I’m ashamed to admit this, but here it is.
The other kid left the ICU today. Sam did not. As they wheeled the other kid down the hall to the elevators, his family happily following behind, I felt bitter. The same bitterness that I was ashamed of when trying to get pregnant… Happy for them, sad for us.
This is not how it was supposed to go.
36 more critical hours…
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Hi, there, I’m Courtney. I never planned to stay home with my kids, but I got sucked into motherhood when my first baby came into our lives after years of infertility and multiple rounds of IVF. His brother followed closely behind, something we didn’t plan on after having such a rough road with achieving parenthood the first time around. My boys are IVF cycle twins, conceived on the same day but born two years and one day apart (they were both transferred on the same day in October, but with two years between them). My boys are the best of friends and my husband is a terrific husband, father, and most importantly… friend. He fully supported my desire to stay home (“I just wanted it to be your idea and not mine, I totally want you to stay home and raise our kids!”) and encourages me in everything I do.
I am a lover of projects, spreadsheets, fitness, healthy cooking and eating, crafts, selling my stuff on FB (HA!), and the outdoors. If I’m active, I’m pretty darn happy!
All the Sun For You 
May 31, 2015 at 8:37 pm
Sending you so much love right now. Remember, as much as you may not like these feelings, they are normal.
May 31, 2015 at 9:25 pm
Oh my goodness, I’ve been thinking about your family all day. Praying Sam strengthens quickly and is out of the ICU soon as well.
June 1, 2015 at 4:41 am
I’ve been thinking a lot about you – these feeling so understandable! Hoping things are improving.
June 1, 2015 at 7:59 am
Oh, Courtney! I am sending so many hugs and so much strength to you and your family.
June 1, 2015 at 9:00 pm
Hugs and hopes for improvement for Sam.