Many of you have asked about these secret weapon hair products I have stumbled across, so I will share my secrets with you!

But some background first.

I am not a hair person.  I was raised by a woman who wasn’t a hair person.  My mom never taught us how to do our own hair because she didn’t really know how to do hers.  We were put in front of a mirror, at the age of 9 or 10, with a curling iron and hair spray and told to make our hair look nice for brunch at the country club (oh dear GOD!) but we had no clue what we were doing – and Mom wouldn’t help us.  Many times, we tried our best and were told to start over because it didn’t look good.  This is not included in my list of fond childhood memories.

My older sister learned how to “do her bangs” 80’s style and taught me.  I had sky-scraper bangs for years.  YEARS.  The higher, the better.  We moved from being forced to curl our own hair to having to curl my mom’s hair (geesh!) for trips to the beloved country club.  It was quite comical – skyscraper bangs on a grown woman.  But – we did as we were told.  And, in all fairness, every one of every age had stupid, high, hair-sprayed hair back then.

When it was time for me to go to high school, I was being transitioned from public school to a very small Catholic, all-girls high school.  I was not looking forward to it because I loved my public school – I fit in great, I was quite active in most things, and had lots of good friends.  I went begrudgingly to private school and immediately stood out as a “public school transfer” because of my perm and sky-scraper bangs.  The girls I was joining in private school were mostly quite refined and simply attractive – “girl next door pretty” (the type of pretty I always wanted to be).  They’d been in the private school system their entire lives and had been simply pretty by nature and grooming by their mothers.  I know this sounds trite but believe me – it’s true (in regards to my high school, anyway).  I think wearing uniforms is a big contributor to this (and I’m a big, HUGE, proponent of school uniforms).

So I quickly decided that things had to change – that it was time to look the way I wanted to look and not the way my  mom wanted me to look.  I ironed my hair with an iron – on an ironing board – for a week before my mom relented and let me get my perm reversed.  I immediately started growing out my bangs.  I quickly had long, bone-straight hair with perfectly bouncy bangs.

And that was it – that was my look for the next 19 years.  I shit you not.

Because I still didn’t really KNOW how to do my hair.  HA!

When I became pregnant with Matthew, I decided that it was high time that I get a look for myself besides my old Catholic school girl look – that I needed a real hair style.  The gal I’d had cutting my hair since moving back to Iowa would trim me every 8 weeks and never suggest anything – no suggestions on style, color, shape, etc.  And – her neighbor was one of the gals from my high school that molded my image of myself.  She was one of the girls with the beautiful long, dark hair and awesomely bouncy bangs.  And I needed to get away from that – but she always wanted to talk about that gal when I’d come in.  (That gal still has the same hair style – and honestly – it still looks perfect on her!)

So I asked my friends for recommendations on a stylist who would not only cut my hair, but suggest fun things to me and teach me HOW to DO my hair.  I found the most perfect gal and she truly spent the first session writing down instructions for me, with tips for each product and when to use it.

She sold me this awesome thickening cream that was proprietary to the salon (it was a white label product that they put their logo on) and it was great.  It did the trick every time.  I used it for over a year and I had great, thick, straight hair with style.  And then they quit carrying that thickening cream this past spring.  Holy hell, I was at a loss.  My hair gal said that they didn’t have anything quite like it anymore and that all of her clients were upset.  She helped me try new products, but none of them did what I wanted.  None of them did the same thing that that cheap cream did.  In fact, they all dried my hair out.

I went to Ave.da a month or so ago and explained my plight.  They told me that they didn’t have anything like that cream for me.  Sigh.  I went home and kept using that drying stuff.  But on Monday, I needed more conditioner so headed back to Ave.da and asked a different gal for her thoughts.  She sold me two things and told me how to use them.  The best part is that Ave.da will let you return any product you don’t like as long as it’s not more than half-used – so I was taking no financial risks (after spending over $100 so far trying to find a replacement for the discontinued cream).

