It’s 2014… And this coming fall and winter, we think we’ll start an FET for baby #3. It just feels weird saying and writing that. “We’ll be trying again this year.” THIS YEAR. I sort of dreaded the turn of the year for this very reason.
I hate how I feel when I cycle – the anxiety, the uncertainty, the hormones, the hope. Our last cycle went perfectly and left us 5 frozen embryos. Will those 5 give us a baby? I don’t know. I do know, though, that those are our last embryos – there will be no more fresh cycles for this lady. That feels both good and bad. It feels good knowing I’ll never stim again, but it feels bad knowing that those 5 embryos are our only chance at another baby.
I did something weird today – I pulled out my BFP sticks from my pregnancies with the boys. I kept just the ones taken on 10/19 for each of the boys, and the first one from Bryson’s pregnancy. I got all of those same giddy feelings looking at that BFP from 4dp5dt in 2012. I twisted it in the light, squinting at that very faint line, smiling from ear to ear. I did that several times, as if I was seeing that BFP for the first time.
It was weird.
It felt GOOD.
It felt scary.
It felt hopeful.
All the Sun For You 
January 31, 2014 at 2:49 pm
Oh I so hear you. I still have all the sticks from Cavan’s pregnancy, but I got rid of all the ones from Raegan’s. I have pictures though…lots and lots of pictures that I look at regularly and think how lucky I am to have what I do. I still have 2 embryos left, one FET as they are frozen together. I have NO idea when that will happen. But it will and I like you know those are my last embryos. Definitely no more fresh cycles. I am done after that last FET. Good luck….hard to believe it was 2012 when you got the BFP for Bryson….seems like it was just yesterday 😀
January 31, 2014 at 3:05 pm
Oooooooooh!!!!
February 1, 2014 at 2:11 am
So exciting that you’ll be trying again this year. Kind of hard to wrap my head around, actually. 😉 I can only imagine what it’s like for you! I hope you get more positive pee sticks to ass to your collections.
February 1, 2014 at 6:24 am
Eeeek!! This year!! I am excited for you to be entering (I know a few months away still) this final stage in your family building and really really hope one of those little 5 are the final addition to your family. I know what you mean about pulling out the old BFPs. I have them tucked at the back of my underwear drawer and sometimes pull them out just to smile, thinking of that moment. Okay, since I am pregnant now, I do that in disbelief that this is happening NOW. But I also used to do it in the past year while TTC #2, looking at Lids’ BFP and remembering that very first time I saw a BFP on the stick. The disbelief, the shock, the excitement like no other.
February 1, 2014 at 8:18 pm
Very exciting Courtney! Seeing that BFP is like nothing else, I hope your last cycle will be successful and smooth. 2014 will be a good year!
February 2, 2014 at 10:19 pm
Sometimes I forget that you guys are going to try for more kids! This is exciting news!! I will live vicariously through you and everyone else who get BFPs this year and hope my ovaries don’t explode with jealousy. 🙂
February 17, 2014 at 2:00 pm
holy crap! this year. that is crazy to think about. I am right there with you on this mixture of emotions. We have one frozen embryo to transfer and then we are done with ART. It probably won’t happen until 2015 for us though, I’m thinking when K is 17-18 months. Good luck to you!!!