All the Sun For You

A mom, two boys, a husband, and a whole lot of adventure!

Category Archives: PAIL


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Father’s Day

This post is being submitted to the Monthly Theme Post on PAIL. Click here to find out how to join in!

B’s first Father’s Day has come and gone, and I think it was a decent one!  My friend and I setup a date for our husbands for Friday night – it was a surprise date and they each thought they were going out with their wives, but we sent them out to their favorite restaurant so they could have a guys’ night “just like old times.”  Our friends are expecting their first baby in September and he was really excited about their night out once he found out about it.  He said it was just what he needed after a long week!  B, on the other hand, thought about his baby the entire time  😉  Sure he had fun, but he missed his baby boy.

And I guess this is how life has changed for B.  We used to go out quite a bit when Matthew was tiny because we were told it’s important to have date nights, etc.  And we enjoyed those nights out, even if we did talk about Matthew the whole time.  But now that Matthew is older and so much fun, we prefer to just take him with us.  I know, I know – we need to have date nights to keep our own relationship strong and fresh, but Matthew is a great dinner date and makes the nights even more fun.  So here was B, out with his best friend, all dressed up for old times sake, at his favorite restaurant, drinking his favorite drinks and eating his favorite food – all the while missing bath time, book time, and bed time… missing his baby.  It actually breaks my heart to write that  😦  I think I missed the mark this year on Father’s Day.

The rest of the weekend kind of came and went without much fanfare.  B went to a beer festival on Saturday (he wished he hadn’t signed up to go) and then we had my cousin’s baby’s first birthday that night and his friend’s birthday right after that.  He stayed at his friend’s birthday bash while I went home to put Matthew to bed, so he missed the bedtime routine again and that made him sad.  I just feel awful when that happens – I know better than to take that time away from him.  I know I didn’t take it from him on Saturday night, but I sort of did on Friday, even if my intentions were really nice.  Sunday was a lazy day and we did house projects most of the day.  I’m happy to say that B did not miss bedtime on Sunday!

B is a terrific father – I could not have asked for a better husband for myself, or for a better father for my child(ren).  He just is so kind, so patient, and so happy with us!  I always knew that B would love our baby, but I didn’t know he’d love HAVING a baby.  From the moment Matthew entered the world, B has been a changed man.  He became a father that day and the very few walls he had built up around him came crashing down.  He became a softie to not just me (he was always a softie with me), but a softie to everyone around us.  Everyone saw the change in him.  Everyone comments on how much he loves Matthew.  Everyone enjoys watching him enjoy his time with his son.

Happy Father’s Day to my best friend!  Thank you, B, for making this beautiful family with me!

First photo of B and his son. This moment changed my husband into the man he is today!


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I Don’t Ignore It

Last year at this time, I was blissfully pregnant and in my third trimester.  I was getting bigger by the day, and as each day went by, I felt closer and closer to winning the big prize.  But I NEVER forgot about our infertility.  I never ignored it.

Being “in the trenches” was the most difficult time of my life, but having my son has not taken our infertility away – it just put it on hold.  Even on hold, I still felt a sting of pain when my younger sister got a surprise pregnancy when her baby was just 9.5 months old (younger than Matthew is right now).  Even on hold, I felt agony for my friend who was working on conceiving #2 via IVF.  Even on hold, I felt my heart race as I went back to review my cycle spreadsheets to see exactly what my first successful beta was when another blogger asked her readers to share their numbers.  Infertility is obviously a very big part of me – and it can’t be ignored – even when I put it on hold.

I remember my mom asking, once we were good and pregnant, “doesn’t this make all of that heartache go away now?”  I was cold with my answer.  “No, Mom, it does not.”  I still cry when I think about our first (and failed) IVF cycle – when I remember B coming down the stairs after getting the call from the RE and me saying, in a very knowing tone, “It didn’t work.”  He shook his head and said, “It didn’t work.”  I broke into a million pieces as he instantly tried to start picking them back up.  He held me on the sofa as I sobbed and sobbed – in a way I had never sobbed before.  Writing this now brings tears to my eyes.  Even having a beautiful, sleeping baby in the next room can’t make me ignore my infertile past (present, and future).

Everyone expects a successful pregnancy to make the infertility disappear – but it just doesn’t work that way.  I can’t ignore our infertility – and I don’t think I’d want to.  Our infertility brought us our perfect little son who we love more than anything.  I would not undo a moment of it – and I certainly won’t, and can’t, ignore it.

