All the Sun For You

A mom, two boys, a husband, and a whole lot of adventure!

Wordy Wednesday – Everyone’s Healing


Thank you to everyone for your kind words and thoughts about our Lily. We have had some really hard times here, but we’re doing better by the day.

We’ve been very surprised by how Matthew has taken this. We weren’t sure he’d understand, but he surely does and he has been very sad the last two days. He’s been waking up at night, telling us he misses us, resisting fun things like camp and friends because he doesn’t want to leave us, and saying, “I miss/want her,” when Lily comes up. We knew he loved her, but we didn’t know he’d miss her so badly.

My friend suggested a few months ago that we get a plush kitty that looks like Lily that Matthew can hold onto and love when he’s missing her. Being just 3, I wasn’t sure if he’d “get it” but that didn’t stop me from overnighting one yesterday. The stuffy arrived today during Matthew’s nap and I brought her to him right when he woke up. I said she’s his new “Lily Cat” who he can hug and love when he misses his Lily. He immediately said, “she’s in the clouds. Playing with ribbons. Pink ones and white ones,” and then hugged “Lily Cat” tightly and smiled. He seemed relieved. He insisted on taking her in the car (he doesn’t take any stuffies in the car – just wants balls and books) and hugged her the entire 30 minute drive to speech. “Lily Cat” had dinner with us on the deck, played basketball, and danced with us. At bedtime, Matthew asked for “my Lily Cat” and held her tight during books and singing, and fell asleep with her in his arms.

I am still amazed that Matthew understands this so well. I am even more amazed by the turn-around in his mood upon getting his “Lily Cat.” My little boy was hurting. He was confused, and sad, and insecure. And so were we. We shouldn’t be surprised by his emotions because he is a little human being with the same emotions as us, but we just didn’t think he’d “get it.” But he does.

Everyone here is healing slowly. B has taken this quite hard, I’ve had more moments of tears and sobbing than I can count, Matthew is obviously struggling (but seemingly better now), and Janie and Jackson are depressed and not eating. But each day is easier. Each day is a day further from the raw pain and a day closer to getting Lily’s ashes home with us where she belongs.

We’ll all be fine, it will just take time.

But we’ll miss Lily forever. That is for sure.

Author: Courtney

Hi, there, I’m Courtney. I never planned to stay home with my kids, but I got sucked into motherhood when my first baby came into our lives after years of infertility and multiple rounds of IVF. His brother followed closely behind, something we didn’t plan on after having such a rough road with achieving parenthood the first time around. My boys are IVF cycle twins, conceived on the same day but born two years and one day apart (they were both transferred on the same day in October, but with two years between them). My boys are the best of friends and my husband is a terrific husband, father, and most importantly… friend. He fully supported my desire to stay home (“I just wanted it to be your idea and not mine, I totally want you to stay home and raise our kids!”) and encourages me in everything I do. I am a lover of projects, spreadsheets, fitness, healthy cooking and eating, crafts, selling my stuff on FB (HA!), and the outdoors. If I’m active, I’m pretty darn happy!

17 thoughts on “Wordy Wednesday – Everyone’s Healing

  1. Im so sorry for your loss. I still get teary eyed when I remember the dog we lost when he was 16. Our family dog–he was the best and I still miss him. Losing a pet is so, so hard. I’m glad you were able to help Matthew through this. I hope you all find some peace in the coming weeks and months.

    • Thank you, Esperanza. We are all doing better, but I still feel her in the house sometimes and I mistake the other cats for her if I catch them in the corner of my eye. But that’s sort of nice, reminds me that she’s still in my heart and always will be!

  2. Matthew is such a sweet sweet boy. I’m sure Lily’s absence will be felt for a long time. Hope you all continue to heal. xoxo

  3. I keep meaning to write about this too. It’s been amazing to us to realize how much Stella understood at just 27 months old when her Auntie Jaime died. She talks about it all the time, and if I cry about something, she asks if I’m crying b/c I’m sad b/c I miss Jaime. *heartbreaking*

    • It’s so weird how smart they are so young! I obviously didn’t give him enough credit when I thought he wouldn’t understand all of this. We didn’t use the word, “died,” with him – he thinks she went to live in the clouds – but he surely understands that she’s not coming back to our house. These kids are smart!

      • Ya, Stella says that Jaime died and went to heaven to live with her grandmas and with Jesus. She also thinks heaven is the clouds…so whatever works. 🙂

  4. That is so heartbreaking and so sweet.

  5. Oh goodness, more tears all over again. Such a sweet boy and such a good mama to help him find a way to process his grief and express his love. I have been through the loss of a family pet, too, and it is never easy. xoxo

    • Thanks. B thought I was a little crazy giving him his Lily Cat, but has since taken that back. 🙂 I was just going with what another mom told me to do. So many smart moms out there!

  6. I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s really impressive to read how you have helped your kids deal with this in the midst of your own grief. You are awesome!

    • Thanks. His sadness is my #1 priority, because he’s very sensitive. He gets very upset when I’m sad, so I figured just nip it in the bud and explain to him what’s really going on.

  7. I’m so sorry for the loss of your Lily. Love Matthew and his love of Lily and his new Lily Cat.

  8. This is so sweet. We haven’t dealt with loss since we’ve had kids, but it’s good to be aware that their feelings are real and strong too. I hope each day is getting a little easier for you all.

    • Thank you. We were hoping to not have to deal with this quite yet, but Lily was going downhill and we actually got a long time out of her from when all the issues started – so we got to prepare. Thank goodness it wasn’t sudden.

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