I feel like a stranger in this place. I’ve been gone so long. Why am I writing now, when the kids will be up any minute from their naps? Why do I feel the need right now to visit this place?
This moment, I am not holding a teething toddler, trying to get him to nap just a little bit longer. This moment, I am not on the treadmill. This moment, I am not updating my sales spreadsheet. This moment, I am not laying beside Matthew as he naps, catching a little snooze myself. This moment, I have a moment… all to myself.
I’ve been busy (like everyone else). I’ve gotten your messages – the messages from my blog friends asking where I’ve been. I’ve tried to respond, but I’m never at a REAL computer and my kids nag me for my phone the minute they see it. I’ve been busy with spring, cleaning and training and running kids around. I’ve been selling stuff left and right, and can’t stop because good God, I love the money but I love the freed up space even more! I’ve been nursing a running injury that seems to be healing but I’m ever so tentative with it, worried it will rear it’s ugly (painful) head again. I’ve been connecting, and reconnecting, and connecting some more with Hottie. We’ve really gotten into a great routine of focusing on each other and not just our kids. Have we FINALLY arrived at that happy place? I think so. I’ve been fostering friendships with other moms, the moms from preschool that I always said I’d connect with but never did(until now). I’ve been making new friends with the moms I’ve met on the FB swaps (seriously, one of my newest, greatest friends was met through a sale of the boys’ old clothes!), remembering what it’s like to be social and happy and carefree with other people. I’ve been consistently taking care of my skin for the first time in my life! I’ve just been… living!
But I do miss this place. I feel bad that Bryson’s life isn’t documented here like Matthew’s was (however, his life is much more captured on FB than Matthew’s was at this age). I miss interacting with my friends here, but also know that FB has taken most of the place of that because I’m FB “friends” with most of you! I miss just taking the time to pound on the keys, getting my thoughts documented so that some day, when I care to look back on these days, I have something tangible to pull up and help me remember the highs and lows.
I’m not going to promise that I’ll be back, but I do promise to try. Because I want to be back. I just don’t seem to have the time.