All the Sun For You

A mom, two boys, a husband, and a whole lot of adventure!


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Where I’ve Been

I have been a bad blogger lately, and not because I don’t want to be blogging, but because some crazy stuff was going on that was taking my full attention whenever there was time to think.

A week or so ago, B messaged me via Skype about a possible move out-of-state for a new position.  The location of the position is my #2 choice on my list of desirable cities (Minneapolis), so I was very optimistic early on.  The possible move was highly confidential at the time and I had to limit my discussions about it with people not in the area.  Thank God for my friends on Skype!  We talked it though before B even got home to really go over it with me, and I had already decided that the move was a good idea for our family because A) it’s Minneapolis, B) the airport there would afford us much better travel options (to visit my Skype and bloggy friends – HA!), and C) it’s still close to my friends and family here in Iowa.  It really was a win-win.

But then I started to worry a bit.  I’m almost 20 weeks pregnant and I LOVE my OB and nurse.   A move away from them would be devastating at this juncture.  The move would have to happen by March 1, and we have a house to sell and it’s not one that would sell quickly (we don’t think it would, anyway).  Paying a mortgage for who-knows-how-long while paying rent in the new city would be financially difficult (I hate nothing more than money stress I and avoid it at all costs).  Packing an entire house of stuff with a growing belly would not be the easiest thing in the world.  What about our embryos back in Iowa?  (I did decide that if we decided to try for baby #3, that I would just come back to cycle here with my clinic = problem solved.)

A lot was going through my mind.  BUT – I was still in favor of the move because Minneapolis is a great city, and more importantly, the move sounded like it could be great for B’s career.

When B got home that night, I was pretty quiet.  I just had a lot going through my mind.  Then he mentioned that things in the current office will likely change next year due to account realignments, and I fell apart.  I mean, I sobbed my eyes out as I cooked dinner at the stove.  The idea of B not working every day with his partner, N, and us not being able to see her and her family as often as we do put me over the edge.

The next night, we talked it over much more rationally (more rationally for me – B was always rational!) after I had come back to the decision that the move was a good thing, even given all the things that had me worried.  During this discussion, B explained why he wasn’t sure it was the right move right now.  GAH!  However, we decided that MSP is where we want to end up in the near future (2-3 years) so it’s good that this opportunity came up to get us to think about MSP as a good landing-place for us.  B said he wanted to explore the opportunity further, but that he thought that he’d pass on it and focus on opportunities here for the next couple of years before heavily pursuing opportunities in Minneapolis.

PERFECT!  We had come to a great conclusion – stay here for now (and birth Baby Boy #2 (BB2) here with Dr. H) and start planning a near-future move for Minneapolis.  This was what I needed to get on with our weekend (it was only Friday night) – and get on with it we did!  The weekend was great!

We did not discuss the possible opportunity at all during the weekend until Sunday night, when I asked B if he was still thinking the same thing that we’d discussed on Friday night, and he said yes.  We talked about risk versus reward and still agreed that growing his career here in Iowa is probably the best option right now for our family.

Then Monday came.  B explored things further and talked with those who suggested him for the position.  He was rethinking things, and I was freaking out.  I wasn’t freaking out because of the possible move because, again, I LOVE MSP.  I was freaking out about the timing of it.  I was freaking out as a pregnant mother of a toddler who would likely have to do most of the packing and moving due to the timing of the whole situation (they needed the position filled and functioning by March 1).  I was freaking out about the idea of staying behind as we tried to sell the house, a process that could take months.  I was freaking out about not knowing where BB2 would be born.

B discussed this opportunity (that went from being a possible opportunity to a slam-dunk if he wanted it) with many people he respects a great deal, and everyone had a different opinion (of course they did!).  I have a very strong business background, so I understand the dilemma that B was facing.  He was needing to make some serious career decisions that were not easy, and I didn’t want to put any pressure on him.  I wanted him to decide what was best for his career and future – because no matter what decision he made, I would support him 100%.

But this was hard.

