I have been a bad blogger lately, and not because I don’t want to be blogging, but because some crazy stuff was going on that was taking my full attention whenever there was time to think.
A week or so ago, B messaged me via Skype about a possible move out-of-state for a new position. The location of the position is my #2 choice on my list of desirable cities (Minneapolis), so I was very optimistic early on. The possible move was highly confidential at the time and I had to limit my discussions about it with people not in the area. Thank God for my friends on Skype! We talked it though before B even got home to really go over it with me, and I had already decided that the move was a good idea for our family because A) it’s Minneapolis, B) the airport there would afford us much better travel options (to visit my Skype and bloggy friends – HA!), and C) it’s still close to my friends and family here in Iowa. It really was a win-win.
But then I started to worry a bit. I’m almost 20 weeks pregnant and I LOVE my OB and nurse. A move away from them would be devastating at this juncture. The move would have to happen by March 1, and we have a house to sell and it’s not one that would sell quickly (we don’t think it would, anyway). Paying a mortgage for who-knows-how-long while paying rent in the new city would be financially difficult (I hate nothing more than money stress I and avoid it at all costs). Packing an entire house of stuff with a growing belly would not be the easiest thing in the world. What about our embryos back in Iowa? (I did decide that if we decided to try for baby #3, that I would just come back to cycle here with my clinic = problem solved.)
A lot was going through my mind. BUT – I was still in favor of the move because Minneapolis is a great city, and more importantly, the move sounded like it could be great for B’s career.
When B got home that night, I was pretty quiet. I just had a lot going through my mind. Then he mentioned that things in the current office will likely change next year due to account realignments, and I fell apart. I mean, I sobbed my eyes out as I cooked dinner at the stove. The idea of B not working every day with his partner, N, and us not being able to see her and her family as often as we do put me over the edge.
The next night, we talked it over much more rationally (more rationally for me – B was always rational!) after I had come back to the decision that the move was a good thing, even given all the things that had me worried. During this discussion, B explained why he wasn’t sure it was the right move right now. GAH! However, we decided that MSP is where we want to end up in the near future (2-3 years) so it’s good that this opportunity came up to get us to think about MSP as a good landing-place for us. B said he wanted to explore the opportunity further, but that he thought that he’d pass on it and focus on opportunities here for the next couple of years before heavily pursuing opportunities in Minneapolis.
PERFECT! We had come to a great conclusion – stay here for now (and birth Baby Boy #2 (BB2) here with Dr. H) and start planning a near-future move for Minneapolis. This was what I needed to get on with our weekend (it was only Friday night) – and get on with it we did! The weekend was great!
We did not discuss the possible opportunity at all during the weekend until Sunday night, when I asked B if he was still thinking the same thing that we’d discussed on Friday night, and he said yes. We talked about risk versus reward and still agreed that growing his career here in Iowa is probably the best option right now for our family.
Then Monday came. B explored things further and talked with those who suggested him for the position. He was rethinking things, and I was freaking out. I wasn’t freaking out because of the possible move because, again, I LOVE MSP. I was freaking out about the timing of it. I was freaking out as a pregnant mother of a toddler who would likely have to do most of the packing and moving due to the timing of the whole situation (they needed the position filled and functioning by March 1). I was freaking out about the idea of staying behind as we tried to sell the house, a process that could take months. I was freaking out about not knowing where BB2 would be born.
B discussed this opportunity (that went from being a possible opportunity to a slam-dunk if he wanted it) with many people he respects a great deal, and everyone had a different opinion (of course they did!). I have a very strong business background, so I understand the dilemma that B was facing. He was needing to make some serious career decisions that were not easy, and I didn’t want to put any pressure on him. I wanted him to decide what was best for his career and future – because no matter what decision he made, I would support him 100%.
But this was hard.
This past week was a very hard week. I didn’t cry at all, but I didn’t talk much either. I withdrew. I told one local friend about it last Friday, I discussed it twice with my little sister who used to live in MSP, and then I never SPOKE about it again unless B was updating me on the status of the situation. The ladies on Skype were busy living in completely different time zones, or having babies and the such, so I turned inward. I didn’t even have a counseling session last week so I couldn’t talk through any of this with Dr. D! Turning inward is not something I do well 😉
As things unfolded, it looked more and more like this was NOT the move for us at this time. B made that official just yesterday. It was a huge relief for me – not because we’re not moving right now, but because the decision is made and communicated. We have decided that we will likely be moving, though, in the next 2-3 years, if things work out as we would like.
And I can talk about it now. Which is great – but now there’s nothing to talk about 😉