All the Sun For You

A mom, two boys, a husband, and a whole lot of adventure!


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One More Time

I was inspired by Allison to visit my grandpa today.  I love my grandpa – he’s very special to me and is my final living grandparent.  No matter what family drama was going on at the time during my childhood (and there was always at least one going on at all times), my grandma and grandpa were always very good to me.  My grandma passed away this past winter and that was hard on me – very, very hard.  I think of her at least once a day – and always when I see something that’s purple.  She loved purple!  I spoke at my grandma’s funeral on behalf of the family and cried through the whole thing.  I was a wreck.  When I got done, I told my family that there is no way that I can do the same for my grandpa, because it would be even harder to get through.  But – when the time comes – I’m sure I’ll speak again on behalf of the family because I’ll want to send him off with warm, spoken words all about him and his influence on my life.

Grandpa is doing well – too well, or so he says.  He told me today that he’s doing too well and that he just wants to go be with my grandma.  I get that.  It breaks my heart a little because I will miss him terribly when he does go to be with her, but it also warms my heart.  Theirs was a love affair like no other – and I’m sure he just aches for her.

Grandpa loves babies and little kids.  Nothing makes him happier than seeing and talking to a baby.  He can be in the worst of health or moods, but the entrance of a baby turns his entire day around. I didn’t tell him that I was coming today.  B had a work meeting in Omaha (right across the river from my home town) so I tagged along.  I called my parents on my way back and they were tied up with doctor appointments, but visiting them was not my priority.  When I got to my folks’ house, I called my grandpa over and over again to let him know I was on my way to see him, but he never answered.  So – I loaded Matthew up in the car and just headed up there.

We found Grandpa in the dining hall – all by himself.  The sight of him alone hurt my heart.  He gets up late so he eats breakfast around 11:00, after everyone else is long gone.  He couldn’t see who was approaching him, but he saw a baby and lit up like a Christmas tree.  When he finally realized that we were there to see HIM, and that it was his favorite grandchild (truly – I know that I am – it’s no secret!) – he teared up.  My heart hurt again.

We had a wonderful visit – a truly wonderful visit!  We watched Matthew crawl and cruise around the open area and laughed as he found new things to explore.  Grandpa told me again how he met my grandma and how they dated while he was in law school.  I felt bad because I had to interrupt the conversation a couple times to tell Matthew to be safe, but he understood.  Grandpa would stop whatever he was saying, and say, “oh, Honey – oh, Honey.  He is just the cutest little thing I’ve ever seen!  Aren’t you so happy?”  Yes, Grandpa, I am!

We went back to his “apartment” to visit because it was now time for the other folks to use the dining hall for lunch.  Matthew was ALL about climbing in Grandpa’s lap.  Had my dad been there, he would have said that it wasn’t a good idea to let Grandpa hold him without help, but I was comfortable with it and I stayed close.  Matthew and Grandpa had a nice chat, and I had a wonderful time watching them.  There was so much laughter and noise – and I know that it made my grandpa’s week (it made mine as well!).

As we left, Matthew waved “bye bye” and I got to tell Grandpa one more time that I love him.  I never know if it’s the last time – so I say it many, many times before I leave.  Grandpa likes to say, “God bless,” as you walk out the door.  I’m not the most religious gal, but for Grandpa, I always say it back to him.

Memories were made today – and pictures were taken.  Thank God for camera phones!

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My First (Almost) Wordless Wednesday

I can’t promise that every Wednesday will be so wordless!

Matthew has a rotten cold, and we did not sleep much last night (I was up until 2 working on his birthday banner – he woke up coughing at 3 and was up until 5 – and back up at 7), but we salvaged the day and had a super fun day together!

I love this boy more and more every day – he is just SO MUCH FUN!!!!

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What He’s Eating

It’s time to do a food update!  As B and I get further and further down the paleo/primal road, we’ve been trying to introduce Matthew to more and more of our foods.  We are not in agreement as to how big a piece of food is too big 😉 but we are in agreement on what Matthew needs to be trying.  For instance, we went to Texas Road.house today and both of us were feeding him our ribs, broccoli, and green beans.  Matthew and I went to Chick Fil A (how do you really spell that place?) very impromptu on Thursday after his gymnastics class.  I had no food for him.  Not a problem.  He ate grilled nuggets, applesauce (a little too sugary for our taste, but what are you going to do?), and yogurt.  Success!  It’s nice that it’s gotten to the point where we can make unplanned stops for food and still be able to feed the boy!

