Today was a normal day. I woke up before Matthew, which is always nice, thought about Wilson, and smiled because he was up too.
I didn’t worry about him. I just layed there and enjoyed feeling him say hello.
I’ve felt much better about things in the last 24 hours. I let a day, full of potential, get away from me yesterday due to worry and concern. I know that worrying is normal, but I have a toddler to interact with all day and he deserves a mother who is focused on him. He deserves these final months of being my sole focus, because things are going to change at the end of June. I hate the idea of ruining even a single day with him due to worry.
We spent the morning having fun, watching CG, snuggling in bed with milk and bananas, and showering. I didn’t shower yesterday (I wonder why) and we both missed that – playing in the shower with the bubbles and bottles of soap is one of Matthew’s favorite things to do. He LOVES standing under the water and letting it beat down on his head. I’m so glad we made time for that today! We took our sweet time and we both enjoyed the relaxation!
Vera, Matthew’s girlfriend, came up for a play date. They had a ball. I swear, that girl could beat him to a pulp and he’d laugh through the whole ordeal! She is the sweetest thing to him too – kisses and hugs him like crazy. It’s too cute! I’m so glad we had her up – having her here made things feel normal again too!
Yesterday was just too much. We stayed busy, but there was such negativity hanging over me. I wasted time, I sat around doing almost nothing after Matthew went to bed – and stayed up too late doing nothing. I didn’t even watch TV. I didn’t clean up the house. I didn’t put toys away (something we insist on nightly). I didn’t do the dishes from earlier in the day. I didn’t fold the laundry or wash more. I didn’t enjoy myself. And that’s sad to me. I need to try to enjoy myself when I have these random nights when B is away. Everyone needs “me time,” and I totally wasted it.
Today is different. We got up, we enjoyed the morning, we hosted a play date, we went to lunch, Matthew took a STELLAR nap (almost 3 hours!), I did laundry, I skyped with one of my besties, I picked up the house, I framed Matthew’s first b-day photo (so cute!), I washed all of Matthew’s dishes (even the ones from lunch), and I did not worry about Wilson.
Wilson is going to be OK. I have no doubts. I need to let him rest and enjoy a peaceful mother, because things may not be this peaceful when he’s on the outside!