I got a question in email today asking if I was going to write about this FET.  I chuckled because my sister asked me something similar this past weekend.  And I chuckled because of the timing of the questions.

Tomorrow I start Lupron injections.

Sure, I’ll write about it – I’m an open book – but I don’t feel like there’s been much to write.  Until now.

I am very lucky in that I didn’t really react negatively (hormonally) to Lupron or any of the fertility drugs I took for that year of intense IVF treatments.  I know this because once, in the midst of this or that treatment, my dad snapped at me and accused me of being hormonal “from all of those fertility drugs you’re on” (maybe it’s time for some PWP posts – HA!), and B snapped right back at him saying, “if we hadn’t told you about our fertility treatments, you wouldn’t know she’s on the drugs.  Her mood has not changed whatsoever.”  After we left my parents, I asked him if he was just being defensive of me, or if that was true.  He said it was true.  Based on other conversations B and I have had in the past – I believe he was being honest with me.  We are very open with each other when it comes to how our moods are affecting one another.

I surely didn’t feel moody from the drugs.  I was moody and depressed because we were childless.

It will be interesting to see if the Lupron affects me this time around.  I sure hope it doesn’t.

So far, I’ve just been taking BCP’s and baby aspirin daily, and just added an antibiotic (twice a day) yesterday that will end on Saturday.  A frozen embryo transfer cycle is relatively easy, from the drug and monitoring perspectives.  It’s so simple that it’s easy to forget to do something.  Your life just does not revolve around this injection and that injection.  The one thing I’m really, really hoping I can skirt around this time is the twice-a-day estrogen pills that went in uncomfortable places.  God, I hated that.  I bet you, though, that they add that to my protocol since it had to do with thickening up my lining and why would this cycle be different from the first FET?  But let’s hope, ladies… let’s hope!

My sister, with the most genuine enthusiasm I’ve ever heard, asked me if I’m excited.  My answer was… no.  I’m not excited.  I’m not hopeful.  I’m not anything.  I am just doing it.  I am doing what the doctors tell me and thinking that if this works out, that would be awesome.. but I’m not expecting it.

To be perfectly honest with you all (and myself) – this is exactly how I felt with the cycle that resulted in Matthew.  I had so much positive energy with IVF #1 that if positive thinking really worked, there was no way in hell that I could have ended up NOT pregnant.  I honestly did not think that it could not work – I thought for sure I’d be the one-and-done.  But I did end up NOT pregnant.  I had positive energy and thoughts with the first FET and it failed (with a prolonged miscarriage).  I wanted to give up – I was done – but the doctors said to give it 2 more fresh cycles per their original plan.  When IVF #2 came along, I was so emotionally detached that I forgot to take it easy and ran – and I forgot for 4 days to start my estrogen patches.  I was in a place of expecting nothing good and the most goodness to ever happen in my life surprised me.

Let me tell you, before you get all, “think positively!!!!  OMG!!!!” on me… this cycle only has a 40% chance of working.  That is from my doctor.  Sure, that’s better than 30%, or even 39% – but it’s not even 50/50.  So I’m being realistic.

But it sure would be nice it if worked.

So on the eve of starting injections once again, I dug out my old IVF memorabilia with the plans of finally throwing it away.  FRESH START.  I lined it all up on the table and took a photo of it – and then couldn’t throw it away.  All of that “stuff” resulted in the sweetest baby in the world.  All of that brought me my true happiness.  All of that completed me, and us.  So I bagged it back up and put it back under the bathroom sink.

Maybe I’ll throw it away next year  😉