All the Sun For You

A mom, two boys, a husband, and a whole lot of adventure!

Where I’ve Been

20 Comments

I have been a bad blogger lately, and not because I don’t want to be blogging, but because some crazy stuff was going on that was taking my full attention whenever there was time to think.

A week or so ago, B messaged me via Skype about a possible move out-of-state for a new position.  The location of the position is my #2 choice on my list of desirable cities (Minneapolis), so I was very optimistic early on.  The possible move was highly confidential at the time and I had to limit my discussions about it with people not in the area.  Thank God for my friends on Skype!  We talked it though before B even got home to really go over it with me, and I had already decided that the move was a good idea for our family because A) it’s Minneapolis, B) the airport there would afford us much better travel options (to visit my Skype and bloggy friends – HA!), and C) it’s still close to my friends and family here in Iowa.  It really was a win-win.

But then I started to worry a bit.  I’m almost 20 weeks pregnant and I LOVE my OB and nurse.   A move away from them would be devastating at this juncture.  The move would have to happen by March 1, and we have a house to sell and it’s not one that would sell quickly (we don’t think it would, anyway).  Paying a mortgage for who-knows-how-long while paying rent in the new city would be financially difficult (I hate nothing more than money stress I and avoid it at all costs).  Packing an entire house of stuff with a growing belly would not be the easiest thing in the world.  What about our embryos back in Iowa?  (I did decide that if we decided to try for baby #3, that I would just come back to cycle here with my clinic = problem solved.)

A lot was going through my mind.  BUT – I was still in favor of the move because Minneapolis is a great city, and more importantly, the move sounded like it could be great for B’s career.

When B got home that night, I was pretty quiet.  I just had a lot going through my mind.  Then he mentioned that things in the current office will likely change next year due to account realignments, and I fell apart.  I mean, I sobbed my eyes out as I cooked dinner at the stove.  The idea of B not working every day with his partner, N, and us not being able to see her and her family as often as we do put me over the edge.

The next night, we talked it over much more rationally (more rationally for me – B was always rational!) after I had come back to the decision that the move was a good thing, even given all the things that had me worried.  During this discussion, B explained why he wasn’t sure it was the right move right now.  GAH!  However, we decided that MSP is where we want to end up in the near future (2-3 years) so it’s good that this opportunity came up to get us to think about MSP as a good landing-place for us.  B said he wanted to explore the opportunity further, but that he thought that he’d pass on it and focus on opportunities here for the next couple of years before heavily pursuing opportunities in Minneapolis.

PERFECT!  We had come to a great conclusion – stay here for now (and birth Baby Boy #2 (BB2) here with Dr. H) and start planning a near-future move for Minneapolis.  This was what I needed to get on with our weekend (it was only Friday night) – and get on with it we did!  The weekend was great!

We did not discuss the possible opportunity at all during the weekend until Sunday night, when I asked B if he was still thinking the same thing that we’d discussed on Friday night, and he said yes.  We talked about risk versus reward and still agreed that growing his career here in Iowa is probably the best option right now for our family.

Then Monday came.  B explored things further and talked with those who suggested him for the position.  He was rethinking things, and I was freaking out.  I wasn’t freaking out because of the possible move because, again, I LOVE MSP.  I was freaking out about the timing of it.  I was freaking out as a pregnant mother of a toddler who would likely have to do most of the packing and moving due to the timing of the whole situation (they needed the position filled and functioning by March 1).  I was freaking out about the idea of staying behind as we tried to sell the house, a process that could take months.  I was freaking out about not knowing where BB2 would be born.

B discussed this opportunity (that went from being a possible opportunity to a slam-dunk if he wanted it) with many people he respects a great deal, and everyone had a different opinion (of course they did!).  I have a very strong business background, so I understand the dilemma that B was facing.  He was needing to make some serious career decisions that were not easy, and I didn’t want to put any pressure on him.  I wanted him to decide what was best for his career and future – because no matter what decision he made, I would support him 100%.

But this was hard.

This past week was a very hard week.  I didn’t cry at all, but I didn’t talk much either.  I withdrew.  I told one local friend about it last Friday, I discussed it twice with my little sister who used to live in MSP, and then I never SPOKE about it again unless B was updating me on the status of the situation.  The ladies on Skype were busy living in completely different time zones, or having babies and the such, so I turned inward.  I didn’t even have a counseling session last week so I couldn’t talk through any of this with Dr. D!  Turning inward is not something I do well  😉

As things unfolded, it looked more and more like this was NOT the move for us at this time.  B made that official just yesterday.  It was a huge relief for me – not because we’re not moving right now, but because the decision is made and communicated.  We have decided that we will likely be moving, though, in the next 2-3 years, if things work out as we would like.