This past week was a very hard week.  I didn’t cry at all, but I didn’t talk much either.  I withdrew.  I told one local friend about it last Friday, I discussed it twice with my little sister who used to live in MSP, and then I never SPOKE about it again unless B was updating me on the status of the situation.  The ladies on Skype were busy living in completely different time zones, or having babies and the such, so I turned inward.  I didn’t even have a counseling session last week so I couldn’t talk through any of this with Dr. D!  Turning inward is not something I do well  😉

As things unfolded, it looked more and more like this was NOT the move for us at this time.  B made that official just yesterday.  It was a huge relief for me – not because we’re not moving right now, but because the decision is made and communicated.  We have decided that we will likely be moving, though, in the next 2-3 years, if things work out as we would like.

And I can talk about it now.  Which is great – but now there’s nothing to talk about  😉


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This is a recipe from one of my good friends who is a TREMENDOUS chef (she teaches cooking classes on the side and is fabulous!)!!! I cannot wait to try this!

pourhouse's avatarjb's pour house

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You can call me Donna Reed.  Well, maybe Betty Crocker instead.  Let me explain.  I’m on a retro food kick in a big way.  And just so I don’t offend anyone, I’m calling retro foods anything that reminds me of my childhood as well, so I’m throwing myself under the bus too when it comes to age!  I opted for the Betty Crocker reference instead of Mrs. Reed because she was supposed to represent the picturesque housewife with the perfectly coiffed hair, pressed apron, and sassy little pumps who flitted about a perfectly clean and tidy little home.  Hmmmm.  Hair – I have some.  Apron – I have one.  It is stuffed in the back of my entryway closet.  Pumps?  I like slippers better.  And clean and tidy home?  A for effort?  Betty Crocker was probably perfect too, now that I’m thinking about it.  Whatever.  Call me JB.

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It has…

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The Monday Snapshot – Booster Launch!

We had no food for dinner in the house tonight (how is that possible after a trip to Wh.ole Fo.ods yesterday?) and B welcomed me up from my nap with an announcement:  “Let’s have an early dinner – I’m starving.  The grocery store buffet (which is honestly quite good!) or Micky’s?”  This was music to my ears as we hadn’t left the house all day.  We had freezing ran the first half of the day and it just felt good to stay in.  But it was time to get out.

All of us were in our “stay at home” clothes but we did not care.  We packed up some fruit for Matthew, loaded ourselves into the car, and headed to dinner.  This place is awesome for families – super good food (for bar food) and lots of room for Matthew to stretch his legs.  BUT – they only have two low tables that accommodate high chairs and when we got there, a large party had put them both together.  HMMMMM…. what to do?  We decided to try out the booster chair for the FIRST time.

Big boy status!

We ditched the booster rather quickly and just let him sit on the bench with us, but it was fun to try and honestly, dinner went really well.  Matthew ate more than he’s eaten while out to dinner in a long time (an entire large chicken breast, three thick tomato slices, a lot of cottage cheese, and some fruit).  I wonder if the freedom made him more interested in coming back to eat his meal?  Who knows, but it was great!

I don't usually put him in outfits like this, but this one just kills me. I think it's adorabel!

I don’t usually put him in outfits like this, but this one just kills me. I think it’s adorabel!

 

This is my contribution to the Monday Snapshot over at PAIL Bloggers.  Go and check it out – cute photos of cute kids!


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A Major Milestone Of Sorts

I knew my 300th post was coming up, but for some reason, I was off by 1.  I missed it!  My 300th post went up yesterday as my Wordy Wednesday, which is just fine because that was a fun one and worthy of being my 300th post.

What I wanted to do for Post 300 is make a list of my top 30 posts (10% of course) – my favorites from the last 11 months.  I started my blog on February 26th, 2011 and I can hardly believe I’ve posted over 300 posts in just 11 short months.  I bet you B would be surprised too – he will surely now know where a lot of my time goes while Matthew is napping (and when I should probably be prepping dinner!).

That list is now this post – Post 302.  Here are my favorite posts of all time – well – so far!

