All the Sun For You

A mom, two boys, a husband, and a whole lot of adventure!


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Lots of Good News!

I have lots of good news to report!  Some of it is significant but most of it is only important to me  🙂

Good news #1:  I stopped up at the NICU today to deliver a gift to my friends.  I wasn’t going to stay, and wasn’t even going to bother them to say, “hello.”  I just wanted to drop off my gift at the front desk and be on my way – and out of their hair.  The nurses kept insisting that I see “her,” and by “her,” I think they meant the baby.  I kept saying, “no, no, I don’t want to be a bother.”  They would not take my gift and picked up the phone to start dialing their room!  I was just appalled!  The last thing I wanted was to bother these poor parents when anything could be happening at that moment, good or bad.  I sighed and turned my head, and there they were in the room right next to me.  I told the nurse to stop dialing, that they were right there and then I asked, “is that their room?  I can’t go in their room.”  I was explaining to B tonight that I just don’t want to be that person who parades in to see their little baby.  She’s their baby, not a spectacle.  I don’t want them to feel like they need to explain a  single thing to me about what’s going on with her, what the tubes are for, etc.  I want her room to remain quiet and still – and I am not a quiet person even if I try.

It turns out that the room they were in was just the family waiting room, and I was happy to go in there!  So I did – and I am so glad I did!  We chatted and it was really great to see them.  There were tears exchanged but the good news is that they keep getting good news!  This baby is unbelievable – and is on very little breathing support and has no bleeding on the brain.  The one thing that isn’t going perfectly is the hole in her heart and she has surgery for that tomorrow – so please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.  The surgery is routine, but as I said to my friend, as routine as it is, this is their  baby and of course it’s worrisome.

I didn’t stay too long, but you could tell that they would have been fine if I’d stayed a while.  I think the visit was a nice, welcome distraction.  I got a very nice text message later from one of them and I think I’m going to take lunch to her this week.  I am so glad I stopped up and SAW them!  Those nurses know what they’re doing!

Good news #2:  Matthew is consistently sleeping through the night!  I mean – THROUGH.THE.NIGHT!  He goes to sleep between 8 and 9 and sleeps until 6 – every single day!  He even had a rough bedtime last night and I thought that it could be a rough night for us all but no – he slept until 5:56!  Of course I brought him into bed with us and he slept with me WAY TOO LATE until 8:30.  He wakes up crying from his night-time sleep.  I think that has to mean he’s not getting enough sleep.  We put him down tonight at 8:07 and I’m curious to see how he wakes up tomorrow.  Anyway – that is FIVE nights in a row of continuous sleep!

Good news #3:  Paleo/Primal lifestyle is going well!  I did try some things this week because my milk supply was pretty low when I pumped at the end of the first week of the diet.  It got progressively less and less each night.  I dabbled with limited grains and dairy this week and the supply went up – but it was also up on the days that I had no grains or dairy.  I think the milk supply drop was a fluke.  I’m back fully on primal/paleo which means gluten/grain/dairy free.  I only lost one pound this week.  For the two weeks combined, I’m at 5.6 pounds lost so far.

Good news #4:  Matthew fed himself for the first time tonight!  Yes – I know – this is late in the game.  However, when you don’t feed your baby puffs or cheerios, they’re very limited on what they can really pick up and get to their mouth without mashing it all up.  He tried really really hard with peas tonight and got one pea into his mouth successfully!  Now that I’ve seen him do it, we can go back to me feeding him and keeping him clean.  HA!

Good news #5:  Matthew has learned how to get himself down from standing positions all over the house.  WHAT A RELIEF!  This started yesterday and it could not be any cuter.  He does not lower himself with his knees.  No.  He very carefully holds onto his support (me, a table, the sofa, whatever) as he steadies and lowers his tush a little.  Then he lets go with both hands and falls on his tush.  It is adorable!  Of course we cheer him on over and over again!  He stands up at his table just to plop himself back town again for practice/show.  He has not pulled himself up in his crib all week so I’m not sure if he can do it in the crib or not.  I have to believe he can and will if he does it everywhere else!