(I wish my family wouldn’t ignore it either.)

 

It’s National Infertility Awareness Week. Visit Resolve.org for more information:


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UPDATED: My Style – PAIL Theme Post

What is my parenting style?  I have no idea!  I can tell you what I thought it wouldn‘t be before I got pregnant with Matthew:

  1. I was NOT going to partake in attachment parenting in any way, shape, or form – no way!
  2. I was going to pump exclusively instead of nurse my baby.
  3. I didn’t consider cloth diapers.
  4. I insisted that wearing your baby made them needy.
  5. I wouldn’t even consider being a SAHM.
  6. I stated several times that my kids would not sleep with us – in our bed or in our room.
  7. I was not interested in making baby food – store-bought would be just fine, thank-you-very-much!
  8. My baby would sleep through the night by 3-4 months of age.
  9. I figured we’d do whatever our doctors told us to do in regards to vaccinations.

Guess how all of that is working out for me?  HA!  So far:

  1. In regards to attachment parenting, I dabble in a few of the B’s, and believe wholeheartedly in a couple of them (breastfeeding, birth bonding, babywearing)
  2. I am still breastfeeding my 9 month old – he has only had about 10 ounces of formula in his entire life.  I pump every night after he’s in bed to store up milk for the future.  I am a human cow and Matthew always gets it straight from the source!
  3. We did cloth diapers for 7 weeks.  The only reason we stopped was that I made the mistake of buying the one size diapers and they were just too bulky for him when he was so tiny.  We will go back to them when he gets bigger and ready to potty train.  Right now, I’m being lazy and really like the disposables.
  4. We loved the Moby Wrap and have just started using our Ergo quite a bit.  I mowed my lawn the other day with Matthew strapped to me.  The Ergo goes everywhere the stroller goes for when he wants out of the stroller.  We love it!
  5. I asked B 2 weeks before going back to work if he’d be open to me staying home.  He said he was hoping I’d want to.  I went back to work for 7 weeks just to get a promised bonus and to make sure I was making the right decision.  Best decision I ever made!
  6. Matthew slept in our room for 4 weeks in a pack-and-play.  There were nights we tried desperately to get him to sleep with us. In bed.  We still try sometimes to have him sleep in bed with us – but he is not at all interested.
  7. I make all of Matthew’s food from scratch* (and usually organic and hormone free) – even his breakfast.  He has never had a “puff” or a cheerio – and we are trying to raise him on a paleo diet for all practical purposes.  He is the best baby eater I have ever known.  He eats everything – because I cook him everything (even the stuff I don’t like).
  8. If you read my blog at all, you know that Matthew’s not sleeping through the night yet – and he’s 9 months old!
  9. We are vaccinating on an alternative schedule.

I asked B on Easter Sunday if he was surprised by how “granola” I am as a mother.  To my surprise, he said, “no, not really.”  I am surprised by how “granola” I am – I never saw ANY of this coming. And while I am still nursing my 9 month old, wearing him as I mow the lawn, and making all of his food – I totally believe in structure and boundaries and everyone sleeping in their own beds.  Most importantly, I believe in doing what fits best with your child and family.

I am a blend of parenting styles.  I think we all are.  If we try to be just one style, we’re bound to find something within that style that we don’t agree with and then where does that leave us? I say, ‘throw out the labels and just parent the best way you know how.’  After all, no one knows how to parent your child (not even your MIL – HA!) better than YOU do yourself!

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*  All food is made from scratch except his baby yogurt (Yo Baby!).  This does not fall into the paleo lifestyle but I think we need to let the boy have a treat every now and again.  After all, the government says that dairy is important!

Addendum/Update:  I was just sent this link by a friend of mine.  I suggest reading it – it is hysterical!  This pretty much describes my parenting to a T.  Particularly #30 (including the use of one of my favorite words of all time – the F WORD!):  “Don’t listen to anyone. Other parents will dispense advice like candy (see: This post). F*ck ‘em. You’ll figure it out on your own. Somehow, we all do. Read the books, don’t read the books. Follow whatever parenting method you’d like, or no parenting method at all. Do whatever it takes to work. There’s a study that will validate everything you do, and another study to tell you what you’re doing is wrong. Just f*cking love the kid like you’ve never loved anything, and everything will turn out well. “


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PAIL – Breastfeeding Fun!

