I got this text from a good friend today:
“Do you ever have complete meltdowns or are you always super mom?”
I laughed out loud, and then responded honestly. No mom is super mom, and I’m far from it. Hottie has been traveling the last two weeks and my kids are feeling the toll and stress that puts on me and my (very quick) temper. The last two days were not my proudest parenting days and today was only better because I finally got to run, drink diet Pepsi, and eat Chipotle. It’s the small things, ladies, that calm my nerves!
But being perfectly honest, if my kids had mobile phones, they’d post pictures to FB of me losing my mind at them and tag them #worstMomEver.
I’m totally serious.
All moms have bad days. All moms have bad weeks. Parenting is not always lovely, in fact, it usually is NOT. What we see on FB are the good times, and that’s because public self deprecation helps no one. And I know that I post the good times so I have those to reflect on and remember when things are far from good.
Find the little things that help you survive, let go of the shame in needing those things to survive, and move on after you lose your mind with your kids. We all loose or minds… A LOT.
** (My latest post to FB after having one of those “desperate mom conversations” via text messaging.)
April 1, 2016 at 3:18 pm
I love this post. I really do. Because, I swear, most days I feel like a horrid mother constantly yelling at my two little girls and losing my temper. I oftentimes forget that these little people, whom I love more than anything in the world, are just CHILDREN. So they don’t understand why things are important to me and not to them or why being on time or not eating while sitting on the couch is annoying to Mommy. Sigh. I try to pick myself up most days by saying I’m actually doing a pretty good job. But for the most part, I feel like I’m failing miserably and my own personal hash tag should always be #WorstMomEver or #DeadBeatMom because I let my kid watch too much TV or I’m constantly late for things or they’re eating hot dogs AGAIN instead of organic, grass-fed beef like they’re supposed to be eating.
Anyway, this is a long way of saying thank you. Thank you for posting this because sometimes it’s hard to see that other moms are struggling, too, what with how pretty social media makes people out to be. How perfect their lives are. That they never have meltdowns or cry in the bathroom while their 17 month old bangs outside the door. Because this is a REAL post from a REAL person. And I just really appreciate that :).
April 1, 2016 at 3:59 pm
It’s great that your friend has such a high opinion of your parenting!
I, too, have bad moments and bad days with my kids, and I feel guilty about them because (1) I hold myself to a high standard, and (2) I work full time outside the home, so I want the time I *am* with my sons to be perfect. But I am working on this for a few reasons. . . most notable because I actually think it does our children a disservice to never see their parents fail at things or struggle with difficult emotions.
Failure is an inevitable part of being human, and my sons are going to have struggles in their lives just like everyone else, however much I might wish it were otherwise. Perhaps in seeing me try and fail and try again, they can learn some valuable lessons about how to handle those struggles. 🙂
April 1, 2016 at 5:24 pm
I really like this – except that I disagree with one point. I think public self-deprecation helps everyone. That is what this post is about- we all make mistakes and have bad days as parents. It helps people to know that.
I have crystallized good parenting down to two things. 1) You should love your kids and want them to be happy. 2) Your kids should know – and I mean really KNOW – in their hearts – that you love them and want them to be happy.
If those two things are established you can make all the human mistakes in the world and they won’t really matter.
April 1, 2016 at 6:10 pm
By self deprecating, I mean, “I’m the worst mother ever,” and really, really torturing yourself for the bad things you may have done while parenting. I think we’re too hard on ourselves, and it’s not kind to ourselves to self deprecate in any manner. I’m a big old “silver lining” kind of gal, and just can’t see the point in shaming myself publicly. I wouldn’t shame someone else, especially publicly, so why do that to myself, you know?
Thanks for the comment! 😊
April 1, 2016 at 6:23 pm
I guess I have only ever thought of the the term “self-deprecating” in the sense of humor. The idea of tearing one’s self down for real – and publicly to boot – is foreign to me.
April 1, 2016 at 6:27 pm
Yes, same here. But I see it a lot, and it makes me sad.
April 1, 2016 at 10:23 pm
Im new to this mom thing, but i already totally get this!!
April 2, 2016 at 7:17 am
Well said Courtney!! These past two weeks especially I have been struggling as we’ve been fostering another little girl whose mum passed away. I feel bad because I imagined myself being this sweet, kind, always caring mother figure for her during these hard days (which I hope at least in some ways I am being), but a lot of the time, with 3 kids (ages 5, 4, and 1 1/2), I am losing my temper with them just talking too much, touching/climbing on me too much, asking too many questions, all wanting to sleep next to me, which I know isn’t fair because they are just kids and those aren’t even naughty behaviours, they are behaviours that just show they want/need/love me but as I have been saying to them all week, “Can’t you guys just give me a little break?!?!?” and then of course they have been throwing actual naughty behaviours in there too which doesn’t help when my temper is already feeling short. So yeah, this post.. I am feeling it right now. xo
April 4, 2016 at 3:16 am
You, my friend, are amazing.
April 4, 2016 at 3:18 am
I can see why your friend would turn to you, not only because you really are a fantastic mom, but also because you ALWAYS tell it like it is. A fabulous combo when you need some mom-to-mom therapy. 😉
As you know, my mom is visiting here for a number of weeks. She really IS supermom in my eyes and is almost everything I hope to be. But spending so much time together I can see little things that I’d do differently. Not better, but differently. And it’s been really, really good for me to see, because we are all doing it our own way and I don’t have to emulate her in everything to also rock it.
Good post, as always.
April 4, 2016 at 11:28 am
You are definitely a person that comes to mind when I need to reach out and vent about parenting, relationships, just life in general. We had a rough Saturday just the kids and I, but things did a 180 on Sunday and it was a refreshing change. Day to day is hard – even minute by minute sometimes.