This list is the same as before, but with updates in bold.  New foods are at the bottom:

Carrots -STILL loves, loves, LOVES carrots!

Sweet pea puree – took 3 tries but now loves it! (Why, then, does he not love my split pea stew?!)

Spaghetti squash – no, no, no (I didn’t make him try it more than once because I tried it and thought it was awful)

Butternut squash – LOVES it!

Sweet potato puree – This is his comfort food – it is his favorite veggie.  If he’s having a rough day (few and far between), he gets sweet potatoes

Pear puree – LOVES pears of all varieties – and I love them because they fix his constipation in no time flat!

Apple puree (applesauce) – LOVES it, but we limit it because it can be binding.  I use 4 different apples in one recipe and it’s so good that I also make it for B and me

Asparagus puree – Likes it an awful lot – I dare say he loves it.  We do not love the diapers afterwards because it’s hard to tell from smell if it’s #1 or #2

Green beans with mint – Just so-so, which is too bad because we have a lot of it  He is eating this just fine.  It’s not his favorite, but he’s past being so-so on it

Baby’s turkey – We don’t know yet  Likes this mixed with stew

Whipped cauliflower – Loves this now that he’s used to it.  We treat it as mashed potatoes because of the texture (we are limiting potatoes)

Whipped broccoli – Just so-so

Blueberry sauce – Meh.  We need to mix it with pears to get him to eat it (which is just fine).  I used frozen blueberries and will try again but with with fresh berries I made this again with frozen berries, but drained them.  Much better!  We mix this in with his plain amaranth for breakfast

Cherry puree – Meh.  Again – we mix it with pears to get him to eat it and I made it from frozen cherries which I wouldn’t do again.  I made this again with frozen cherries, but drained them.  Much better!  We mix this in with his plain amaranth for breakfast

Peach puree – Loves this if I don’t overcook it!  We are now using frozen peaches because fresh are hard to find right now.  GREAT for puree.  We mix this with his plain amaranth for breakfast

Nectarine puree – Loves this if I don’t overcook it!

Plum puree – LOVES IT!

Avocado – Did not like it, but we’ll try it again because I really want him to like it (I don’t like avocados and I know I’m missing out!)  LOVES avocados now – especially when I spice it up with lots of cumin!

Potato and butternut squash stew – This is his favorite food that isn’t a pure fruit.  B and I love it as well – it is awesome!  STILL is his very favorite.  We will make this as long as he wants to eat it.  We’re not pureeing it as much though as we used to and switched the potato to a sweet potato to be more in line with pale/primal living

Split pea stew – HATED it (and I don’t like the word, ‘hate,’ but that’s the only way to describe his reaction)!  We will try it again later in the week  I am happy to report that he gobbles this up plain or mixed with apples or any meat.  YAY!

Amaranth and plum swirl – No idea because I just made this tonight.  I’m not crazy about it  LOVES this.  I now make just plain amaranth and then mix it each morning with a frozen cube of peaches, blueberries, or cherries.  I like this very much as well and have been caught stealing it from him  😉

Squash and quinoa pilaf – No idea because I just made it tonight.  I thought it was awesome!  He hated this at first – HATED IT!  He now tolerates it.  I still love it

Baby’s stock – We don’t serve this to him.  It’s used to make his stews and other things.  It smells really good!

Everything below this point is new since my first food post:

Chicken – I bake it and then chop it up in the food processor.  He likes it mixed with his stew of split pea soup.  He doesn’t like it too much on its own

Beef – We use 100% grass fed beef and it’s a little greasier (but full of omegas!).  I will drain it better next time.  He likes it in stew and split pea soup – or mixed with any veggies, really

Guacamole – He loved this at Cheese.cake Fac.tory which made me think that maybe he is ready to like avocados.  He has not met a guacamole that he doesn’t like

Goat cheese – He would eat this all day long if we’d let him

Gorgonzola – He doesn’t like this as much as goad cheese, but he likes it plenty

Roasted red pepper and goat cheese puree – The first time I made this – both B and I were so jealous that we devised our own adult version of it for us.  We all love this!

