B noted a few weeks ago that my passion these days seems to be infertility – and not necessarily our own. B is right. I worry about all the people in my reader. I count down the days until people’s lab work, retrievals, transfers, betas, and ultrasounds. I hold my breath as a fellow IF-er awaits blood draws. I have literally cried for many IF-ers who are receiving bad news on top of bad news. I smile in delight when one of my friends gets a BFP, and I moan in frustration when another does not.
Lately, I’ve noticed that for every BFP out there, someone else gets bad news. It’s the way of infertility, right? This is how IVF success rates hover around 40-50% – because someone is always having to try again, when someone else gets to be that lucky “one-and-done.” I don’t know what the overall treatment success rates are across all treatment types, but I know that IVF has higher rates of success, which explains why there seem to be more BFN’s than BFP’s in my reader.
It upsets me a great deal.
I saw the BEST news in my reader yesterday – top of the morning! Someone finally got her hard-earned BFP after multiple IVF failures (still so excited about this!). That news was followed up with another BFP later in the day! Then that news was followed by frustration and fear of a close friend struggling with conceiving. And then that conversation was followed by more bad news for someone else.
All in one day.
The best I can do is not let it affect me and my family, but that’s so hard to do. All I want is for everyone to get the family that they desire, in a timely manner. But that isn’t going to happen. More and more couples are fighting infertility these days. Three of my closest IRL friends struggled with IF and needed IVF. Friends of friends have struggled for years. It’s a trend that isn’t going away. Looking at the friends I have in FB, 33 of 208 of my friends have battled with infertility or RPL – and those are only the ones I know of. That’s 16% of the people I’m connected to in FB (I did not include friends I’ve met through PAIL since we met through IF). That’s a lot. That’s too many.
I know I’m passionate about this. I think I always will be. I think I’ll always cheer on my fellow IF-ers, even when my days of family building are long over. Certain aspects of IF will always stick with me, such as my frustrations with insensitive blog posts or FB updates, comments like “they should JUST adopt,” and knowing the sadness in the eyes of a fellow infertile.
When you’ve lived it – it’s a part of you. It’s always going to be painful, even if it’s not always MY pain.