All the Sun For You

A mom, two boys, a husband, and a whole lot of adventure!


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Rash

We’ve had a serious situation here with diaper rash lately.  This never plagued us before, but now it’s become a real problem.  Matthew’s poor little tush is raw at the moment and he’s quite grumpy about it (who wouldn’t be?).

We started out cloth diapering when Matthew was born and really, really liked it.  We never had a single blow-out, not a single leak, and no rashes.  However, I bought the one-size diapers that you adjust and they were just too bulky.  They worked fine with onesies, but even with sleepers, they were just too big and made his clothes tight.  We couldn’t put him in any of the pants or one-piece outfits I’d bought before he was born because they wouldn’t fit in the tush.  He also couldn’t rest his little thighs together when he curled up and that just seemed unnatural to us for a newborn.  And finally, with so much bulk down there, we wondered if the poor little guy was getting too hot given that it was full-on summer here.  We used the cloth diapers for 7 weeks and then decided to shelve them for a bit… until they didn’t need to be cinched up so much.  Everyone was happy.

My one regret about our decision is that we abandoned cloth wipes and natural cleansers at the same time.  That was stupid.

I tried the cloth diapers again about 6 months ago and they leaked like crazy (I’m sure I didn’t have them sized correctly), so I shelved them again.  We were used to the disposables, we were still having no issues with diaper rash, and the cloth ones were still pretty bulky so it made sense to stay in disposables for the time being.  We use Pamp.ers Swadd.lers Sensitive, so they really are quite soft and nice.  We tried the cheapies but they felt like paper to us, which means they probably felt like paper to Matthew too.  We don’t want paper on our butts, so why would he?  Needless to say, the last 46.5 weeks have cost us a fortune in disposable diapers, when I had a fortune in cloth diapers stored up in his top drawer.

I never moved the cloth diapers out of Matthew’s dresser because I knew that if I did that, that I would probably never go back to them.  My goal always was to return to the cloth diapers when the time was right.

We think the time is right.  When I changed Matthew after breakfast, his little tush was so red and unhappy.  B whipped up a batch of natural cleanser and I got the diapers out to size them all up.  He’s napping now in one of them.  He woke up crying 30 minutes into his nap, but never got up.  I think he may have wet his pants and realized it, but he went back to sleep and is sleeping soundly now.  I am anxious to see how his shorts fit over the diapers – that will be the deciding factor (that, and if they leak or not).

I forgot how cute these diapers are.  I’m actually a bit excited to get him back into them!  Now that he’s a bigger boy, I don’t think I’ll need to wash them every.single.day like I did when he was first born.  That, actually, is why we have so many (24).  He went through them so quickly and could not stand being wet, so I was washing diapers constantly.  I don’t know how some of you get by with only 12-16 cloth diapers with a newborn – Matthew went through about 14 a day when he was first born.

Oh, the cuteness!

We shall see how this goes.  I am really hoping it works well!  We will still use a disposable at night because, well, he sleeps through the night and we do not need to introduce a reason for him to be getting up.  When we have another baby, we’ll probably have him/her spend the first year in disposables too – it just worked well for us (and Matthew will still, likely, be using the cloth diapers).

The one drawback to this is that I JUST bought a new diaper bag that is the size of a handbag because the normal diaper bag is just too big.  I kept forgetting my wallet, or phone, or keys if I left the house without Matthew because I hated carrying the diaper bag without a baby to go with it – it was just too big and unnecessary.  Now that I’m going back to cloth, I wonder if the new bag will be too small.  We shall see.  I’m sure it will be fine… I’ll make it work!  I mean, who wouldn’t make it work with a diaper bag/purse this cute?*

* I am not a purse person – not at all.  I hate switching things out from bag to bag.  This little bag is completely out of the norm for me which makes me REALLY excited about it  🙂


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Win-Win

We have begun the weaning process.  I am logging our progress here.  I have read a few posts from other bloggers that gave me the courage to bite the bullet and not come up with yet another excuse to not start today.  HA!