BBQ ribs – He liked these just fine!

Green beans – These are different from the puree – these are whole green beans.  He loved these (of course – they were cooked with bacon!)

Broccoli – Not pureed.  He prefers this over the pureed broccoli

Yo Baby yogurt (all flavors) – We all love this (HA!).  Why?  It’s made from whole milk.  I’ve been caught stealing this from him too 😉

Baked squash (dusted with olive oil and nutmeg) – He loved this and is now just so-so

Raw pears – if ripe enough, he loves them!

Raw peaches – love them

I am pleased to say that Matthew has still never had a “puff” or cheer.ios.  He is now entirely gluten-free since eliminating oatmeal from his diet.


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Lots of Good News!

I have lots of good news to report!  Some of it is significant but most of it is only important to me  🙂

Good news #1:  I stopped up at the NICU today to deliver a gift to my friends.  I wasn’t going to stay, and wasn’t even going to bother them to say, “hello.”  I just wanted to drop off my gift at the front desk and be on my way – and out of their hair.  The nurses kept insisting that I see “her,” and by “her,” I think they meant the baby.  I kept saying, “no, no, I don’t want to be a bother.”  They would not take my gift and picked up the phone to start dialing their room!  I was just appalled!  The last thing I wanted was to bother these poor parents when anything could be happening at that moment, good or bad.  I sighed and turned my head, and there they were in the room right next to me.  I told the nurse to stop dialing, that they were right there and then I asked, “is that their room?  I can’t go in their room.”  I was explaining to B tonight that I just don’t want to be that person who parades in to see their little baby.  She’s their baby, not a spectacle.  I don’t want them to feel like they need to explain a  single thing to me about what’s going on with her, what the tubes are for, etc.  I want her room to remain quiet and still – and I am not a quiet person even if I try.

It turns out that the room they were in was just the family waiting room, and I was happy to go in there!  So I did – and I am so glad I did!  We chatted and it was really great to see them.  There were tears exchanged but the good news is that they keep getting good news!  This baby is unbelievable – and is on very little breathing support and has no bleeding on the brain.  The one thing that isn’t going perfectly is the hole in her heart and she has surgery for that tomorrow – so please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.  The surgery is routine, but as I said to my friend, as routine as it is, this is their  baby and of course it’s worrisome.

I didn’t stay too long, but you could tell that they would have been fine if I’d stayed a while.  I think the visit was a nice, welcome distraction.  I got a very nice text message later from one of them and I think I’m going to take lunch to her this week.  I am so glad I stopped up and SAW them!  Those nurses know what they’re doing!

Good news #2:  Matthew is consistently sleeping through the night!  I mean – THROUGH.THE.NIGHT!  He goes to sleep between 8 and 9 and sleeps until 6 – every single day!  He even had a rough bedtime last night and I thought that it could be a rough night for us all but no – he slept until 5:56!  Of course I brought him into bed with us and he slept with me WAY TOO LATE until 8:30.  He wakes up crying from his night-time sleep.  I think that has to mean he’s not getting enough sleep.  We put him down tonight at 8:07 and I’m curious to see how he wakes up tomorrow.  Anyway – that is FIVE nights in a row of continuous sleep!

Good news #3:  Paleo/Primal lifestyle is going well!  I did try some things this week because my milk supply was pretty low when I pumped at the end of the first week of the diet.  It got progressively less and less each night.  I dabbled with limited grains and dairy this week and the supply went up – but it was also up on the days that I had no grains or dairy.  I think the milk supply drop was a fluke.  I’m back fully on primal/paleo which means gluten/grain/dairy free.  I only lost one pound this week.  For the two weeks combined, I’m at 5.6 pounds lost so far.

Good news #4:  Matthew fed himself for the first time tonight!  Yes – I know – this is late in the game.  However, when you don’t feed your baby puffs or cheerios, they’re very limited on what they can really pick up and get to their mouth without mashing it all up.  He tried really really hard with peas tonight and got one pea into his mouth successfully!  Now that I’ve seen him do it, we can go back to me feeding him and keeping him clean.  HA!

