All the Sun For You

A mom, two boys, a husband, and a whole lot of adventure!

Defeated

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I have to admit something today that I have not had to admit yet as a mother.

I admit defeat.

When I posted a while back about the top 10 things that surprise me about myself as a mother, some people mentioned that they don’t have patience and my response was, ‘this could all change tomorrow.’

It changed today.

Matthew is a good boy – a very good boy – but man alive, he woke up before the crack of dawn this morning for no apparent reason.  This would normally not be a big deal because when this (very rarely) happens (5 times since he was 10 months old), we’ve known just what to do and he’s back to sleep in no time.  With the exception of that nasty double ear infection, the other few times he’s woken up have been just brief interruptions to our night.

Not last night.

Matthew woke up just plain mad and standing up in his crib, which cues an immediate dash to his room to try to calm him before he wakes up completely.  Too late.  He wanted to get up.  WHAT?  He pointed at the door and wailed.  I finally hollered over the monitor for B to get us some ibuprofen because what does every good bad mother do when her kid won’t sleep?  Drug ’em!  The firm holler of mine (I had to be firm so that B could hear it over the sound machine – I wasn’t mad) triggered something in Matthew because he just fell quiet immediately.  I was thrilled.  After the ibuprofen, he settled in to sleep.  GREAT!

But he never fell completely asleep.  He cried and tossed all over me every 15 minutes or so.  I didn’t catch a single wink.

I tried putting him in his crib several times to no avail.  So, I brought him into our room and bed.  It seemed like that was going to work but then he freaked out and we were back to his room.  An hour and a half had passed and I was exhausted.  In his room, there were more random fits because I just think he wanted to be up.  I finally changed his diaper (I don’t usually do that because it wakes him completely up – but what the hell because he was obviously completely up?) and that seemed to settle him.  He finally fell asleep around 6:15 and so did I, with him in my arms.  I woke up at 7:30 and put him in his crib while I got the house picked up.  He woke up at 8:10.

I figured the day was salvaged.

But I was tired all day, and he was crabby and fussy.  He fought his nap but then relented and I thought I’d get some sleep.  Wrong.  Just after I fell asleep, my 2-3 hour napper woke up after 1 hour and 20 minutes.  Ready to go again.

I was really upset, to be quite honest.  I almost cried.

But we played and watched CG with Matthew being fussy and crying intermittently the entire time.  I did what I’ve never done out of frustration – I texted B and asked when he would be home.

I had given up.  I was tired.  I was defeated.

Matthew went to sleep just great at 8:10 tonight.  Just like last night.  Let’s hope tonight is better.

Look at that little sweetheart, yelling at me for God-only-knows-what.  This was actually taken the other day, but is totally what I witnessed all.day.long today.  ;)

Look at that little sweetheart, yelling at me for God-only-knows-what. This was actually taken the other day, but is totally what I witnessed all.day.long today. 😉

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Author: Courtney

Hi, there, I’m Courtney. I never planned to stay home with my kids, but I got sucked into motherhood when my first baby came into our lives after years of infertility and multiple rounds of IVF. His brother followed closely behind, something we didn’t plan on after having such a rough road with achieving parenthood the first time around. My boys are IVF cycle twins, conceived on the same day but born two years and one day apart (they were both transferred on the same day in October, but with two years between them). My boys are the best of friends and my husband is a terrific husband, father, and most importantly… friend. He fully supported my desire to stay home (“I just wanted it to be your idea and not mine, I totally want you to stay home and raise our kids!”) and encourages me in everything I do. I am a lover of projects, spreadsheets, fitness, healthy cooking and eating, crafts, selling my stuff on FB (HA!), and the outdoors. If I’m active, I’m pretty darn happy!

17 thoughts on “Defeated

  1. I am so sorry…you’re not alone. Raegan hasn’t been sleeping well. Major sleep fail last night, nap fail this morning. I’m so freaking tired. Babe is out of town, I’m trying to get the house cleaned, laundry done, dogs cared for and Raegan cared for on 3 hours of sleep. Not good. Really hoping tonight is a better night in both our houses….headed to bed, finally. I’ve been ready since I put Raegan down at 8:00.

    Good luck! Sending goos sleep thoughts for Matthew!

  2. Oh, man, I’m sorry for such a rough night and day. I have been there and it SUCKS. I have been there, on the verge of tears, and I think actually letting them fall, because I simply cannot take it. It’s exhausting and, in my opinion, has nothing to do with patience. You showed infinite patience with your little guy in the early hours of the morning and then throughout the day, too. There are just some days where I think they wake up on the wrong side of the bed… and, perhaps yesterday was one of them.

    Actually, perhaps something was in the air (the cloud that clearly stretched from Iowa to Madrid) because Sofia was soooo grumpy yesterday morning. She woke up MAD an hour earlier than normal, cried and fussed as we got her ready for the day and didn’t want much breakfast at all. Then all smiles when she got to daycare. Humph!

    Anyway, I hope your night (right now! I hope you’re NOT reading this as I post it!!) is going much better and Matthew is back to his usual self!

  3. Uggg so sorry you and Matthew had such a rough day/night. No shame in feeling defeated. Nights/days like this are tough, really tough. I hope you AND Matthew both got a nice, loooong sleep tonight and have a normal, pleasant today with Matthew back to his usual happy self.

  4. Oh girl, you know I feel you!! That’s what I’d felt the last several weeks, except I was able to “escape” and go to work every day. I hope it was just a fluke thing and last night was much better for you. There isn’t much worse than a sleepy crabby tired boy AND mama.

  5. Boo! I hate nights like these! HGB started this up about a month ago and it lasted about a week maybe? I remember talking to NBR about it…. waking up in FULL ON tantrums, nap fails, the flailing, the whining, the woe. The worn out mama. The hypothesis was/is that it might be a combo of eye teeth coming in (which seem to take FOREVER but also come in spurts?) and a developmental spurt. When this started happening with HGB it was around the time that he started become MUCH more verbal. It’s like they are ANGRY they are asleep because they want to be awake, being crabby learning robots.

    I can totally relate to the wake-ups being ROUGH, bringing them in bed doing NOTHING, and the…well, loss of patience and anger. When they are pretty much perfect sleepers, you just CANNOT cope when suddenly they aren’t any more. You are just at a total loss as to why and what to do – patience runs out fast because it’s new and challenging. I hear you. I really do. I felt/feel the same way. I call it a “rage boil” and yeah, it’s not pretty. On these days, I send BJB “OMFG!” texts All. Day. Long. 😦 It’s tough. You are awesome.

  6. That is tough. Avery has nights like those and they are awful, but like Stephanie said. I get some peace at work. So it is easier to handle. I hope this was a fluke and something that doesn’t happen again!

  7. We have had a few nights/days where it’s all I can do to not pull my hair out. SO frustrating and difficult to stay patient and loving when you are exhausted! I hope Matthew starts feeling better, ear infections suck…for everyone!

  8. ah, yes. defeated indeed. My kid kicked my ass last night, he decided he was done with his crib Wednesday night (climbed out of it twice on the very lowest setting), so we’re doing the toddler bed transition. defeated indeed!!! My ass is being handed to me! Hope things are better for you all!

    • Oh my, I’m so sorry that things have been so hard for you lately. I’ve been following you on Twi.tter and I just feel for you. “My ass is being haneded to me.” So true. They sure know how to do that to us, don’t they?

  9. Pingback: A Major Milestone Of Sorts « All the Sun For You

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