Good news #6:  I am making progress on Matthew’s birthday banner.  It is getting out of control.  Had I stuck to my original plan, I would have been done by now.

Good news #7:  I am working on planning my friend’s baby shower.  Nothing makes me happier than planning a party!  I am now planning TWO parties (birthday and shower) – so I am really excited!

Good news #8:  Now that naps are back on in the crib, I have been able to do my hair EVERY day this past week.  AHHHH!!!  It feels so good!

See – I told you that most of it wouldn’t be important to anyone but me  😉


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Favor

I am going to make this quick.  I have a favor to ask.  I’m not the most religious of folks.  Spiritual?  Yes.  Religious?  No.  But someone I know needs positive thoughts and prayers.

Friends of ours delivered their baby daughter on Monday at 25 weeks gestation.  She’s tiny (1.38 pounds, 12 inches) and precious and seemingly doing well – but positive thoughts and prayers (if you’re of the praying persuasion) can’t do anything but help the situation.  If you can just send up a quick happy thought or prayer for “Baby Laura,” it would be so appreciated!

I told B today that I spend about 90% of my time right now thinking of my friends and their daughter.  Every little thing that Matthew does makes me think of the struggle that they’re going through at that very moment.  I have a knot in my stomach just thinking of what they’re all going through and the fight they have ahead of them.

Thanks, everyone!


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It’s All About Trust

I’m finding that everything I try to accomplish with Matthew involves gaining his trust in some way.  Be it feeding him new foods, keeping him safe, or getting him to sleep – it’s me who has to gain his trust.  It’s not just granted because I’m his mother.

Matthew slept through the night AGAIN last night – and longer than the night before.  We were still up in the 5:0o hour, but 5:38 is better than 5:13!  He whimpered again last night at 3:15 (he must sleep cycle right around then) but got himself through it within seconds and put himself back to sleep.  You may remember that we went through a phase where he would only nap in my arms.  As nice as it is to snuggle your baby, spending up to 4 hours a day in a chair is not ideal.  I figured that he was fearing being put in his crib  and left there – and I think I was right.  Now that we’ve gotten over the hurdle (disaster) of last week, he’s sleeping so well both at night and during naps.  I still nurse him to sleep for both bedtime and naps*, and he now trusts me to transfer him to his crib and come back when he’s ready – not necessarily the next time he wakes up.  Before, I would just get him to the mattress before he would absolutely freak out.  It did not matter how asleep he was – mattress equaled being abandoned to him – and he would wake up fully and scream.  Now, he stretches a big stretch as I lower him into his crib, grabs his lovey, and settles in.  He’ll even look up at me like, “see you in a bit, Mom.”  When he was napping this morning, he did wake up and I worried because it had only been 20 minutes.  But he rolled to his back, stretched, babbled a second, rolled back onto his tummy – and went to sleep.  I about died!

He is waking up happy from his naps (but not bedtime!).  Instead of crying for my attention, he sets himself up as he babbles and grabs his favorite stuffed animal to play.  He trusts that I’ll hear him and come to him.  I can even take my time getting there now – he still won’t cry or scream for me.

I’ve noticed the same thing when it comes to his safety.  He’s gotten to the point where he’ll screech for help if he needs it, and he trusts me when I walk away from him in a big-boy situation (standing up at his table, cruising the furniture, crawling down the hall).  He used to require my presence at all times, but he now trusts that I’ll come back to help him when he needs or wants it.  I know that this is a regular development for kids, but I never equated it to trust.

Food.  My child eats anything I put in front of him.  He used to be very skeptical and would show that on his face.  Now, he knows his food won’t be too hot, too cold, or disgusting (HA!).  He trusts that I’ll get him more if he wants more, and that I won’t force it if he’s had enough.  I wasn’t always like that – I had to learn his cues and preferences.  Now that I know them, he trusts me to get it right (and I usually do!).