  1. I Do Cook! – My first post about cooking for Matthew, one of my favorite things from his babyhood!  This kicked off a bunch of other posts with food updates.  We’re still pretty lucky on the food front (seriously, if you’re having problems, give the kid a fork!), but we keep waiting for this aspect of parenting to go to hell after seeing so many other good eaters decide to be picky.  But today?  Matthew ate fajita onions, tomatoes, chicken, and green beans for lunch – and enthusiastically asked for seconds on the onions.  For dinner, he had goat cheese-stuffed grass-fed beef burgers and brocoli.  So far – so good!  Fingers crossed!
  2. I Take it Back – I LOVE this post because it captures every.single.thought that went through my mind during a sleep training session.  Frustration, hope, defeat, defiance – it’s all in there!
  3. My Style – This post explains my parenting style, or lack thereof.  Writing this, I realized that I was a free spirit type of mother and it was really good to write it, and then see it on “paper.”  I like thinking about all the things I SAID I would do (or not do) as a parent that I just am not doing, for all sorts of reasons.  I have evolved in so many ways from the person I was before IF and parenting, and this post makes that very obvious.
  4. One More Time – This post is about my grandpa, a man I love very much.  I’ve posted about him a few times – my visits to him are always very good for my soul.  I think this one, in particular, was the best visit I’ve ever had with my grandpa.
  5. Birthday Eve – Re-reading this one brings a tear to my eye.  I had such a hard time with Matthew’s first birthday, I blogged about that a lot.  I still remember all the random tears from the moment he turned 11 months to his first birthday party.  That was rough.
  6. Reality – A post all about coming to grips with the reality of OUR infertility – and realizing that falling magically pregnant just wasn’t a reality for us.
  7. Weaning Complete – This is the big post about weaning Matthew – it has updates from every single day of the process.  It is full of emotions and I still can’t re-read it yet.  But I do know it’s one of my favorites – if not my very favorite post!
  8. Just What I Needed – I love me RE, and this post is all about my return to them to start the process for Baby #2 (who we can now call BOY #2!).  I was so happy to see them all again, and it makes me a little sad that Boy #2 ended up being so “easy” (B calls him a drive-thru baby) because I didn’t get to spend much time with them this time around.
  9. This is My Space, Right? – This post was sparked by some blogging drama as I started to wonder what all I should, and should not, put, on my blog.  I love this post because it started a very close URL (now IRL) friendship for me with someone who called me out on this.  And thanks to her, my posts starting becoming much more meaningful after this post went up.
  10. Lupron Eve – Musings on starting a new cycle for a new baby, and not being able to let go of cycles passed.
  11. Guilt, Grief, and Moving On – This is the first post, I believe, that really digs deep into the emotions I felt when trying to conceive Matthew. and what those emotions changed in the outward person that I was.
  12. THIS Moment in Time (#1) – I came up with this idea when this first picture was taken – the very moment it happened.  I wanted to capture the memory forever.  This kicked off a small little series that I do whenever I feel the urge.  If something special happens (and is captured in a photo), it gets posted.  I love doing this!
  13. Strategy – A post showing my friends a little bit of “the crazy” that makes me who I am!  This post, and my love of spreadsheets (referenced often), exemplifies who I am and how I live (and try to control) my life  😉
  14. The Mom Stays in the Picture –  Some of my favorite photos of my boy and me together are in this post!
  15. Another Minute or Two – This post talks about my relationship with my late grandmother, a woman I love(d) very much.
  16. On Earning It – My distinction between “deserving” and “earning” things, in life in general, and in relation to TTC/IF.
  17. Not to Pass – I tell everyone about our struggle with infertility, and I explain why in this post.
  18. Ruined for Nothing – I had to give myself a few PIO shots while B was out-of-town.  I was terrified out of my mind.  I reached out to a blogger I didn’t even know, asking for help.  She came through for me like everyone in this great community seems to do.  And in the end, I was a stronger, more capable woman because my fear was all for nothing.  Well, not for nothing… because I learned first-hand how supportive this community is.
  19. ChiBLOGo – There is nothing I can say that will sufficiently summarize how special this experience was (is) to me!
  20. We Could Not Fail – As SRB would say – #EMOTIONS.  This post summarizes our first IVF failure, and the feelings I had while going through that.  Remembering that failure is getting easier on my emotions – I don’t cry like I used to when thinking about B telling me that we had a negative beta – but it will always be one of the most painful memories of my lifetime.
  21. Especially Thankful – This post was misunderstood by some, appreciated by many, and good for my soul.  It still ranks up there as one of my very favorites – because I meant every word of it then and still believe it all to my very core.  So thankful to be done with IVF stimming treatments.
  22. Good With It – This is #2 in a short series of posts going into detail of our IF past, prior to when I started blogging.  This post runs through our first FET that resulted in a very early miscarriage.  I know my outlook on that miscarriage is strangely unique, but that mentality is what gets me through the tough stuff that life throws my way.
  23. Who Knew?  – I loved writing this post!  I know I will reference it in the future when I’m feeling like a parenting failure, and it will build up my spirits to get me through whatever is bringing me down.  Lots of readers loved this post too, and used it as a catalyst to create their own lists of parenting things that surprise them about themselves.  It was fun being an inspiration!
  24. What We Want and What We Get – I still struggle with this question – What do we really WANT (in regards to our families), and will IF, ultimately, decide what we GET?
  25. Defeated – My hardest day, to date, as a mother.
  26. In the Books – Planning holiday traditions, and living them, are two different things  😉  I learned, and documented in this post, what is and is not important to us in regards to holiday traditions for our children.  I will definitely be coming back to this post next holiday season!
  27. The One That Stuck – This is #3 in my little series on our IF past leading up to Matthew.  This post is all about the cycle that WORKED and brought us our little ray of sunshine!
  28. A Promise – No New Years resolutions, just a promise to always remember the struggle that is infertility, and to always think of those still fighting for the families they want (and have already earned).
  29. Life Interrupted – A walk down memory lane, remembering the days (and fun) before infertility took over our lives (my life).
  30. Appendage – A post about how I view my son, and letting his dad have some of the moments that I’ve horded for over the last 19 months  😉

