I got a question in email today asking if I was going to write about this FET. I chuckled because my sister asked me something similar this past weekend. And I chuckled because of the timing of the questions.
Tomorrow I start Lupron injections.
Sure, I’ll write about it – I’m an open book – but I don’t feel like there’s been much to write. Until now.
I am very lucky in that I didn’t really react negatively (hormonally) to Lupron or any of the fertility drugs I took for that year of intense IVF treatments. I know this because once, in the midst of this or that treatment, my dad snapped at me and accused me of being hormonal “from all of those fertility drugs you’re on” (maybe it’s time for some PWP posts – HA!), and B snapped right back at him saying, “if we hadn’t told you about our fertility treatments, you wouldn’t know she’s on the drugs. Her mood has not changed whatsoever.” After we left my parents, I asked him if he was just being defensive of me, or if that was true. He said it was true. Based on other conversations B and I have had in the past – I believe he was being honest with me. We are very open with each other when it comes to how our moods are affecting one another.
I surely didn’t feel moody from the drugs. I was moody and depressed because we were childless.
It will be interesting to see if the Lupron affects me this time around. I sure hope it doesn’t.
So far, I’ve just been taking BCP’s and baby aspirin daily, and just added an antibiotic (twice a day) yesterday that will end on Saturday. A frozen embryo transfer cycle is relatively easy, from the drug and monitoring perspectives. It’s so simple that it’s easy to forget to do something. Your life just does not revolve around this injection and that injection. The one thing I’m really, really hoping I can skirt around this time is the twice-a-day estrogen pills that went in uncomfortable places. God, I hated that. I bet you, though, that they add that to my protocol since it had to do with thickening up my lining and why would this cycle be different from the first FET? But let’s hope, ladies… let’s hope!
My sister, with the most genuine enthusiasm I’ve ever heard, asked me if I’m excited. My answer was… no. I’m not excited. I’m not hopeful. I’m not anything. I am just doing it. I am doing what the doctors tell me and thinking that if this works out, that would be awesome.. but I’m not expecting it.
To be perfectly honest with you all (and myself) – this is exactly how I felt with the cycle that resulted in Matthew. I had so much positive energy with IVF #1 that if positive thinking really worked, there was no way in hell that I could have ended up NOT pregnant. I honestly did not think that it could not work – I thought for sure I’d be the one-and-done. But I did end up NOT pregnant. I had positive energy and thoughts with the first FET and it failed (with a prolonged miscarriage). I wanted to give up – I was done – but the doctors said to give it 2 more fresh cycles per their original plan. When IVF #2 came along, I was so emotionally detached that I forgot to take it easy and ran – and I forgot for 4 days to start my estrogen patches. I was in a place of expecting nothing good and the most goodness to ever happen in my life surprised me.
Let me tell you, before you get all, “think positively!!!! OMG!!!!” on me… this cycle only has a 40% chance of working. That is from my doctor. Sure, that’s better than 30%, or even 39% – but it’s not even 50/50. So I’m being realistic.
But it sure would be nice it if worked.
So on the eve of starting injections once again, I dug out my old IVF memorabilia with the plans of finally throwing it away. FRESH START. I lined it all up on the table and took a photo of it – and then couldn’t throw it away. All of that “stuff” resulted in the sweetest baby in the world. All of that brought me my true happiness. All of that completed me, and us. So I bagged it back up and put it back under the bathroom sink.
Maybe I’ll throw it away next year 😉
September 10, 2012 at 10:07 pm
Coming from a completely different perspective, the word “lupron” strikes fear in my heart. Good luck, my friend! We’ll be thinking of you both as you begin round #2 and hope it results in as much joy and happiness as round #1 eventually became with adorable M.
September 10, 2012 at 11:14 pm
Thanks, J! You probably remember, all too well, the tears and moodiness the first time around. You guys were so good to us! I won’t be near as moody this time – I promise!
September 10, 2012 at 10:50 pm
The synarel totally screwed me over on y last IVF it was awful. But I think you said it perfectly moody and expressed because you didn’t have a child there is a huge difference . Good luck! Fingers crossed.
