All the Sun For You

A mom, two boys, a husband, and a whole lot of adventure!

Monthly Archives: August 2012


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Screen Time

This post was written as a PAIL monthly theme post.

I am way behind on writing this month’s theme post – it’s due TONIGHT.  I’ve been out-of-town – on the road – parenting solo.  I didn’t think my little road trip would impact this month’s post, but it has.  You see, when you solo parent, some things just have to slide.  Like your TV rules.

We were at my sister’s house north of Chicago – the sister with FOUR kids (3 of them being (just turned) 4, almost 2 (October), and 4 months).  She is a great mom, and let’s face it, with 4 kids, you do what you have to do to stay sane.  And one of the things she does is allow TV.  This had me a bit worried before we went for our visit.

B and I do not watch TV.  It’s not that we’re all weird and against it because it’s wrong or we think it makes us stupid – we just don’t watch it.  We have other things to do (like hammer away on our computers).  We used to record shows (maybe 3 shows) but then our DVR computer broke and we realized we didn’t miss it, and that was 4 years ago.  We don’t have any premium channels because we don’t need them – because we don’t watch TV*.

This drives my parents insane.

I grew up in a TV-loving house.  My parents have always had the TV on ever since we were young.  We sometimes almost always had the TV on during dinner (but hey – we ate dinner together every night as a family so I’m not passing judgment here – most families didn’t eat together like we did and we were lucky!).  My parents have a TV in every room (and two in one of their rooms) and are proud of that.  At any given time in my parents’ house, at least two TV’s are always on (and there are only 2 people living there), and many times, there are three TV’s on.  The best part is that the majority of them are tuned in to Fox News (and I am passing judgement with that sentence.  HA!).

B and I have made a conscious decision to limit Matthew’s exposure to TV.  He does watch Law and Order with me.  Or I should say, he plays in our room while I fold laundry and watch a re-run of Law and Order.  I worry that one of his first words may be “perp.”  HA HA!  But beyond that, the boy does not watch TV.  We refer to it as “the lighted box” when he does see the TV (at my parents’ house) but the truth is – he just doesn’t care about it.  I figured it was because we were watching adult shows and nothing that would interest him.

So here I was at my sister’s where the TV is on a few times a day.  And GASP – they let the kids watch Sponge B.ob.  I wasn’t sure what to think of that but then I realized I didn’t need to think about it because Matthew didn’t pay it any attention.  He was more interested in the glowing cable box than the huge TV with colors dancing all over the screen.  I noticed that my sister’s kids didn’t care too much about it either.  All the thought I’ve put into this whole TV thing, and my child does.not.even.care.  Amazing!

We have decided that Matthew can watch TV, just not the commercialized stuff.  Nature Channel, you bet.  Sesa.me Stre.et (and yes, I know that’s highly commercialized), that’s fine.  The Wig.gles, sure (because this kid loves to dance!).  We just don’t want him watching mindless cartoons and things that provide no value at all.

I think this plan will work out because we just don’t watch TV ourselves.  If we watched TV after he went to bed, then we could have a problem on our hands.  However, we just don’t.  We’d rather rent a movie or work on our computers (which is a whole other post).

And.. this plan will work out because we just cancelled our cable.  We were paying for something neither of us used – and we are thrilled to be saving that money each month.  (Poor?) Matthew will be down to just broadcast channels when he does start watching TV, which is just the way we like it!

* When B is out of town, or sometimes during the day, I will watch a re-run of Law and Order.  I do, and always will, love that show (all varieties of it)!


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Memorable Moments Monday

The boy wouldn’t sleep. We’re visiting my sister after a 6.25 hour car ride minus B, and Matthew was too fired up and happy to go to bed on time. This photo was taken around 10:15.

He is asleep now, and we’re sharing a room so I’ll be lulled to sleep soon by the lovely ocean sound coming from the sound machine. I love the sound machine!