I bought the Pure Abundance Style Prep to spray on my wet roots right out of the shower, and the Phomollient to put in my damp hair after drying it just a smidge.  This stuff is working!  What’s funny is that I used to use Phomollient years ago, but I was using it all wrong by putting it on my very wet hair.

My routine is this:

1. Shower
2. Pat dry hair with towel
3. Spray roots with Pure Abundance Style Prep
4. Blow dry hair for a couple of minutes until hair is “damp”
5. Put 5 pumps of Phomollient in damp hair, concentrated from roots downward
6. Style with hair dryer until completely dry
7. Comb and shape
8. Put about two pea-size dollops of Arr.ojo Texture Paste in dry hair, working from roots downward
9. Come and style again
10. DONE

I no longer need to flat-iron my hair – it keeps its straightness all day long, even after being tucked behind my ears.  My hair has more volume now at the end of the day than it every has.

So there you have it!

My new, winning line-up!

Do you know what is like crack to me?

Other people’s crazy talents.

I just spent over an hour on Et.sy looking at felted animal creations simply because I didn’t know what “Waldorf inspired” meant.  I bing-ed it (because my SIL posted a photo to FB mentioning it and I’ve always wondered what it meant) and all of these wonderful things popped up in the image results – all pointing to Et.sy.

I now want one – from one specific gal.  She is crazy talented, and I’m so jealous of her crazy talent that I emailed her just to tell her how insanely talented she is.

I’m like that – I just can’t keep it to myself.  I feel like I must tell these people how gifted they are, and how envious I am of their talent (in a good way, of course!).  I must thank them for sharing their talent with the rest of us.

I am the same way with watching people sing (I’ve touched on this in the past when talking about my love of Glee).  I cannot get enough of people who can belt out a song or two with perfect pitch and tone.  I am in awe of these people, and I must go up to them and tell them if I get the chance (I do this in hopes that they’ll sing again so I can revel in their talent once again).

Same thing with dancing.  I cannot dance to save my life, but my husband can!  I love watching him dance with other people who are wonderful dancers.  I sometimes think that’s weird of me – but I figure that I’m not a good dance partner and the man just has to dance sometimes.  I LOVE watching him dance, especially with one of my friends who is also a crazy-good dancer!  Of course, I must know the gal before I offer him up to dance with her  😉

Same thing with the violin.  Man alive – that instrument takes talent!  This instrument will likely be forced on Matthew in the near future just because it’s an instrument I so wish I could play myself.

That is all.  I needed to admit my addiction before I could go to bed.

Things have been rocky over here with a fussy baby who doesn’t feel well, and seems to be teething again.  But you know, with the bad, comes the good.  When things are rotten, I tell myself that things can’t go anywhere but up, right?

Right?

😉

The day did not start well.  We have no idea what was wrong, but our poor boy woke up at 6:50 just hysterical.  He cried for almost an hour and B and I took turns holding him.  He seemed to be having a night terror, but it wasn’t the right time of day (or point in his sleep cycle) for that to happen and I’m thinking he just woke up too dang early with sore gums.  He shook his head, “no,” to everything for at least 30 minutes.  Milk?  No.  Fruit pouch?  No.  Ibuprofen (which he loves)?  No.  Toys?  No.  Kitty?  No.  Pillow?  No.

You get the idea.

He finally relented and let me give him some ibuprofen and then wanted his milk.  YAY!  And then?  The coolest thing happened!  He ran out of milk, and as he was sitting on the fireplace ledge shaking his cup, I asked, “do you want more?”  I didn’t sign it – I just verbally asked.  He put his cup down and signed “more.”  Holy crap!  THAT, right there, made me forget the entire first hour of our morning!  I was so excited – I ran back to tell B all about it!!!  At breakfast this morning, he did the same thing when I asked if he wanted more bananas.

Cue a sentimental tear from Mama!