Where we have not gained trust?  Diaper changes.  Holy hell – that is a major ordeal all of a sudden  😉

* Ferber says not to nurse your babies to sleep ever, unless they are able to sleep through the night.  If you nurse them to sleep and they already sleep through the night, then you don’t have a problem (that’s what he says).  I struggled with giving up the nursing – I flat out refused to do it.  B read chapter 4 of the book and said, “well, we know the problem.  You’re nursing him to sleep each.and.every.time.”  I told him that Ferber says that’s OK if they’ll sleep through the night.  He pointed out that it’s not OK in our situation because Matthew is NOT sleeping through the night.  He lovingly said that I can’t have it both ways (which according to the book, is true).  I’m happy to report that my refusal to give up the nursing has paid off, and I NOW have a child who naps very successfully after being nursed to sleep (successfully = 1-2 hour naps) and is sleeping through the night after being nursed to sleep.  I CAN HAVE IT BOTH WAYS  🙂


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I Swear He’s Reading my Blog

I think Matthew is reading my blog after I go to bed.  I think he read that we were starting over with the Ferber method last night and decided that he doesn’t want to do that.  He slept 9 hours!

I didn’t sleep much at all  😉

He did a lot of moaning around 3:00 when he usually wakes up, and he was sideways in his crib so I went in to straighten him out so that his head wasn’t up against the rails.  That seemed to quiet the moans until 4:15 when he just quirmed a little.  At 5:13 – he woke up for good and stood up, despite being in his sleep sack.  I couldn’t get him to go back to sleep, and Ferber says not to try after 5:00, so I pulled him into bed with us and we snuggled until 7:30.  I know, I know – snuggling in bed is not part of the deal but he was so tired still, and I saw no reason to torture him with being up so early.

He took a long nap this morning (I forgot to write down the start and end time but it was at least 90 minutes and I think closer to 2 hours) and he did most of it in his crib.  I nursed him to sleep and tried laying him down twice and he wasn’t having it.  After 30 minutes or so, he went down just fine.  He slept for an hour in the car at 3:15 because people were at the house at nap time so we took his nap time to the car.  He went to sleep tonight right at 8:30 – on the nose.

A good night, turned into a good day, turned into a good evening.

I am not even thinking that this is a turning point… but golly, it sure would be nice!

In other news, I was feeling bold today and posted a link to Jjiraffe’s recent blog post on FB.  I have 4 “likes” so far – two from other infertile friends and two from a couple of dear, fertile friends.  I don’t know where this bravery is coming from, but I think it’s a good thing.  One of my infertile friends, who is fiercely private, reposted the link on her FB page/timeline.  I was very proud of her – that alone made my posting of the link so worth the agony over whether or not to do it!

In more other news, I finally figured out how to use my Cricut die-cutting machine yesterday – so I am full-on working on Matthew’s birthday banner.  I’ve had the machine for a year (a gift from my mom) but was terribly intimidated by it.  My sister, who has a wonderful (and successful!) Etsy store, gave me a crash course on using it and it is rather easy!  Matthew’s birthday banner is getting more and more ornate by the day.  Next up will be practice cakes so that I can get his birthday cake just perfect!  Before any of you think I’m this crazy cake chef – I am not.  I use boxed cake and then do all the decorating with fondant and homemade frosting.  I only have two months to work on the cake and that is now intimidating me.

In even more other news, the paleo/primal lifestyle is working out swimmingly.  I am telling you, I am NEVER uncomfortably full or hungry!  We bought the “Primal Blueprint Quick and Easy Meals” cookbook and have made quite a few meals from it (well… B has made quite a few meals!) and they are good!  So, so good!  I am down 5.6 pounds in a little less than 1.5 weeks.  I cannot believe it!  I owe a couple of you either an email or a comment response about the paleo/primal thing and I have not forgotten – just want to give them some thought rather than write randomly like this blog post  😉

 

 

 

 


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False Pretenses

A very quick update because I’m tired.  It dawned on me from the comments I’ve received about Matthew’s sleeping that I have not shared the latest.

We’re starting over with Day 1 of Ferber tonight.  He slept that one night of 10.25 hours (who’s counting?) and then it went downhill from there.  I have pulled out the old sleep sacks to try to keep him from standing up in his crib (he figured that out though today during his second nap – I’m hoping he’ll be too tired in the middle of the night to push his luck and balance).  I have started a new tracking spreadsheet (as if that has anything to do with it).  I’ve re-jazzed myself for those long nightly stretches of going in every X minutes to try to calm him down.