The drive went ridiculously well! Matthew only cried for 20-30 minutes and slept or danced the rest of the way. It’s like he knew I was solo and couldn’t entertain him. What a good boy!!!

I will not be blogging or commenting most if this week because I only have my phone and typing posts and comments via phone is not fun or easy. But I’m still reading, and thinking of all of you!!!!


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Fun Foto(s) Friday

So I do not like commercially branded things for my son (to each his own) – like Disn.ey, Dora, etc, but I could not resist this shirt at Ga.p where I found it on clearance (I don’t pay full price for anything there – besides his spring/fall jacket – which was stupid of me).  I love this outfit – like – ‘I want to put it on him again tomorrow’ kind of love!

I had my appointment with Dr H so my wonderful neighbor watched Matthew for me.  She has 18 month old twins who are Matthew’s little buddies.  They were asleep when he got there, but woke up later and he had a ball!  He was zonked when I picked him up – he slept almost 3.5 hours for his nap today  🙂

Tomorrow, I think he’ll wear his ‘Captain Amer.ica’ shirt, but we’ll see if the weather supports that idea.

He looks so grown up in this outfit. I think it’s so cute, but it makes me sad too.

Matthew with his buddy, Westin. Matthew went to see Westin and Vera while I went to see Dr. H today. I think he had a good time!


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Next Time

I went to see my OB today for my annual exam.  I love my OB.  So does B.  I honestly was so excited to see him and his nurse – it’s been a year since we last saw them at my 6-week post delivery check.

I should back up.  I didn’t always love my OB.  I had a not-so-great OB when I got pregnant so I wasn’t sad when they couldn’t get me in to see her until I was 4 months along – the nurses told me I had to pick someone else.  I wasn’t sure what to do or who to pick when the nurse on the phone said, “wait, you’re an IF patient?  Then you need to see Dr. H because he will give you the experience you’re looking for and what you’re used to from your RE (meaning hand-holding and compassion).”  OK – Dr. H it was!

He did not disappoint.

During our first visit with him, I asked if we could see just him because I don’t believe in rotating through the practice (two reasons, see below*).  He said that I was reasonable in thinking that way and that we could just see him.  I also told him that I had just watched, “The Business of Being Born,” and that I was rather concerned about a few things.  His response?  “Everything they said in that movie is true.”  I was instantly in love with him!  So we did the ultrasound, we chatted for a long time about our fertility treatments, our background, our families, etc.  He was no normal doctor, and his nurse was no normal nurse.  They were wonderful.  They felt like old friends to us!  On our way out, we booked every future OB appointment with him for the next 4 months (with the exception of one appointment because he was on vacation – so I booked with my old OB in the practice**).

This man is the most relaxed doctor I have ever met (maybe because he’s a DO and not an MD?).  When we found that Matthew was breech, he told me it was up to us if I wanted to try an external version or not – and told me not to rush the decision.  I did my homework, talked to my cousin who has delivered hundreds of babies (and attended countless versions), talked to my mom who tried a version with me (both my sister and I were breech and delivered naturally.  My older sister almost killed her (truly) and the version didn’t work for me), and discussed it with an ultrasound tech who is a very natural person.  Everyone said not to do the version – that Matthew was where he was for a reason and to leave him alone.  I agreed with that and when I told Dr. H, he said he saw no reason to try unless it was important to me (and it was not).  He also told us to skip birth class and that our time would be better spent going out to dinner together each of those nights to savor our last few weeks of “just the two of us” time.  SOLD!

