My cousin gave Bryson a new book, and Matthew promptly made his way over to read it to him. They sure love each other!
My cousin gave Bryson a new book, and Matthew promptly made his way over to read it to him. They sure love each other!
Our neighbor loaned us their baby napped. Matthew loves having full access to his baby brother. When Bryson fusses, Matthew runs up and meows like a cat (which is “bong” in Matthew’s language!), trying to make him smile. He’s so sweet!
I took the boys out today – it’s a beautiful day!
I was so excited to get out of the house! Everyone is feeling better, including B and me, and it was time to get some fresh air. We went to the mall to buy some bargain-basement deals at Baby G.ap for next summer 😉 before getting lunch at Chip.otle. Chip.otle is Matthew’s and my favorite lunch spot and we hadn’t gone since before Bryson was born. Just going there, and sitting in the sun with my boys, eating together and talking about all the cars and trucks that drove by… I realized something…
… I realized that the fog has lifted.
Having a newborn puts a damper on everything. I hate saying that, but it’s true. Sure, there are sweet baby snuggles, bonding with your spouse as you both get to know this new little person, and watching your first child grow nicely into a doting big brother. But there are also the sleepless nights, the toddler who needs you NOW but you can’t help because you’re nursing, and moments with your spouse when you wish he could just read your mind and go get you your nipple cream already. It’s hard. It’s bittersweet. It’s exhausting.
Everyone tells you that the first several weeks with a new baby will be very difficult – but they really weren’t with Matthew. B had 5 weeks off and we were in a very magical time (that’s B’s description of it). It was like we’d just met and fallen in love all over again. We got out of the house right away and were very active, and Matthew was a very content, alert, happy baby from the very start. Of our entire marriage, those 5 weeks are probably my favorite. Sure, I was ready for B to go back to work so that Matthew and I could get into our own routine, but that was the ONLY reason I was ready for him to go back. I wasn’t ready to let go of our fun days and evenings together.
This time around, we were both so frazzled most of the time. Matthew needed our attention and so did Bryson, so we had to divide and conquer. I hated that. I hated not being able to give Matthew the attention he needed and deserved. I hated putting Bryson down as soon as I could so that I could run to be with Matthew. I hated that B and I weren’t able to work together – and that we had to work separately and on our own (for the most part) for those 5 weeks that he was home with us.
It wasn’t magical this time. It wasn’t bad – and it was actually quite good – but it wasn’t magical.
I think we had a real dose of the early weeks of parenthood this time around. Bryson lives in a loud house and was having a hard time getting settled. He never had the tranquility that Matthew had as a newborn. B and I actually talked about Bryson being “unsettled” quite a bit, and neither of us wanted to label him out-loud – but we both did. Because it was true.
But it’s not true anymore.
Bryson sleeps for 3-4 hours each night when we put him to bed (but still comes into bed with us around 2:30 AM because I’m lazy). He is an especially happy baby in the mornings and spends hours awake in his “gym,” the bouncy chair, and the swing. He tolerates the car really well now, which he wasn’t doing early on, which allows us to get out and about as a unit of 3 (we got out every single day in those first 5 weeks too, but Bryson would scream a lot of the time in the car getting here and there). He takes a nice, LONG nap each afternoon while Matthew sleeps, letting me get things done that need to be done. Heck, he was even a good sick baby yesterday – letting me focus on both boys and not just on him. And he is a great little nurser who eats quickly and efficiently (Matthew was a very slow nurser), and lets us all get on with our day, which usually involves lots of basketball games between Matthew and me.
Bryson is now the content baby that his big brother was early on – his big brother who didn’t have a toddler pulling on him all the time, trying to play with him whenever he felt the urge. I recently read that you should not judge parenthood or your child’s temperament for the first six weeks – and I found that to be so true this time around. Those first six weeks are full of nothing but uncertainty and haze. Those first six weeks are exhausting.
We had a wonderful morning today after a horrific day yesterday. I won’t lie – we had another disastrous night last night because Bryson is so stuffy and can’t lay flat to sleep – but knowing that he is going to be content the next day gets me through those nights. I don’t lose sight of that now because I know that the day time ahead of us is going to be OK, which is something I couldn’t say in the first 5 weeks of Bryson’s life. Because I go into the nights now knowing that even if they’re rough, that the next day will be good – I know that the fog has lifted.
We’re all sick. All four of us. I felt it coming on Sunday night but ignored it. B felt it Monday morning. By yesterday afternoon, we knew Matthew was sick too. Then last night, poor Bryson could hardly breathe through his nose.
Matthew slept all night. Bryson slept in B’s and my arms all night long. He needed to be propped up and I don’t trust the boppy (and the bouncy chair only worked for him for 1 hour).
So that was our night, but it didn’t hold a candle to today.
Matthew slept until 6:40 which made his total sleep almost 10 hours. All the sleep in the world wouldn’t have helped his mood though. He whined and moaned all morning, and I think I said, “Matthew, stop WHINING!” 50 times this morning. Bryson had a decent morning but was clearly full of snot. But they both seemed fine by 11:00 so we headed to lunch.
We never made it. While driving, Matthew had a coughing spell that ended in heaps of vomit. Everywhere. I called my friend to cancel and turned around. He cried and cried (I don’t blame him!) but then fell asleep. So I went through the drive through knowing we’d be stuck at home the rest of the day. The car smelled awful.