Oh, the wonderful topic of breastfeeding!  When we started TTC-ing, I was adamant – I would not breastfeed but I was interested in pumping exclusively.  The idea of a baby being attached to me (more specifically, by breasts) was uncomfortable, and I wanted nothing to do with it!  Well, time went by, and it went by, and it went by – without a baby – and I think that afforded me time to rethink the topic of breastfeeding.

By the time I was in my third trimester, I was signing up for every pre-birth class that our hospital offered.  The one that I was not going to sign up for was the one on breastfeeding.  At that point, I had decided I’d give it a try – so what was I thinking not signing up for the class?  My friend told me I should go so I went.  I am so glad I did!

I was one of the only a couple people there without their husbands, which struck me as odd.  But once the class got going, I realized that husbands have a role in breastfeeding as well – they need to know how hard it can be, they can help position the baby, and they can remember things from class that you may be too frustrated to remember when your baby refuses to latch on.  If I could do it all over again, I would most definitely invite my husband along with me (we didn’t know it was a coed class) and he would go.  He wishes he had had the opportunity.

I learned all about latching, lactation services at the hospital, what all can go wrong, and the different kinds of breast pumps.  I came out of that class convinced that I would not only TRY breastfeeding – but that I would DO it – for as long as possible.

It was not easy at first.  M did not latch correctly and it took a few visits with Lactation to get that resolved.  We even went back after two weeks at home with him because I was in so much pain and on the verge of quitting.  Marg, the consultant, put me at ease and got M to latch correctly every single time.  From that point forward, we were golden.  It took a while for my nipples to recover from almost three weeks of torture, but it worked out and we’ve been nursing exclusively ever since, with the exception of M’s 7 weeks in daycare before I quit to be a SAHM (and even then, he was only drinking expressed milk).

I find myself a little judgmental, at times, of mothers who don’t try nursing, which isn’t fair of me.  I just know that if I had stuck to what I had originally thought, I would have missed out on this wonderful bonding experience with my child.  If I would have believed that we couldn’t fix M’s latching problem, I would have quit.  I, too, would have said, “I just couldn’t do it.”  The truth is, I could do it, WE just needed some help.  M and I had to be taught how to work together.  If you don’t seek help, it’s very easy to quit.  I think breastfeeding is NOT something that comes naturally to many, many women – leading them to think that their body just can’t do it.

I am so pro-nursing that I own a hospital grade pump.  Why a hospital grade pump, you ask?  Because it’s stronger, it does a great job of getting your milk started, and it keeps it coming strong.  Seriously – I tried a consumer grade pump at first and it was doing me no good (or limited good).  The first time with the hospital grade pump produced almost twice as much as the consumer grade pump did the day before.  Here is a tip that no one shares with you.  When you go to nursing class at the hospital, they talk about renting the hospital grade pumps ($60 a month!) but they don’t say you can buy them.  But you can!

Yes, they are very expensive (4-5 times the cost of the consumer pump), but hear me out.  The consumer grade pumps aren’t as strong as the hospital grade ones – hence their lower prices.  However, in the US, you can use FSA (flexible spending account) money to purchase a breast pump – including a hospital grade pump.  You can then legitimately resell the hospital grade pump (because it’s a closed, sterile unit) for about 75% of the cost you paid for it once you’re done with it.  In fact – I spoke with Medela about this and they said absolutely resell it.  If you do the math, you save 30% up front by using FSA money, and then resell it for 75% of the what you paid.  At the end of the day – it truly is free.  When I resell my pump, I will likely sell it for more than I paid when you consider the tax benefit of using FSA money to purchase it.

I tell everyone who nurses to buy a hand/manual pump.  We keep mine in the car, with disinfecting wipes, and I have used it on the interstate, in restrooms at the airport, at my parents’ house, etc.  When M isn’t in the mood to eat, I can pump on the go.  I love it!  I never thought I would be the type to schedule my life around breastfeeding and pumping, but I am!

M was on a very set schedule from the start – I didn’t want to be a snack bar – so we got a schedule down within the first two weeks.  I think that’s important!  I don’t know that we would have stuck it out as long as we have if he was eating on demand and just snacking.

So how long have we been doing this?  Eight and a half months!  I cannot believe it!  Just last week, I said I wasn’t ready to start fertility treatments for baby #2 until after June so that M can be breastfed for a full year (mind you – I have 2 months of milk stored up in the freezer – so this is just me being emotional about it!).  However, he is starting to bite me and that hurts – and he’s also starting to get very distracted and disinterested in nursing during the day, so he may be weaning himself.  If we can get the biting under control, I’ll nurse him as long as he’ll let me up to his first birthday!