So anyway, I love Dr. H.  B told me to tell Dr. H hello today because he wasn’t going with me (I had to explain to B last year why he wouldn’t be seeing Dr. H at my annual exam.  He’s such a great, supportive husband – he wanted to come with me… and he wanted to see Dr. H too!).  When Nurse A called me from the waiting room, she said, “Courtney, get back here, girl!”  She hugged me and we chatted forever!  She is so wonderful!  Then Dr. H came in and he talked with me for – I am not kidding – 45 minutes before doing the exam.  We talked about our upcoming FET, motherhood, being a SAHM, his wife’s business (she is a crazy-talented artist), parenting, B’s love of fatherhood, the US’s move from the gold standard, the American dollar being the reserve currency for oil, financial crises and the importance of eliminating our own personal debt for when the dollar totally crashes, taxation and a fair tax, the new health care policy, gay marriage, abortion, his upcoming hunting trip (B asked me to ask about that), gun safety, his 2013 hunting trip (going to Siberia), my friends who see him right now (they’re due in 2.5 weeks!!!!), and his girls.  I used to be TERRIFIED of my annual exams.  Not anymore – I look forward to them.  HA!  When the exam was done, he told me that he, “would love to keep chatting, but I have to do some work.  I was late because (nurse) A told me you were here and I wanted to have time to chat with you.”  Seriously?  He is the best doctor EVER!

So this all brings me to the point of my post.  I was chatting with SRB on skype today and we were talking about everything under the sun – and got into birth plans.  I remembered this video that my SIL posted to FB months ago and I watched it again today.  At my 6 week check last year, I asked Dr. H if I could do a VBAC next time or if I had to do a scheduled section.  Of course, he said it was up to me but that if I wanted to deliver out went close to Matthew, that it would have to be a scheduled section because of the remote chance of catastrophe with VBACs.  He said that they almost always go right, but when they go wrong, they go “catastrophically wrong.”  I have a cousin who had a ruptured uterus and it was not good.  Not good at all.  I follow some bloggers who have had ruptured uteruses and they went “catastrophically wrong.”  If there is the slightest chance that that could happen to me, it’s not worth it to me (I know that some of you would disagree and probably think I’m being too fearful – and I am!).  So I’m thinking I’ll have another scheduled section… but I’m going to ask Dr. H if we can do it this way next time (this is an amazing video – and I would encourage any woman to watch it, whether or not she’s considering (or being faced with) a c-section).  What do you think he’ll say???  I shall report back once I’m pregnant and I email this to him  😉

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5RIcaK98Yg

*  I didn’t want to rotate through the practice because I didn’t want to know which doctors I didn’t really like.  I didn’t want to go into labor and run the chance of being told that ‘Dr. “you don’t like him/her’ is on call tonight and will be delivering for you.”  That would have set a very bad tone for the most important day of my life – so I thought it was best to just not KNOW who I don’t like in case I got someone with no bedside manner.  At least that way, I wouldn’t be anticipating a bad experience and would avoid that anxiety.  The other reason I didn’t want to rotate was because if everything went well, the doctor would only be there for a few checks and then the pushing part – which isn’t the long part of the birth experience (compared to hours and hours of laboring with the nurses).  So I skipped the rotation option  😉

**  At the one appointment with my prior OB, she told me I’d gained too much weight (4 pounds at 4 months pregnant).  She made me feel like crap.  When I saw Dr. H the next month, he didn’t mention my weight so I asked him about it.  He told me that female OB’s can be hard on women with their weight gain and that I was tracking just fine – in fact, I was on the low-end even given that I started out heavier than I had wanted.  I ended up gaining only 18 pounds during the whole pregnancy.  I still, to this day, want to call my old OB and tell her just how bad she made me feel for no reason at all. 


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Memorable Moment Monday – Jeans Edition

I love nothing more than my baby boy in jeans.  He looks so cute in his Ga.p jeans and I cannot stop staring at him when he wears them.  It was cool enough today to put him in some jeans and I could not take my eyes off of him.

How cute is his tushie in those jeans? (You don’t really need to answer – that’s a rhetorical question!)

To see more, check out PAIL’s Memorable Moment Monday.


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This is My Space, Right?

This post is “a long time coming…” like months and months coming!

So a lot has been going on in the blog world lately, and it’s been going on since just after I started my blog a few months ago.  This all makes me wonder if blogging drama has always been going on, and I just didn’t notice it much when I was simply a lurker, or is it truly recent?  Either way, I sometimes wonder if we’re all just a bunch of hormonal women trying to get (or stay) pregnant who are hopped up on too many hormones (synthetic or natural – they’re all just as mood-altering!).

