… How I hate you sometimes.

I had my baseline blood work yesterday.  I went by myself (my choice) and chatted it up with the receptionist who was on maternity leave when we were in the office a month or so ago.  She showed me pictures of her baby and I couldn’t help but wonder if our conversation was making the others in the waiting room uncomfortable.  Hmm… not sure what to think of that.  Anyway, it was so nice seeing her!

The phlebotomist called me back just as my favorite embryologist caught a glimpse of me.  She told the phlebotomist that we’d take the long way around and meet her in the back.  I got to chat with H (my VERY favorite person there!!!) and she told me that she was just reviewing the charts and info on our frozen embryos.  You know, that made me feel good, knowing that they’re already planning their work and working their plan.  It made me feel so much like a real person and not just a patient ID.

I took the opportunity to ask her if she thinks we should use the embryos from our failed fresh cycle (in which I stimmed too quickly at the end and ended up with some minor OHSS) or the ones from Matthew’s cycle.  Matthew’s cycle resulted in two 4BB embryos (which translates to still excellent status) but the failed fresh cycle has a few 4AB/4BA’s in there.  She said it’s up to me.  I don’t want it to be up to me!  I told her that I TOTALLY trust her (their) judgement and will go with what they suggest, that I was just curious.

I’ve always wondered if that first cycle resulted in “over-cooked” eggs and bad embryos.  I mean, it did fail and then the FET from it ended in an early loss (empty sac – I have a hard time calling that a miscarriage since there really was no baby at all).   She said that the only indication of embryo quality is how they appear at the end, after a few days to grow.  She said that all of ours look terrific so she’ll pick the ones that looked the best at freeze time.  (Of our 7 embryos, they are all 4BB and above – all baby-grade embryos.  We shall see.)

TERRIFIC!  This put me at ease in regards to those embryos from IVF #1.  I trust H completely so if she says they’re good – they’re good.  That’s enough for me!  I am not going to wonder anymore.  I heard it straight from the person I trust the most – so I am done questioning it.  Period.

I then asked the (stupid) question – the one I KNOW not to ask.  I asked if she thinks we have a baby in those 7 embryos – if she thinks that we’ll get a baby out of an FET.  She said yes.  Without hesitation, without thinking, she said, “Courtney, I do.”  I then said that our plan is to do just 2 FET’s before moving to a fresh cycle (if needed – I’m hoping it’s not) and asked, “do you think we’ll get a baby within 2 FET’s?”  Again – she said yes.  I then looked her square in the eyes and asked, “are you just telling me what you think I want to hear, or are you telling me what you really think?”

“I REALLY think you will get a baby out of 2 frozen cycles.”

And with that, hope crept back into my life.

I think I was happier assuming this wouldn’t work.  😉

***

On a side-note, I have totally stuck it to that bitch, LUPRON, and dropped 4 pounds.  I took her evil as an opportunity to shore up my eating habits and fix some things.  I was eating too much… well… drinking too much.  I was getting a coffee drink every.single.day.  Why?  I don’t know.  I needed something sweet.  No excuse though.  I stopped doing that but did get one this morning because I had a rough night full of nightmares and constant tossing and turning (more evil side-effects from that bitchy injection).  I needed caffeine, and I wanted something hot.  Campfire mocha it was…. and it was delicious!

I am moody from the shot, or at least I think I am.  I’m far from depressed or blue (like I was those 2.25 years of TTC), but I have moments of impatience that I didn’t have a week ago.  I told B about this so that he knows I’m aware  😉

***

My sister isn’t coming for a visit anymore… her mini-van wouldn’t start.  Poor thing.  She’s coming next week, or the week after.  This is the story of our visits to one another.  I’ve cancelled/delayed many visits in the past as well.  We’re cool with it!