And I can talk about it now.  Which is great – but now there’s nothing to talk about  😉

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Author: Courtney

Hi, there, I’m Courtney. I never planned to stay home with my kids, but I got sucked into motherhood when my first baby came into our lives after years of infertility and multiple rounds of IVF. His brother followed closely behind, something we didn’t plan on after having such a rough road with achieving parenthood the first time around. My boys are IVF cycle twins, conceived on the same day but born two years and one day apart (they were both transferred on the same day in October, but with two years between them). My boys are the best of friends and my husband is a terrific husband, father, and most importantly… friend. He fully supported my desire to stay home (“I just wanted it to be your idea and not mine, I totally want you to stay home and raise our kids!”) and encourages me in everything I do. I am a lover of projects, spreadsheets, fitness, healthy cooking and eating, crafts, selling my stuff on FB (HA!), and the outdoors. If I’m active, I’m pretty darn happy!

20 thoughts on “Where I’ve Been

  1. Oh! What a roller coaster of emotions. I can’t imagine! I know the topic of relocating has come up for Babe’s career. MSP was one, but alas it was not to be. I’m sure it will come up again and I’m sure I will probably have the same feelings as you, minus the 20week pregnancy thing. I’m glad you were able to make the best decision for your family! I can’t imagine holding that all in…I would probably explode!

    But it has to make B feel good that this advance,ent was a slam dunk! He’s a wanted man!!! And for the record I have no idea about business stuff…YAY for B!!!!

  2. Wow, what an emotionally intense week. I would not have handled that well at all. I’m so glad that you both were on the same page about everything and that in the end, it worked out for the best. It’s good to know that you can both support each other when big ticket decisions come up like this. I hope next week is more low key.

    • Thank you! I hope it’s way more low key as well! I am wishing you the same thing 🙂

      I now find myself sort-of planning and looking forward to the eventual move. It’s weird how that happens once you can wrap your mind around something.

  3. Relocation prospects–especially those involving out of state moving, an existing mortgage and a toddler–are ridiculously overwhelming and panic-striking at best. Toss in the worry about leaving a prenatal care provider you trust and OH MY. It’s an enormous thing to wrap your head around, no matter how worthy and beneficial it is for your fam. Dude, BEEN THERE. (minus the pg part.) So glad you guys have landed in a comfortable decision about what’s next for your fam and B’s career. Exciting times ahead, lady!

  4. Wow, I can’t believe you have been going through all this over the past week and managed to keep quiet. It is hard not to reach for support in these situations, but you did very well and are strong to have made it through the ups, downs and unknowns so well. I am glad to hear that you have decided to stay put for now as it sounds like that is really the least stressful option for the time being, and the last thing you need is stress… and like you said, money stress… even worse! 😦 I think you have a good plan in put. I know NOTHING about MSP (I can’t even spell it so not attempting)… but maybe I’ll have to find out more by going to visit in 2-3 years! 😉

    PS – From your post and comments above, B sounds like such a wonderful man. I’m so happy you have him! 🙂

    Hope this week is much more relaxed now that you know home is still home for a couple more years!!

  5. Wow Courtney, you have gone through an emotional rollercoaster with this move stuff. I’m glad you and B decided to stay for now and that you are happy with your decision. Sounds like a move to Minneapolis will be good, but maybe not right now with all that you have going on. Take care!

  6. The back and forth would have had me in tears too! I feel that way a little bit with whether or not we are moving in the near future, but we are staying in the same city, same jobs, etc. This is a whole other ballgame. I’m glad for everyone’s sake that the decision has been made, and it sounds like you guys have a good plan for years down the road too. What a great compliment though that B was suggested for the job! He must be a rock star at his job! 🙂

  7. That sounds like a LOT on your plate. I would be freaking out a bit re the birth and the packing and looking after a toddler.

    Sounds like in the long run you are going to get your dream destination though. Now off to google Minneapolis. Don’t really know much about it and I hate not knowing. I think it gets cold?

  8. Damn, girl, I wish I’d been around to listen to all this!!!! But I’m really glad that you guys reached a decision about the (literal) direction you want to take your family in the coming years. And the fact that the move is not happening NOW has to be a relief. Now just keep an eye on B’s career plans when working on #3! 😉

  9. Oh wow – and here I was hoping you’d be moving to Denver!! 🙂 Denver and MSP are my top 2 cities to live in as well. Cities, but not metropolis’ – good airports, pretty central to everything. Both have great downtowns. Lots of pluses. I’m excited for you to move to MN b/c I’d actually get to see a lot more of you! Big time exciting decisions for sure!

    • You should move to MSP some day too! Denver is still WAY on our list – so we shall see. It would be so awesome to see you in person more often!!! When B mentioned this whole thing, I did think of you and your frequent travels there 😉

  10. Man, you are an awesome wife. Not that I didn’t think so before, but this really made it clear. You were so respectful of B’s need to figure things out for his career even though it put some major decisions for the family in the balance for a week. Glad you have a plan now 🙂 and I’m sure B knows he’s lucky to have you!

    • That’s nice of you to say. I don’t think I’m an awesome wife, just gave him the space I knew he needed. Not giving him the space causes him to shut down (this happened last night during a conversation!). I’ve learned what works. HA!

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