Whatever the case, whoa – a lot of sh*t seems to be going down.

For me, all the drama started with (what I call) the sh*tstorm at SQ.  I was a brand new blogger back in March (was it really that long ago?) when the ALI community was ripped to bits over the creation of PAIL (oh PAIL, how I love thee!).

I guess I should back-track a bit and discuss how I got started in the blogging world.  I was SO excited to be a member of PAIL, not because it was some mommy sorority that let me exclude my still childless sisters, but because it was a community that made me feel safe.  It was the creation of PAIL that got me to start blogging – truly.  I had thought about blogging but feared it a little, because our written words last FOREVER – especially those written on the internet.  What if I said something stupid?  What if I inadvertantly offended someone with my words?  What if my husband wasn’t comfortable with me putting my feelings out there?  What if my IRL friends and family wanted to read it?  What if, what if, what if!  I just drempt of blogging but didn’t really do it for months.  I had all sorts of posts in my head, but I never wrote them out.

So PAIL happened and I was so excited about it that I started up my little blog that night.  I commented on Yolk’s post that this was just what I needed to get going and feel safe, and I then setup a space for myself at WordPress.  Life was good – very good!  I was cranking out posts like crazy because, well… I had a lot to say!  And then the ‘sh*tstorm at SQ’ happened and I became frightened.  But I also became vocal.  I did not like what people were saying about “those PAIL people” and I didn’t like the personal attacks that were happening to a few of the bloggers who started PAIL.  I just didn’t like it – it wasn’t nice – so I commented on SQ several times as one of the minority who had issues with what was going on.  I wasn’t the only one who didn’t like it and things unfolded, and things were said, and feelings were hurt, and I was sad about it.  How could all of these women who share similar struggles turn on each other so viciously?  And sure SQ was M’s space, but was it really OK to just say such terrible, direct things about a single person and out them on her blog because it was her space?  I didn’t think so, but I was new and I didn’t know the “rules” of blogging.  I guess she can say whatever she wants on her space.  Right?

Right?

So that was my first introduction to the drama of blogging.  I almost quit blogging over it – because it made me feel very unsafe.  But through that whole drama, I found a very good friend who made me feel safe and I continued my little blog.  I mean, afterall, this is MY space, right?  I can say and do whatever I want in my space.

Right?

And then that whole “Other Side of the Rainbow” situation happened and I just had to roll my eyes because, really – people fake that stuff?  I had no idea!  I felt more pity for the gal who did that than anger because, well, it was obvious that she had some serious problems.  And, it turned out that a baby hadn’t died and that’s a good thing.  AND – it was her space – and she could write whatever she wanted, truth or fiction, right?

Right?

And then, just last week, Esperanza* posted a self-reflecting post and titled it with a question for feedback from her readers.  It was a very honest post, like everything she writes.  I read Esperanza rather frequently – I would call myself a regular follower even though I don’t “follow” her through my reader.  She posts a lot and her posts are very thought-provoking, and sometimes I just don’t have the emotional wherewithall to invest in her posts because they always make me think really hard and sometimes, honestly, they can frustrate me.  I don’t say that as criticism – some of my favorite blogs upset me a great deal and make me really look within myself, which is a good thing.  I am a very self-reflective, introspective person so even if I don’t agree with what E has to say, or I find one of her posts frustrating, I still greatly value the self-reflection she’s doing and often comment on her posts.  I love hearing other people’s thoughts and even better, I like reading their thoughts unfold because I find the human psyche fascinating!  But reading these posts takes time and energy so I don’t want them in front of me in my reader until I’m really ready to read them.