Good news #5:  Matthew has learned how to get himself down from standing positions all over the house.  WHAT A RELIEF!  This started yesterday and it could not be any cuter.  He does not lower himself with his knees.  No.  He very carefully holds onto his support (me, a table, the sofa, whatever) as he steadies and lowers his tush a little.  Then he lets go with both hands and falls on his tush.  It is adorable!  Of course we cheer him on over and over again!  He stands up at his table just to plop himself back town again for practice/show.  He has not pulled himself up in his crib all week so I’m not sure if he can do it in the crib or not.  I have to believe he can and will if he does it everywhere else!

Good news #6:  I am making progress on Matthew’s birthday banner.  It is getting out of control.  Had I stuck to my original plan, I would have been done by now.

Good news #7:  I am working on planning my friend’s baby shower.  Nothing makes me happier than planning a party!  I am now planning TWO parties (birthday and shower) – so I am really excited!

Good news #8:  Now that naps are back on in the crib, I have been able to do my hair EVERY day this past week.  AHHHH!!!  It feels so good!

See – I told you that most of it wouldn’t be important to anyone but me  😉


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It’s All About Trust

I’m finding that everything I try to accomplish with Matthew involves gaining his trust in some way.  Be it feeding him new foods, keeping him safe, or getting him to sleep – it’s me who has to gain his trust.  It’s not just granted because I’m his mother.

Matthew slept through the night AGAIN last night – and longer than the night before.  We were still up in the 5:0o hour, but 5:38 is better than 5:13!  He whimpered again last night at 3:15 (he must sleep cycle right around then) but got himself through it within seconds and put himself back to sleep.  You may remember that we went through a phase where he would only nap in my arms.  As nice as it is to snuggle your baby, spending up to 4 hours a day in a chair is not ideal.  I figured that he was fearing being put in his crib  and left there – and I think I was right.  Now that we’ve gotten over the hurdle (disaster) of last week, he’s sleeping so well both at night and during naps.  I still nurse him to sleep for both bedtime and naps*, and he now trusts me to transfer him to his crib and come back when he’s ready – not necessarily the next time he wakes up.  Before, I would just get him to the mattress before he would absolutely freak out.  It did not matter how asleep he was – mattress equaled being abandoned to him – and he would wake up fully and scream.  Now, he stretches a big stretch as I lower him into his crib, grabs his lovey, and settles in.  He’ll even look up at me like, “see you in a bit, Mom.”  When he was napping this morning, he did wake up and I worried because it had only been 20 minutes.  But he rolled to his back, stretched, babbled a second, rolled back onto his tummy – and went to sleep.  I about died!

He is waking up happy from his naps (but not bedtime!).  Instead of crying for my attention, he sets himself up as he babbles and grabs his favorite stuffed animal to play.  He trusts that I’ll hear him and come to him.  I can even take my time getting there now – he still won’t cry or scream for me.

I’ve noticed the same thing when it comes to his safety.  He’s gotten to the point where he’ll screech for help if he needs it, and he trusts me when I walk away from him in a big-boy situation (standing up at his table, cruising the furniture, crawling down the hall).  He used to require my presence at all times, but he now trusts that I’ll come back to help him when he needs or wants it.  I know that this is a regular development for kids, but I never equated it to trust.

Food.  My child eats anything I put in front of him.  He used to be very skeptical and would show that on his face.  Now, he knows his food won’t be too hot, too cold, or disgusting (HA!).  He trusts that I’ll get him more if he wants more, and that I won’t force it if he’s had enough.  I wasn’t always like that – I had to learn his cues and preferences.  Now that I know them, he trusts me to get it right (and I usually do!).

Where we have not gained trust?  Diaper changes.  Holy hell – that is a major ordeal all of a sudden  😉

* Ferber says not to nurse your babies to sleep ever, unless they are able to sleep through the night.  If you nurse them to sleep and they already sleep through the night, then you don’t have a problem (that’s what he says).  I struggled with giving up the nursing – I flat out refused to do it.  B read chapter 4 of the book and said, “well, we know the problem.  You’re nursing him to sleep each.and.every.time.”  I told him that Ferber says that’s OK if they’ll sleep through the night.  He pointed out that it’s not OK in our situation because Matthew is NOT sleeping through the night.  He lovingly said that I can’t have it both ways (which according to the book, is true).  I’m happy to report that my refusal to give up the nursing has paid off, and I NOW have a child who naps very successfully after being nursed to sleep (successfully = 1-2 hour naps) and is sleeping through the night after being nursed to sleep.  I CAN HAVE IT BOTH WAYS  🙂


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I Swear He’s Reading my Blog

I think Matthew is reading my blog after I go to bed.  I think he read that we were starting over with the Ferber method last night and decided that he doesn’t want to do that.  He slept 9 hours!

