Category Archives: Family
Protected: Updated: Why PWP Posts – an Introduction
“Protecting the Innocent” (and the Guilty)
This is a public service announcement, of sorts.
The holidays are upon us – it’s October which means it’s officially time for our families to want to start sorting out the “holiday plans” for Thanksgiving and Christmas. This time of year takes a toll on me – I tend to get rather pissy and difficult to be around (just ask B). Because I’m an “over-sharer,” if you ask me how I’m doing between October 1 and December 31, I’ll tell you all about my family holiday drama and craziness (I give myself 6 days after Christmas to get the bitching out of my system but then try to have it behind me by January 1).
With that said, I have no idea who reads my blog. I get quite a few hits for someone who has a handful of loyal (and awesome) commenters. WordPress says I have about 10 followers (small potatoes, my friends, small potatoes!), but my stats tell me otherwise. No biggie – keep reading, keep reading, keep reading!
However, I will likely need to be posting some frustrations over this upcoming holiday season. I think my holidays from the past would have been much more tolerable if I had been blogging. I’m hoping that writing about things will let me release them even sooner than my annual 12/31 deadline. HA!
I will be introducing some password protected (PWP) posts. I am doing this to “protect the innocent” from reading about themselves on my blog. HA HA! Seriously though, if you’re not a family member, I’m happy to share the password*. If you’re a family member, please don’t ask for the PW because it will be rather awkward when I tell you, “sorry, but no.”
It’s either this, or get a therapist. I don’t have time for a therapist (or maybe I do – because you know – I am a SAHM with nothing but time), so it’s this.
The first post will be going up as soon as I have something to get off my chest. So far, so good. No one has asked yet what our plan is for Thanksgiving… but it’s coming. I can feel it!
* You can comment here or email me at allthesunforyou-at-live-dot-com for the PW if you’d like it. No pressure – I won’t be offended if no one is interested in these posts 😉
Super Busy Wednesday
We had a busy day – it started at 8:00 AM with a baseline mammogram for me. Matthew went to the neighbor’s and had a ton of fun with his two buddies, V & W. He woke up just before needing to go down there and downed his morning milk in the bathroom while I got dressed.
We then road-tripped to Omaha, just Matthew and me, to see my parents and grandpa. My parents’ birthdays are this week – one yesterday and one tomorrow, so we headed back to take them to lunch. We had a terrific lunch and Matthew shocked everyone at the restaurant with how much he can eat (it is a great thing, you guys, but man – he eats a lot and it’s hard to keep food in front of him. I hardly had a moment to eat myself, and it was one of my favorite restaurants in Omaha!). We saw a mama dear and her two babies in my parents’ yard and they were quite tame, and came right up to the deck for Matthew to visit with them. It was actually quite unreal. I left the camera in my pocket because I didn’t want to spoil the moment. Matthew loved them – just loved them and talked very quietly to them. So sweet!
Matthew slept for an hour on the way down, and over an hour on the way back. This worked out quite well! I listened to Glee 😉
Then we came home and had a veggie/fruit dinner that didn’t go so well. Matthew tossed his entire plate of carrots on the floor in a fit of rage. I could care less if he eats the carrots or not (he ate a ton of veggies at lunch), but I wish he wouldn’t throw his plate. I know it’s because he doesn’t have his words yet, so I was firm with the “no no!” and then took him out of his chair and let him play. I was not rewarding his fit with “dessert.” I then loaded him up again 15 minutes later and he enjoyed is dessert of nectarines (as did I!).
Then, Matthew figured out how to climb the ledge by our fireplace. I turned around and he was standing on it, proud as could be. HA! He understands, “sit down,” now so he got down on his bottom and then panicked because he couldn’t figure out how to get off the ledge. His toes were just an inch or so above the carpet but I think he thought he was up way higher and didn’t want to take the leap of faith. 😉 I just let him figure it out and when he got down, he applauded himself (as did I) and now he applauds every time he gets down from there. Good stuff!
And then we took some photos together because we have not done that in a really, really long time!
Matthew still smells like salmon from lunch. Time for a bath!
Our Road Trip in Photos
I took a major leap of faith and took Matthew on a big road trip – without B. I sometimes wonder what I was thinking! The trip was 6.5 hours each way (includes a 30-60 minute stop) and I wasn’t really sure what would happen on the road. However, Matthew slept for most of the drives (both of them!) and only fussed for 20-30 minutes each time. Unreal!
On the way there, we stopped at an awesome rest stop and I fed him his leftover salmon from the night before. There was a cow pasture behind the rest stop, so we went to visit with the cows for a few minutes before getting back into the car. We hit some rush hour traffic once in my sister’s suburb, but we just car-danced and sang our way to her house.