So I go out to E’s blog once or twice a week when I have the time to really read her posts and soak in what’s been going on in her life.  I usually read a few posts at a time and was not surprised this weekend to see that I’d missed a few posts because,well, E posts a lot (like myself).  The most recent post alluded to some serious things that were said in her comments section on an earlier post so of course I wanted to know what in the world was going on.  Like another blogger posted last week, some of us just have an innate need to know, a natural curiosity.  I am one of those people.  So I went back to her earlier posts to read what was going on.  Let me tell you – it was not nice.  Some people had been critical in a constructive, sensitive way, but others were just out-and-out cruel.  Who would write these things on someone else’s blog?  Sure, she asked for feedback and should be able to take the feedback she requested, but feedback and nastiness are two different things.  And this was her space – she should feel safe in her own space.  Right?

Right?

After all the dramas in blogland, I’ve learned a few things about myself and my blog as a relatively new blogger.  I’m learning from others’ mistakes and missteps – mistakes of both bloggers and commenters – and I’m learning from mistakes of my own.

What I’ve learned:

  1. Because people can be so obviously mean and judgemental, it’s best for me to keep things light.  Unless I have an anonymous blog (I don’t), it’s best to not invite nastiness into my space by posting things that could elicit negativity.
  2. My life is pretty darned great!  BUT – it’s not perfect.  Sure, B and I fight, and Matthew isn’t always an angel – but I respect their privacy and won’t air things on my blog that could make either of them uncomfortable now or later.  Our dirty laundry is ours, and sometimes it really stinks, but I won’t hang it out to dry on my blog.
  3. If I’m not ready to hear all sorts of opinions on my thoughts and ideas presented on my blog, it’s best not to ask.  I’m not blaming E for asking – she should never have expected some of the comments she got.  But with that said, I am now aware that no matter how nicely you ask for feedback and thoughts, there are always going to be those jerks out there who just want to make you (or someone else) cry.
  4. This is not solely my space.  It is my space as the blogger, and your space as followers and commenters.  Those sections are separate and I cannot control what other people write in the latter section of my blog.  Even if I choose to moderate negative comments out of that section, it’s still there for me to read and there’s nothing I can do about it.  Just because my blog name is on the top banner does not mean that people are going to respect me or what feels like my space.  Anyone can come and say whatever the hell they want to, and about, me – and that’s a little scary.
  5. From now on, instead of thinking that this is my space, I’m going to view it as rental space.  Meaning that when you have a rented home or vehicle, you think twice about putting a nail in the wall, or extra miles on the car – because those things can bite you in the *ss when you’re ready to get your security deposit back.  Anything that could bite me in the *ss needs to stay off of my blog.

Some of you may think that this is very sad, and in a way, it is.  But meh – I have a lot of good friends IRL to share my darkest, saddest, most difficult thoughts with – and that’s what I need.  And – I need the comments sections of your blogs to sometimes share some of my own personal frustrations that I don’t want my IRL friends or family seeing on my blog.  You’ve all seen my comments on your blogs – you know it’s not all flowers and sunshine here in Iowa.  HA!

I love all of the friends I’ve made through blogging and I’m not dismissing any of you, but I also am choosing to not burden you with my challenges because I just prefer to keep this space light.  And cheerful.  And positive.  And nasty comment-free.  I’m not saying that this model works (or should work) for others – but it does work for me.  I have enough negativity in my life (you’re shocked, right?  Because I don’t put it on my blog?  But alas – it is there!  HA HA!) and I don’t need it in the comments section of my blog.  I wouldn’t be able to handle that – it would make me very sad.  My blog makes me very happy and I want to keep it that way – for me.

So yeah – that’s what I’ve learned.

I’ve also learned that:

  1. I love hyphens
  2. I start many sentences with “So…” (I do this IRL when speaking too – not good!)
  3. I like to start many sentences with conjunctions (because, and, but)
  4. I am in love with the exclamation point!
  5. Emoticons were made for me 😉
  6. My high school grammar teacher would be horrified if she read my blog  😉

* Please note that Esperanza knows that this post was going up and she said it was OK to write about her experience.  That is the only reason I’m naming her and linking to her blog.  I wouldn’t normally do that!  Thanks, E, for being cool with this!