I didn’t sleep much at all  😉

He did a lot of moaning around 3:00 when he usually wakes up, and he was sideways in his crib so I went in to straighten him out so that his head wasn’t up against the rails.  That seemed to quiet the moans until 4:15 when he just quirmed a little.  At 5:13 – he woke up for good and stood up, despite being in his sleep sack.  I couldn’t get him to go back to sleep, and Ferber says not to try after 5:00, so I pulled him into bed with us and we snuggled until 7:30.  I know, I know – snuggling in bed is not part of the deal but he was so tired still, and I saw no reason to torture him with being up so early.

He took a long nap this morning (I forgot to write down the start and end time but it was at least 90 minutes and I think closer to 2 hours) and he did most of it in his crib.  I nursed him to sleep and tried laying him down twice and he wasn’t having it.  After 30 minutes or so, he went down just fine.  He slept for an hour in the car at 3:15 because people were at the house at nap time so we took his nap time to the car.  He went to sleep tonight right at 8:30 – on the nose.

A good night, turned into a good day, turned into a good evening.

I am not even thinking that this is a turning point… but golly, it sure would be nice!

In other news, I was feeling bold today and posted a link to Jjiraffe’s recent blog post on FB.  I have 4 “likes” so far – two from other infertile friends and two from a couple of dear, fertile friends.  I don’t know where this bravery is coming from, but I think it’s a good thing.  One of my infertile friends, who is fiercely private, reposted the link on her FB page/timeline.  I was very proud of her – that alone made my posting of the link so worth the agony over whether or not to do it!

In more other news, I finally figured out how to use my Cricut die-cutting machine yesterday – so I am full-on working on Matthew’s birthday banner.  I’ve had the machine for a year (a gift from my mom) but was terribly intimidated by it.  My sister, who has a wonderful (and successful!) Etsy store, gave me a crash course on using it and it is rather easy!  Matthew’s birthday banner is getting more and more ornate by the day.  Next up will be practice cakes so that I can get his birthday cake just perfect!  Before any of you think I’m this crazy cake chef – I am not.  I use boxed cake and then do all the decorating with fondant and homemade frosting.  I only have two months to work on the cake and that is now intimidating me.

In even more other news, the paleo/primal lifestyle is working out swimmingly.  I am telling you, I am NEVER uncomfortably full or hungry!  We bought the “Primal Blueprint Quick and Easy Meals” cookbook and have made quite a few meals from it (well… B has made quite a few meals!) and they are good!  So, so good!  I am down 5.6 pounds in a little less than 1.5 weeks.  I cannot believe it!  I owe a couple of you either an email or a comment response about the paleo/primal thing and I have not forgotten – just want to give them some thought rather than write randomly like this blog post  😉

 

 

 

 


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Updates

The main things going on right now in my life are sleep training Matthew, and transitioning to a paleo/primal lifestyle.  I have updates on both (this is rather boring stuff, so feel free to click away if you want!).

Sleep Training:

  • I reviewed Matthew’s sleep charts and saw two glaring things – I was not enforcing a solid nap schedule and we were bringing him into bed with us for HOURS every morning when he got up
  • Matthew was only napping in my arms, nursing – every single time.  I was going insane.  I was spending 3 hours a day in a glider
  • I was staying way too long in his room, rubbing his back, after putting him down for the night
  • Since forcing a nap schedule and not bringing him in to sleep with us, everything turned around
  • Matthew slept 10.25 hours straight through the night last night!
  • Matthew has taken 2 naps each of the last two days IN HIS CRIB.  Yes, i still nurse him to sleep but he’s aware when I’m putting him in his crib
  • I get the heck out of his space right after putting him in his crib, and all is better
  • Everyone is happier today than we’ve been in weeks!
  • It only (HA!) took 2 full weeks of Ferberizing (so much for all the, “it only takes a few nights” comments I got from everyone I know!)

