All the Sun For You

A mom, two boys, a husband, and a whole lot of adventure!

A Visit


I had a dream a couple of weeks ago that was very special, and brought me much peace.

I’ve handled the passing of my (favorite) kitty, Lily, better than I thought I would. I miss her every day, but I know we did the best for her always. When I went in to pick up her ashes, Dr. D pulled me aside to tell me that he truly felt that there was more going on with her than the thyroid tumor, and he was confident that surgery would not have given us more time, and easily could have shortened our time given her frailty. After hearing that, I let go of the guilt I’d been carrying about not opting for the surgery. I swear, when I walked into the house that day with her ashes in my arms, I felt her presence float away. Corny, I know. But I felt it.

I think of Lily every single day. I miss her every day. Months later, if I think too long about her, I’ll tear up and cry. Most days, I think of her swiftly to avoid the tears. I give longer snuggles to Jackson, Lily’s trusty companion, and I seek little Janie out more because I know she still misses her sister. Spending time with them is, in a way, spending time with Lily.

A few weeks ago, I had a very vivid dream. I woke up in tears, but happy tears. I dreamt that I was with my dad and Hottie, hanging out and chatting. All of a sudden, Lily sauntered in. We all knew that she was gone, and that this was a special visit.

“I think that’s Lily,” I whispered.

“It sure looks like Lily,” said my dad.

“Oh, that’s definitely Lily,” Hottie said.

I wanted to pet her, but was afraid she’d disappear, or worse, I’d wake up from this dream. Hottie encouraged me to pet her, he said she wanted love from her mom.

So I knelt down and pet her. I sunk my hand into her chinchilla fur.

I could literally FEEL her. I could hear her purring. I could feel her eyes burning into mine as I rubbed her and buried my face into her belly.

Slowly, we went from being on the floor to being in bed, with Lily under the covers as I rubbed her and loved her. And slowly, she faded away under the covers.

I woke up, rubbing the mattress, just as the dream ended.

I truly believe that Lily visited me in my dream that night. She came for that one last sleep that we never got to have together. She is such a good, loving girl.

(The gal who cared for Lily when we’d leave town asked me to stop by for a visit. I just left, with this special gift in hand. Tears all over again for my Lily girl.)

Author: Courtney

Hi, there, I’m Courtney. I never planned to stay home with my kids, but I got sucked into motherhood when my first baby came into our lives after years of infertility and multiple rounds of IVF. His brother followed closely behind, something we didn’t plan on after having such a rough road with achieving parenthood the first time around. My boys are IVF cycle twins, conceived on the same day but born two years and one day apart (they were both transferred on the same day in October, but with two years between them). My boys are the best of friends and my husband is a terrific husband, father, and most importantly… friend. He fully supported my desire to stay home (“I just wanted it to be your idea and not mine, I totally want you to stay home and raise our kids!”) and encourages me in everything I do. I am a lover of projects, spreadsheets, fitness, healthy cooking and eating, crafts, selling my stuff on FB (HA!), and the outdoors. If I’m active, I’m pretty darn happy!

5 thoughts on “A Visit

  1. Nice to have such a vivid dream of your kitty. She was visiting you!

  2. Well this got my crying on the precore.

    I’m glad you got a visit from your sweet Lily.

  3. Wow, that dream sounds so vivid. I haven’t had one with animals that have passed before, but I have them occasionally with my mom and it’s crazy how much peace it brings me. I’m glad Lily visited you again and who knows, maybe it won’t be your last sleep together.

  4. Aww what a beautiful dream. I am so glad you had that and got to ‘be’ with Lily again. A friend made us the same framed poem when our baby donkey passed away a few years ago. So sweet.

  5. I had the most insane dream the other night as well. So vivid. Not to do with pets but it is amazing how when you can wake up it feels real and solid. I am glad you had a happy one! I love my fur babies so I get it 🙂

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