This week started the next session of Zoo Tunes which Matthew loves more than… well… anything!  I think he loves it as much, or a little more than, his gymnastics class, so I’ve been looking forward to this since last week.  Today, the critter of the week was a fancy cockroach which really made me a bit sick – but he loved it.  He reached right out for it and pet it “like a kitty.”  That’s how we describe being gentle to him, “touch it like a kitty.”  I totally forgot that his bestie, Hailey, would be at Zoo Tunes with her (awesome!!) grandpa so that was the best surprise of the morning!  And then?  In walked his gym classmate, Avery!  Wahoo!  Matthew shared my lap with Hailey and we had a great time!  We then walked around the zoo with Hailey and her grandpa and visited the lion, the tiger, the sea lions, the penguins, the otters, and the bald eagles.  Super fun!

I started watching the end of the third season of “Glee” yesterday and I forgot how happy that makes me.  I love, I mean LOVE, watching talented people sing.  I am insanely envious (in a good way) of people who can sing and dance their hearts out!  This is why I used to love going to a good karaoke night at a local bar, especially ones with prizes for the best performance.  I had a friend in Chicago who was CRAZY talented in the music department (piano, singing, you name it!) and we would go cheer her on as she won $400 cash prizes month after month.  Total bliss for me!  I don’t make it to karaoke nights much anymore (it’s been years) so “Glee” is the next best thing and I LOVE it!

I picked up my favorite watch which I’ve had since 2000.  It was my first really big purchase for myself and I’ve loved it since the day I got it.  We took it in for a new battery a couple of years ago and the jeweler convinced us to take a link out to make it fit better, but it never fit the way I wanted after that so I stopped wearing it.  I took it in three weeks ago for (yet) another battery and asked them to put the link back in.  When I got home with it, I realized that they took (yet) another link out.  Sigh.  I finally picked it up yesterday with all the links put back in and I love it.  I felt so happy to have it back.  I feel so good having it back on my wrist where it belongs.  I never thought a stupid watch could make me so freaking happy!

And then there’s, “Curious George.”  Oh my God – we (all three of us) are in love with “Curious George” in this house!  We noticed last week that when Matthew wakes up right after 7:00, he enjoys his milk in bed with Mom and Dad when we turn on PBS and catch a bit of the monkey.  We lost our “free” cable this week but “Curious George” is on Netf.lix Instant View so we watch CG a couple of times a day now.  It doesn’t draw Matthew in like a zombie, but it gives him something to dance to and watch when he’s hanging out in his chair or in bed with us.  He especially loves the opening credits and it’s precious – it makes me very happy!

The biggest thing to make my heart happy, lately, is my decision to start seeing a counselor.  It’s no secret that I function completely differently from B’s family, and he and I communicate very differently because of that.  I need some coaching on how to communicate with him and his side of the family.  I’ve found myself spending WAY too much time worrying about this, or that, upcoming conversation (namely, our pregnancy announcement, holiday planning, and whether or not I’ve done something to upset B) and getting wrapped up in things that haven’t even happened yet.  This has always been my “cue” in the past that I need some help.

I need some coaching – and I’m going to get it.

I need to have someone listen to me and validate, or not validate, my feelings and actions.  I love therapy – I love life coaching – I love self-improvement and being self-aware.  And I haven’t done any of that lately.  I have not improved myself, or our marriage – and it’s time for me to really give those things my focus.  Right now – I need counseling and coaching and I’m very excited about it!  I got a referral from my friend who I truly believe is the happiest person I know – she is very happily married (after much work on both of their parts) and when people talk about “not knowing anyone who is completely happy,” I think in my head, “I know someone like that.”  I texted her for her counselor’s name and the guy is in our medical network, so I will setup an appointment today.

Good things.

Good things are happening!

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(Oh, and I POAS-ed again yesterday out of sheer anxiety.  Peeing on that made me feel very relaxed.  That’s just so weird, isn’t it?!)

