All the Sun For You

A mom, two boys, a husband, and a whole lot of adventure!

Monthly Archives: September 2012


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Lupron Fat

I forgot that Lupron makes me fat.  How could I forget that?  I’ve been taking it for a solid week, and have changed nothing in regards to eating and activity level (and I’ll admit both are pretty shitty right now, but they have been for a couple of months) – and I’ve gained 4 pounds.  FOUR effing POUNDS.

I am not happy over here.

It will be worth it once we have a second baby after how many ever cycles it takes – but right now – I’m hating this side effect.  Now I remember why I was so chubby after 3 IVF cycles when I got pregnant with Matthew.  I thought it was from being depressed, and I’m sure some of it was, but much of it was the drugs (which also explains why/how I lost it all and then some so quickly after having him).

Tomorrow, I seriously get serious about eating well.  I can’t afford to keep this up.

Damned drugs.  Damned infertility.


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Monday Snapshot – Really?

The other day around nap time, Matthew fell asleep in the car on the way home from lunch.  This was not uncommon – he does that quite a bit.  I usually have to carry him in (awake), change his diaper, put him in a sleep sack, and then rock him back to sleep a bit.

But this day was different.  Matthew was a little punchy at lunch and I was a bit frustrated – I mean – we were at chick-fil-WHG and he loves it there.  Nothing makes him happier than his grilled nuggets, cinnamon applesauce, and friendly people.  This day, he was screaming and yelling, and was very obviously irritated with me for some reason.  We left abruptly (sorry, S!) and headed home.  He was asleep in the car within 60 seconds.

Ah – that was the problem – he was beyond tired!

But this time, when we got home, he didn’t wake up when I got him out of the car.  I made the decision to not give him a new diaper, to not put him in a sleep sack.  Instead, we sat in the rocker and I rocked my sleeping baby, and then put him in his crib – day-time pants and all (he’s never slept in day-time pants – ever) and he slept his normal nap time of 3 hours.

It was so reminiscent of when he was a tiny baby and would sleep through anything – and I savored it!

Check out PAIL’s Monday Snapshot to see other memorable moments from the PAIL community!


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Super Busy Wednesday

We had a busy day – it started at 8:00 AM with a baseline mammogram for me.  Matthew went to the neighbor’s and had a ton of fun with his two buddies, V & W.  He woke up just before needing to go down there and downed his morning milk in the bathroom while I got dressed.

We then road-tripped to Omaha, just Matthew and me, to see my parents and grandpa.  My parents’ birthdays are this week – one yesterday and one tomorrow, so we headed back to take them to lunch.  We had a terrific lunch and Matthew shocked everyone at the restaurant with how much he can eat (it is a great thing, you guys, but man – he eats a lot and it’s hard to keep food in front of him.  I hardly had a moment to eat myself, and it was one of my favorite restaurants in Omaha!).  We saw a mama dear and her two babies in my parents’ yard and they were quite tame, and came right up to the deck for Matthew to visit with them.  It was actually quite unreal.  I left the camera in my pocket because I didn’t want to spoil the moment.  Matthew loved them – just loved them and talked very quietly to them.  So sweet!

Matthew slept for an hour on the way down, and over an hour on the way back.  This worked out quite well!  I listened to Glee  😉

Then we came home and had a veggie/fruit dinner that didn’t go so well.  Matthew tossed his entire plate of carrots on the floor in a fit of rage.  I could care less if he eats the carrots or not (he ate a ton of veggies at lunch), but I wish he wouldn’t throw his plate.  I know it’s because he doesn’t have his words yet, so I was firm with the “no no!” and then took him out of his chair and let him play.  I was not rewarding his fit with “dessert.”  I then loaded him up again 15 minutes later and he enjoyed is dessert of nectarines (as did I!).

Then, Matthew figured out how to climb the ledge by our fireplace.  I turned around and he was standing on it, proud as could be.  HA!  He understands, “sit down,” now so he got down on his bottom and then panicked because he couldn’t figure out how to get off the ledge.  His toes were just an inch or so above the carpet but I think he thought he was up way higher and didn’t want to take the leap of faith.  😉  I just let him figure it out and when he got down, he applauded himself (as did I) and now he applauds every time he gets down from there.  Good stuff!

