All the Sun For You

A mom, two boys, a husband, and a whole lot of adventure!

Grief Piggybacks Grief

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I feel like all I do is share little snippets of life here and there on my blog. I used to write long posts, but now I write mini-posts that serve as a highlighter to capture the things I don’t want to forget.

Today is a day I’d like to forget and ignore for the rest of my life, but today is actually a day that no one in my family will ever forget.

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Time is standing still again, and has been for a few days now. The weekend brought us an unending amount of sadness over the loss of our friend, Jenny, this past December.  There has been a heaviness in our breaths, a sigh in our pauses, a shuffle in our feet. At one point, I flippantly and angrily told Hottie, “I’m obviously still grieving and will be for a long time.” We both are.

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Grief seems to piggyback grief.

Our very large family on my mom’s side learned tonight that my aunt has weeks to live. My cousin, this aunt’s young daughter, called me in tears to talk about it. That’s how I found out and I had to be strong for her, and cry only a few tears as she cried countless ones.

When I thought of my mom seeing her sister this weekend for probably the last time, I fell apart. I thought of my own sisters. I thought of Jenny’s sisters. I thought of my friend who had to say goodbye to her 13 year old nephew. So many people are telling the people they love, “goodbye.”

After talking and crying with my mom, the only way I could think to calm myself was to go spend time with my sleeping children. I just wanted to sleep beside them, but gazing at them and kissing them would have to do. So that’s what I did. And that is the only part of today that I want to remember.

 

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Author: Courtney

Hi, there, I’m Courtney. I never planned to stay home with my kids, but I got sucked into motherhood when my first baby came into our lives after years of infertility and multiple rounds of IVF. His brother followed closely behind, something we didn’t plan on after having such a rough road with achieving parenthood the first time around. My boys are IVF cycle twins, conceived on the same day but born two years and one day apart (they were both transferred on the same day in October, but with two years between them). My boys are the best of friends and my husband is a terrific husband, father, and most importantly… friend. He fully supported my desire to stay home (“I just wanted it to be your idea and not mine, I totally want you to stay home and raise our kids!”) and encourages me in everything I do. I am a lover of projects, spreadsheets, fitness, healthy cooking and eating, crafts, selling my stuff on FB (HA!), and the outdoors. If I’m active, I’m pretty darn happy!

7 thoughts on “Grief Piggybacks Grief

  1. Sending my love and my deepest sympathies. You have lost way too many great people from your life in the last year and I’m sorry you are experiencing yet another loss.

    • Thank you. This one is especially tough because she’s the aunt I’m closest to – she’s been a mom to me when my mom has not been kind. Her kids are so young (22 and 20 – this is Sam’s mom) and that’s the hardest part. As you know, their lives are forever changed.

  2. Oh hon, grief certainly does seem to piggy back grief. The loss (or impending loss) of those we love is so damn hard. ((HUGS)) to you…

    • Thank you. I know you understand.

      This could change my plans for July. Right now, they’ve said 3-4 weeks and I think it will be sooner, but one never knows. I’m still training like a crazy woman for July 23rd!

  3. Sorry to hear that – sounds awful.

  4. Sending you and and your family lots of love!!

  5. I’m so sorry, Courtney. Thinking of you and sending you hugs. Xx

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