I don’t even know how to start this post, and I wonder why I’m putting it out there in the first place.  But, this is part of my life and I need to say it because it’s my reality.

My aunt has lots of cancer.  My aunt, the one who has been so supportive of me and is the mother of my favorite cousin (SK who lived with us this summer, and she’s also Sam’s mom), looks to have liver, pancreatic, stomach, and bone metastatic lesions.  The clinical report was sent to the entire family and although it’s not conclusive, the oncologist is pretty sure he’s right and that this is not curable.  He does say, though, that it’s somewhat manageable.

I’m always a realist, but can usually snap into a hopeful mood about these types of things pretty quickly.  This time, I just can’t get there.  It’s just too close to Jenny dying, and my friend’s nephew dying, of cancer to feel all, “rah rah rah you’ll beat this.”

Because so far, the people I’ve known and loved with cancer recently… they haven’t beat it.  And in our family, on both my dad’s and mom’s side, no one has died of cancer.  We knew a time would come that our luck would run out, but this is rather shocking.  My aunt K is the youngest of 7, and she’s 10 years younger than my mom who is the 6th child.  When Sam was hurt this past summer, it was really hard because he was the youngest grandchild, everyone’s baby.  My aunt K is her siblings’ baby, and this is feeling like it just can’t be.

So… 2016 isn’t starting out so great.  We didn’t even get out of January without devastating news.

I feel like a serious weight is sitting on me.  Not resting briefly, but camping out.