   

And then we took some photos together because we have not done that in a really, really long time!

   

Matthew still smells like salmon from lunch.  Time for a bath!


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Cycle Sisters

Our cat is diabetic – well – one of our cats is diabetic.  The cat that got me through the death of my first cat, the cat who got me through the move to Des Moines, the cat that my family and I literally had to save from starvation because she was too ferrel and sick to eat – that cat is diabetic.  She has been my rock for many years and was my home base before I met B.  Our other two cats are awesome and special, but Lily holds a deep place in my heart.

Lily was diagnosed with her diabetes a month before we first saw the RE.  She was diagnosed the month that we were diagnosed with infertility by my OB’s office.  I learned how to give subcutaneous shots on her.  Poor old girl.  I remember giving her her first shot thinking, “I’ll be doing this to myself someday soon.”  I was lucky and B did all of my shots for IVF #1 and our failed FET.  By the time we got to IVF #2, it was old hat and I could handle the SQ shots myself.

Lily is a trooper.  She’s been diabetic as long as we’ve been infertile – and she’s handled her diagnosis much better than I.  HA!  She loves her shots – they make her feel better.  If you forget to give it to her, she will come to you next to the counter that houses her needles and meow for her dose.  She lies down on the floor and spreads herself out for you to give her her shot, and gives you a quick meow when you’re done and a nuzzle on the nose.  It’s amazing – and special.  She’s special.  (I don’t give B a nuzzle after my shots.)

Tonight was my first injection of hopefully many.  I started the evening with putting Matthew to bed, then dosing the Lils, and then dosing myself.  I need to be very careful about giving the right medicine to the right patient.  Back during IVF #2, I almost gave her my lupron and gave myself her insulin.  I’m not kidding.  This would be very bad (more so for her than for me).  I don’t think she’d appreciate it  😉

Full FET drug protocol – this is nothing compared to full-on IVF

My injection went just fine.  I didn’t like doing it, and I almost threw up watching the needle go in, but it’s over and done and it was no big deal.  I just need to toughen up and get used to it.  B is out of town but was sending texts to make sure all was well.  He’s very sensitive to my needle phobia.

We got some possible alarming news on our Lils today from the vet.  Her diabetes are under control, but she may be in early kidney failure.  We need to get more tests run next week.  I tend to bury my head in the sand when it comes to Lily.  I don’t do that with anyone else, but with her, I’d rather not think about it.  Just writing this makes me tear up a bit.  She’s my old girl – she’s my life saver (cherry flavored, because that’s my favorite).

I think it’s so weird that we got this potential bad news on the same day I started injections for IVF #2 – it’s sort of like we’re cycling together again.  She’s definitely my first choice for a cycle sister 😉

 


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Fate, are You Listening?

I have a vehicle!  I have a vehicle!  I HAVE A VEHICLE!

I have never been so excited to have a new car in my entire life.  Seriously.  After the big debacle and going almost two weeks without a vehicle of my own, this vehicle symbolizes so many things to me!

1) It symbolizes what is right in the world!  The people at Acura of Libertyville were so good to us!  James Won sold us the vehicle and he could not have been nicer to all of us.  We brought Matthew with us and he was going a little nuts at the end, but James kept playing with him and talking with him the entire time.  If you read my comment response in my Sussman Acura review, you saw that we did not tell James or anyone at Acura of Libertyville about our experience with Sussman Acura because we wanted to see how they treated us without  knowing our back-story.  They were gems!  They re-instilled our faith in the Acura brand!

2)  It symbolizes freedom… sweet freedom!  Our friends loaned us their car since they didn’t need it for the week (she had just had their first baby and was told not to drive) so I had B’s car to drive, but that makes me nervous.  B loves his car – he really, really does.  Cars have been his thing since he was very young and he takes wonderful care of his vehicles (we just sold his old 80’s Chevy truck and got a great price for it because he was so good to it).  He’s just one of those guys whose car reflects his inner self.  B’s car reflects his neatness, his style, and his persona.  Driving his car makes me nervous.  I don’t eat in it.  Not because I can’t, but because I don’t want to accidentally dirty it up.  And I love B’s car – but driving it makes me nervous.

