All the Sun For You

A mom, two boys, a husband, and a whole lot of adventure!

Spreading Hope


Yesterday (Monday) and today have been hard for me.

A good friend texted me yesterday asking me how I’m doing.  She asked when I’d hear for sure if we were, or were not pregnant.  I informed her that I have known since last Tuesday (4dp5dt) and that my blood test would be the next day.  We texted back and forth and then I got distracted – only to return to my phone to see, “Courtney, where are you?  I need to talk to you.”

So I called her.

Turns out that she is pregnant too – and so I got excited for her!  But she stopped me rather quickly and said that I’m only the second person she’s told because she needs to hear about how my miscarriage went.


She is due just a couple of weeks before we’ll be due, but her betas are not good.  Long story short is that she had some spotting, went in to be seen, blood work was done, and they told her to come back (we all know the drill).  She went back, they did an ultrasound, drew blood, and told her that she’s measuring 4.5 weeks for the gestational sac and that they see a yolk sac.  Great!  They were optimistic and told her that she probably has her dates wrong. But she doesn’t.  She KNOWS that she should have been 5.5 weeks.  And then the beta came back only increasing by 60% in 2 days.

I am not a “rah rah” person.  I don’t believe in spreading false hope.  It is very unlikely for you to hear me say, “it’s just too early to test,” or “I bet they measured wrong.”  No – I tell it like it is.

So when this friend asked about my miscarriage and all the things leading up to it, I was honest.  She asked about how my betas went and what they were specifically on what days past ovulation.  The situation is eerily similar.  And my heart broke into a million pieces for her.

I got my beta today – it was a great number – almost half of what she had at 5w5d (I’m 4w2d right now).  Realizing that broke my heart for her almost immediately upon hearing my number.  She wanted me to tell her my news, so I did.  She got a beta too – and it isn’t what they were hoping for.  Her doctor has gone from cautiously optimistic to preparing her for a miscarriage.

We both had betas today.  One of us got good news, one of us did not.

She has an ultrasound tomorrow and I offered to go with her.  Her husband wants me to go (he can’t because their daughter has the flu – and if she didn’t, I’d be watching her so they can go together) but she wants to go alone.  I’m on standby for the phone call afterwards.

She told me that she just wants this over.  That she’s not sad.  That’s she’s numb.  That she’s frustrated.  I totally understand this because that’s how I felt when I was going through it.  I told her that, and then I did something that I NEVER do.

I spread false hope.  Because tonight, I have it for her.


Author: Courtney

Hi, there, I’m Courtney. I never planned to stay home with my kids, but I got sucked into motherhood when my first baby came into our lives after years of infertility and multiple rounds of IVF. His brother followed closely behind, something we didn’t plan on after having such a rough road with achieving parenthood the first time around. My boys are IVF cycle twins, conceived on the same day but born two years and one day apart (they were both transferred on the same day in October, but with two years between them). My boys are the best of friends and my husband is a terrific husband, father, and most importantly… friend. He fully supported my desire to stay home (“I just wanted it to be your idea and not mine, I totally want you to stay home and raise our kids!”) and encourages me in everything I do. I am a lover of projects, spreadsheets, fitness, healthy cooking and eating, crafts, selling my stuff on FB (HA!), and the outdoors. If I’m active, I’m pretty darn happy!

17 thoughts on “Spreading Hope

  1. I’m so sorry for your friend. Thinking of her and praying for a miracle. You are a terrific support for her, keep trying to be there for her through all of this. 🙂

  2. it’s heart breaking to go through it on the friend side….especially if you’ve been there yourself. I’m so sorry for your friend. There are no words only comfort to be offered. It sucks when you get your good news when someone else gets bad news….it’s hard to celebrate when you know your friend’s dreams are being ripped out from under them. It gives a new perspective from in ALI point of view when a “normal” fertile goes through this….they now know a little more than they should ever have to know….

    Your friend and her family are in my thoughts and prayers.

    • YES – this is exactly what’s going on. She mentioned that she knew nothing about this stuff before calling me because her first pregnancy was so easy – and I just ached for her. I hate that she now knows what betas are for (and that she had to have one as a normal fertile) and how they should rise. It’s just awful.

      Thank you for your kind words!

  3. I am so sorry to hear about your friend 😦 I will be keeping that hope for her tonight.

  4. Hoping for your friend. Abiding with both of you.

  5. As I said last night, this is just so unfair. Such a loss of innocence for your friend – one that none of us should ever have to go through. I hope that she ends up with an incredible surprise tomorrow, but I know you’ll be there for her either way. And at least in that way she is lucky.

  6. Oh I’m so sorry to hear this. I think she turned to you b/c she knew you would tell it like it was and not give her false hope. Sounds like that’s exactly what she was looking for, and you supported her in that way. This news makes me sick. I wish no one had to go through losses as devastating as this. Like No Baby Ruth said, I’m hoping for a surprise tomorrow and that you get a happy phone call.

  7. I’m so sorry that this is happening, for your friend and for you. I’m glad that you’re able to be a supportive friend to her.

  8. I just ache for your friend. I wish no woman ever had to go through this, or even the fear of the possibility of this. She will be in my heart today, and so will you my friend.

  9. UGH, things like this are so hard. Somebody is always the flip side of the statistics, and that sucks. Always. 😦

  10. Thinking of you and your friend. Ugh, this is so hard. I’m glad you’re able to be there for your friend though. It’s awful that you had to go through these experiences, but now you know how to be compassionate and caring to your friend. Hoping for good news…

  11. I just read this, was there an update to what happened? I hope so much it was good news. Aching for your friend. Beta hell is terrible.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s