I wanted to update you because letting you all think that this whole thing is working out, is operating under false pretenses.

Wish me luck!


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I Don’t Ignore It

Last year at this time, I was blissfully pregnant and in my third trimester.  I was getting bigger by the day, and as each day went by, I felt closer and closer to winning the big prize.  But I NEVER forgot about our infertility.  I never ignored it.

Being “in the trenches” was the most difficult time of my life, but having my son has not taken our infertility away – it just put it on hold.  Even on hold, I still felt a sting of pain when my younger sister got a surprise pregnancy when her baby was just 9.5 months old (younger than Matthew is right now).  Even on hold, I felt agony for my friend who was working on conceiving #2 via IVF.  Even on hold, I felt my heart race as I went back to review my cycle spreadsheets to see exactly what my first successful beta was when another blogger asked her readers to share their numbers.  Infertility is obviously a very big part of me – and it can’t be ignored – even when I put it on hold.

I remember my mom asking, once we were good and pregnant, “doesn’t this make all of that heartache go away now?”  I was cold with my answer.  “No, Mom, it does not.”  I still cry when I think about our first (and failed) IVF cycle – when I remember B coming down the stairs after getting the call from the RE and me saying, in a very knowing tone, “It didn’t work.”  He shook his head and said, “It didn’t work.”  I broke into a million pieces as he instantly tried to start picking them back up.  He held me on the sofa as I sobbed and sobbed – in a way I had never sobbed before.  Writing this now brings tears to my eyes.  Even having a beautiful, sleeping baby in the next room can’t make me ignore my infertile past (present, and future).

Everyone expects a successful pregnancy to make the infertility disappear – but it just doesn’t work that way.  I can’t ignore our infertility – and I don’t think I’d want to.  Our infertility brought us our perfect little son who we love more than anything.  I would not undo a moment of it – and I certainly won’t, and can’t, ignore it.

(I wish my family wouldn’t ignore it either.)

 

It’s National Infertility Awareness Week. Visit Resolve.org for more information:


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Updates

The main things going on right now in my life are sleep training Matthew, and transitioning to a paleo/primal lifestyle.  I have updates on both (this is rather boring stuff, so feel free to click away if you want!).

Sleep Training:

  • I reviewed Matthew’s sleep charts and saw two glaring things – I was not enforcing a solid nap schedule and we were bringing him into bed with us for HOURS every morning when he got up
  • Matthew was only napping in my arms, nursing – every single time.  I was going insane.  I was spending 3 hours a day in a glider
  • I was staying way too long in his room, rubbing his back, after putting him down for the night
  • Since forcing a nap schedule and not bringing him in to sleep with us, everything turned around
  • Matthew slept 10.25 hours straight through the night last night!
  • Matthew has taken 2 naps each of the last two days IN HIS CRIB.  Yes, i still nurse him to sleep but he’s aware when I’m putting him in his crib
  • I get the heck out of his space right after putting him in his crib, and all is better
  • Everyone is happier today than we’ve been in weeks!
  • It only (HA!) took 2 full weeks of Ferberizing (so much for all the, “it only takes a few nights” comments I got from everyone I know!)

Paleo/Primal Lifestyle

  • So far, so good
  • Still need to cut out the dairy
  • Slipped up today and had a small piece of garlic toast that came with my 100% primal salad.  I’m not beating myself up.  It was damned good!
  • I’ve had no more soda since my slip-up earlier this week that I confessed to everyone
  • This is much easier than I thought it would be!
  • As of this morning, I was down 4.4 pounds.  Hard to believe!  I don’t expect this to continue