3)  It symbolizes easier times ahead.  This vehicle has lots of space.  My old vehicle had all sorts of stuff in it, and because it was smaller, it looked messy.  I now have room for a stroller, groceries, cat litter, luggage, etc. in the trunk and it’s wonderful.  It’s almost too big – I had to secure my groceries today so they wouldn’t topple over.  This is a good problem to have!  It also has a power lift gate which I didn’t think was necessary but now realize it is quite nice on such a large vehicle (that’s one heavy lift gate).

4)  It symbolizes safety.  It’s bigger than my old vehicle and there’s now more space between Matthew (in the center seat) and the doors.  Wonderful!

5)  It symbolizes hope.  We bought this vehicle knowing we needed something bigger for our (hopefully) growing family.  We’re ready now for another car seat in the back.  Did you hear that, FATE?  We’re ready for another baby!


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Lupron Eve

I got a question in email today asking if I was going to write about this FET.  I chuckled because my sister asked me something similar this past weekend.  And I chuckled because of the timing of the questions.

Tomorrow I start Lupron injections.

Sure, I’ll write about it – I’m an open book – but I don’t feel like there’s been much to write.  Until now.

I am very lucky in that I didn’t really react negatively (hormonally) to Lupron or any of the fertility drugs I took for that year of intense IVF treatments.  I know this because once, in the midst of this or that treatment, my dad snapped at me and accused me of being hormonal “from all of those fertility drugs you’re on” (maybe it’s time for some PWP posts – HA!), and B snapped right back at him saying, “if we hadn’t told you about our fertility treatments, you wouldn’t know she’s on the drugs.  Her mood has not changed whatsoever.”  After we left my parents, I asked him if he was just being defensive of me, or if that was true.  He said it was true.  Based on other conversations B and I have had in the past – I believe he was being honest with me.  We are very open with each other when it comes to how our moods are affecting one another.

I surely didn’t feel moody from the drugs.  I was moody and depressed because we were childless.

It will be interesting to see if the Lupron affects me this time around.  I sure hope it doesn’t.

So far, I’ve just been taking BCP’s and baby aspirin daily, and just added an antibiotic (twice a day) yesterday that will end on Saturday.  A frozen embryo transfer cycle is relatively easy, from the drug and monitoring perspectives.  It’s so simple that it’s easy to forget to do something.  Your life just does not revolve around this injection and that injection.  The one thing I’m really, really hoping I can skirt around this time is the twice-a-day estrogen pills that went in uncomfortable places.  God, I hated that.  I bet you, though, that they add that to my protocol since it had to do with thickening up my lining and why would this cycle be different from the first FET?  But let’s hope, ladies… let’s hope!

My sister, with the most genuine enthusiasm I’ve ever heard, asked me if I’m excited.  My answer was… no.  I’m not excited.  I’m not hopeful.  I’m not anything.  I am just doing it.  I am doing what the doctors tell me and thinking that if this works out, that would be awesome.. but I’m not expecting it.

To be perfectly honest with you all (and myself) – this is exactly how I felt with the cycle that resulted in Matthew.  I had so much positive energy with IVF #1 that if positive thinking really worked, there was no way in hell that I could have ended up NOT pregnant.  I honestly did not think that it could not work – I thought for sure I’d be the one-and-done.  But I did end up NOT pregnant.  I had positive energy and thoughts with the first FET and it failed (with a prolonged miscarriage).  I wanted to give up – I was done – but the doctors said to give it 2 more fresh cycles per their original plan.  When IVF #2 came along, I was so emotionally detached that I forgot to take it easy and ran – and I forgot for 4 days to start my estrogen patches.  I was in a place of expecting nothing good and the most goodness to ever happen in my life surprised me.

