All the Sun For You

A mom, two boys, a husband, and a whole lot of adventure!

Category Archives: Matthew


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The Monday Snapshot(s) – Growing Boys!

I started taking these pictures of Matthew on accident, really, when he was a little over a year old. I was cycling out his 6-12 month clothes and replacing them with 12-18 month clothes. When I took the picture of him on his pile of retired clothes, I wished I’d done that every time he moved up a size. I told myself then that I would do that every time he moved up to a new size… And I’ve remembered to do it!

Matthew was still in some 18-24 jeans (and could still wear them now) and t-shirts until just now so I’ve been waiting to take the photo. It turns out that Bryson is moving to all 3-6 month clothes now (which is exactly when Matthew moved into them too), so it was time to take his photo on his 0-3 month pile of clothes.

Taking Bryson’s photo today really made me wish I’d done this all along with Matthew. Sigh!

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The Fog Has Lifted

I took the boys out today – it’s a beautiful day!

I was so excited to get out of the house!  Everyone is feeling better, including B and me, and it was time to get some fresh air.  We went to the mall to buy some bargain-basement deals at Baby G.ap for next summer 😉  before getting lunch at Chip.otle.  Chip.otle is Matthew’s and my favorite lunch spot and we hadn’t gone since before Bryson was born.  Just going there, and sitting in the sun with my boys, eating together and talking about all the cars and trucks that drove by… I realized something…

… I realized that the fog has lifted.

Having a newborn puts a damper on everything.  I hate saying that, but it’s true.  Sure, there are sweet baby snuggles, bonding with your spouse as you both get to know this new little person, and watching your first child grow nicely into a doting big brother.  But there are also the sleepless nights, the toddler who needs you NOW but you can’t help because you’re nursing, and moments with your spouse when you wish he could just read your mind and go get you your nipple cream already.  It’s hard.  It’s bittersweet.  It’s exhausting.

Everyone tells you that the first several weeks with a new baby will be very difficult – but they really weren’t with Matthew.  B had 5 weeks off and we were in a very magical time (that’s B’s description of it).  It was like we’d just met and fallen in love all over again.  We got out of the house right away and were very active, and Matthew was a very content, alert, happy baby from the very start.  Of our entire marriage, those 5 weeks are probably my favorite.  Sure, I was ready for B to go back to work so that Matthew and I could get into our own routine, but that was the ONLY reason I was ready for him to go back.  I wasn’t ready to let go of our fun days and evenings together.

This time around, we were both so frazzled most of the time.  Matthew needed our attention and so did Bryson, so we had to divide and conquer.  I hated that.  I hated not being able to give Matthew the attention he needed and deserved.  I hated putting Bryson down as soon as I could so that I could run to be with Matthew.  I hated that B and I weren’t able to work together – and that we had to work separately and on our own (for the most part) for those 5 weeks that he was home with us.

It wasn’t magical this time.  It wasn’t bad – and it was actually quite good – but it wasn’t magical.

I think we had a real dose of the early weeks of parenthood this time around.  Bryson lives in a loud house and was having a hard time getting settled.  He never had the tranquility that Matthew had as a newborn.  B and I actually talked about Bryson being “unsettled” quite a bit, and neither of us wanted to label him out-loud – but we both did.  Because it was true.

But it’s not true anymore.

Bryson sleeps for 3-4 hours each night when we put him to bed (but still comes into bed with us around 2:30 AM because I’m lazy).  He is an especially happy baby in the mornings and spends hours awake in his “gym,” the bouncy chair, and the swing.  He tolerates the car really well now, which he wasn’t doing early on, which allows us to get out and about as a unit of 3 (we got out every single day in those first 5 weeks too, but Bryson would scream a lot of the time in the car getting here and there).  He takes a nice, LONG nap each afternoon while Matthew sleeps, letting me get things done that need to be done.  Heck, he was even a good sick baby yesterday – letting me focus on both boys and not just on him.  And he is a great little nurser who eats quickly and efficiently (Matthew was a very slow nurser), and lets us all get on with our day, which usually involves lots of basketball games between Matthew and me.

Bryson is now the content baby that his big brother was early on – his big brother who didn’t have a toddler pulling on him all the time, trying to play with him whenever he felt the urge.  I recently read that you should not judge parenthood or your child’s temperament for the first six weeks – and I found that to be so true this time around.  Those first six weeks are full of nothing but uncertainty and haze.  Those first six weeks are exhausting.