Other Random Updates

  • Matthew is standing up at his activity table now so I had to take the little spinning seat off.  I am sad about this  😦
  • Matthew has found his voice and it is rather loud.  I love listening to him talk and babble because I know that his speech is deliberate and he is saying something very specific that I just don’t understand  😉
  • I have spent lots of time wondering why so many people against CIO feel obligated and justified expressing their disapproval of the practice on all children, not just their own
  • My wonderful husband got my mobile phone replaced for free, and he set it all up for me.  I really appreciate this.  I hope I’m kinder to the new phone than I was to the old one
  • Matthew is now trying to climb out of his tub (and is quite good at it).  This means that he will get to bathe in the big boy tub and will probably be showering with me more often now
  • Despite Matthew sleeping better, I am not.  I still wake up quite a bit wondering if he’ll be waking up
  • I stepped totally out of my comfort zone and walked down to a neighbor’s  house, knocked on her door, and introduced Matthew and myself to her and her twins.  She is a SAHM mom too and we met her DH the other night who told us she’s lonely.  Well, so am I – so I told him I’d stop down to say hello this week so we did it today!  It was easy!
  • I had lunch with an old coworker today.  I thought to myself several times that no matter how boring some of my days are, I have no desire to be working where I used to work.  This is the job for me!


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Hypocrite

B and I have been feeding Matthew based on the paleo lifestyle, with the exception of a little bit of oatmeal early on and sweet potatoes.  Paleo allows sweet potatoes for those who need extra calories (like tri-athletes or NBA players), but we figure that Matthew is a growing boy and sweet potatoes are a nice source of some important nutrients (iron being one), so we let that one slide.  I quit with the oatmeal after the geothermal incident, so he is very much a paleo kid with the exception of his beloved sweet potatoes.  We have run this lifestyle by our pediatrician who is 100% on-board and says that he’s getting everything he needs from what we’re feeding him, and that humans are consuming way too many carbs so it’s just fine to cut all grains completely before he even gets started (have I mentioned that I LOVE this doctor?).

Matthew is a tremendous kid who eats everything you put in front of him.  All of his food is 100% natural  and hormone-free,  and most of it is organic (I subscribe to the thought process that you buy organic for at least the dirty dozen).  We only use 100% grass-fed beef and free-range poultry.  Thanks to Cathy, I think we’ll be making Matthew’s yogurt once all of his YoBaby is gone.  I slave away in the kitchen so that he has healthy food that we know is good for him.  If we are out-of-town and can’t take his  homemade food with us, we buy organic baby food and read the labels closely to ensure that all he’s getting is the veggie/fruit, and water.  No additives.  I’m fanatical about it.  When people offer Matthew baby puffs, I politely say, “no thank you,” but think to myself, “are you kidding me?  There is nothing in that of any nutritional value!”

Why am I telling you all of this?  Well, you would think that B and I are tremendous, healthy eaters as well, right?

Not so much.

B is much better than I am – but even he isn’t a poster child for healthy eating.  He tries really hard to eat well, but how can he when he’s married to me?  I have been a poster child for pathetic eating habits my entire life.  I will feed my baby his 100% natural lunch, and then put him in the car so I can go to Mc.Don.alds.  I’m serious.  I kid you not.  French fries are a food group to me and I love nothing more – NOTHING MORE – than Diet Pep.si.  I would be perfectly happy if you hooked me up to an IV of DP and fed me French fries all day long.  The worst part?   I’m not even ashamed to say it!

I was never able to get away with this lifestyle without serious repercussions.  I have always been heavier than I should be.  In 2006, I decided to make a change and got my ass into shape.  SERIOUS SHAPE!  I ate healthy, gave up the soda, and exercised like a crazy woman.  I kept this up for 3 years.  I was, for the first time in my life, lean and trim.  Then – IF happened and I got depressed, I couldn’t run or exert myself too much during IVF cycles (due to my huge ovaries), and I was just totally and completely over it (my health kick, that is).  I thought about nothing but getting pregnant.  I gained 25 pounds.  I was at my highest weight EVER when I finally got pregnant with Matthew.

Today, I am almost 30 pounds less than my pre-pregnancy weight.  No – it’s not due to exercise.  Or healthy eating.  I think it’s due to A) not being on fertility drugs, B) breastfeeding, and C) being insanely happy with my life!  I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight 8 days after giving birth – but let’s face it – that’s not hard to do when you were at your highest weight ever when you got pregnant.  Dropping the weight has been effortless.  I hate saying that, because so many people struggle to lose weight after having a baby, but it is the truth.