Let me tell you, before you get all, “think positively!!!!  OMG!!!!” on me… this cycle only has a 40% chance of working.  That is from my doctor.  Sure, that’s better than 30%, or even 39% – but it’s not even 50/50.  So I’m being realistic.

But it sure would be nice it if worked.

So on the eve of starting injections once again, I dug out my old IVF memorabilia with the plans of finally throwing it away.  FRESH START.  I lined it all up on the table and took a photo of it – and then couldn’t throw it away.  All of that “stuff” resulted in the sweetest baby in the world.  All of that brought me my true happiness.  All of that completed me, and us.  So I bagged it back up and put it back under the bathroom sink.

This isn’t all of it – almost everything from IVF #1 got thrown out. I started saving these remnants with the failed FET. Notice the HPT in there. Every one of those needles was worth that second line!

Maybe I’ll throw it away next year  😉


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The Monday Snapshot – Silence!

There was nothing but silence coming from Matthew’s room for some time, which usually means he’s up to no good  😉

He emptied his book bin (behind the chair) and the box of wipes.  When I came in, he was sitting on the floor reading “The Thinks you can Think” with a wipe in each hand.

This is part of The Monday Snapshot over at PAIL (formerly Memorable Moment Monday). Click on over and join in!


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Before and After

Matthew can eat.  And eat.  And eat.  People keep telling me that babies know when they’re full and will stop eating, but we’re not sure that that’s the case with this particular child.  He seems to play with his food when he’s winding down, but he’ll still eat if you put something new in front of him.

This has caused me much concern because I don’t want to do anything to cause my child to have a weight problem.  I weigh Matthew a couple of times a month to make sure I’m not plumping him up unnecessarily, and the scale tells me I’m not.  Heck, his clothes tell me the same thing.  If it weren’t for his cloth diapers, his 12-18  month shorts wouldn’t stay up.  His 100% PALEO diet is treating him very well (so why, then, can’t I get back on the wagon?).

Matthew is starting to be picky about what he eats, but will eat plenty (and plenty more) of the foods he loves.  He usually loves carrots, he could live on all fruits, he devours cottage cheese (of the whole milk variety = so good!) and plain baby yogurt, and he inhales avocados and tomatoes.  He will pretty much eat any meat you put in front of him – in fact – we have not found a meat/fish/poultry item he won’t eat with great gusto.  He does not like green beans or zucchini and will turn his nose up at them if you even think of putting them on his plate.  Besides those two veggies, he seems to eat everything.

I wonder if we feed him too much food.

You tell me.

Before (half a chicken breast, 1/4 avocado, 1 medium carrot, 2 brocoli/cauliflower flowerets):

During (“Yummy!”):

After (1/2 carrot, 1 brocoli/cauliflower floweret) – and all of this was picked up off the floor:

I am so proud of how he eats, but I am exhausted after every meal.  Keeping up with him – keeping food on his plate – can make a person crazy.  He eats fast like his mother and doesn’t like to see an empty plate.  HA!

(side-note – I am going to be out of town this weekend, attempting to purchase a vehicle.  I will be reading your posts but not commenting because commenting via phone is insanely difficult.)


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Changing the World…

… well, maybe not the world, but I did speak up to my legislators to request support of The Family Act of 2011 (S 965/HR 3522).  Keiko, at the Infertility Voice, asked her readers to reach out to their legislators to request support of The Family Act of 2011, so I did.  I wrote to all of Iowa’s senators and representatives whether or not they represented me, because I don’t like seeing that only 4% of the House of Representatives and 6% of the Senate support this bill.  I almost didn’t believe those numbers because they seem too low.

I got lots of email responses, but today, I got a letter.  A REAL letter!  This letter came from Congressman Tom Latham and I think it’s neat.  The reason I think it’s neat is that I believe we do too  much electronically and I appreciate someone (or “his people”) taking the time to send a real letter (even if it is a canned response) saying they got my note and support the bill.  Heck, I didn’t even send him a real letter – I sent an email.

Maybe I’ll get more letters from the other legislators I contacted, and maybe I won’t.  But I am glad to see that at least one person in Iowa supports this bill.

Have you written to your legislators yet?