I got home, left both boys in the car, and started the bath. I then brought Bryson in and prayed he would stay asleep (he did). I then draped myself with a towel and got Matthew out of the car. He cried as I carried him in and stripped him down. He was THRILLED to get in the bath though!
Once bathed and jammied, I put him in our bed to watch CG. I tossed all of his clothes in the laundry and got to work on cleaning the car and car seat. YUCK. I disinfected everything with Microban cleanser (love that stuff) and headed back to the boys. Bryson was up so I put him on his tummy to rest.
As I switched laundry, I heard Bryson yelp. He’d thrown up. On fresh sheets. SHIT! Both kids were seriously sick but without fevers, thank god! I then went to get his laundry to get things clean (I hate having super dirty laundry sitting around).
With Bryson cleaned up and sleeping (upright in the boppy), I got Matthew ready for his nap. He’d pooped and it was runny, and had gotten on his jammy pants. SHIT! More laundry to do! He went down just fine, probably due to his sickness.
With both boys asleep, I relaxed with a quick painting project (20 minutes) before folding all that laundry. Then I cleaned up the house. Then I did dishes. And then I laid down to rest. I rested for almost an hour before both boys woke up at the same time. I fed Matthew yogurt, cheese, and juice and nursed Bryson. By this point, I was feeling totally crappy myself, but there was no time to think about it. There just wasn’t.
B came home at 5:30 and I went to get dinner. It was glorious to be out of the house alone! After dinner, Bryson threw up twice, and Matthew had a hard time getting comfortable in bed (of course he did). By 9:30, Matthew was finally asleep and here I am now typing this on my phone.
And that’s my first experience with having two very sick kids at the same time. Chaos! But…. do-able. Just barely. 😉
(I was supposed to start working out today. That clearly didn’t happen. Next Monday is going to be the big day. We have some work to do in getting healthy first!)
I had my 6-week post delivery check-up with Dr. H. today. B joined me because we had a very important thing to discuss – the possibility (or not) of having a third child.
When Bryson was delivered via scheduled C-section 6 weeks ago, Dr. O found a uterine window. I wrote about that at length in Bryson’s birth story.
B was of the mind that we were done building our family after discussions with two of the practice’s OB’s who made this sound like a big deal. Be aware that neither OB told us NOT to have a third child, but they both stressed the seriousness of the uterine window had I gone into labor at all (prior to our scheduled C-section or during a VBAC delivery). The scenarios they discussed with us scared us both, but really got to B. However, B said that we would decide if a third baby was a possibility after talking with Dr. H.
Dr. H said that yes – going into labor would have been “a disaster” this time around not knowing that the window was there. He confirmed that I would have definitely had a rupture given the location and size of the window and that it very easily could have happened at home had I labored prior to our planned C-section. He confirmed that yes – ruptures are often times catastrophic and that 20% of ruptures result in dead or brain-damaged babies.
But he also said that the uterine window is no reason to avoid a third pregnancy. He stressed that he is very conservative and sees no reason to tell us to stop – but that we should stop at 3 (which is great because we don’t want 4!).
B asked all sorts of questions about risks to the baby and to me, how we would handle a third pregnancy, etc. He asked more questions than I did, which surprised me because we had not even talked about a third child since we came home from the hospital. I honestly thought that in his mind – we were done. His questions made me wonder if he was open to a third.
After the appointment, I went to get Matthew and told our neighbor that I thought that B may be open to third – and I was so thrilled to say it out loud! I then thought, “I better ask B before I get my hopes up.”
I asked him tonight at dinner – and he said, “I am open to a third. But let’s talk about it next year because things are hectic right now and we need to forget how hard things are before deciding.” Such an honest answer! And he’s right – things are hectic right now. Bryson likes to be held ALL THE TIME (and that’s not really fair to say, because he’s spent probably 2-3 hours of awake time not in our arms today – but that doesn’t mean he liked it!) and he is quite fussy. Matthew is growing tired of the fussiness and is becoming quite irritable himself by the end of the day. We need to trudge through this time and forget about it – so that we can get excited about the possibility of another baby. With that said, however, we did muse a little tonight about having three boys or having a girl next (and the types of big brothers Matthew and Bryson would be to her).
But we need to get through this time… we need to get through it… and we will get through it. (I feel like we’re almost through it now because Bryson gets better every day.)
But… my hopes are up. If we’re open to it now, when things are hard, then I have to imagine we’ll give it a go. We believe in giving as many of our embryos as possible a chance at becoming babies. The issue we’ll be up against is whether or not our 5 frozen embryos will give us another baby – because we will not do another full cycle. Those days are behind us.
We have 5 tiny chances at a third baby.
My hopes are up! (I already said that, didn’t I?)
Here is proof that kids only fall asleep in the car when we DON’T want them to!
I had an OB appointment today (6 week post-delivery check – more on that later) right in the middle of nap time – so I put the boys in the car 1.25 hours before needing to drop Matthew off at the neighbor’s. I was hoping that he would fall asleep like he ALWAYS does in the car (you know – like at 11:30 in morning which is super early for a nap?) but after an hour of driving – there was still no nap.
We suffered the rest of the day because of this.
This photo proves two things – that kids only nap in the car when you want them to stay awake (and then mess up their nap that is supposed to happen later in the day) and that Matthew clearly still needs a daily nap!