All the Sun For You

A mom, two boys, a husband, and a whole lot of adventure!

Birthday Eve


I lied yesterday.  I wasn’t done crying.  I held it together all day – and then we got home from dinner and I fell apart.

I know nothing is changing – Matthew will be the same baby tomorrow as the one I just put to bed – but oh my heart hurts.

B and I were talking about what we were doing a year ago tonight.  We were getting ready for our scheduled c-section and were unable to sleep, anxious to meet our baby the next morning.  It was a bittersweet night, though, because as anxious as I was to meet Matthew, I was dreading the end of my pregnancy.  I was dreading it because I loved feeling him moving inside me – I always had my little buddy with me – wherever I went.  Not a moment went by that I wasn’t aware that I wasn’t alone, and I loved that.  I knew I’d miss that – and you know what?  I really did for the first few weeks.  But – having Matthew in my arms was better than having him in my belly and tomorrow will probably be similar.  Having him growing and learning new things just makes him more and more fun.

B did say that last year at this time, he didn’t know he’d be sitting on the floor a year from then, with a duck in his mouth and pushing a turtle car.  HA!  B always knows how to lighten the mood!

I kept Matthew up extra late tonight.  I just wasn’t ready to say goodnight to the past year.

Goodnight, sweet, wonderful year full of memories.  Goodnight, best year of my life.  Goodnight, beautiful, loved, cherished boy.

Goodnight, sleep tight, Mommy’s going to miss you tonight.

Author: Courtney

Hi, there, I’m Courtney. I never planned to stay home with my kids, but I got sucked into motherhood when my first baby came into our lives after years of infertility and multiple rounds of IVF. His brother followed closely behind, something we didn’t plan on after having such a rough road with achieving parenthood the first time around. My boys are IVF cycle twins, conceived on the same day but born two years and one day apart (they were both transferred on the same day in October, but with two years between them). My boys are the best of friends and my husband is a terrific husband, father, and most importantly… friend. He fully supported my desire to stay home (“I just wanted it to be your idea and not mine, I totally want you to stay home and raise our kids!”) and encourages me in everything I do. I am a lover of projects, spreadsheets, fitness, healthy cooking and eating, crafts, selling my stuff on FB (HA!), and the outdoors. If I’m active, I’m pretty darn happy!

8 thoughts on “Birthday Eve

  1. What a sweetie pie. 🙂

  2. HAPPY BIRTHDAY M!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. Awww!!!!!! Too, too sweet. Happy birthday, M! Have a great day, lil cutie (and you too, Momma!!)!

  4. So sweet!! I hope the birthday was wonderful! I can’t wait to hear all about it!!

    I admit that I’d read a couple of your posts and thought, well, hmmm, I’ve not been crying about Sofi’s impending birthday. And then last night I did. Haha.

  5. Happy birthday to Matthew!! He looks so cute all cuddled up asleep.

  6. So many emotions and memories that come along wtih that first birthday. Hope it was amazing!

  7. Pingback: A Major Milestone Of Sorts « All the Sun For You

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