I just revisited my milk tracking spreadsheet to see how much of a supply we have built up.  This spreadsheet was my main motivator when I was pumping – it kept me on track and focused on the end goal.  If I felt like skipping a pumping, I would open up this spreadsheet and remind myself that keeping the “average per day yield” up was paramount to our success.  I had an end goal in mind, and I’m proud to say that we have exceeded that by a long shot!

As of this moment, I have 1034.5 ounces of breast milk in my freezer.  Counting the pumped milk he’s already consumed, I pumped a total of 1,301 .75 ounces.  That just sounds insane!

When I started out on our breastfeeding journey, my goal was to get to 3 months before re-evaluating.  We got to three months quite easily (after that difficult initial 6-8 weeks) and then I said that the goal was 6 months.  Then, 9 months.  Then, 1 year.  As my goals got extended, so did our freezer stash.  This was a win-win situation!

Matthew will have breast milk until September 10th or a bit later.  I figure I’ll have to start introducing whole milk at the beginning of September so that he has a smooth transition to that, so I bet that pushes us out until September 12th or 13th.  This makes me happy because that means he will have had breast milk exclusively for the first 14.5 months of his life.

Not bad.  Not bad at all.  Breast feeding WIN!*

* (Prior to our IF struggles, I never planned to breastfeed.  I was going to pump exclusively for three months and be done with it.  Oh, how times change!)


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Matthew’s First Birthday Planning Guide

(This was a page on my blog so that I could keep updating it as I worked through it, but now that Matthew’s birthday is over, I am making it a post.)

Matthew’s First Birthday Task and To-Do List:

1. Cupcake toppers – buy on Etsy? – Found tulle pom poms and will order – DONE

2. Design and make mobile/chandelier – DONE (will be put above cake on table)

3. Party Hats – Buy and then add animals? – NOT DOING

4. Design cake – DONE

5. Make cake topper – #1 and a big dear and a bird on the 1 – DONE

6. Order cake bunting and border poms from Etsy – DONE (got it done in the colors we’re using – not red, white and blue!!)

7. Design and create weights to hold down balloons – DONE

8. Order birthday shirt from Etsy – DONE

9. Order birthday hat from Etsy – DONE (did different color scheme)

10. Design and create Birthday Banner – DONE

  

11. Order cupcakes and cakes – DONE (I ordered 60 cupcakes for the kids, a two-tier adults-only cake (one tier orange mimosa and the other strawberry daiquiri), and a mini cake all for Matthew!)

12. Get invitations photographed and designed by White Linen Photography – DONE
  

13. Send invitations – DONE

14. Buy plates, utensils, table cloths, etc. – DONE (teal plates, green forks, brown napkins, orange cups)

15. Order balloons – DONE (ordered them today at party store – they will fill them up and I will pick them up 2 hours before party.  Easy Peasy!  Three bouquets of 3 balloons, 2 bouquets of 7 baloons)

16. Order Matthew’s presents! – DONE (we are not going crazy because he’ll get so many toys as gifts at the party.  He’s getting two “big” things from us.  Well… and I may did order one of these – checking on delivery times.  I’ve wanted one of these for his room since before he was born!)

17. Rent inflatable bounce house if it’s not too late – DONE

18. Check out paper lanterns for deck – NOT DOING

19. Make decorative pom poms – DONE (I have done them for the entry, but may do more for the mantle)

   

20. Make centerpiece sticks – DONE

Inspiration:

Finished products:

 

 

21. Favors – DONE – Sparklers for big kids, bubbles for little kids?  Talked to B.  We will have sparklers, glow sticks, and bubbles.  Each will be wrapped in a different tissue paper color and we will have a sign next to them explaining what each color of wrapping means, so parents can pick the appropriate favor.  They will all be in a basket at the door.

22. Glue letters and animals on banner – DONE

23. Buy groceries (beverages, ice cream, other food?) – DONE  We will have pulled pork sandwiches, artichoke dip, grilled chicken fingers for kids, nuts, white wine, bubbly, fruit infused iced water, beer, soda, juice boxes)

24. Clean house and get everything in place! – DONE

25. Make Forest Friend Garland for somewhere – NOT DOING


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Reality

So a couple of weeks ago, I was all pumped up about getting my first AF in years, and was super excited to start trying for another baby.  I was all, “we are going to try naturally, hurrah!”  A lot of the ladies I follow have been getting surprise BFP’s and that sort of motivated me – I thought, “if it can happen for them, it can happen for me.”