Once there, Matthew had the best time! They have a dog which makes him the happiest boy alive! Their dog is wonderful with kids and I didn’t even worry about how she would treat Matthew. He pulled on her and climbed all over her, and she just licked him and loved him.
As I’ve already posted, Matthew didn’t feel much like going to bed alone the first night, but he did the second night and slept until 7:10 this morning. That was nice!
We stayed very busy and I’m so glad I took this road trip with him because now I know he can handle it. And I know that I can handle it. It was truly easy!
Wordless Wednesday – Favorite Cousin Edition
Cousin Evan loves his Matthew – and Matthew loves his Evan!
Pecking Order
I am a firm believer that most families have an established “pecking order” when it comes to the kids. I know my family has one, and so does B’s. It’s just very evident on both sides of our families – there is absolutely no mistake about it. It bothers me at times, but at other times, I could care less. What I’ve found, though, is that it’s not just a single “pecking order” that exists in each family – I think each parent often times has their own “pecking order.”
Here’s how it is in my family:
- Overall – my older sister gets priority. If my parents had had to pick one kid to save in a fire – they would have both run to her room, leaving my little sister and me to fend for ourselves. My little sister and I would have saved each other, and all of the pets, and we would have all lived happily every after. HA!
- For my dad – I come next, then my little sister
- For my mom – my little sister comes next, then me
This is how it has always been in our family – for as long as I can remember. I’ve had enough counseling/therapy to be able to accept that this is never going to change, and that it’s OK. I really am OK with it – even though I’m not the favorite. 😉
What I hadn’t come to realize, however, is that there is a “pecking order” with the grand kids as well. My little sister had warned me about this, and I think in the back of my mind, I always knew it was going to be the case – but I was just hoping it wouldn’t be. What is different, though, is that the “pecking order” with the grand kids defaults back to what it was for us – so it’s not nearly as personal as it is for us kids. My older sister’s kids get oodles of my parents’ time because they’re my older sister’s kids. It’s that simple. Again – I have to accept it.
What I have thought through, though, and accepted is that I do not need to expose my children to this. My younger sister and I had to deal with this while we were growing up because we were under our parents’ roof – there was no place to go if we said, “hey, this isn’t right, we’re out of here.” Sure, we had each other, but selling lemonade or home-made dog treats (my little sister’s business that actually did quite well!) wasn’t going to pay the bills. So we had to stick it out and just roll with it.
You know, I shouldn’t be surprised that we’re doing this Etsy business together. My little sister and I have always had each others’ backs (please excuse my bangs, dear God! This is from 2006.)!
What is so liberating to me is that our children do not need to roll with it.
It is my job, as the parent of my children, to tell my parents, “hey, this isn’t right, we’re out of here.” It’s a hard thing to say because as much as I’ve grown up over the last several years – I still fear my parents dad in a way. Isn’t that weird? I think that’s weird! When my dad does or says something mean-spirited and nasty, it takes everything in me to tell him not to treat me that way. (I come from a long line of passionate, over-sharing, aggressive people. You may be startled to read that my dad says mean-spirited things, but honestly, we’re used to it and once dealt with, it just rolls off our backs.) Confronting my parents is HARD. I am a “pleaser” and rocking the boat is not my favorite thing to do – but I will do it if my husband, my child, or I am being treated with disrespect.
What always surprises me about myself is that when drama goes down in B’s family, I say things like, “you just need to call her and say this, that, and the other.” I say it as though it would be so easy for me to do that myself with my own family. I will eventually do that with my own family when needed, but not without lots of planning, prepping, stressing, crying, and phone calls with my sisters first. HA!
What is the point of this post? I really don’t know. What I do know is that both B and I have had to deal with our families’ “pecking orders” in the last 4 days. It started with his family, then continued with my own late last night. Totally unrelated. Neither situation is resolved. I am completely unsettled by both, to say the very least. I think I started tackling the one with my dad today because I’ve spent several days telling B and my friends that I don’t let my family treat us poorly and that I try to deal with things head-on when they happen. Then something happened last night with my dad and I figured I better eat my own dog food. There are so many things I want to say to both sides of the family, but as I have told B, I don’t have a “dog in (his family’s) fight.” And in my family’s situation – I am just plain scared. I don’t want to upset my dad because at the end of the day, no matter how poorly my dad treated me, I don’t want to cause a war over something that is never going to change.