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Consignment Queen

Can you become addicted to consignment shopping?  Seriously – I have got a serious addiction starting – it’s like a challenge to me.  This all started just a week ago.

Let me start at the very beginning with a bit of history to help explain myself.

I have a problem with buying clothes for my child.  Matthew has too many clothes.  When I get ready for him to move into the next size grouping, I put the old grouping in tubs and find things in his drawers that still have the tags on them.  Things that I totally forgot about.  Case in point – it is almost Labor Day here in the states and you’re not supposed to wear white pants after labor day.  Matthew has a pair of white pants and a sailor suit with the tags still on them that I found today – and now I’m in a rush to have him wear these items before Labor Day.  We may not make it – the white pants go with a sweater and it’s too hot for a sweater.  It looks as though the 12-18 month tubs are going to have some hang tags in them.

In my defense, I am one hell of a bargain shopper.  Matthew may have too many clothes, but not a single thing was bought at full price and most everything was purchased for about 25-40% of the original price long before he was born.  I bought everything about 9 months in advance so everything he is wearing this summer was new last summer (I buy things on clearance at the very end of the season or even later into the next season).  I used to keep a spreadsheet before Matthew was born of everything I’d bought in each size, tracking the price paid for each (you’re nodding your head, SRB, saying, “of course you did!”) – and my average price per item (jeans, overalls, sweaters, shirts, shoes, etc.) was about $7-$8.

But all of the justification and bargain shopping in the world does not negate the fact that I buy this kid too many clothes.  B is going to read this post and I’ll be shocked if he doesn’t put his first comment on my blog.  I am lucky he hasn’t left me over this because there have been times when I just cannot. stop.buying.baby.clothes.  He’s always been very kind to me about this and would gently ask when the Gym.boree or J.anie and J.ack boxes were going to stop coming to the house.  (Thank you, B!)

I tempered this obsession about 9 months ago because, well… I had everything we needed through 12 months of age.  I geared up to buy Matthew’s 12-18 month summer clothes but did that quickly and then stopped.  Now I need to get the 18-24 month clothes stocked up and I am just over buying things brand new.  Brand new is great, especially at $7-$8 for each item – but now that we’re buying closer to the time we need the clothes (because I didn’t buy them way in advance because I didn’t know how quickly Matthew was going to grow), they’re costing much more than $7-$8 per item and I’m just not doing it.  But I’m also not going to stick him in boring clothes.  So what is a gal to do?  Consignment shop!

I thought I had hit the jackpot on Thursday, but that does not even hold a candle to what I scored today.  SERIOUSLY!  Look at this:

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I went into the first store and went straight to the clothing rack and started pulling all sweaters in 18 months – 2T that were from Gymb.oree, Janie and Ja.ck, and G.ap.  I did not care if I liked it or not – if it was one of those brands, I pulled it.  I did the same thing with the jeans and shorts and then T-shirts.  Then I went through to decide which items I did and did not like and put things back that I didn’t like or really need.  My test is always, “would I have bought this brand-new had I had the chance?”  If the answer was yes, it was going home with me.  The first store was fantastic and I got a lot of stuff – and nothing cost more than $7 (and most items were $5 or less).  The items that cost $7 still had hang tags on them.  The second store was a bust but I did find a cute bowling set that the neighbor kids have that Matthew loves.  We then went to a third store that had some great things but not as many as the first place.

So what did I get?  For a total of $145.40, I got:

  • 9 sweaters (2 with hang tags)
  • 2 sweatshirts
  • 1 pair of jammies
  • 6 t-shirts
  • 1 pair of shorts
  • 5 pair of pants
  • 1 pair of jeans
  • 1 hat (with hang tags)
  • 1 bead chasing toy
  • 1 bowling set
  • 1 board book

My average price per item was $5.01 and we are stocked up for 18-24 months.

But I’m still going to another couple of stores tomorrow because… I don’t really know why.  Maybe because I’m now obsessed?