Paleo/Primal Lifestyle

  • So far, so good
  • Still need to cut out the dairy
  • Slipped up today and had a small piece of garlic toast that came with my 100% primal salad.  I’m not beating myself up.  It was damned good!
  • I’ve had no more soda since my slip-up earlier this week that I confessed to everyone
  • This is much easier than I thought it would be!
  • As of this morning, I was down 4.4 pounds.  Hard to believe!  I don’t expect this to continue

Other Random Updates

  • Matthew is standing up at his activity table now so I had to take the little spinning seat off.  I am sad about this  😦
  • Matthew has found his voice and it is rather loud.  I love listening to him talk and babble because I know that his speech is deliberate and he is saying something very specific that I just don’t understand  😉
  • I have spent lots of time wondering why so many people against CIO feel obligated and justified expressing their disapproval of the practice on all children, not just their own
  • My wonderful husband got my mobile phone replaced for free, and he set it all up for me.  I really appreciate this.  I hope I’m kinder to the new phone than I was to the old one
  • Matthew is now trying to climb out of his tub (and is quite good at it).  This means that he will get to bathe in the big boy tub and will probably be showering with me more often now
  • Despite Matthew sleeping better, I am not.  I still wake up quite a bit wondering if he’ll be waking up
  • I stepped totally out of my comfort zone and walked down to a neighbor’s  house, knocked on her door, and introduced Matthew and myself to her and her twins.  She is a SAHM mom too and we met her DH the other night who told us she’s lonely.  Well, so am I – so I told him I’d stop down to say hello this week so we did it today!  It was easy!
  • I had lunch with an old coworker today.  I thought to myself several times that no matter how boring some of my days are, I have no desire to be working where I used to work.  This is the job for me!


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Is it Strange?

I was reading one of my cohort’s blog posts yesterday when I was stricken by surprise. She mentioned that she bathes with her baby and that people find it strange? REALLY?

I shower with Matthew once a week or so. He loves his bath time and it’s part of his nightly bedtime routine (yes, he bathes every night), but I LOVE having him in the shower with me. It just seems natural. He skipped his bath last night due to being out too late so I popped him in the shower with me this morning. We had a great time! Our shower is pretty big so he crawls around in it while I get clean. He loves it!

Do people really find this strange?

The first time I bathed with Matthew, he was little…. tiny. He was very congested and the doctor said I should take a bath with him. So I did. It is one of my favorite parenting memories so far. He was so happy to be so close, skin to skin, and I was too, quite frankly! He even cozied up on his own to nurse. Pure happiness for us both!

I look forward to being out of town because it means we for sure will bathe or shower together. Our first shower together was a few weeks ago at my sister’s. She suggested I do it to save time, and was shocked we hadn’t showered together yet. The reason we hadn’t is because years ago, my other sister plopped her 1 year old son in the shower with me (much to my horror!) and I almost dropped him. Truly. He was so slippery and I caught him just as he almost hit the floor. That terrified me, so I just didn’t think to do it with my own child. I’m so glad my sister suggested it a few weeks ago because I LOVE it!

Is it really THAT strange?

As you can see, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this. Another cohort commented that she bathes with her baby but wasn’t sure if she should include it in her “how I parent” blog entry. I am just stunned by this. Who judges such things? Apparently some people do.

So in support of family bathing, I am going to be bold! I am going to go outside my comfort zone here and post something I wouldn’t normally post! My sister snapped a couple photos of Matthew’s and my first shower together. Here they are:

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UPDATED: It’s 12:22 AM

And I’m not up with a crying baby.  No.  I’m up pumping.  I live in fear that if I don’t pump each night before bed, that the ladies will start to dry up and our breastfeeding days will come to an end.  Isn’t that weird?

So, as I was typing this (and pumping, mind you!), there was a knock at my door.  AT 12:30 AM!  I pump in my living room, facing the damned door, because, well, I pump late enough that no one will show up and see me.  Right?  Wrong.  It was strange.  So strange.  I called for B and he came and saw the gal on our stoop, turned off our security system, and answered the door.  She was seemingly drunk, and there was a man in an old, beat up car in our driveway waiting for her (he notes these things in case there’s trouble!).  CRAZY!  She was looking for people with a different last name than us, and people who don’t live in our neighborhood (I popped onto the assessor’s website to check out the name).  It left me feeling quite uneasy.  I didn’t sleep well.