This post is one big confessional.  Get ready.

Confession 1:  I cheated on my paleo diet – just two days in.  I honestly tried not to, but here is what happened.  I packed a 100% paleo lunch to take to the pool yesterday.  Raspberries, nuts, paleo trail mix, and a peach.  Wonderful, wholesome snacks.  When I got there, there was a huge sign saying, “no outside food or drinks.”  I am a rule-follower – to a fault, quite honestly.  I don’t like to rock the boat – rules exist for a reason (you can imagine how much fun it was being my mischievous friends growing up!).  My friend asked if I thought that rule applied to our kids and I said, “hell no!  What can I possibly feed a baby from their menu?  Sure, most babies eat chicken strips and fries, but not my baby.  They can shove it if they tell me I can’t feed him his real food.”  But for myself – I just can’t be that bold and disregard their rules.  I gave some raspberries to Matthew while nibbling them myself but I was starving.  STARVING.  I had a chocolate chipwich.  If you don’t know what this is – you’re probably better off!

I then continued to blow the entire day since, you know, it was already messed up by the chipwich.  I stopped at McD’s as Matthew napped in the car for an hour+.  Holy hell – this is one big, fat FAIL!  Surprisingly, for dinner, I was good and ate nuts and berries since I was pretty full from my sinful lunch.

Confession 2:  I am not making Matthew’s birthday cake.  (I cringe as I type that!)  Here’s why.  I was going to order cupcakes anyway, and just make the two-tier cake myself.  However, I am not a baker – I am a cake decorator.  Why spend the time making and frosting a cake when I can better spend that time making decorations and tasty food?  When I was picking out cupcakes, I saw their “adult flavors” for cakes and figured this is a good opportunity to get a freaking AWESOME cake for the adults and then simple cupcakes for the kids.  It’s easy, then, to say, “kids, you can’t eat that cake but the cupcakes are all yours – knock yourselves out!”  The adult cake has one tier of orange mimosa and one tier of strawberry daiquiri.  Oh yummy!  They are not decorating it at all – it will arrive as just white cake – white frosting, white piping.  I have my cake toppers to make it beautiful, yet tastefully simple!

Confession 3:  I was struggling with the SAHM thing.  Don’t get me wrong – I was always loving it – but holy hell – I was pretty bored.  I just need to put that out there because I don’t think that feeling is uncommon.  We spent time with my friend and her daughter last week at the indoor pool, then went to baby gym on Saturday and Monday, then the pool yesterday, and we’ll have play group tomorrow and the outdoor pool again on Friday.  I am much happier with this type of schedule and fun interaction for both Matthew and me.  Today is my “chill day.”  We may go to the indoor pool, we may go to the mall, we may go to the park.  I have no idea – but we will get out of this house.  We must get out of this house every single day.

Confession 4:  We are cancelling the Seattle trip.  I put the decision on B since he was the one who was sort of down about our last trip.  I said that I wanted his expectations to be met with his next trip and I feared that if Matthew and I came along, that he would be let down because of limitations.  I was not going to make the decision for him – I don’t believe in doing that.  I would have fun no matter what we did out in Seattle, but I know that it can be hard to have fun when you have a baby with a strict nap schedule and bed time.  I don’t need to be busy on vacation.  B does.  So I left it up to him to decide.  Secretly though (and here’s the confession), I was hoping he’d cancel.  Here’s why.  1)  I would be traveling back with Matthew on a plane by myself, and given how he screamed in the car coming back from Minnesota, I feared for myself and everyone else who would be on that plane.  2)  We would only have a hotel room (not a cabin or suite) and that would mean silence for us during nap time and bed time.  That isn’t fun for anyone.  3 – and this one is a little crazy)  I am not comfortable traveling on a plane without B – knowing that if something happened to that plane and us, that B would be left childless and a widow.  If we’re going to take a family vacation, then we travel together for the entire trip.  If the plane goes down, we all go down together.  This is insane, I know, but it freaks me out.  It works the other way too.  If B’s plane would go down without us on his way back, that would be awful.  Just awful.  I know he travels often for work and that’s always a possibility (even in cars) – but it would be different as he came back from a family trip situation.  B cancelled the trip, as I knew he would, and I confessed all of this to him upon that cancellation.

Well, I feel much better now!  Thank you, internet, for listening!