So what did I do when I dropped all of that weight?  I started eating like crap again.  I went to McDon.alds 2-3 times a WEEK, indulged in Blizzards from D-Q because I needed somewhere to drive to keep Matthew asleep in the back seat, and found that Wend.y’s new fries are REALLY GOOD!  I took for granted how easy it was to drop the weight after having Matthew and I kept this manner of eating up for 9 months.

That all ended on Sunday.  It’s time for us to live the lifestyle we’re expecting our child to live.  It’s time to stop being stupid with food and get back to smaller meals, healthy meals, satisfying meals!  We started Paleo on Sunday.  We started it two days after my farewell lunch at McDon.alds didn’t even taste that good (but the one at Cul.vers the next day did!).

I am relieved.  I am relieved that I’m taking control of my body back.

I feel great.  I’m never stuffed to the gills.  I’m not experiencing caffeine highs and lows.  I’m not missing French fries (yet).  I’ve already dropped some weight.  I will admit – I had a Diet Co.ke today out of weakness and it was divine – but I will be better tomorrow.

I made a Paleo dinner tonight – out of ingredients we had in the house and without a recipe.  It was satisfying and really, really good!

I feel like I’m off to a good start – and for the first time in the past 9.5 months, I don’t feel like a hypocrite when it comes to food!


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Is it Strange?

I was reading one of my cohort’s blog posts yesterday when I was stricken by surprise. She mentioned that she bathes with her baby and that people find it strange? REALLY?

I shower with Matthew once a week or so. He loves his bath time and it’s part of his nightly bedtime routine (yes, he bathes every night), but I LOVE having him in the shower with me. It just seems natural. He skipped his bath last night due to being out too late so I popped him in the shower with me this morning. We had a great time! Our shower is pretty big so he crawls around in it while I get clean. He loves it!

Do people really find this strange?

The first time I bathed with Matthew, he was little…. tiny. He was very congested and the doctor said I should take a bath with him. So I did. It is one of my favorite parenting memories so far. He was so happy to be so close, skin to skin, and I was too, quite frankly! He even cozied up on his own to nurse. Pure happiness for us both!

I look forward to being out of town because it means we for sure will bathe or shower together. Our first shower together was a few weeks ago at my sister’s. She suggested I do it to save time, and was shocked we hadn’t showered together yet. The reason we hadn’t is because years ago, my other sister plopped her 1 year old son in the shower with me (much to my horror!) and I almost dropped him. Truly. He was so slippery and I caught him just as he almost hit the floor. That terrified me, so I just didn’t think to do it with my own child. I’m so glad my sister suggested it a few weeks ago because I LOVE it!

Is it really THAT strange?

As you can see, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this. Another cohort commented that she bathes with her baby but wasn’t sure if she should include it in her “how I parent” blog entry. I am just stunned by this. Who judges such things? Apparently some people do.

So in support of family bathing, I am going to be bold! I am going to go outside my comfort zone here and post something I wouldn’t normally post! My sister snapped a couple photos of Matthew’s and my first shower together. Here they are:

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UPDATED: It’s 12:22 AM

And I’m not up with a crying baby.  No.  I’m up pumping.  I live in fear that if I don’t pump each night before bed, that the ladies will start to dry up and our breastfeeding days will come to an end.  Isn’t that weird?

So, as I was typing this (and pumping, mind you!), there was a knock at my door.  AT 12:30 AM!  I pump in my living room, facing the damned door, because, well, I pump late enough that no one will show up and see me.  Right?  Wrong.  It was strange.  So strange.  I called for B and he came and saw the gal on our stoop, turned off our security system, and answered the door.  She was seemingly drunk, and there was a man in an old, beat up car in our driveway waiting for her (he notes these things in case there’s trouble!).  CRAZY!  She was looking for people with a different last name than us, and people who don’t live in our neighborhood (I popped onto the assessor’s website to check out the name).  It left me feeling quite uneasy.  I didn’t sleep well.