Will our own little family have a “pecking order?” Oh God, I hope not. But you know, the truth is, it probably will. What I hope, though, is that if there is one, that we will realize it very early and do everything we can to remedy it. I mean – we know first hand what it’s like to NOT be at the top of the “pecking order.” We know how awful it can feel to be the ones who always have to make concessions to accommodate one or more of our siblings. Hopefully, HOPEFULLY, B and I can learn from this and treat our children with the love, equality, and respect that they deserve, throughout their entire lives with us.
That is my hope, anyway.
One More Time
I was inspired by Allison to visit my grandpa today. I love my grandpa – he’s very special to me and is my final living grandparent. No matter what family drama was going on at the time during my childhood (and there was always at least one going on at all times), my grandma and grandpa were always very good to me. My grandma passed away this past winter and that was hard on me – very, very hard. I think of her at least once a day – and always when I see something that’s purple. She loved purple! I spoke at my grandma’s funeral on behalf of the family and cried through the whole thing. I was a wreck. When I got done, I told my family that there is no way that I can do the same for my grandpa, because it would be even harder to get through. But – when the time comes – I’m sure I’ll speak again on behalf of the family because I’ll want to send him off with warm, spoken words all about him and his influence on my life.
Grandpa is doing well – too well, or so he says. He told me today that he’s doing too well and that he just wants to go be with my grandma. I get that. It breaks my heart a little because I will miss him terribly when he does go to be with her, but it also warms my heart. Theirs was a love affair like no other – and I’m sure he just aches for her.
Grandpa loves babies and little kids. Nothing makes him happier than seeing and talking to a baby. He can be in the worst of health or moods, but the entrance of a baby turns his entire day around. I didn’t tell him that I was coming today. B had a work meeting in Omaha (right across the river from my home town) so I tagged along. I called my parents on my way back and they were tied up with doctor appointments, but visiting them was not my priority. When I got to my folks’ house, I called my grandpa over and over again to let him know I was on my way to see him, but he never answered. So – I loaded Matthew up in the car and just headed up there.
We found Grandpa in the dining hall – all by himself. The sight of him alone hurt my heart. He gets up late so he eats breakfast around 11:00, after everyone else is long gone. He couldn’t see who was approaching him, but he saw a baby and lit up like a Christmas tree. When he finally realized that we were there to see HIM, and that it was his favorite grandchild (truly – I know that I am – it’s no secret!) – he teared up. My heart hurt again.
We had a wonderful visit – a truly wonderful visit! We watched Matthew crawl and cruise around the open area and laughed as he found new things to explore. Grandpa told me again how he met my grandma and how they dated while he was in law school. I felt bad because I had to interrupt the conversation a couple times to tell Matthew to be safe, but he understood. Grandpa would stop whatever he was saying, and say, “oh, Honey – oh, Honey. He is just the cutest little thing I’ve ever seen! Aren’t you so happy?” Yes, Grandpa, I am!
We went back to his “apartment” to visit because it was now time for the other folks to use the dining hall for lunch. Matthew was ALL about climbing in Grandpa’s lap. Had my dad been there, he would have said that it wasn’t a good idea to let Grandpa hold him without help, but I was comfortable with it and I stayed close. Matthew and Grandpa had a nice chat, and I had a wonderful time watching them. There was so much laughter and noise – and I know that it made my grandpa’s week (it made mine as well!).
As we left, Matthew waved “bye bye” and I got to tell Grandpa one more time that I love him. I never know if it’s the last time – so I say it many, many times before I leave. Grandpa likes to say, “God bless,” as you walk out the door. I’m not the most religious gal, but for Grandpa, I always say it back to him.
Memories were made today – and pictures were taken. Thank God for camera phones!
My Drivel
Someone is having a birthday at this very moment in our house – my DH! I am sitting right next to him (he’s doing some prep work for work tomorrow) and just looked at the clock and realized that it’s officially his birthday right now! We aren’t doing anything too crazy for his birthday due to this paleo/primal lifestyle we’re living. I’m not even allowed to make him a cake! He would rather cook here at home than eat out so that’s what we’ll do. We are going to get a smoker for his birthday present – goes well with this new lifestyle we’re living.