But it really can’t – or it really shouldn’t.  Everyone getting their surprise pregnancies have similar IF diagnoses.  We do not.  I don’t follow a single person with our diagnosis (that I know of) with the exception of one blogger I’ve followed for years.*  When she first started her IF journey, she was told that they could get pregnant naturally, but that it would take 5 years (statistically).  Well, she did have a surprise BFP – almost exactly 5 years after her RE told her the odds.

I don’t have 5 years.  And I’ve come to realize something else.

I like my RE.  I like knowing that when we go back to try, that I’m only trying for a set cycle and I’m not getting my hopes up every.single.month.  I was using OPK’s this past week to see if I’m going to be back to my regular 26.5 day cycle, or if the breastfeeding was going to make it longer or shorter.  I got no positive surge – but I started testing on day 11 of my cycle.  Too late to start.  I’m not concerned – we know I ovulate just fine so I’m sure I tested at the wrong time.  This past week, every time I would POAS, I was stressed.  Every time I saw that open circle (I use the digital ones), my heart would sink.  Why?  I knew what the problem was (late testing), but it still stressed me out.

I went to Tar-get yesterday and had a month’s supply of OPK’s in my hand when I looked at Matthew and thought, “I don’t want this stress.  I don’t need this stress.  I’m happy right now.  Why am I willing to mess that up?  THESE WILL MESS THAT UP.”  I literally said out loud to him, “we don’t need these.”  I put them back on the shelf, and walked out of that store confident in my decision to not put myself (or B, or Matthew) through the stress that comes with testing.

It was a simple decision.  I was looking at my little boy who lights up every single day of my life, and I realized that this is not the time to be stressed.  This is the time to savor.  This is the time to absorb every hug, every kiss, every snuggle because this time will be gone in the blink of an eye.  Every single OPK test that I used last week interrupted that happiness, and that’s unacceptable.

And then there’s this.  We have 7 frozen embryos and we would really like to give them all a chance.  Honestly, we probably have between 0 and 2 potential babies in the freezer.  We could use them all up and have no baby in the end, or we could get one or a couple of babies out of them.  Who knows.  But if we would have a surprise BFP – we would will still have 7 frozen embryos whose fates we would need to decide.

No.thank.you!

So for now, we will just go with the flow and not test.  Not try.  If there is a miracle, surprise BFP in my future – it’s going to be just that.  A surprise.  Not something we timed intercourse for.  Not something I tested for and stressed over.  No.  There is no need for stress in our lives right now.  That time is coming soon enough with an upcoming FET.  I want to savor this time because it’s going to get a little more complicated soon enough.

And I will say this again.  I look at Matthew and truly think, “you are all I need for children.”  I would love another 1 or 2 kids for all of our sakes, but if Matthew is destined to be an only child – I am happy with that.  Because I am over-the-moon happy with him!

* I just re-read one of the blogs I follow and one of them DOES have our diagnosis.  I am still not changing my plan as outlined above, but it’s nice to see that there is some hope out there!

** Congrats to all of you with your surprise BFP’s!  I am really, really happy for you!


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Birthday Cake Photos

One of Brian’s coworkers took photos of our cake table and mentioned them tonight, so of course I asked her to send them my way since I didn’t take a single one!  There were two other settings of cupcakes, but this gives you an idea of it.  She took the photos as we blew out Matthew’s candle.  That was so fun!

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Pecking Order

I am a firm believer that most families have an established “pecking order” when it comes to the kids.  I know my family has one, and so does B’s.  It’s just very evident on both sides of our families – there is absolutely no mistake about it.  It bothers me at times, but at other times, I could care less.  What I’ve found, though, is that it’s not just a single “pecking order” that exists in each family – I think each parent often times has their own “pecking order.”

