boys are the best of friends and my husband is a terrific husband, father, and most importantly… friend. He fully supported my desire to stay home (“I just wanted it to be your idea and not mine, I totally want you to stay home and raise our kids!”) and encourages me in everything I do. I am a lover of projects, spreadsheets, fitness, healthy cooking and eating, crafts, selling my stuff on FB (HA!), and the outdoors. If I’m active, I’m pretty darn happy!

8 thoughts on “I Take it Back

  1. Damnit indeed!! I was about to comment on your last post with a big YAY! It does sound a bit like he’s training you… Does Ferber have anything to say about it getting worse before it gets better?? Good luck!!

    • There is a section on “when it’s not working.” I need to give it a week – that’s what they say. I want to read that chapter but worry that I will not keep plugging away for the rest of the week. So – I will skip it for now. I bet I need it in 4 nights! HA!

  2. Oh babe. That is tough! All I can say is deep breaths and stick with it. It can take a few weeks, which sucks in the short term by really pays off…I swear! HGB was younger when we did it, so M may be testing you a lot more, which is much tougher on you for sure. Deep breaths and focus on the positives you mentioned so far 🙂

    • Thanks! I am committed – I WILL NOT QUIT! Matthew was so tired that I let him sleep with me this morning (a major no-no). He got up at 6:15 and ate, and could not stay awake. Ferber says NOT to try to sleep cycle them again after 5 or 6:00 AM, so I didn’t know what to do. I supposed I should have put him in his crib like a mature mother would have done, but he wasn’t done eating and was just so exhausted. We enjoyed our little nap 🙂

      I am hoping that tonight is better. That’s all I can do!

      • I know the book says it is a ‘no-no’ but I still do it everyday. HGB was up at 6:32 (exactly, every day…WTF?) and I change him and then feed him in bed with me for 20-30 minutes. He used to snooze a little but had an alarm set for 7:15 so we would get up and not throw morning nap off. I can’t remember the last time he snoozed anymore, but I had him in bed again this morning. I do this everyday..I guess it is part of the wake-up routine and we both love it, so didn’t feel the need to change it! Still do what you feel is best and use the book as a guide. 🙂

  3. Dang, I thought you were on to something with your first post about Ferber. I wish I had some advice for you, but it really does sound like you are committed to finding what works for you and your family. I just wish it didn’t consist of so many sleepless nights.

    • Me too… me too 😉 It’s always way better the next morning when I’m up – it’s like I forget how bad the night was. That’s a good thing!

  4. Pingback: A Major Milestone Of Sorts « All the Sun For You

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