I feel like all I do is share little snippets of life here and there on my blog. I used to write long posts, but now I write mini-posts that serve as a highlighter to capture the things I don’t want to forget.
Today is a day I’d like to forget and ignore for the rest of my life, but today is actually a day that no one in my family will ever forget.
Time is standing still again, and has been for a few days now. The weekend brought us an unending amount of sadness over the loss of our friend, Jenny, this past December. There has been a heaviness in our breaths, a sigh in our pauses, a shuffle in our feet. At one point, I flippantly and angrily told Hottie, “I’m obviously still grieving and will be for a long time.” We both are.
Grief seems to piggyback grief.
Our very large family on my mom’s side learned tonight that my aunt has weeks to live. My cousin, this aunt’s young daughter, called me in tears to talk about it. That’s how I found out and I had to be strong for her, and cry only a few tears as she cried countless ones.
When I thought of my mom seeing her sister this weekend for probably the last time, I fell apart. I thought of my own sisters. I thought of Jenny’s sisters. I thought of my friend who had to say goodbye to her 13 year old nephew. So many people are telling the people they love, “goodbye.”
After talking and crying with my mom, the only way I could think to calm myself was to go spend time with my sleeping children. I just wanted to sleep beside them, but gazing at them and kissing them would have to do. So that’s what I did. And that is the only part of today that I want to remember.
June 9, 2016 at 8:46 am
Sending my love and my deepest sympathies. You have lost way too many great people from your life in the last year and I’m sorry you are experiencing yet another loss.
June 9, 2016 at 3:32 pm
Thank you. This one is especially tough because she’s the aunt I’m closest to – she’s been a mom to me when my mom has not been kind. Her kids are so young (22 and 20 – this is Sam’s mom) and that’s the hardest part. As you know, their lives are forever changed.
June 9, 2016 at 9:10 am
Oh hon, grief certainly does seem to piggy back grief. The loss (or impending loss) of those we love is so damn hard. ((HUGS)) to you…
June 9, 2016 at 3:30 pm
Thank you. I know you understand.
This could change my plans for July. Right now, they’ve said 3-4 weeks and I think it will be sooner, but one never knows. I’m still training like a crazy woman for July 23rd!
June 9, 2016 at 4:00 pm
Sorry to hear that – sounds awful.
June 9, 2016 at 9:54 pm
Sending you and and your family lots of love!!
June 10, 2016 at 4:29 pm
I’m so sorry, Courtney. Thinking of you and sending you hugs. Xx