We had a wonderful morning today after a horrific day yesterday.  I won’t lie – we had another disastrous night last night because Bryson is so stuffy and can’t lay flat to sleep – but knowing that he is going to be content the next day gets me through those nights.  I don’t lose sight of that now because I know that the day time ahead of us is going to be OK, which is something I couldn’t say in the first 5 weeks of Bryson’s life.  Because I go into the nights now knowing that even if they’re rough, that the next day will be good – I know that the fog has lifted.

Lunch with my two boys at our favorite place!

Lunch with my two boys at our favorite place!

 

 


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Sick

We’re all sick. All four of us. I felt it coming on Sunday night but ignored it. B felt it Monday morning. By yesterday afternoon, we knew Matthew was sick too. Then last night, poor Bryson could hardly breathe through his nose.

Matthew slept all night. Bryson slept in B’s and my arms all night long. He needed to be propped up and I don’t trust the boppy (and the bouncy chair only worked for him for 1 hour).

So that was our night, but it didn’t hold a candle to today.

Matthew slept until 6:40 which made his total sleep almost 10 hours. All the sleep in the world wouldn’t have helped his mood though. He whined and moaned all morning, and I think I said, “Matthew, stop WHINING!” 50 times this morning. Bryson had a decent morning but was clearly full of snot. But they both seemed fine by 11:00 so we headed to lunch.

We never made it. While driving, Matthew had a coughing spell that ended in heaps of vomit. Everywhere. I called my friend to cancel and turned around. He cried and cried (I don’t blame him!) but then fell asleep. So I went through the drive through knowing we’d be stuck at home the rest of the day. The car smelled awful.

I got home, left both boys in the car, and started the bath. I then brought Bryson in and prayed he would stay asleep (he did). I then draped myself with a towel and got Matthew out of the car. He cried as I carried him in and stripped him down. He was THRILLED to get in the bath though!

Once bathed and jammied, I put him in our bed to watch CG. I tossed all of his clothes in the laundry and got to work on cleaning the car and car seat. YUCK. I disinfected everything with Microban cleanser (love that stuff) and headed back to the boys. Bryson was up so I put him on his tummy to rest.

As I switched laundry, I heard Bryson yelp. He’d thrown up. On fresh sheets. SHIT! Both kids were seriously sick but without fevers, thank god! I then went to get his laundry to get things clean (I hate having super dirty laundry sitting around).

With Bryson cleaned up and sleeping (upright in the boppy), I got Matthew ready for his nap. He’d pooped and it was runny, and had gotten on his jammy pants. SHIT! More laundry to do! He went down just fine, probably due to his sickness.

With both boys asleep, I relaxed with a quick painting project (20 minutes) before folding all that laundry. Then I cleaned up the house. Then I did dishes. And then I laid down to rest. I rested for almost an hour before both boys woke up at the same time. I fed Matthew yogurt, cheese, and juice and nursed Bryson. By this point, I was feeling totally crappy myself, but there was no time to think about it. There just wasn’t.

B came home at 5:30 and I went to get dinner. It was glorious to be out of the house alone! After dinner, Bryson threw up twice, and Matthew had a hard time getting comfortable in bed (of course he did). By 9:30, Matthew was finally asleep and here I am now typing this on my phone.

And that’s my first experience with having two very sick kids at the same time. Chaos! But…. do-able. Just barely. 😉

(I was supposed to start working out today. That clearly didn’t happen. Next Monday is going to be the big day. We have some work to do in getting healthy first!)


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The Monday Snapshot – Proof!

Here is proof that kids only fall asleep in the car when we DON’T want them to!

I had an OB appointment today (6 week post-delivery check – more on that later) right in the middle of nap time – so I put the boys in the car 1.25 hours before needing to drop Matthew off at the neighbor’s. I was hoping that he would fall asleep like he ALWAYS does in the car (you know – like at 11:30 in morning which is super early for a nap?) but after an hour of driving – there was still no nap.

We suffered the rest of the day because of this.

This photo proves two things – that kids only nap in the car when you want them to stay awake (and then mess up their nap that is supposed to happen later in the day) and that Matthew clearly still needs a daily nap!