September 10, 2012 at 11:14 pm
September 11, 2012 at 6:42 am
I have to admit, those two soda bottles filled with used syringes makes me cringe. I know IVF is FOR REAL but seeing it like this just makes it seem so daunting. I’m so glad that you are getting to do a FET this time (with all of those frozen embryos you have!) so that it’s not quiiiite as exhausting. My fingers are crossed for you, for sure.
P.S. I was cleaning out my nightstand the other day and came across my HPT from Sofia. I showed it to Stan and asked him if I should throw it out. He said, “No, not yet.” 😉
September 11, 2012 at 8:59 pm
I say, “no, not EVER!” 😉
September 11, 2012 at 8:57 am
Wow, that’s a lot of needles!! I just came across our positive HPT the other day too. Of course it was a digital test so the word is gone, but I can’t bring myself to throwing it away just yet. It brought such hope and excitement. I totally get you not wanting to get too excited, I would be the same way. Not wanting to disappoint too many people ‘if’ it doesn’t work this first time. I wish you nothing but good luck and hope all the best for you guys!! If you are ever having a down day, look at that precious boy of yours to lift your spirits (or come here to bitch and moan, and we’ll all be here to join in and support you). 🙂
September 11, 2012 at 8:57 pm
Thanks, Stephanie! You guys will be hearing all about the cycle.
I like what you say about Chloe’s HPT bringing joy and excitement. So, so true!
September 11, 2012 at 4:34 pm
Glad you wrote this 😉 Also, YES TO THIS: “I surely didn’t feel moody from the drugs. I was moody and depressed because we were childless.” I love when people imply women are moody because of their hormones (exogenous or not). They are lucky they don’t get punched!
Man… seeing sharps containers really fucks me up. I could never hold onto that stuff. We had to have a service come when my brother would be home, so I can’t even keep one spent needle in the house longer than I need too. It’s like a ghost. But I can also totally appreciate keeping it as a symbol of your HARD FUCKING WORK.
I have kept all my HPTs too. Even for the ones that didn’t make it. I just couldn’t bear to throw them out – talk about ghosts. But I did throw out all the paperwork from my ectopic in a fit of rage one night. So the HPTs remain. That’s my symbol, I guess. You keep all that stuff as long as you need to. These items, they are talismans of the journey.
September 11, 2012 at 8:55 pm
I can totally understand why it would fuck you up. I am really desensitized to them given my diabetic cat. I only still have them because we keep forgetting to get rid of them. But I can’t get rid of the prescription labels just yet. And I’ll NEVER get rid of that HPT. No way!
I did throw out my HPT’s from my early miscarriage. I kept them through M’s cycle so I could compare them with his HPT’s, but once we got the beta results, I tossed them. Good riddance (and there was no baby in that situation – empty sac). I tossed out all of the ones I used for M except the first one. That one is a keeper.
September 11, 2012 at 8:31 pm
Holy crap! All those needles! Haha. I can’t believe you have them all. Our sharps container is just sitting around, filled to the brim. Hopefully we don’t have to do another cycle because I’m too lazy to figure out the proper disposal.
Good luck with the Lupron! I have to say, of all the injectables, that was my least favorite. The needle just seemed to hurt the most. I’ve got my fingers crossed for you this cycle!
September 11, 2012 at 8:49 pm
Thanks! I am wishing you lots and lots of luck too!
Let me clarify something for everyone. I still have the needles because I keep forgetting to take them somewhere for disposal. It’s not easy to find someone to take them for us, and I always remember after I’ve been to a place that is willing to take them. I actually got rid of all of them from IVF #1. We have a serious collection of needles here because one of our cats is diabetic (diagnosed a month before I started shots for IVF #1) and she gets two insulin shots a day. In fact, there are 4 more 2 liters full in our mud room along with a full official sharps container and a couple 20-oz soda bottles. I threw out a full 2 liter bottle of needles from my first IVF (all mine, no cat needles), and then filled another with my FET and IVF #2. One of the bottles in the picture was surely Lily’s – the thing is, we use the same needles for our SQ shots – so I would have no idea which one was hers except I saw my trigger shot in one of them. HA!
I really need to get rid of them. It’s out of control and I have no emotional tie to them. I did with IVF #1, but that quickly passed.
September 11, 2012 at 9:25 pm
Yep, I have lots of remnants from my ivf and FET cycles too! I like what you said about being positive about your cycles. I honestly don’t think it makes a lick of difference…
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