Speaking of the lifestyle, it is going great! I continue to shed weight. I’ve lost 8 pounds in 3 weeks. Not bad! We have found that eating the way we do, that we rarely feel hungry and never feel too full. I mean – NEVER. I have not felt bloated in over three weeks now. That is remarkable to me! I was constantly bloated prior to this change. For the record, I have cheated a couple of times, but that’s because I had good reasons. No it’s not. I did not have good reasons! HA! I went to Wend-y’s once with the intention to get the grilled chicken sandwich and not eat the bun. It was too slippery that way, so I ate the bun. I then proceeded to D-Q for a blizzard since I’d already ruined the day. See how I think?! HA! It was the best damned blizzard I’ve ever had! I did notice a slight decrease in my milk supply when we went to this lifestyle, so I do eat dairy (cheese, sour cream) a couple of times a week as I’ve found that that helps. Don’t ask me why – there is no legitimate reason. I did not use the milk supply excuse for the blizzard. I used the, “Matthew is sleeping in the back seat and he really needs his sleep and I need to keep the car moving so I’ll go to D-Q for an unnecessary blizzard,” excuse.
Big things happened over the weekend!
WE BOOKED A TRIP! I am a homebody – I don’t have to travel. I like to travel, but I want it planned out for me and you’ll rarely hear me say, “let’s take a huge trip to such-and-such a place.” Unless it’s Lake Tahoe or Utah (which are both at the top of my list), you’re just not going to hear me say that. I think it’s because trips were always so stressful when we were kids – my parents just did not make it easy to get to places. Once there, we had a ball – but getting there put both of my parents on edge and now I’m like that too. It’s really too bad. Anyway – so where are we going? B works for a big company based out in the Seattle area and he goes out every July for annual technical briefing. We are going to go the week before his briefing and travel around the Seattle, Redmond, San Juan Islands area. I am so excited! We booked a really neat hotel in Willows and we did it without even thinking – just called them up, asked what the corporate rate is for B’s company, and booked it! I now need to buy plane tickets. I am not at all stressed about this trip.
Matthew put on his swim trunks for the first time and played in my friend’s sprinkler. He loved it! She also filled a storage tub up with water for him to make a tiny little “Matthew pool” and he thought that was just too much fun! I have TONS of photos but not on my computer. I’ll try to post them for”Almost Wordless Wednesday.” There were four little girls there between 7 and 11 who could not get enough of him, so he put on quite the show for them! He continues to be a very social, happy baby. We are so lucky!
We saw both B’s and my parents this past weekend. That was nice! The visit from my parents was planned, but our visit to B’s parents was not planned and I think that makes it fun! We were driving up their direction and decided to see if they wanted to get together. We did go to the Farmer’s Market before seeing his folks but that was sort of a bust. The only food available to eat was pastries and sandwiches, and the produce was not that great – it’s just not the right time for fresh produce in Iowa yet. So – we walked around and got some vitamin D before heading over to my IL’s house for lunch. Matthew played with a super fun train set while we were there and we now think we need to get him one for his birthday 😉
My younger sister asked me to join her Etsy business this past weekend! SO EXCITED! I, of course, asked B his thoughts first but was so thrilled when he was on board! We are working out the kinks and I’m going to pitch her/our product to a local store here. We’ve also come up with lots of other ideas and directions for the business – so we’re in full-on creative mode right now. We are renaming her store and are trying to think of catchy names. This little business won’t be a major income, but it could provide the monthly college fund savings we’ve committed to and that would be nice! More to come on this. I’m joining her slowly so that we make a smooth transition. I’ve already found a local partner to help pitch the product(s) to her own clients and I’m really excited about (and grateful for) that!
Matthew’s banner is coming along so well, you guys! I am so pleased with it! I connected it together tonight and hung extra, decorative ribbons on it as well. I took a photo but B is in it and even though I’m not anonymous here, we try to keep him anonymous. HA! The banner is stored away now until show-time. I did not attach the letters/animals yet for storage reasons. I will put it fully together a couple of days before Matthew’s birthday and I’ll post photos then. I am now moving onto his other party items which include the cake topper/decorations (I changed gears on the cake), cupcake toppers, the mobile/chandelier (the base is made and it worked out great after a few trials and errors!), centerpiece animals (hard to explain), party hats (I will buy the plain hats and simply stick on a couple of things), felt animal weights for the balloons, and possibly a tag for the party favors. Which brings me to a question: party favors or not? I hate them – but thought of a cute idea. I do think it’s stupid though to have to do party favors. What do you guys think? I’ve already gotten one vote and she’s in my corner (don’t do them). The only reason I may do them is if I have time to make the custom tags for them.
What else? Oh – this. I’ve read a TON of wonderful blogs over the weekend. I think Friday was a very profound day for so many bloggers! I read so many meaningful things and it made me question my own “fluffy” blogging. I wondered, “why does anyone read my drivel when there’s all of this good, thought-provoking stuff out there?” That thought lasted just a split second, but I thought it nonetheless. I still need to read a particular “non bucket list” but have been wanting to save some good down-time for it. I read the intro and have already decided that I’m going to do one too (as challenged by the author) but that I really want to put some thought into it.