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The Monday Snapshot – Happy Boy!

It’s our first day on our own without B – FOR REAL. He went back to work at 7:00 AM, leaving me with two very needy boys. Matthew was a wreck this morning, missing his dad beyond comprehension. Bryson needed a nap but couldn’t sleep. It took me 1.5 hours to shower and do my hair. It was not good. When my neighbor texted me asking if we wanted to come down and play, I was so happy and relieved! E and I have play dates with our kids multiple days a week, and we’ve missed that with B being home on Infant Care Leave.

I was so excited to “get back to normal.”

And “back to normal” we were… or as “back to normal” as we could be.  Matthew was so happy to  be back with his best buddies, and I was happy to have some female interaction.  Even E’s vomiting infant didn’t phase me – I just loved having my normal company back!  When we left, we headed to Mc.D’s for my lunch (I’m bad, I know) and then home for Matthew’s lunch before his nap. He’s been taking shorter naps recently – frighteningly short for this house (1.5 hours) – but he did a full 2 hours today (before you roll your eyes at me, keep in mind he only sleeps 9 hours at night time).

While Matthew napped, Bryson did this… And it lasted long enough for me to turn on my phone and take several pictures!


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DISASTER!

After feeling relatively confident about my ability to juggle two children at the same time, someone/something out there felt I needed a reality check.

I had one of those days that almost brings you to your knees.

The day started out rough the night before it even started.  Bryson refused – REFUSED – to sleep in his crib.  We think that the Indian food I’d had for dinner (at this awesome organic farm restaurant, I might add!) caused his stomach to be unhappy.  He has a generally unhappy stomach as it is, so adding Indian food to the mix was probably not a good idea.  Anyway, he wouldn’t sleep in his crib – or in the pack and play – so our bed it was.  He settled immediately – making me wonder if it was the Indian food at all.  Anyway, he was up a few times nursing – and I think he may have nursed all night.  I don’t even know.  I just know that I only half-slept.

While nursing Bryson around 5:10 in the morning, Matthew woke up and would only have me – no way was he going to accept Daddy.  I gave Bryson to B (Bryson was just soothing himself, he wasn’t eating) and I ran in to snuggle with my boy.  He was outside of his room, in the hallway, when I said, “go back to your bed, Buddy,” and he turned right back around, returned to his room, and climbed into his bed.  He always does this for me, which is super awesome – B does not get the same response.  HA!  This part of the day was not awful, because I LOVE sleeping with Matthew in the morning for many reasons, but one of those reasons being that I’m monitor-free and know that all the kids have a parent tending to them, meaning that I can RELAX for once!

Matthew and I slept until 7:30.  SEVEN THIRTY!  It was glorious.

I had a speech therapy evaluation appointment for Matthew at 9:30, but needed to be there at 9:00.  Downtown.  And we had to pick up B’s car from my dentist’s office (we forgot to get it the day before after he’d picked me up there in my car) and take it to the dealership for detailing.  And I had to take B back home so that he could do some things while I was at the speech appointment.  B asked if I wanted him to come with us, but I said I could handle it.  HA!  I actually got B back home in time for me to get to the appointment by 9:00, so that made me happy.

But I went the wrong way (even though the clinic told me how to get there) and didn’t realize my mistake until 9:00 AM.  No biggie, I plugged it into the navigation system and headed in the right direction.  We arrived at 9:05!  That’s a success!

I decided against the stroller (for no reason – just decided) and took the boys into the clinic.  I apologized for my lateness as we entered and the gal said, “Honey, you’re way early.  Your appointment is not until 10:30.”  I am always late – ALWAYS – yet I got to this appointment, with both boys in tow, 1.5 hours early but wasn’t prepared.  Matthew ran around like a crazy toddler (go figure!) as I struggled with the paperwork.  Bryson woke up and wanted me.  A nice nurse came over and held Bryson for me as I finished paperwork and chased Matthew.  I managed a text message to B telling him that I’d arrived 1.5 hours early.

I finally got the paperwork done and turned it in, and the receptionist told me to take the boys out and have a good time until we needed to be back at 10:30.  It took some work to load the boys up again, but we did it.  B had texted me back and offered to come down.  I took him up on it in a flash!