 

My favorite page of all time?  My Favorite Things, of course!

Thank you to everyone who follows along, comments, lurks, etc.!  Having friends out there to share this stuff with makes my blogging life a lot of fun!  I really enjoy the interaction and the close friendships I’ve made with so many of you  🙂


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Because it’s Too Wordy for a Wednesday!

I can’t be wordless about this.

We had our big reveal ultrasound tonight, and had the tech seal the picture in an envelope.  We then went to dinner with a few friends (one was having a birthday) and had one of them open the envelope for us.  When he paused, then smiled, and then said what the baby is, B shouted, “ARE YOU SERIOUS???”

Both hands in the air, huge smile on his face, genuine excitement!

We are thrilled, THRILLED, to share that we are having another boy!  Matthew is getting a little brother!  This is what we wanted.  This is what we saw ourselves with.  This is my dream (so far – because there is talk here and there about a third baby).

I have two boys!  My boys each have a brother!  I get to say, “my boys.”

OUR boys!

We are both so damned excited!

Little Brother smiling for Matthew, who was there to hear that heartbeat!

Little Brother smiling for Matthew, who was there to hear that heartbeat!

 

If you’re interested in more ultrasound photos (I don’t expect that you are!), you can find them on my pregnancy page.


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Where Our Babies Come From – PAIL Monthly Theme Post

This post is my contribution to the PAIL Monthly Theme Post.  For more information about PAIL, please click here. Everyone is welcome to read, write, and comment!

I grew up in a “no questions” household – and not because we weren’t allowed to ask questions.  No no.  Because we had no questions* – because everything, and I mean everything, was presented to us at a very young age so that there were no mysteries.  Everything from “what your dad does for a living” to “where babies come from” was shared and discussed with us in a very mature, adult, matter-of-fact manner.  There was nothing to be shy about or ashamed of in our household because everything was discussed.  Everything just WAS.

My dad read at least one book to us every night before bedtime, and one of the books in that rotation was, you guessed it, “Where do Babies Come From?”  The book** explained it in honest detail, there was no mincing of words or making it sound all flowery and beautiful.  The dad’s parts were referred to as his “penis” and “testicles,” as they should be, and the woman’s parts were referred to as her “vagina” and “womb.”  Dad would mess with us and say things like, “then the daddy puts his peanuts in the mommy’s vagina,” and we’d pipe in and say, “no, Daddy, it’s his PENIS, not his peanuts!”  Dad would say that the egg travelled, “to the woman’s broom,” and one of us would holler, “no, it goes to her WOMB!”