We go to “the cabin” in less than two weeks now! No – it’s not our cabin, but it’s a nice one that we rented a month ago and we’re going to treat it like “our cabin” and try to get there a few times a year. I cannot wait!
(side note – I just spell-checked this post and it appears that I like to use, “a couple of times,” quite often, lending itself well to my description of my posts as drivel!)
YAWN
Matthew has had a very productive week, and I’ve been too exhausted to blog about it. Instead, I take photos of his accomplishments so that I have a record of the dates. That’s just terrible. Later this week, I’ll properly document his milestones and even list all the stuff he did before I started blogging so that it’s all in one place. Right now, all of that info is on a slip of paper in a drawer in the kitchen – it could easily be discarded by someone not knowing what that list really is. It is rather cryptic.
Why am I exhausted? I’m not sleeping. No one is in this house. Matthew has reverted back to multiple wakings each night and after one night last week in which he refused to relax with B (all he wanted was me), we decided that it is our job to help this child learn to sleep! He sleeps alone in his crib for every nap and at bed time, but he is nursed and rocked to sleep each. and. every. time. This is my fault. I take FULL responsibility for it. I remember the moment I realized that if I nursed him to sleep, that he took longer naps. Since that moment, that’s what I’ve done. Again – totally my fault. My fault = my job to fix it.
We did the CIO method last night. I went in after he’d slept for only 4 hours, patted him, hugged him, etc. Nada. So I changed him. No luck. Then I gave him ibuprofen (teething?). No luck again. So with tears in my eyes, I said, “I’ve done all I can for you but nurse you. you’re on your own, Buddy.” I walked out of the room, turned on the video monitor, curled up outside his door with a book (“Bringing up BeBe”), and cried a little. He fell asleep 10 minutes or so later. I stayed up though because he kept stirring and then fussing. I believe that it is my job to suffer with him. If he’s fussing, I’m up making sure he gets a blanket once he’s settled down, that he’s not wedged up against the crib rails, etc. The whole ordeal took an hour. Sweet J*s*s! It wasn’t an hour of crying by any means, but with the ups and downs, it took an hour.
Today, I read about the Sleep Lady. I decided that if the next two nights don’t go better, that I would try that method out. I would hate to waste the night we did last night and change up my approach on him once again. Well, Matthew is calling the shots here (which is really fine with me) and encouraged me to try it tonight at bed time. IT WORKED. He stopped nursing early, fussed until I stood up to rock him, laid his little head on my shoulder and gazed into my eyes until he was properly drowsy (but not asleep), and let me put him down. I patted him a couple times, stood by his crib and did a few comforting “shh shh, mom’s here,” and he settled off into sleep. I left his room 5 minutes later. He’s been down for almost 3 hours. Now – he’s ALWAYS down for at least 3 hours so I’m not saying that we’re over any humps by any means, but he PUT HIMSELF TO SLEEP! This is HUGE! B promptly reminded me that he was totally exhausted from his big day and had no afternoon nap and maybe that’s why he put himself to sleep – but I. Do. Not. Care. He’s been exhausted in the past and didn’t put himself to sleep.
Maybe all this time he’s just wanted me to let him try on his own? Who knows. I did walk out of his room sad though, and there were tears as I told B about it. Yes, this is the goal. Yes, this is a good thing. But he didn’t need me tonight – and that made me a little sad.
In other news, I strapped Matthew to me and mowed my entire lawn today with him. HA! He loved it – and fell asleep while I was mowing. I about died when I looked under his little sun hat and saw his sweet face sound asleep. This kid has NO problems sleeping – he just likes falling asleep with his mama! He doesn’t stay asleep (which is the problem) and woke up the minute I got into the house. He refused to go back to sleep even with me nursing him, but he was exhausted – so I left him in his crib playing while I showered. That turned into a screaming fest so I went in and swooped him up, nursed him to sleep, and he slept over 2 hours then in his crib. That was when I read about the Sleep Lady and decided to try her method in a couple days. Thank g*d for smart phones – mine saves me every time I nurse him to sleep!
My sister had her baby today. I missed the big event. Shoot! She’s a very pretty baby and I’m looking forward to meeting her later this month, hopefully!
Matthew learned to climb stairs and walk with a push walker while at his cousins’ house. Oh boy – here we go! I do have photos to post, but I haven’t transferred them yet to my computer… because… I’m so exhausted!
All the Sun For You 