We met at a park and B took Matthew while I nursed Bryson on a park bench (I nurse in all sorts of places – it doesn’t phase me).  Of course things took longer than I’d wanted and we were pushing it to get back to the clinic on time.  Of course I snapped at B when he said he wanted to change Matthew there in the parking lot and I insisted it wait until we get back to the clinic (B won).  Of course I got all screwed up on my way back to the clinic and ended up on the other side of the river from where I needed to be.  But we got there at 10:31, with the stroller this time, and we were called back immediately.

The appointment went fine (the therapist said that insurance will deny us because Matthew is in the normal range for his age, but on the low-end, which is what I figured) and we left.  I couldn’t find my phone after I’d loaded both boys up in the car, so I had to unload them to go back in to the clinic to look for it.  It wasn’t there.  Turns out it was in the carseat with Bryson (don’t even ask).

Loaded up again, we headed home.  Holy Hell, what a morning!

I was so frazzled that I stopped at Wendy’s for a burger, knowing I’d need to feed both boys when we got home.

I loved that burger!

Lunch went OK – Matthew devoured his “DOG” but wouldn’t eat anything else, despite my attempts at making it tempting with BBQ sauce.  B came in and gave Matthew something else to fill him up which I was fine with – I needed a content boy for nap time.

HA!

Nap time was a DISASTER.  Matthew would not settle down and screamed as I put him in the crib.  He continued to scream for 30 minutes, with everything in his arms as he leaned over the crib rail.  As he screamed, Bryson screamed.  And I hate saying this, but I went in and yelled at Matthew to “just settle down and go to bed!”  And I slammed the door.  He cried even more.  GAH.  I was a terrible mother in that moment.  I’ve never screamed at him aside from when he bit me once on the stomach.

I still feel awful about it.

I went out to the garage to tell B about it and I just sobbed.  I said that going in to get him would teach him that if he screams long enough, that I’ll relent.  But I felt so bad for yelling at him, that I didn’t really care what it taught him.  I also blame myself for this dependency that he has on me – it is all my fault.  So why punish him for it when I’ve done nothing to change it?  So in I went.  I plucked him out of the crib and held him tight (he held me so tight too), crying and apologizing for yelling at him and slamming the door.

He forgave me and fell asleep on my shoulder.  It was wonderful.  He went down just fine after that.

He slept 2.5 hours before I woke him up.

We all got some rest but then it was time for us all to be up and at ’em again!  B decided that we should go out for dinner – and of course I agreed.  We searched for a nice place with a patio (it was a BEAUTIFUL night) but ended up indoors at a Mexican place downtown.  I love the place, but B does not – so I was a little nervous about it.  RA.GBR.AI is going on right now in our city (it’s a bike ride across the entire state – and it attracts thousands and thousands of bikers, including Lance Armstrong every once in a while) and every place was busy.  But the busyness was fun and exhilarating, and more importantly, it kept Matthew busy.  But the waitress lost our order and never got it in to the kitchen (she didn’t tell us this until we asked 45 minutes into dinner where the appetizers were), we never got drink refills, and it took over an hour to get our food.  We boxed it up on the spot and headed home with a cranky toddler and a fussy baby who was starving at that point.

We stopped for a coffee so I could nurse Bryson but they were closed, so I nursed him on a park bench at another park.  This was actually a GREAT part of the day.  B took Matthew to the fountain to play and he got soaked and had the BEST time!  He came home in just a diaper and wrapped in blankets in his car seat.  That’s toddler heaven, if you ask me!

We didn’t push bed time hard enough and finally put Matthew to bed at 8:45.  I went in at 9:05 to sing to him and I woke up in there after 10:00.  It is so HARD not falling asleep with him in that blacked-out room at the end of an exhausting day.

Bryson slept in the pack and play (because the monitor in the nursery broke earlier in the day) for 3 hours before nursing at 2:00, then stayed in bed with us because I couldn’t get him to nurse on both sides and he was gassy.  He slept pretty well, which means I slept well(ish).

Matthew didn’t wake up and ask for me, even though I sort of hoped he would.  He slept until 7:00:00 (truly) on his own – and that NEVER happens.  Maybe me sleeping with him in the morningshas helped him realize that more sleep is better.  Who knows.  But it was nice to wake up that way!

And today is better so far.

But let’s face it – anything is better than the disaster we experienced yesterday!