We got it.

We knew it.

We knew where babies came from, and from a very, very young age.  I don’t remember NOT knowing where babies came from.  I don’t remember the first time this book was read to me, and neither does my older sister.  It was just part of life, and our parents (mostly, my dad) made sure we knew.  We were just told not to go to school and talk about it.  And we didn’t  😉  Not out of shame, but because we were told that other children should hear it from their parents like we did.  Made sense to us!

Other topics were just as open in our house.  Drug use (we were told that they assumed we’d try marijuana in college, but that we weren’t to let it be a habit and that nothing else was worth trying – we all honored this), alcohol (we were told that we should always call for a ride if we even thought we may need one and that we wouldn’t be in trouble), smoking (they did beg us not to do this), birth control, etc.  Everything was an open topic.  Sure, you could ask questions if you had them, but our family was so open, that there usually weren’t many questions to even ask.  Most things had been covered in great detail, and in a very relating manner.  We knew that neither of my parents were their “firsts” when it came to sex, and we knew all about their marijuana smoking past.  They related their stories to us in hopes that we would take them to heart and end up not screwing up too much.  And… I think that worked.

So yeah – I grew up in an open household (too open at times?  YES.).

Back to the topic at hand – babies and their origins.

B and I plan to take the same approach with our children as my parents did with us.  Baby making is scientific (even when babies are conceived in a bedroom full of LOVE) and it’s matter-of-fact.  We need to find a book on this that does the topic justice, like the one my parents (my dad, primarily) read to us.  I can’t find that book anywhere which is sad, because it had great, artistic illustrations and like I said, explained it so well.  There will be no secrets when it comes to baby-making and we won’t call it stupid things like “the birds and bees.”  We will call it what it is.  S-E-X.

I don’t plan on having kids who ask me where babies come from, because they will know.  They will know early.  Matthew will know VERY soon.  I just need to find the book.**  But it won’t stop with the one book on where babies come from.  Long ago, I researched books on IVF to explain to children how they came into the world.  I found a couple, and they looked OK, but not necessarily exactly what I’m looking for.  My quest continues but I do expect to supplement the “where babies come from” book with an IVF book and just go from there.***  Again, this will be started very soon and there will be no need to discuss the big question of “WHEN?” to have this discussion with our children.

I feel really, really good about this!

As our kids get older, I’m sure they’ll ask questions like, “why did you have to do IVF?”  We will be honest.  We will be open.  Heck, we’ve been open and honest with everyone around us when it comes to this topic, so why wouldn’t be honest with our children about it?  They will be told about our struggles, our one attempt at an IUI, and our multiple rounds of IVF – and this will all be presented in a way that makes them realize how much they were wanted – and not how painful the journey was to get to them.

There will be no secrets, because there already are none.

* I did have a FEW questions about sex and I did ask them.  One of them was, “how does the man’s penis get firm enough to put in the woman’s vagina?”  At a young age, I knew that a flimsy piece of flesh couldn’t just be shoved up a tiny hole and it work.  The other question I asked my dad (with my older sister present) was, “what is oral sex?”  I was in junior high and I thought it was phone sex.  I’m not shitting you!

** Look what I just found on Amazon!  Where Do Babies Come From?  This is on its way to my house right now, for the bargain price of $4.00!  Will be fun to see if it’s as great as I remember  😉

*** The book I am leaning towards to explain IVF:  I Can’t Wait to Meet You

 

 


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The Monday Snapshot – Rough Housing!

Last week, while Matthew was fighting a nap, we got to rough housing a bit on the bed. He started it, and I kept it going. So fun!

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Holy hell, I originally posted this from my phone and it uploaded the FULL SIZE photo.  No – you do NOT need to see a close-up of my pores!  Sorry about that!

This is my contribution to the Monday Snapshot over at PAIL.  Go and check out the fun!