Here’s how it is in my family:

  • Overall – my older sister gets priority.  If my parents had had to pick one kid to save in a fire – they would have both run to her room, leaving my little sister and me to fend for ourselves.  My little sister and I would have saved each other, and all of the pets, and we would have all lived happily every after.  HA!
  • For my dad – I come next, then my little sister
  • For my mom – my little sister comes next, then me

This is how it has always been in our family – for as long as I can remember.  I’ve had enough counseling/therapy to be able to accept that this is never going to change, and that it’s OK.  I really am OK with it – even though I’m not the favorite.  😉

What I hadn’t come to realize, however, is that there is a “pecking order” with the grand kids as well.  My little sister had warned me about this, and I think in the back of my mind, I always knew it was going to be the case – but I was just hoping it wouldn’t be.  What is different, though, is that the “pecking order” with the grand kids defaults back to what it was for us – so it’s not nearly as personal as it is for us kids.  My older sister’s kids get oodles of my parents’ time because they’re my older sister’s kids.  It’s that simple.  Again – I have to accept it.

What I have thought through, though, and accepted is that I do not need to expose my children to this.  My younger sister and I had to deal with this while we were growing up because we were under our parents’ roof – there was no place to go if we said, “hey, this isn’t right, we’re out of here.”  Sure, we had each other, but selling lemonade or home-made dog treats (my little sister’s business that actually did quite well!) wasn’t going to pay the bills.  So we had to stick it out and just roll with it.

You know, I shouldn’t be surprised that we’re doing this Etsy business together. My little sister and I have always had each others’ backs (please excuse my bangs, dear God! This is from 2006.)!

What is so liberating to me is that our children do not need to roll with it.

It is my job, as the parent of my children, to tell my parents, “hey, this isn’t right, we’re out of here.”  It’s a hard thing to say because as much as I’ve grown up over the last several years – I still fear my parents dad in a way.  Isn’t that weird?  I think that’s weird!  When my dad does or says something mean-spirited and nasty, it takes everything in me to tell him not to treat me that way.  (I come from a long line of passionate, over-sharing, aggressive people.  You may be startled to read that my dad says mean-spirited things, but honestly, we’re used to it and once dealt with, it just rolls off our backs.)  Confronting my parents is HARD.  I am a “pleaser” and rocking the boat is not my favorite thing to do – but I will do it if my husband, my child, or I am being treated with disrespect.

What always surprises me about myself is that when drama goes down in B’s family, I say things like, “you just need to call her and say this, that, and the other.”  I say it as though it would be so easy for me to do that myself with my own family.  I will eventually do that with my own family when needed, but not without lots of planning, prepping, stressing, crying, and phone calls with my sisters first.  HA!

What is the point of this post?  I really don’t know.  What I do know is that both B and I have had to deal with our families’ “pecking orders” in the last 4 days.  It started with his family, then continued with my own late last night.  Totally unrelated.  Neither situation is resolved.  I am  completely unsettled by both, to say the very least.  I think I started tackling the one with my dad today because I’ve spent several days telling B and my friends that I don’t let my family treat us poorly and that I try to deal with things head-on when they happen.  Then something happened last night with my dad and I figured I better eat my own dog food.  There are so many things I want to say to both sides of the family, but as I have told B, I don’t have a “dog in (his family’s) fight.”  And in my family’s situation – I am just plain scared.  I don’t want to upset my dad because at the end of the day, no matter how poorly my dad treated me, I don’t want to cause a war over something that is never going to change.

Will our own little family have a “pecking order?”  Oh God, I hope not.  But you know, the truth is, it probably will.  What I hope, though, is that if there is one, that we will realize it very early and do everything we can to remedy it.  I mean – we know first hand what it’s like to NOT be at the top of the “pecking order.”  We know how awful it can feel to be the ones who always have to make concessions to accommodate one or more of our siblings.  Hopefully, HOPEFULLY, B and I can learn from this and treat our children with the love, equality, and respect that they deserve, throughout their entire lives with us.

That is my hope, anyway.


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(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

New Toys! Of all his gifts, his favorite (by far) is his set of “Number Bugs” given to him by my cousin. He loves them – and loves their little “bug jar” container even more! (Notice his “Baby Sam” (boy version of Stella) in the photo – I just had to get him his own baby to love. So far, he loves giving Sam the binky – and then taking it away to give to Mommy!)