I have been harboring some repressed angst lately, and I’ve been meaning to write about this for a long time.

I have a few friends who say things to me that really upset me every once in a while.  Now – I am one of those people who says TOO MUCH, so I don’t get too offended when people say somewhat colorful things to me.  I mean – I understand that sometimes you just say the wrong effing thing and I’m cool with that.  No need to explain.  No need to feel bad.  I GET IT, because I do it too.  Usually, a simple, “shit, I didn’t mean to say it that way,” works for me and I move on (moving on from all things is not my greatest strength, but when it comes to moving on from stupid comments, I’m able to do that easily).

So what is it that people say that gets me riled up?  They all have to do with the GOOD things I’m doing for my child.  They all have to do with the choices that B and I have made to provide Matthew with the upbringing that we feel is right for him and us.

When I talk about the following topics, I usually get a similar reaction from a handful of friends.  Here are the topics:

• Cloth diapering
• Making Matthew’s baby food
• Breastfeeding until he was 12 months old
• Pumping enough milk to have 3 months stored up in the freezer
• Having a clean house
• Getting Matthew out for activities every day

The reaction I get from some friends on any or all of the above topics is, “you are able to do those things because you stay home.”

WHAT?

The facts:

• We were committed to cloth diapering before Matthew was born and had all diapers and supplies purchased and ready before my 8th month of pregnancy – long before either of us considered me being a SAHM
• We were committed to making all of Matthew’s baby food before he was born and had 4 recipe books with favorites selected before he was born.  Again – long before we considered the SAHM option
• Being successful at breastfeeding was a result of hard work, many tears, determination, and lots of pumping.  When I did go back to work before quitting, I drove 20 minutes each way to Matthew’s daycare to nurse him over the lunch hour.  All of that, and the pumping to sustain his “only breast milk” diet, was done while I was a working mother
• My house is always clean and picked up.  That’s just who we are.  It was like that before kids, it’s like that during kids, and it will be like that after kids.  When I was still a working mother, I spent at least an hour every night after daycare washing bottles, picking up the house, cleaning dishes, folding laundry, etc. etc. etc.  The state of my house is not due to me being home, it’s due to both B and me being rather tidy people and requiring that in our lives
• Long before we considered the SAHM option, we were getting Matthew out of the house every single day.  While on maternity and paternity leave, we left the house at least once a day starting the day after we came home from the hospital with Matthew.  This is just who I am – I am a mover and a shaker and I need to not sit in my house all day.  Matthew is a social kid who needs daily interaction with friends his own age, so I bust my butt providing that for him.  Not because I’m a SAHM, but because I’m his mother and it’s important to him and me

I am so tired of the mommy wars and the parenting technique debates.  I am so tired of people validating their own choices by invalidating others’.  I am sick and tired of people who are my friends telling me that the only reason I do these good things for my child is because I stay home.  I have several bloggie friends who work and make many of the same choices for their children.

All of those things on that list above, with the exception of Matthew’s activities and getting out of the house, are done “after hours,” long after B is home and Matthew is in bed.  I don’t have time during the day to make baby food (which is actually super easy), pump my breasts, clean and fold laundry, wash and stuff diapers, and keep my house picked up.  I’m chasing my son around all day, or taking him to some fun activity.   When he’s napping, that’s my down time and I enjoy it to myself.

I do these things because they are important to me.  They are important to B.  They are good for Matthew.  We make time in our lives for the things that are important to us.  We all do.

To those people who feel it necessary to pooh pooh my choices by suggesting I only chose them because I stay home, I have this to say:  If cloth diapering, making baby food, nursing/pumping, and keeping a neat house isn’t important to you, then don’t do it.  I don’t care.  I don’t judge you for not doing those things – I could care less.  Please don’t try to make yourself feel better for not doing those things, by attempting to dismiss me by saying I have time for them only because I am a SAHM.  I make time for those things because they are important to my family.  Just like you make time for the things that are important to your family.