… There will be no reconsiderations on the size of our family.
I had my annual appointment with Dr. H two weeks ago. He asked where we were on family planning, I told him about our recent decision to stop at 2 kids, he talked about wishing he’d had a third but that two is easier, and then we talked about my uterus. He said that between my post-delivery appointment last August and now, he’s “lost two kids to that.” I asked, “a uterine window?” and he said, “I don’t think you understand what you had.
He explained it quite frankly. That what I had (uterine window) was simply a pre-rupture – that given its location, size, and the size of Bryson, that even minor laboring would have caused a rupture of “catastrophic proportions.” The uterine window is what happens just before a rupture – it’s all that’s there keeping the baby in the uterus and it’s only a very thin, clear membrane that is incredibly fragile. He said that if we chose to have a third baby, that it must be a singleton (“MUST”) and that he’d deliver at 36 weeks to reduce my risk, “but I lost one of those babies at 22 weeks and the other at 34 weeks – a planned 36 week delivery wouldn’t have saved them.” My chances of having another uterine window are between 40% and 50%.
So we’re really done.
Hottie asked, “did you ask Dr. H if he would have let M (his wife) have another baby if she’d had the same thing?” I said I didn’t ask because it was obvious – he would not have. They stopped at 2 because of their first pregnancy being septic and the second one having a health risk to the baby (but she was fine). As he said, “having a third would have been playing with fire.” That’s how we feel too.
I walked out of there a little sad. A little relieved. A little devastated. A little at peace.
I mean, there is something to be said for knowing you’re done because you just shouldn’t have more. We have a very good medical reason to stop, and we’re taking it seriously… so that’s it… we’re done.
December 2, 2014 at 7:16 am
Whoa- that’s a lot to take in- I can totally understand the range of emotions. I am heartbroken for those 2 families who lost their babies due to this condition. I am so happy that you have your precious boys and can feel confident in your decision to be done.
December 2, 2014 at 7:27 am
How scary! That seems like high odds that he’s lost two babies to that just in the last few months! Personally I think I’d prefer having a medical condition being the reason we are done with kids, versus money or something else. But as you know, we are done too and I’m at peace with that now. I’m glad you both are too, even though it still can be a little sad at times.
December 2, 2014 at 8:44 am
Wow! Reading this gave me goosebumps. I can imagine how you feel….the feeling of relieved it backs up your decision and sad as you definitely can’t change your mind without the risk of it happening again. I am glad you are at peace. Your family of 4 is just perfect 🙂
December 2, 2014 at 9:45 am
I’m sorry for the scary news. It is always an easier pill to swallow when it feels like your decision. I’m glad you made the two decision beforehand which hopefully made the news a little easier to take.
December 2, 2014 at 10:03 am
That sounds like a lot of critical information to take it! Although our situations are different, I can absolutely relate to the risks of trying again being too great of a hurdle to overcome. I hope you find peace in this reality and resulting decision.
December 3, 2014 at 11:15 pm
What a strange mixture of trepidation and relief. I’m so thankful that you and Bryson were okay but so sad for the families who lost their babies. How tragic. You are definitely making the choice I would make. The risk is absolutely not worth it.
December 8, 2014 at 11:21 am
Wow, what a hard mix of emotions to process at once. I suppose in some ways it’s easier to KNOW you’re done b/c you have to be -but it sucks to have the ability to make that final decision taken from you. 😦 I’m so glad you’re okay and the boys are okay and that a family of 4 was the way you were leaning anyway to hopefully make this news a little more platable.
December 17, 2014 at 9:40 pm
I am really feeling grateful that we have a medical reason to be done – it takes a lot of worry/guilt away regarding our embryos. As we get further and further from the decision-making, I’m feeling better and better about the circumstances surrounding the decision.